


We Dream About Surviving

by AtomAutonom



Category: Original Work, we dream about surviving
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Big Gay Love Story, Domestic, Dreamscapes, Fluff, Gay, Love, M/M, Murder, Oral Sex, Robots, Science Fiction, Sex, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-09-24 00:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 26
Words: 133,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17090921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtomAutonom/pseuds/AtomAutonom
Summary: Michael is, on a good day, quite the homicidal maniac. He lives in a science fiction universe, in a place called Destiny City. Maybe it’s because he hates it there, maybe it’s the fact that he truly dislikes humans in general, maybe he just has an extremely long series of bad days, the point is that he kills people – both for a living, but also because it is rather funny.He does like one person though, and that would be Shadow. Shadow is a different race than Michael, he is of the kind called the Evolved. These pitch black creatures, with stars for freckles; glowing, orange eyes; and a little too many special powers. They meet when they are 16 years old, right after Michael kills off his 12th victim, and it’s love at first sight.This is my original work, the novel I wrote for NaNo 2018, and it will be updated every Friday, I absolutely 100% promise!!!





	1. Strangulation

**September/October, 2341**

Following around a target, getting close but not too close, was never my favorite part of killing. To some murderers it’s hunting the prey down, that’s the most exhilarating part of the process, the thing that really gets them going. Me though, I just want to see people die. I want to see the life drain out of their eyes, I want to know that they won’t bother anyone anymore. That there’s one less person around, being a nuisance to the world. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go around killing ‘bad people’, making sure they don’t harm anyone ever again. I don’t give a fuck what kind of person you might be, I kill for fun and money, the latter just being a bonus. 

It feels like I’ve followed her for hours on end, when she turns another corner, one that’s leading her exactly where I want her to be. A secluded little alley, with no one else around, one that she cuts through every day. When I kill for money, I take precautions, do a little work before the actual killing. 

It’s different when I do it for fun, not that I take more chances in regards to getting caught, but there I just grab people at random, whenever I think I can get away with it. 

Work though, is different. I need to get a hold of the right person, a specific target, that someone else has decided for me. It makes it a little more complicated, yes, but I have a set of skills that makes me get away with it, every single time. I don’t think I’m anywhere near a police radar, no one has the faintest clue as to who I am. If anything, the specified killings are logged into a file containing information on the one who ordered the hit in the first place, and the randoms stay random, due to me never using the same method too often. Of course there is a limited number of ways you can murder someone, but I switch them up a lot, which is exactly why I’ve never gotten categorized as a serial killer. I might be a homicidal maniac, but I’m definitely not a stupid one.

The second she enters the alley, devoid of other people, she’s mine. I haven’t followed her from behind, nor from the front where I’d have to glance across my shoulder every other second to make sure she’s still there. No, I am above her, lurking in the darkness of night, perched on a fire escape. Sneaking around quietly is not my most honed competence, my footsteps can be heard as I climb down the ladders, rasping against old, weathered metal. It doesn’t matter this time around, she’s got headphones on, but I need to get better at that for future killings. 

She spots my shadow as I creep up behind her, but it’s too late. I latch my hands around her from behind, one arm pressed firmly against her neck, the other covering her mouth so she can’t scream. That’s the downside of killing people, it produces noises that I don’t much care for. Right now I’ve got a good grip on her though, and I’m pretty sure she can’t get a word out between my fingers, no matter how hard she tries.

“Listen closely, lady,” I whisper into her ear, “You are about to die, there’s nothing you can do about it, so you might as well roll with the punches.”

She tries to kick me away, squirm out of my grip, but I am a lot stronger than she is. It’s an instinctive thing, everybody does it, but I still prefer to give people a heads up on what’s going to happen. It’s common courtesy, letting my victims know that they have no life left to live, that this is where their journey ends. Maybe some day someone will just accept it, and be perfectly still for it to happen. 

I drag her backwards, until my back hits the wall behind me. Then I swirl her around, one quick motion, slamming her hard against the concrete surface, knocking the wind out of her. She looks desperate, her eyes large and filled with tears, and if I could her the words trying to push themselves through the grip of my fingers, I would hear her pleading for her life. 

Now comes the hard part, I have decided upon strangling her, but that means I need to move my hands from their current position, to locking around her neck. It has to be quick, this is the one point where the might be the slightest of opportunity for her to get away. I’ve got a way around it though, I loosen the grip every so slightly, making her think this is her one shot, then press back hard and quick, banging her head against the wall. It doesn’t knock her unconscious, but it does give me that one second to move my hands from her chest and face, to being around her neck. 

I lift her by the neck, she’s at least a foot shorter than me and doesn’t weigh much, making it an easy move. My fingers are curled tightly, she can’t breathe, and no matter how hard she tries to pry my hands away, there is no hope left for her. Kicking and flailing her arms, her eyes glazing over and rolling back in her head, her life drains away. Only when I’m absolutely sure that she’s completely gone, not the slightest breath of air left in her lungs, do I let her go. Sliding down the wall, she falls hard on the ground, and I wipe my glove-clad hands from imaginary dust. She stays put on the ground, and I have no reason to try and move the body. It’s not my problem, and it wouldn’t do me any good to waste time on it. She’s dead, and I am free to move on with my life. 

Climbing back up the fire escape, all the way up to the top of the roof, there’s an old steel pipe running from this building to the next. I balance over it, gain a little speed running across the following roof, then jump onward to the next. Soon enough I’m far away from the scene of crime, and the further away I get, the safer I become. As easy as that, I have claimed my 12th victim, and I am now free to go do whatever I want. 

See, you don’t have to be some great assassin who knows fifty types of martial arts, can jump from the top of a building; every weapon in the book strapped to your body while doing so; just to kill someone. Look at me, I’m 16, and I murder people just fine.

***

Walking back home could probably be done quicker if I took the high ground, moving across rooftops in a steady upbeat tempo. I’m not in the mood for that though, today I feel more like walking in the crisp night air; one hand shoved in my pocket, the other holding a cigarette; looking up at the stars every now and then. It’s a starry night, the moon is up high, and I barely notice anything besides that.

Walking past a building, I register a party going on, most likely held by high school kids whose parents are out of town. Me myself, am a high school dropout, as I decided it to be a waste of time about two weeks ago. I already know what I want to do with my life, I know what I find both interesting and delightful, and that is not something they teach you in school. 

I can spot a few people from my old school though; they have started a fire within a couple of old metal barrels, the light playfully creating a golden glow and dark shadows across their features. As little as I care for the people I kill, I care the exact same amount for the ones I don’t. They are inane waste of space, even if they aren’t getting on my nerves right now, they are sure to do so somewhere down the line. Doesn’t mean I’ll kill every single one of them, but I wouldn’t mind if it did. Maybe some day I’ll plant a bomb at my old school, taking out a large percentage all at once. 

My train of thought gets distracted by a noise, someone sounding frightened, a little way up ahead. I squint, trying to make out the shapes in the darkness, but I don’t see much. It looks like three large boys are pushing around a forth, but the one being pushed around, isn’t just a regular human. He is clearly one of the Evolved, his skin pitch black, dotted with little white freckles that look like stars scattered across a night sky. His eyes are glowing orange; no white around the edges, no black pupils; and even from this distance I can see the fire gleaming inside of them. He looks scared, the three much larger boys are obviously up to no good, which isn’t unusual treatment for the Evolved. People avoid them at best, try to harm them at worst. They frighten people, and fear has never brought anything good with it.

I have absolutely no idea why, but my feet are dragging me towards the fight that’s about to happen. Never in my entire life have I cared about anyone but myself, but this… It just seems unfair to me. Three against one is just wrong, and even if I don’t give a fuck for other people, this draws me to get involved. Besides, even though I’ve already killed one person today, I feel like a fight. Not a deadly one; there are way too many people around for that to take place; just a good old fashioned fight, where I get to beat the shit out of someone. With kids my own age, you can get away with that, they won’t call the cops, and even if they do, there’s no way they’ll find me. Either they won’t bother, or they simply can’t. Young white male, dark hair buzzed down to a nice peach-fuzz, blue eyes, average build, average height; that could be anyone. I’m not even close to where I live, this isn’t the route I usually take, yeah, good luck finding me. 

Once I’m close enough, I can see clearly that there are grins plastered on each three of the boys’ faces. They find it funny, they enjoy pushing this poor Evolved kid around, which just make them seem all that more disgusting to me. I don’t push people around myself, I kill them off and be done with it. This is different, this is harmful in an entirely different way. That’s why I walk up to them, one hand still stuffed in my pocket, the other flicking the cigarette off to the side. They notice me when I make that tiny little gesture, glaring at me. 

“Hey, get the fuck out of here,” one of them says, and the guy’s still got his hand on the collar of the Evolved kid’s shirt. 

I stand there for a moment, give them a long once-over, judging out which of them will be the biggest problem. One is a tad taller than the other two, but the one with his hand clutched to the kid’s shirt seems more aggressive. 

“How ‘bout this. You leave him the fuck alone, and I probably won’t rip the skin off your face and feed it to you afterwards,” I say the words casually, like someone who’s laying out a schedule for a simple get-together between friends. 

I’m obviously in charge of the situation, even if they think they are. The smallest one begins looking a little squeamish though, he would much rather take off now, than wait around to see if I’m serious. I am, the act itself should be doable, it would take a knife or something equally sharp, but I never leave the house without one. Would make a fucking mess though, and since I was only out to strangle someone, I wore a white T-shirt. I’d prefer it if it stayed that way, but if there’s no other option, it’s just a piece of clothing.

“Who exactly do you think you are?” the largest one spits, inching closer to me. The one who had his hands on the Evolved lets go of him, and step one is accomplished right there. “Get the fuck out of here, it’s none of your business.”

He walks up close, and I don’t move at all, I don’t even flinch when he lifts both his hands and push me in the chest. What a typical macho-man thing to do. Let me show you how big and dangerous I can be, with a ridiculous push. 

I chuckle a little, “Okay, see now best case scenario is me only beating out half of your teeth. Wanna keep pushing me, and see if you can move it up a notch?”

I am not only stronger than he is, I’m also quicker and more perceptive. I know what it looks like, when someone is about to punch me. I know exactly what to keep an eye on before they do, and I can see what’s coming, as soon as his fingers start moving, curling themselves into fists. I shake my head at him, and before he even gets to raise his hand, I’ve punched him hard. Pretty sure I broke his nose with that one, but I am far from done. 

He tumbles backwards, giving me the perfect opportunity to land a kick in his groin, making him trip over entirely. He curls into a ball on the ground, clutching at his genitals, a part of his body he won’t be able to use for at least a couple of days. I move in closer, my walk casual, dig into my pocket and pull out a couple of hundred dollar bills. Bending down I put them in the front pocket of his jacket, padding him gently on his bloody cheek as I do so. 

“For the dentist bill,” I comment, amused. I may be a murderer, but I’m not completely unreasonable. 

Pulling back up, I take a step back, noticing that both of his friends have already gone running. That I expected, neither of those guys looked capable of fighting, nor interested in doing so. I draw a foot back, and putting all my weight into it, I kick him square on the mouth. He screams, bits of broken teeth falling to the ground as he does so. Told him I’d remove them, didn’t I? I kick him again, his head jerking to the side as my shoe makes impact. That should do the trick, no way in hell he’s getting back up, nor will he try any of this stupid shit ever again either. 

In spite of it, I have to drag myself away from keeping at it. It’s just so fucking funny to do shit like this, to just beat the crap out of someone, at the very least making them think this is their last few moments of life. This time it isn’t though, but tomorrow is another day, and I’m sure I’ll kill again.

When I manage to drag myself away from him, I notice that there is still one person hanging around. I thought he would have run off by now, but there he is, skin as black as the sky above us, the Evolved kid. He looks shocked, stunned and terrified all at once. 

“Sorry ‘bout that,” I have no idea why I’m apologizing, I did just save his ass after all. “Seemed necessary though.”

“You… You didn’t have to do that,” he stutters, shaking and drawing back slightly. 

“I know,” I answer with a shrug. For the briefest of seconds I consider my options: either I go home as I was intending to do, or I do something else entirely. Something I would never do, something so atypical I have no idea why I choose that option. “Want me to walk you home?”

“Uhm… I live right around the corner actually,” he responds, then adds a quiet, “But yeah, that would be nice.”

Leaving the bloody left over mess of a human being behind, we begin walking down the street. No one seems to have noticed what just happened, and I praise myself on using my skills just right. Even the faint whimpers of the guy wash away behind us, fading into the noise of partying high school kids and crackling bonfires. 

I’m pretty sure there’s a ton of common necessities I should use to have a simple conversation as we walk, but I’m not used to people, not used to talking at all, except for threatening snippets here and there. Luckily, the Evolved kid knows at least some of them, as he introduces himself, “I’m Shadow, by the way.”

“Michael,” I say, using my actual first name in a long time. Whether or not that’s a clever move, time will tell, but it’s a common name at least. “Shadow’s an odd name, isn’t it?”

“Maybe… It’s not my actual name, just something my mom has always called me. Little Shadow. I grew out the ‘little’ part, once I hit eleven.”

“Then what is your actual name?”

He sighs, he’s considering the question, before finally shaking his head. A half smile crosses his lips. “I’m not gonna tell you that.”

I don’t push the subject any further, just shrug and give him a smile. I rarely smile, not like this at least, and it feels like my face can’t quite figure out which muscles to use. Doesn’t matter though, I’m sure the awkward movement is blocked out by the darkness surrounding scarcely put lampposts. 

We turn another corner, and Shadow stops in front of a large building. “This is me,” he says, pointing at the building, “I’d invite you upstairs, but my mom’s probably asleep.” 

I nod slowly, thinking over this tiny piece of information. I have no idea what possesses me to say it, but I hear my own voice going, “If you want, you can come to my place? No sleeping parents there, just me.”

He looks at me, a little confused, but there’s something else gleaming within those big orange eyes. Intrigue maybe, a curiosity as to why I’d ask such a question. I’m just as baffled as he is, it’s unlike me to do such a thing. Then again, short of killing someone, this is the most contact I’ve had with another person for the last 16 years. I’ve always been a loner, even back as a kid I didn’t socialize with other people, I always kept to myself, minding my own business. 

“Okay,” he says a little hesitatingly, “Okay, I’ll go.”

I’m surprised, who would want to go somewhere with a guy who just beat another guy into a bloody pulp? Well maybe the one he was saving, but still. It’s weird. I try my best not to relay these emotions, shrug and turn around. “This way then.”

***

The first thing that happens as I enter the apartment, is the sound of nails clacking on the wooden floors inside, followed closely by a big fluff ball jumping straight at me. Tofu, my dog, is always happy to see me, doesn’t matter if I’ve been gone for eight hours or eight minutes, she’s always jumping straight into my arms. I pet her, fingers running through thick golden fur, settling myself down next to her to greet her properly. Shadow is standing behind me, still in the doorway, watching the little scene play itself out.

“Well don’t just stand there, get in and say hi,” I half laugh, as Tofu places an extra wet dog-kiss on my cheek. Shadow looks suspicious, eyeing the dog carefully.

“Is she… Is she real?” he asks, and I shake my head and chuckle.

“Yeah. She might just be the only real dog left in this area, but yeah, she’s definitely real.”

He looks surprised, as he sets himself down beside me, the dog jumping in his face, slobbering all over it. He’s equal parts shocked and delighted by Tofu’s enthusiasm, as I get up off the floor, and move myself into the living room. I turn on the light, and the dog lets go of Shadow, so she can follow me closely. I adopted her at a shelter about two months ago, and it was love at first sight for both of us. She practically jumped into my lap when I opened up her cage, and she’s been that way ever since. She jumps up on the couch, and I gently nudge her down again.

“We’ve got company honey, stay on the floor.” 

She shoots me a disapproving look, but still saunters down, letting herself lie down on the carpeted floor. Shadow is standing in the doorway, looking curiously at everything. Of course he is, my home is probably nothing like anything he’s ever seen before. All of my furniture are old and weathered, found at thrift stores. The walls are covered in old wallpaper, gray and purple, with little flowers on it. The floors are wooden, at least the parts that aren’t covered in thick purple carpets. There are shelves on the walls, above an old wooden dresser. I try to keep my apartment as low-tech as possible, in fact, my entire life is a lot less advanced than what everybody else’ seem to be. I don’t have a fancy couch that barks at me to sit up straight, and I’d very much like it to stay that way; to just have a regular couch that minds its own fucking business. 

He doesn’t comment on it though, instead he sits himself down on my old-fashioned couch, sliding his sock covered feet into a position where they are resting lightly against the edge of the coffee table. I move myself over, flop down next to him, feeling all sorts of awkward. I’m not used to company, no one has ever been inside this apartment, besides me and Tofu. Not even the landlord has stopped by, I slipped him a hundred dollar bill, to persuade him not to. 

Now I’m sitting here though, with an Evolved kid named Shadow next to me, looking just as flustered as I feel. Asking him over in the first place may just have been a bad idea, but he breaks the silence, by asking me, “So, do you always get into fights?”

I think about it for a second, trying to weigh my words carefully. “Sometimes yes. Compared to most people, probably a lot. Not very often I do it for anyone else’ sake.”

“So why did you?” 

“I dunno, just felt like it I think,” I shrug. 

“Felt like saving my sorry ass, or felt like getting into a fight?”

“Probably both.”

It’s true, I did feel like saving him, even if I haven’t got the faintest clue as to why. Right now though, him sitting there on my couch, I somewhat get it. He’s a beautiful creature, to say the least, in his own strange way. His features are delicate, hair the color of silver, and those eyes, those eyes could burn you alive and you would love it, while they did. I’m pretty sure I’m flushing a little at these thoughts, and turn my face towards the table. 

“You want some coffee or something?” I ask, trying to distract myself from my own train of thoughts. “Or a beer maybe?”

“You don’t happen to have any wine lying around?”

“I might, not sure though,” I get up, go to the kitchen and rummage around until I find it. An old bottle of white wine, I have zero idea as to why I’ve got in the first place. It seems misplaced in my home, like it’s only supposed to be there for this exact moment. I grab myself a beer out of the fridge, return with that, the bottle and a glass that doesn’t resemble a wine glass the least bit. I hand him the flask, and he looks at it curiously. 

“Do you have anything to open it with?” he asks with a small smile. Rummaging around in my pockets I draw forth a pocket knife, a rather large one at that, that includes a decent corkscrew. He opens up the bottle himself, pours a glass and nips at it tentatively. 

“How come your parents aren’t home?” Shadow queries, and I shrug in response.

“Don’t have any.” 

“You don’t have any parents?” 

“Nope. Grew up at an orphanage, never had anything resembling parental figures.”

“Oh. I’m… Sorry?” he phrases it like a question, and I chuckle a little.

“Nothing to be sorry about, you can’t miss what you never had.”

“I guess that’s true. At least I got my mom,” he muses out loud. 

“Is your mom a regular human?” I’m not sure I’m supposed to ask that, but it seems to be a general thing with the Evolved, that their parents are regular. He nods, a small smile creeping across his features. 

“Yeah, she is. My dad is too, but I don’t know him.”

“Why not?”

“He split when I was little. Couldn’t really handle the whole ‘my kid is Evolved’ thing.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah, but it’s okay just being me and my mom. She loves me enough for eight people, I’m sure.”

“So how come she lets you run around at high school parties in the middle of the night?”

“Because she trusts me. She knows I won’t do anything too stupid on my own. Had my best friend there with me too, but she hooked up with some guy I think.”

“So she just bailed on you?” 

“Not sure she bailed, as much as I pushed her into his arms.”

I laugh a little, I’m not quite as uncomfortable as I was at first. Slowly loosening up, figuring out how to have a proper conversation, it’s difficult, but I somehow I manage.

***

I don’t notice how long we’ve been sitting there, before he asks me what time it is. Glancing at my watch, I’m a little surprised to see it’s four thirty in the morning.

“Uhm, sure you wanna know that?” I ask, raising an eyebrow and double checking that I’m not mistaken. It still says 4:32, October 1st. Well fuck me sideways, I’ve actually managed to communicate with another person for more than three minutes. I tell him what time it is, and he’s as stunned as I am. 

“Fuck, well that explains why I’m so tired,” he laughs a little, “I should probably go home and get some sleep.”

It’s another one of those moments where I do something I otherwise never would have done. I like him, he’s an interesting person, and I don’t want him to leave just yet. “Or you can just spend the night here? Pretty long walk home...” I trail off, then add a quick, “I mean if it’s okay with your mom and all.”

He looks at me, surprise and confusion all over his features. I may not be good at communicating with other people, but I sure as hell know how to read them. He wants to stay, I can see as much, but he’s wavering back and forth. 

“I’m pretty sure she’s okay with it, if I just send her a text that I’m with a friend.”

A friend. I’m somebody’s friend. The thought of that feels weird, it doesn’t sit right with me, but I’m not about to protest it. He can think of me as a friend if he wants, I’m still not sure what I think of him, at all, except for maybe that I like him. He’s kept me company all night long, doing nothing but talking, and that’s definitely a first. 

He pulls out the small device known as a Sense, something I never wanted myself. Pretty sure they track everything you do, a good old cellphone is much easier on my slightly – yet completely justifiably – paranoid mind. He enters a code on the sleek, black device, before it opens up to an entire universe of information. Purple lines appear in thin air, forming a small keyboard and a screen, where the text goes. You can’t really hide a screen like that, even if it is blocked from both sides and behind, I’m sitting right next to him and can see everything he’s writing. 

“Hi mom, sleeping at a friend’s house, be home tomorrow.”

Three little dots appear underneath his message, indicating that his mother is texting him back. It makes a small sound, as the new message appears, “Sure honey, don’t forget to wear a condom.” Followed by a tiny heart.

I laugh, this cannot get any more embarrassing for him, and obviously he thinks the same thing. Frantically pushing the close button, the lines collapse into a single bright light, disappearing back into the small oval box. 

“Fuck damn it, mom...” he grumbles, not as much as glancing in my direction. 

“I like her already,” I say with a wink, only making him all that more flustered.

“Shut up, she’s doing it on purpose.” 

I leave it at that, take a last sip of my beer before getting off the couch. Only now do I realize that there’s blood spatters all over my white T-shirt, that damned motherfucker bled all over it. I sigh as I go towards the bathroom, pulling it off simultaneously. 

“You can just go lie down in the bedroom, I’ll be in in a sec,” I call out to him, then realizing a second too late, that I am indeed inviting him to stay in my bed. I have a couch, we have spend all night sitting on that couch, why oh why, am I assuming he’ll be sleeping in my bed? Do I even want him to? I’ve never even had company before, and sharing a bed with someone other than the dog, seems as far-fetched as it can get. I stand by it though, it would only make it weirder if I bring up the couch now, so instead I just remove myself to the bathroom, throwing the bloodied up shirt in the hamper. 

Standing out there, I try to listen in on what he’s doing, if he is indeed moving towards the bedroom, but I can’t make out the faintest sound. Fucking Evolved creatures, they are different in a lot of ways, and being stealth is one that everybody knows about. 

Taking a quick look in the mirror tells me clearly that my shirt wasn’t the only thing getting blood spatters, and I splash some water on my face, rubbing it off with a towel. This sucks, this fucking sucks, either I’m going to come out to a guy looking at me like I’m some sort of maniac for asking him to join me in bed, or I’m coming out to an empty living room, said guy already in my bed. I’m not even sure which is worse, but in the end, I can’t stand around in the bathroom all night long, and as such reenter the living room. 

He’s not there. Tofu’s there, lying on the floor with her belly exposed, and I scratch it, barely noticing what I’m doing. I have to go in there, I have to go into the bedroom, and I have to sleep next to him. Either that, or I sleep on the couch myself, but it’s at least half a foot too short to be any kind of comfortable. Nope, not doing that. Besides, that would only make it that much more weird, right? 

Slowly and carefully I make my way into the bedroom, and yes, he is lying there in bed, cuddled up underneath a blanket. It’s freezing in here, I’ve got at least a dozen blankets lying around, but he’s only using a single one of them. That makes me think of another question I want to ask him, and as I pull off my clothes, I’m wavering back and forth on whether to do it or not. I eye the bed for one last moment, before crawling into it, covering myself with as much softness and warmth as I can find. 

We lie there, completely silent for a moment, before he chuckles out a, “This night has been so fucking weird.”

“No doubt about it, it wasn’t exactly what I expected it to be,” I make a sound, somewhere between laugh and huff, that sounds strange in my own ears. There’s a brief moment of silence, before I work up the nerve. “Can I ask you something?”

“If it’s whether or not I can read minds, then no, I cannot. At least not yet.”

That’s a common thing for people to believe about the Evolved, that they can do all sorts of mind-related things. Dig into our brains, rummage around, controlling it to do their bidding. 

It wasn’t what I was going to ask him though, which I point out. “No I was just wondering… I overheard someone saying once, that the Evolved are warmer than regular people. Is that true?” 

He looks at me, squinting a little, trying to determine whether or not I’m being serious. Then he pulls his hand from underneath the covers, reaching it out towards me. He doesn’t have to explain what he’s doing, yet he still whispers, “Try and take my hand.”

I do so, our fingers intertwining slowly, carefully, as if both of us are scared that something bad will happen. Nothing does, obviously, we just lie there perfectly still, holding hands.

“So? Am I?” he asks, watching my every move as I shift around a little, still holding on to his hand.

“Yeah, I think so… Probably not the best judge of it though, I don’t have a whole lot of physical contact with other people.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t particularly like other people.”

“I’m people,” he says hesitatingly, a sense of worry to his voice.

“You’re different,” I’m being a little too honest for my own taste.

“Because I’m one of the Evolved?”

“No. You’re just… Different.”

I’m being sincere, in spite of not understanding this one bit myself. He is the exception to the rule, the first person I’ve ever met, who doesn’t seem to get on my nerves. If anything he should have by now, we’ve spend hours together, he should definitely annoy me at this point. He doesn’t though, if anything, I like him. Makes me wonder if I’m being too harsh on people in general, if there might be other people out there, who I might like, if I gave them the time of day. I sincerely doubt it, as people usually bother me within the first five minutes of them existing in my immediate proximity. This is just different, Shadow is just different. 

Our hands are still locked together, when he whispers ever so carefully, “You want to know something else about the Evolved?” 

“Sure,” I answer, trying to sound light about it, but nowhere near succeeding. 

“We sense things better through touch, than sight.”

“How does that make sense?” 

“Well for instance, right now I have a clearer picture of what your hand looks like, than your face. Not that you’re all blurred or anything, it’s just that your hand is crystal clear to me, while your face is more of a general knowledge.”

I barely think about it for a second, before I gently move his hand towards my face, letting it find rest on my cheek. He smiles a little, making a soft content sound. Ever so carefully he moves his fingers down my jawline, my cheekbone, even grazing my lips; he’s taking in all of it, eyes half lidded, like he’s in some serene state of discovery. I just lie there, my breath becoming a little more jagged, as he moves his delicate fingers down to my chin, then back up towards my jaw, curling them around my neck. 

“What happened to your ear?” he asks quietly. My right earlobe is split in half, something that most people notice the second they lay eyes on me. Must be true what he said then, he really does sense more through touch than anything else.

“I used to have an earring. Got pulled out in a fight though, made me reconsider the whole ‘getting pierced’ idea.” It’s not entirely a lie, even though this fight was probably more of a murder.

He nods slowly, his forehead halfway bumping into mine as he does so. Makes me laugh a little, but I keep my head in place, let him lean his against mine. It is both nerve wrecking and calming to have him this close, but I think I might like it. His skin is soft, the tips of his fingers still resting on my face, at the spot where jaw meets ear. Foreheads pushed together, we are breathing the same air, and there’s only a snippet of free space between our lips. Slowly he drags me in a little closer, I barely even notice it, before our lips meet. 

The first kiss is so soft, it’s barely even a kiss. Just two sets of lips, grazing one another, tentatively and carefully, like neither knows if it’s the right thing to do. I try to pull myself away from him, try to wrap my mind around what’s happening right now, but my instincts tell me otherwise, and instead I move in a little closer, kissing him a little deeper. There’s an explosion in my mind, and all that’s left behind is absolute bliss. I can’t stop, if anything, the kissing grow more intense, more saturated and more real. 

He moves his hand from my face, slowly sliding it down to my collarbone, fingers curling around the T-shirt I’m wearing. Mimicking his move, I feel breathless as his arm snakes underneath mine and find rest on my back. At first he keeps it on top of the shirt, but as passion starts to rise, he pulls at the hem and gets it underneath. 

His fingers are pulsating warmth against my skin, like five points of heat rummaging across every inch of my body. He’s not wearing a shirt, and I push myself up against him, chests bumping together a little too forcefully. I’ve never done anything remotely like this before, up until half an hour ago I never even held someone’s hand. It’s exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, but I can’t stop. 

My hands move again, finding way to silvery hair, digging into it and pulling him in closer. It’s a move done a little too forcefully, and our teeth bump together, but it doesn’t matter in the moment. Adjusting the angle slightly, his tongue pushes through, exploring my mouth. Darting in and out, we fumble our way through french kissing, a little sloppy, but perfect none the less. 

It’s pure bliss when he pulls at my waist, our hips meeting in the middle, grinding up against one another. I have no idea how far I’m willing to push this, but my brain has shut itself off, only movement and lust left. Hands back on my chest, he pushes at me gently, and I pull him in closer. Not an inch of space left between us, I slowly roll onto my back, pulling him with me. He’s on top of me, bending forward to kiss me over and over again. His hands are firmly placed right below each of my ears, fingers long enough to pull at the back of my head, drawing me towards him. 

We’re just a couple of teenage boys, I doubt that neither of us have any kind of experience, but the only way to gain that kind of thing in this aspect is by just doing. I think I want to, I’m wavering back and forth, and in the end I just pull him in a little closer. 

“Got any of those things your mom suggested?” I whisper, my voice sounding raspy and off, like it’s somewhere in another dimension. His eyes widen, and I can’t figure out if I pushed it too far. If I did, it’s going to get awkward as fuck, and I quickly add a flustered, “I mean, if you want to!”

“I… I do. I think I do,” he sounds just as wavering as I feel. “Just… Promise me you’ll stop me if I go too far, okay?”

I nod, “If you promise to do the same.”

We move further, I’m still unsure as to whether it’s a good idea or not, but we do none the less. Maybe it’s too quick, hooking up with a guy I’ve known for six or seven hours, but it feels right in spite of it. 

He bends down, still perched on top of me, tugs off my T-shirt and runs his hands along my chest and sides. I shudder as he does, all thoughts of moving too quickly torn out of my mind, as I pull him down for another kiss. His hair falls down his shoulders, tickling my face, and I laugh a little. This is the most exciting thing I’ve ever gotten myself into, something I’ve never expected to happen at all. Not being a people person always made me think I wouldn’t get to do certain things, this being at the top of the list. I’ve always been okay with that, thinking it just wasn’t in the cards for someone like me, but actually doing it switches everything around. I do want it, if anything, I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted before, I want him.

His hands have found way to the band of my sweatpants and boxers, and he shoots me a questioning look, waiting for my approval. I nod, too out of breath to give any kind of verbal confirmation. Arching my back to lift slightly off the bed, he pulls the last pieces of clothing off me. He’s still wearing his underwear, making me feel exposed and nervous, so I tug at them. He needs to readjust himself to get them off, but he succeeds, even if it is a series of awkward movements. 

There we are, two naked boys, grinding up against one another, and I’m trying to will myself into not coming right then and there. Throbbing hard, rubbing up against him, I can feel his erection being just as prominent as my own. 

Suddenly he realizes that the condoms are somewhere else entirely, “Fuck, let me just go get them,” he breathes, and I nod a little too eagerly. It gives an annoying break in what we’re doing, as he disappears into the living room, but he comes back quickly, falling straight back into the motions of kissing me deeply. “You sure you want this?” the words come out staggered. 

“Yes,” I don’t even have to think about it anymore, this can’t be stopped now, I don’t want it to. 

Getting on a condom is apparently a much harder thing than one would think. He fumbles with it, and the damned thing breaks on the first try. He swears as he pulls out another, this time succeeding at sliding it on. He sighs heavily, and I can’t determine whether it’s with pleasure or satisfaction of making it this far. 

“Wait, have you done this before?” he says quietly, an oddly concerned look in his burning eyes. I shake my head, and he looks relieved. “Me neither.”

It makes me glad too, that I’m not the only one fumbling through this, that we are on equal grounds, completely inexperienced.

The downside of not having done this before is the lack of certain items, the main one being lube. I’m pretty sure I’ve got something lying around that could substitute for it, like Vaseline or something like that, but I don’t want to break the moment just to go get it. Instead I tell him to just be a careful, and he nods, even if he does look a little afraid. I give him a reassuring smile, I think it’s the right thing to do, and no fucking way I’m turning back on my decision now. 

He shuffles down a little, one hand delicately brushing over my cock, trying to figure out how much pressure to put into it. I immediately push up against his hands, it’s not even a controlled motion, it’s one of those things where nothing can be too much. It encourages him to move forward, his fingers curling around it, making little swift motions up and down. I struggle to get my hand near his dick, but in this position it’s difficult, and my fingers barely brush against it. It doesn’t seem to matter much though, he still winces at the motion, breathing shallow and intense. He keeps at it for a moment, and I have to grab onto his hand to make him stop. 

“If you keep that up, I’m gonna be done within the next four seconds,” I whisper, a little laugh escaping. 

It’s true, I’m dripping pre-cum, and I’ve never been this hard before. No matter how many times I’ve done something like this on my own, it just doesn’t compare to this, at all. He nods slowly, moves his hand away, directing it at other places entirely. Ever so carefully he probes at me, nothing happening at first, followed closely by a burning sensation. I shiver, the feeling running through every fiber of my being, as he pushes in a finger. It’s a feeling, somewhere between pleasure and pain, when he slides in another. 

“Try to relax,” he breathes, placing little kisses on my lips and neck. 

I nod, even though I’m not sure it’s even a possibility. I try to make my body go limp, but to no avail, the second he moves his hand again, I tense right back up. It’s not a bad thing, and watching the fire burning brightly in his eyes, makes it all the better. 

When he pulls out his fingers, it leaves a void inside of me, one I didn’t knew existed. It’s only there for a second though, as he moves around a little, trying to get the right angle to get his dick inside of me. Fumbling and slowly he succeeds, and the feeling of it is entirely different from just fingers. He is a lot bigger, and even though he’s going slow, it still sends an almost searing sensation all the way through my body. I buckle up against him, I have no control left over my body, and I pant heavily as he makes the first careful moves. In spite of the pain, I grab onto his hips and pull him in closer, making him gasp for more. It seems impossible how good it feels when he hits the right spot, and I’m just about to come right then and there. He groans a little, as he moves his hips back and forth, leaning forward and kissing me at the same time. It’s intense, nerve wrecking and amazing all at once, and when he succeeds at grabbing a hold of my dick while moving inside of me, I can’t hold back a loud moan of pleasure. 

From that moment on, it takes maybe all of five minutes before I come, a sensation so deep and different from anything I have ever tried before. I spill into his hand, all over my stomach, it seems to be everywhere. I don’t give a fuck if I make a mess, it’s the furthest thing from my mind, as he makes another thrust forward. It feels a little more painful now, and I clench up, pushing him over the edge of intense orgasm. 

For a second he stays put, perched over me, looking down at me with slight worry painted across his features. Now I’m terrified, as little as I know about having sex, is nothing compared to what you do afterwards. When he reaches down, grabs a hold at the back of my neck with one hand, and pulls me in for another deep kiss, I feel a rush of relief. He still wants to kiss me, the act itself is over, and he still wants to kiss me. 

He winces as he pulls out, a brief look of discomfort crossing his face. I don’t feel all too comfortable myself, it hurts now, a lot actually. He flops down next to me, lying flat on his back, before removing the condom. For a second I just lie there, not knowing what to do with any of this, before he props himself up on one arm and reaches out for me. 

“Hey...” he whispers, and he sounds nervous, “You okay?”

“Yeah… Yeah I think so.” 

“Good,” he smiles a little, then reaches in and plants yet another kiss on my lips. I lean into it, making it deeper and more intense. 

“You think maybe we should get a little sleep?” I say, even though I’m not entirely sure that’s what I want. He nods slowly, kisses me again, then lets himself slide back down on the bed. He pulls the blanket over him, then scoots in a little closer, before he wraps his arm around me. It feels perfect, as if everything that happened tonight, was exactly what was supposed to happen. The last thought that runs through my mind before drifting off, is that I want to stay like this forever, just kissing and fucking, for all eternity.


	2. Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Michael meets Shadow.

**October, 2341**

I wake up a few hours later, not nearly enough to be thoroughly rested, but close enough that I can drag myself out of bed and make coffee. I have to shuffle around some though, as Shadow is draped over me, cuddling as close as one can possibly get, his head resting firmly on my shoulder. I feel a rush of happiness, something I rarely do, as he makes a soft, disgruntled sound at my movement. Brushing a few silvery strands of hair away from his face, he cracks open an eye, giving me a slightly confused look.

“Are you leaving?” he mumbles, his face now halfway pressed against the pillow. 

“That would be rather odd, considering I live here,” I smile at him, getting entirely out of bed. 

My body hurts in strange places that aren’t used to be tender, and I stretch awkwardly before grabbing my clothes off the floor. It’s unusual for me to sleep naked, hell, it’s unusual for me to be naked anywhere that isn’t in the shower. I put them on quickly, and make my way towards the kitchen, where the heavenly coffee roams. 

While putting on the coffee, my brain goes into overdrive. It’s almost fascinating how worked up I get over this, the whole sex thing. Maybe it’s normal for someone who’s never done it before, but my limited contact with people taken into consideration, I have no idea what normal is. Not just concerning sex actually, everything having to do with other people, freaks me out immensely. I’m good at being on my own, taking care of myself and minding my own fucking business. Now this Shadow character show up, and breaks down everything, in fucked up ways I can’t even begin to understand. 

In the end, it’s probably just me who’s fucked up.

Not even remotely noticing his entrance, all of a sudden Shadow is standing right behind me. I jump, usually I’m the one sneaking up on people, not the other way around, and he scares the shit out of me. Cursing under my breath I turn towards him, scowling a little.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he says, sounding flustered.

“It’s okay. Might have to tie a bell around your neck though.” 

I shrug it off, trying to calm my pounding heart down. I can’t pinpoint whether it’s him sneaking up on me, or his presence in general that’s freaking me out. It’s still strange to have someone in the apartment at all, having him standing this close to me, doesn’t make it any better.

“Is the coffee ready?” he points towards the pot, holding delicious dark liquid. It’s an old-fashioned machine, not one of those that can talk and make you 50 different kinds of coffee with more flavors than you’ll ever need. It makes black coffee, simple as that, no need for anything else. He notices, and for the first time he points out the strangeness of my apartment, “Your stuff is… Different from what I’m used to.”

“I think at this point, it’s different from what anyone is used to.”

“Well that too. But seriously, what’s the deal with that?”

“The deal? I think the ‘deal’ is that I don’t like shit that talks to me and monitors my every move.” I make little air quotes at the word ‘deal’, and Shadow laughs at me. 

“So you’re paranoid?” he smirks at me, thinking he’s figured me all out.

I nod in agreement. “Just the right amount.”

Handing over a cup of coffee, I usher him back into the living room, slumping down on the couch. Fiddling out my cellphone, I see that it’s a quarter to nine. Fucking not nearly enough sleep for someone who not only killed someone last night, but also beat the shit out of another, and managed to fit in first time sex too. No wonder my entire body is aching and exhausted, I’m sure I’ll be going back to bed first chance I get. Sitting there with phone in hand, a message ticks in though, not one that I’m very fond of.

“MM, 1pm, HB” is all it says, and I know exactly what that means. It’s another job, and I have to be at Harvey’s bar at 1 o’clock to get some actual information. It’s from an unknown number, which means it’s Harvey texting me. He’s the only person I’ve ever met, who’s got more burner phones than you can fit inside a closet. 

Sighing I take another sip of too hot coffee, dropping the phone back down on the table. I am in no mood for work, nor have I any particular reason to go do it, but then again… It’s always been fun to kill people, and I might just come up with a new way of doing so. Also, Harvey depends on me, not that I care all that much, but it’s still good manners to show up when you’re invited. He’s one of those few people that I don’t openly hate, if anything, he’s like an old pair of shoes. They’re there, they might have enough life left in them to keep around, but you don’t spend all that much time using them. 

Glancing towards Shadow I realize he looks a strange mixture of happy and nervous. Not quite sure what it means, I hesitatingly reach out a hand towards him. He takes it, a smile spreading across his lips, and I mimic it. There’s definitely something here, something that’s hopefully more than a fumbling teenage one-night-stand. At least I want it to be, but I’m on shaky ground, not the faintest idea as to what he wants. 

“Do you...” he trails off, twisting a little in his seat, the words having a hard time getting through his lips, “Do you maybe...”

“Want to see you again?” I raise my eyebrows and smile at him, hoping that’s the right thing to say. 

“Yeah,” he looks flustered, and for a brief second the little starry freckles on his cheek light up. Must be what blushing looks like on an Evolved. 

“Yes,” I don’t even have to think about it, “Yes I’d very much like to see you again.” 

Of course I want to see him again, he’s the first person I’ve ever met that I didn’t have an instinctive aversion towards. The smile on his face tells me very clearly, that he wants to see me again too, the fire within his eyes crackling and sparking like a newly kindled bonfire. 

There’s a buzzing sound coming from his pocket, accompanied by a ringtone that can only be dubbed annoying as fuck. He pulls out his Sense, that damned little device that everyone insist on having, and I go back to the kitchen to give him some privacy. It’s his mom calling, which isn’t that big of a surprise. He must have been gone for hours by now, even if we didn’t sleep that much, I’m betting she would want him back home soon. I think that’s a parental thing, checking that your kid is okay now and again, even if I’ve never been exposed to it. Standing out in the kitchen I can’t help but listen in on their conversation a little.

“Hey mom,” he says cheerfully.

“Someone’s in a chipper mood. Is he cute?”

I snicker a little at this, but I’m also slightly curious as to what he’s going to answer. I’ve never thought much of my own looks, not that I’m dissatisfied or anything, I just don’t spend a whole lot of time worrying about it. 

“Very much so, and I promise I’ll be home soon.”

“Good boy, be home within the hour and I won’t scold you too much for staying out all night.”

“Seriously? An hour? But I’m at least 20 minutes away!” he whines, which reminds me that he’s a regular high school kid, with regular high school kid problems. ‘Mom’s mad at me’, ‘I didn’t do my homework on time’, ‘the teacher is being all unfair’, that type of shit. I never really cared about any of that, partially because I have no parents to be mad at me, partially because I just don’t give a fuck. There’s no way for me to know, how I would have turned out if I had parents, but I have a feeling it wouldn’t be all that different. 

“Sounds good honey, gives you another 40 minutes to make out with the guy,” his mom sounds awfully pleased with herself. “That is if you quit whining about it, and make the most of it instead.”

He huffs at her, then says, “Oh alright fine, I’ll be home in an hour.”

“Good boy.” 

There’s a small click as the Sense shuts off again, and I reenter the living room as soon as it does. Sitting myself down next to him on the couch, he grabs my hand and pull me closer. I flinch a little at the movement, normally when people grab onto me, it’s a bad thing. This time it’s not though, this time it’s affectionate and sweet, and a clear sign that he wants me closer.

“So 40 minutes huh?” I grin, kissing him softly on the lips, then turning my attention towards his jaw and neck. He shudders a little at the touch and leans backwards, pulling me down with him. 

Lying on top of him on the couch, he fumbles with the hem of my T-shirt, before finally getting his hands underneath it. He runs his fingers up and down my ribs, then stops all of the sudden, and for a second I don’t get why. Then I remember what he told me last night, about the Evolved and their senses, and I know exactly why he stopped. He gives me a questioning look, and I waver back and forth on what to say. If anything I’m surprised he didn’t notice last night, then again, both our focuses was probably on much more exciting stuff.

“It’s nothing,” I settle on, but I don’t sound all that convincing. He doesn’t buy into it either, just gives me a skeptical look. “Okay, it’s something. It’s an old scar, I got it when I was 15, and it’s not a big deal.”

He bites down on his lower lip; I’m pretty sure he wants to press the subject, but in the end he doesn’t. I’m thankful for that, it’s not like it’s some big secret or anything, I just don’t want him prying too much in how I got it. It was the first time I killed someone, that one time where I hadn’t intentionally set out to do so. I just wanted a fight, but the guy came a little more prepared than anticipated, making it escalate. A knife-cut running all the way from hipbone to armpit, it’s quite noticeable. You’d think that would scare me off, but instead it just made me pissed as fuck, and I beat in his skull with a steel pipe, making him my first kill. It wasn’t exactly my finest moment, nor my most graceful murder, but I got away with it all the same. It left me with a feeling of accomplishment, and a big old scar to prove it. 

Obviously though, I don’t want him to know that, and right then and there, my situation already gets complicated. I can’t exactly blurt out, ‘Oh by the way I kill people’, but keeping it from him entirely… Well, I guess that depends on how long he’s going to stick around. It’s a problem for future Michael, present Michael just wants to make out with the guy he met last night.

“Can I ask you another question?” he says tentatively, jolting me out of my train of thought. 

“Hmm,” I think it over for a second, trying to find the right way to say no. “Tell you what. Instead of playing 20 questions now, you get one question per week, that I’ll do my best to answer truthfully.” 

Yeah, that’s probably one of the dumber things to ever leave my mouth. 

“But what if I’ve got a hundred questions?”

“I guess you’ll just have to stick around for a couple of years.”

He smiles brightly, before asking, “So when do I get these questions then?”

“Well it’s Sunday and you’ve asked me maybe a 100 questions already, so how about we say that that’s the official question day?”

“Great, then I want to use my question!” he points a finger in the air, like a school kid waiting for permission to speak.

“Haven’t you asked me enough already?” I raise a single eyebrow. 

“Those don’t count, I want my official question!”

I consider it for a moment, and I have a slight feeling I’m going to regret it, but still surrender. “Okay fine, what’s your question?”

“What’s with the scar?”

I groan loudly; I walked right into that one. My mind is grasping for straws, trying to find a way of telling him about it, without really telling him anything. 

“It’s from a fight. I was 15, I got into a fight with some guy, he pulled a knife, I got a scar, the end.”

“Why would he pull a knife on you? I mean if you were fifteen, how much damage could you really do to him?”

“Oh no no, that’s another question, you’ll have to wait a week if you want more answers on that topic.”

“What?! I don’t even get a follow up?!” he sounds miffed, and I laugh a little at his over dramatic expression.

“Hmm. Okay, one follow up, but that’s it.”

He clap his hands together, excited and pleased that I’m giving in to him. “Great, so why would he pull a knife on you if you were just fifteen?”

“Ask him,” I grumble, knowing fully well that he can’t. “Maybe he just always walked around with a knife or something, fuck if I know. Point is I got this scar, and that’s it.”

He nods slowly, thoughtfully, and I can see that he’s just about to ask me something more. He doesn’t though, he has agreed to these rules himself, and even though I’m leaving out big parts of the story, he’ll just have to live with a little mystery. 

Instead, he grabs onto my hand and pulls me down for more kisses. Hands rummaging around, exploring, almost getting to the point of just ripping off each other’s clothes; there’s that annoying sound again. Not my phone, his fucking Sense is ringing again, and with a disgruntled groan he pulls it forth. As soon as he opens it, a video call opens up, and he doesn’t give me enough time to move entirely away before answering. His mother probably doesn’t see much though, I’m quick to get out of frame, even if it does mean letting go of Shadow. 

“Yes mom?” he sighs, rolling his eyes at her. 

“Oh I’m just calling because I assumed you got lost somewhere, considering you should have been home 10 minutes ago,” her voice is stern, accepting no more bad excuses from her son. 

“But mom-” he begins, but she cuts him off immediately.

“No ‘but mom’, get your ass in gear, get dressed and get home.”

He glares at the screen, then sighs, “Okay, alright, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”

“Good.”

The video chat snaps shut, purple lines disappearing back into the Sense. 

Soon enough he’s dressed and ready to go, and Tofu is all over the place, most likely thinking I’ll be leaving with him. Makes me wonder if I should offer to walk him home, but I’d much prefer if I could get just an hour of extra sleep before my appointment later. In the end I just kiss him goodbye at the door, closing the door behind him with a little sigh. Not even making it back to the living room, there’s a ring from the doorbell. It startles me, I’ve never heard that sound before, and Tofu starts barking at it. 

“I forgot to give you my number!” he sputters as I open the door. He looks flustered, the white freckles glowing brightly. I laugh a little, fiddle out my cellphone and get the digits. It’s the first number ever to get coded into my phone, and it sends a little flutter through my stomach that it’s happening at all. Must mean he really does want to see me again, that it wasn’t just something he said to spare my feelings. 

“I’ll text you a little later,” I say, realizing just how tired I am. “Promise.”

He nods enthusiastically, gives me another kiss goodbye, before disappearing down the stairs. For a little while I just stand there, looking after him, until Tofu nudges at my leg to get me to close the door. Walking straight from the hallway to the bed, I barely set an alarm on my phone before drifting off again.

***

The walk from my apartment to Harvey’s bar isn’t a long one, but I’m dragging my feet, tired and groggy from too little sleep. I snoozed the alarm a dozen times, barely having time for a single cup of coffee before I had to get out of the door. Tofu was whining at me when I left, it’s been a strange day for her too, but I gave her a few extra snacks to calm her down.

The streets are crowded this time of day, and reminds me just how annoying people in general are. There’s the flashing commercials lining every tall building, projected onto them with Scenery Hologram Creators; the trains rushing by inside glass tubes; the damned kids on hover boards going off without a care in the world. Some day I’d like to just throw a rock at one of them, swirling it out of control, and watch it smash against a wall or lamppost or something equally hard and damaging. It’d be funny, just watch some kid crash and burn, little bits of brain scattering across the sidewalk and street. Better put that down on my list, the list of creative ways to commit murder. It probably couldn’t be used for a payed job, too unreliable that I hit the right person, but for fun? Yeah, definitely a possibility. 

Harvey’s is a small bar, the air thick with cigarette smoke, all the old nicotine tainting the walls a dirty shade of yellow. I light up one myself, as I slide onto a bar stool, leaning forward and sending Harvey a weary look. He glances at me, commenting on my appearance, “You look like shit.”

“Thank you. What’s the job?” I grumble, not bothering with any of the polite phrases other people most likely would. Never in my entire life have I cared how another person’s doing, I don’t even bother trying. 

Harvey’s used to that, and just shrug at me, pointing towards a dimly lit corner of the bar. The transaction spot he calls it; that’s where the magic happens. There’s a guy sitting there, someone I haven’t seen before, and he looks nervous. Probably first time he’s done this, which is annoying really. I prefer the regulars, they know how I like to do things, and they know how I function. Never the less I go over there, looking the guy over. He’s small and skinny, covered up in a too big coat, blue eyes darting around the room.

Sighing I sit myself down in front of him, gesturing with a hand that I want him to start talking. He begins the most annoying way I know of, saying, “I have this ex-girlfriend and-”

“I’m just gonna stop you right there,” I cut him off, “I don’t give a fuck why you want me to off someone, just give me a picture and some whereabouts, and I’ll get the job done.”

He looks terrified, as most first-timers do. I’m being honest though, I don’t care if she was the meanest woman alive, she could have eaten their baby for all I care, it’s just not important. Useless knowledge I see no point in getting, why would I ever want to know anything about someone I’m about to kill? It’s always like this though, they want to give me some heartfelt spiel, try and coax me into feeling they are in the right to want this person murdered. Complete waste of time, I don’t feel anything at all. No remorse, no doubt, no need to know whether or not someone was a bad person. I’ll take on any kind of job, because I just don’t care.

Slowly he pulls a few pictures out of the inside pocket of his coat, fairly large and a decent quality. She has a square face, a nose that might seem a little too small, lips painted pale pink and too much eye makeup. One of the pictures is in full figure; she’s wearing a suit, holding a briefcase in one hand, a travel mug in the other. 

“Does she usually wear suits?” I ask, still looking closely at the pictures.

“Uhm, yeah, she does when she’s at work.”

“How and when does she travel to and from work?”

“She goes by train, I brought her schedule for you,” he hands me another piece of paper, and I’m slightly satisfied with him. At least he thought things through, thought about what’s important knowledge for me.

“Alright, a 1000 dollars up front, the rest when I’m done.” I’m not a cheap acquaintance, but I’m the most reliable guy around. I have yet to fail, regardless of whether it’s work or for fun. 

He hands me an envelope; I don’t bother to check if the money’s there. They are, they always are, because whoever might be hiring me for a hit, sure as hell doesn’t want to get on my bad side. 

I nod at him before returning to the bar, to work out something with Harvey. Glancing at her schedule I find an appropriate time, later this evening. I point it out to Harvey, and he notes the time in a small notebook. This is the regular routine, officially I work at the bar as a busboy, which means he’ll write me down as working there, whenever I’m off actually working. Gives me a standing alibi, and Harvey gets a pretty decent cut for doing me the favor. He does my taxes too, making sure I look like the nice and average citizen. 

I exit the bar without further words exchanged. I might just be able to catch a few extra hours of sleep, between now and the job, and I’m sure as hell going to try. 

There is one thing I need to take care of first though, a tiny detail that’s been rummaging around in my mind ever since I woke up from my nap. 

As soon as I’m home, I find my cellphone, open up a new message and try to figure out what the fuck to write. It shouldn’t be that hard, but it is. I type in all sorts of dumb things, then erase them again, start over, rinse and repeat. In the end I settle on a simple, “Hey, it’s Michael. Wanna hang out again soon?” 

I cringe the moment I hit send, instantly knowing a thousand better ways of making contact, then throw my phone on the couch in defeat. I sit there, burrowing my face in my hands, feeling as stupid as ever.

There’s a little chirping sound from the phone, and I glance at it, not entirely sure I want to see what it says. After a full minute of just glaring at it, I pick it up and read the text. 

“Hey Michael, yes very much so!!! My mom’s pretty pissed at me though, but I think I can convince her by tomorrow?”

“Sure, tomorrow sounds good. Just text me if you can’t make it.”

I put the phone down, thinking that’s it, but it chirps again. 

“I will, but I’m pretty sure she’ll let me when it’s someone I like. <3”

This I do not get. What the fuck is <3? Less than three? I think it over for a second, then, “What does <3 mean?” 

“It’s a heart! Have you never texted before?”

“Not really no, like I said, not a whole lot of contact with other people.”

“Huh, you really are out of the loop then. Your phone must be really old too, if it can’t show emojis.”

I’m just about to ask him what an emoji is, but side against it. Instead I text a simple, “All of my stuff is old, and I like it that way. Gonna go take a nap though, see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll try my best!”

***

The night sky has made an entrance as I walk down the streets of Destiny City, yet it is still littered with people. I caught almost three hours of sleep, but it doesn’t make me like them any better. I am slightly less on edge though, I’m off to do the most calming thing I know of, and that helps a little.

Turning another corner the train station is straight ahead, the one she uses every night to get home from work. I’ve already settled on a way to do it, I haven’t tried it out before, but it seemed so obvious I couldn’t see myself doing it any other way. It’s a little tricky though, but most ways of killing people are. I could have done the exact same thing I did last night, just followed her home and strangled her in an alley. That however, would put me on the map. Two murders two nights in a row, both of them being women, both of them strangled to death? Nope, way too risky. That’s one of the things I take most care of, not being categorized as a serial killer. I’m not even sure whether I am or not, sure, I’ve killed a series of people, but it’s always either been work or fun. I don’t think most serial killers do it just because they find it funny, I don’t think they just see people in general as something that’s just flat out annoying. They seem to have a certain type they go for, and certain methods to go along with them, maybe even a certain motif. Me? I really just want to kill people, simple as that. 

I spot her from a distance, and I’m instantly certain it’s her. She’s standing the exact same way as on the picture, one hand carrying a briefcase, the other holding a travel mug, a little more weight leaning on left hip than right. The lipstick is slightly more pearly than on the picture, but the same amount of smokey eye makeup, the chiseled chin and jaw, the nose that looks even smaller seen in profile. She’s checking her watch, and I carelessly move in closer, seemingly another random passenger waiting for his train. I take place near her, and she doesn’t even glance in my direction, she doesn’t have the faintest idea that I’m going to murder her in about two minutes. 

The trains run incredibly fast here, and they are kept within glass tubes, except for at the stations. These are open, making room for passengers to get in and out without getting in each other’s way. This works perfectly to my advantage, short of the crowd of people on the station, it couldn’t be much easier. 

The thing about crowds are they can work both ways. Either everybody sees what you’re doing, or no one does, because the action gets lost within them. Mostly it works to my advantage, and I’m a great escape artist if it doesn’t. I’ve already planned out the route I have to take to get away from there, should I get noticed, and that I know for certain I can pull off. Unless there’s a parkour hero with exceptional perception hiding among all the other people, I’ll get out easily. 

There’s a blinking high above my head, signaling that the train will arrive shortly. I take a step closer to her, bumping my shoulder against hers, which makes her turn towards me. 

She looks somewhere between confused and annoyed, as I apologize. “Sorry, didn’t see you there,” I say with an innocent smile, holding my hands up in front of me, to show I meant no harm. 

“That’s quite alright,” she says, a weary smile on her face. Don’t worry one bit, you won’t be tired much longer. 

She turns back around, and takes a step towards the edge of the platform. The rumbling of the train arriving is coming in clearer, I only have a few seconds to make my move, and it has to be just right. 

Taking a step backwards, I should gain enough momentum, and I look like any other guy there, pacing restlessly for the train to arrive. I’m counting down in my mind, three-two-one, and then I stumble straight into her, as hard as I can. To the average bystander, it looks like an accident, when she tumbles forward and loses her balance. Intentionally she doesn’t quite make it over the edge, and I hurry over to help her off the ground. 

As my hand slips around her wrist, I pull her back up, apologizing frantically for pushing her down in the first place. The train is as close as I need it to be, when she’s halfway standing between me and the rails, holding on to my arms. That’s when I push her, I just pull her in a little closer, then fling her out in front of the train. Just before I release her, I whisper a quiet, “Have a nice trip.”

The train has no way of stopping in time, it just smashes right into her, leaving a spray of blood everywhere. Yup, she’s definitely dead. 

I don’t bother with any more theatricals, I just duck back into the crowd, a crowd that haven’t even realized what just happened. 

I’m halfway down the stairs connecting the platform to the underground tunnel, when I spot another train coming from the opposite direction at another platform, in just a few minutes. Hurriedly I make my way over there, and manage to make it just before the train arrives. 

A small smile is playing on my lips as I pick a man at random and push him out in front of the moving train. It’s very satisfactory the way every other person stands by in utter shock, once they finally realize what just happened. 

Of course I don’t stick around to watch all that much of it, instead I leave the station all together, lighting up a cigarette as soon as I’m outside. That was a lot funnier than I had thought it to be.


	3. Throat Slitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s flustered, as he carefully weighing his words, says, “Do you… Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
> 
> This makes me laugh, and I smile as I say, “I thought I already was your boyfriend.”

**November, 2341**

Today I work for no man, today is all about me. It’s Sunday morning, the sun has barely begun rising, as I enter the old warehouse. This place is a fucking goldmine, I’ve already spend many happy hours here, doing what I enjoy doing the most. My first kill happened right here, the guy with the knife, and even if that should bring back some bad memories, it still makes me happy to think about. The sound of a cracking skull really can’t be compared to anything else, and the satisfaction of being the one making it happen, is just pure bliss. 

I’m wandering around the empty building aimlessly, trying to settle on a good method. There are so many possibilities in this place, old tools lying around, rusty bits and pieces, for fucks sake, there’s a god damned acid basin kept in one of the other rooms. Whatever this place used to be, it’s my happy place now. 

I’ve got four people with me here today, each of them tied to an old metal chair, trying to wiggle their way out of massive amounts of Gaffer tape and rope. I have no fear leaving them on their own as I stroll around the building, there is no way in hell they are going anywhere. Even if they had a knife or some other tool, they wouldn’t be able to get away from me. Besides, I won’t be gone long, I just need to make up my mind. Glancing into the room where the acid is kept, I scrunch up my eyebrows considering it, then shake my head and move on. I’ll get back to that at some point, but not today. I’m in the mood for something quick but messy. I want to see blood gush out, and most importantly, I want to see the life slip out of them. I want the whole ‘eyes pleading for mercy, then rolling backwards until only white is visible’ experience. It makes the choice rather obvious, but I want to do it the old fashioned way. No electricity blades here, no, I want something that hurts a lot more than that. Besides, those blades tends to sear the skin, cutting off some of the blood flow, which can be good in some scenarios, but not today. 

I find my way to a room filled with old tools. This place really must have been abandoned for ages, the age and rustiness of them taken into consideration. Shit for working with, if you were doing what they were originally meant to do, absolutely perfect for me. 

I look through the wooden boxes, finding a particularly long blade. With my gloved fingers I test its stability, making sure it won’t break in the middle. Not that it would matter all that much to me if it did, but it would be annoying to stop halfway, just to go and get another. It seems like it’ll pull through the act, and with a shrug I return to the room containing my victims. 

It’s a family of four; a mom, a dad, two kids about ten and twelve years old. I’ve put black cotton bags over their heads, tape across their mouths underneath, but I can hear their muffled attempts at screaming for help. 

I’m not wearing any kind of disguise or even a cap, it doesn’t matter what they see, they will never be in any position to identify me anyway. I always finish the job, I never back out or feel the slightest bit of remorse for doing what I do. I was smart enough to wear black though, no need to ruin good clothes. 

As I remove the bags one by one, golden light is flooding through the broken windows. I’m giving them one last look at beauty, even if some of it is obscured by ugly concrete buildings. Right here though, there’s a small gap between them, and the sunrise is absolutely amazing. I’m standing behind them, watching the sun paint the sky orange, pink and purple, taking it all in. It’s looking out to be a beautiful day. 

With the bags gone, the noises are becoming a little more persistent, as they shift around, still thinking they can magically break themselves out and away from me. I’ve taped everything from ankles to shoulders safely to the chairs, I’m not the least bit worried if they’ll make it, cause they won’t. Taking a last deep breath, I step forward, moving myself in front of them. 

“So,” I say with a small smile, “Who wants to go first?”

The fear is apparent in their eyes, big and wide, white showing all around the iris. I almost can’t keep myself from laughing, this is perfect. Exactly what I want right now, things are going really well for me these days, and this just adds to the list. For a brief second images of Shadow rush through my brain, and my smile grows soft. I shake my head; can’t spend all day thinking about my boyfriend. 

Instead I pull forth the knife, waving it around near their faces. “No takers? Oh well… Guess I’ll just have to go from left to right then.”

I step back behind them, grabbing a hold of the first head, the one belonging to the oldest of the two girls. I can see how the other three are trying fiercely to turn their heads, their eyes pleading at me to not do it. Just the way I want them to. I grin as I pull back her head by the hair, and in one swift motion I run the blade across the front of her neck. It sticks a little, the rust making it pretty close to impossible to get a clean cut, but that really isn’t my problem. 

I let her head fall back, blood pulsating out through the opening, and move on to the next in line. The mother is crying, tears running down her slightly bruised face. She put up quite the struggle when I came and grabbed them, more so than the father did. It’s okay, I think I may have gotten a slight bruise on my arm from when she tried to bite me, but other than that I’m going to get off without a scratch. Taking them while they slept was easy, tying them up and getting them in the trunk of my car probably the hardest part. Had to put the father on the backseat, there simply wasn’t any room left. 

The mother is trying to scream, but it’s not going to do her any good. Even if she could make a sound through the tape, there’s no one around to hear her. Not only is this building abandoned, we are also far off in the factory district, where there aren’t any people around till eight at its earliest. Besides, she’s next in line, so she won’t be a problem much longer. The knife is dripping blood down her T-shirt as I put it to her neck, and in a horribly jagged motion, I slit her throat. 

The father makes an aggressive movement, more so than when I killed his kid. Odd how people react to the death of their loved ones, sometimes I wish I could watch every single person’s misery, after I’ve killed someone they care about. This is probably as close as I’ll get, but then again, this is good. 

I move on to the next kid, this tiny girl, and I have to bend over to get a clear hold of her face. She’s wriggling and twisting in her seat, not that it matters, but it’s still slightly annoying. At this point she should just accept her fate, let it go and die. Her hair is long though, and pulling it back into a tight ponytail, I gain the control I need. It’s as if the knife grows duller with each cut, and in spite of how small she is, I have to put a lot of force into it. No big deal, she dies all the same, blood spraying everywhere as I make the swift motion.

Now the father’s head hangs low, he has given up, and even if he hasn’t, he’s torn down by sorrow. The father is the last on my list, but before slitting his throat along with the others, I move in front of him, looking him closely in the eyes. I want to catch every last bit of emotion, every last piece of fear, despair and sadness. I like it, I like seeing them like this. All of those basic human emotions rummaging around, it’s both satisfying and intriguing to see them up close. I’m not sure whether or not I’m capable of any of those emotions myself though, sometimes I find it a little more worrying than the fact that I enjoy killing people in the first place. It brings my thoughts back on Shadow, what if he expects certain things of me, some basics that I’m just incapable of doing? Then again, he does make me feel a lot of things I didn’t deem myself capable of just a month ago, so I might be in the safe zone after all. 

In the end I open up his throat with the dull, rusty knife, blood gushing out and mingling with that of the others. The front of my shirt is soaked through by it, as well are my pants. I look down at myself, noticing only now, that I have been stupid enough to put on white sneakers. Fuck damn it, they are so covered in blood, I might as well throw them out. I groan at my own stupidity, I really liked those shoes.

***

The drive home could have been beautiful, were it not for Destiny City. Had I been out in some forest, or driving down from the top of a mountain, I would have stopped a dozen of times, just to watch the golden light. Instead I’m inside this hellhole of a metropolitan, with nothing to see except for dull, gray buildings; the most interesting thing catching my eye being plants placed in flower boxes outside of windows.

I swing by Shadow’s place before going home, not to go up there or anything like that, I just drive by the building, glancing up at his window. It’s silly really, but I like the thought of him just getting out of bed, walking sleepily into the kitchen and wait for his mom to make him breakfast. I can practically see all the little silver hairs jotting out in every which direction, before he manages to pull it back up in its regular ponytail; I can see the way he rubs his eyes, with the base of his hand; see the way he’s slumped over the kitchen table as he waits for coffee. I chuckle a little at this, why the poor guy still haven’t figured out how to use the coffee machine, is a mystery to me. 

Looking down at myself, seen in the clear morning light, I’m certain I can’t go up there. My clothes may be black, but that doesn’t make blood invisible, nor does it cover whatever has spattered onto my face. Glancing in the rear-view mirror, I agree with myself even more; I really do have blood smeared all over my face. I should shower, but I need to take care of the bodies first. Now that they’re dead, they were a lot easier to fit into the trunk, and I’m driving around with four people in there, all of them cut open. I consider my options, there’s not a lot of places where you can just dump a body without being noticed, but the ones there are, I know by heart. I was hired a few times by a mobster, who taught me where to get rid of body parts, and I doubt that he cares if I throw in some of my personal work. 

It’s a bit of a long drive, in exact opposite direction from where I live, but it’s worth it. You don’t come by a whole lot of large dumpsters these days, and even less cardboard pressers. The stores use them to get rid of all their boxes, and this particular one, is hiding out behind an unlocked gate. Getting the bodies into it isn’t the easiest of tasks, at least not if you want to go by it without being spotted, but I manage. The store hasn’t opened yet, I’ve still got a few hours before it does, and I press the bodies into a nice bloody pulp without anyone ever noticing. Of course it would have been easier to just throw them down into the acid back at the abandoned building, but that I’m saving for a special occasion. Squishing bodies into messy piles, is a little satisfactory on its own, and it’s not too big of a hassle. Once they are completely smashed up, I scoop up as much of the remains as I can with a shovel, and toss it in the nearby dumpster. Easy as that.

***

When I finally get inside my apartment, I barely cuddle with Tofu before I strip down and move myself to the shower. I leave the bloody clothes on the bathroom floor, and stretch out my entire body, as I wait for the water to heat. There is indeed a small bruise where the wife bit me, but that’ll be gone in a few days, tops. If Shadow asks, I’ll just have to tell him I bumped into something. Not that far from the truth, I did sort of bump into a set of teeth, right?

The water is burning hot when I step into it, little droplets turning bright red as they make impact with my body. I didn’t even notice how much I was covered in it before now, but it’s pouring off of me, making a mess. I hate when my home isn’t sparkly clean, I’m great with blood and guts at work, but in my apartment? Hell no, I fucking hate it. I make a mental note of cleaning off the tiles first chance I get, even if I would much rather go to bed. I was up at four in the morning to do this, and even if it was a hobby related murder, it’s still a lot of work. 

The doorbell sounds, and I flinch. My mind is running rampant, trying to figure out who the fuck it might be, if anyone has spotted me doing what I did, if it’s the police who’s finally caught on and come to get me. I curse under my breath, as I step out of the bloodied up shower, pull a towel from the hanger, and wrap it around my waist before going into the hallway. 

Normal people have security systems, where they are capable of seeing precisely who is ringing their doorbell, on a little screen connected to a practically invisible sensor right outside the door. I’m not normal people, and therefore one of the first things I did when I moved in here, was to disable the damned thing, pulling it out by the cords and throwing it in the garbage. It seemed like the right thing to do, yet now it seems incredibly stupid. 

“Who is it?” I call out, considering whether or not I should grab a weapon of some sort. I have a lot of those lying around after all, anything your heart might desire actually. I even have a few guns, although those are safely hidden in locked boxes.

“It’s me,” a chipper voice answers. It’s Shadow, oh thank fuck, it’s Shadow.

“Just a second,” I respond, and quickly jump back into the bathroom, checking if all the blood has been scrubbed off of me. It has, the bathroom itself is a mess, but I seem to be clean enough for company. I keep the towel wrapped around me as I return and open the door. “Hey, sorry, I was in the shower.”

I give him a quick kiss, and he looks at me with wide eyes. I’m close to naked, and I like the way he’s looking at me, his eyes running up and down my body. Even if his sight is nothing like mine, he’s still taking it all in, and it’s pretty damned cute the way his freckles light up as he does. Just as he enters the apartment, Tofu comes running out, jumping up and resting her paws against Shadow’s legs. She’s grown a lot more excited about his visits, which I take to be a good thing. Not that I have anything to compare it with, I just assume she’s a good judge of character. 

“Hey now, down girl,” I call out to her, and she immediately do as I say, even if she does look at me with those big brown eyes, begging me to let her do whatever she wants. 

I’m not about to, instead I lead the two of them into the living room, moving myself towards the bedroom to get dressed. Shadow grabs onto my hand though, pulling me down towards the couch. I lose my balance and topple over, halfway landing in his lap, laughing as I do so. 

“What are you doing?” I chuckle, and he shrugs.

“I just figured you were halfway to where I wanted you to be, might as well help you the rest of the way,” he gestures up and down my naked body, a smile on his face and a sparkle in his eyes. 

I know exactly what he wants, and instead of getting dressed I shuffle around until I’m sitting on his lap, legs locking around his waist. For a second my mind wanders towards the dirty bathroom tiles, the worry of him might going out there and notice a whole lot of red droplets running down them. When he moves slightly, pulls me in closer and kisses me deeply, I forget everything about it.

***

We’ve gotten a lot better at it, and when we’re done it’s past noon. We moved into the bedroom, the couch being too small for it to be any kind of comfortable. His head is resting on my shoulder, as I run fingers through strands of silvery hair, all mussed up from the sex. For a little while I manage to stay put, but the condition of the bathroom is starting to worry me again. Gently I move away, excusing myself to get out there. I pull on boxers and a T-shirt before leaving the bedroom, I still can’t figure out the whole ‘being naked’ thing, even if I have grown a little more comfortable with it. Something shifted when he entered my life, some things became easier and more natural, even if they still feel unfamiliar and weird.

Entering the bathroom, I conclude it truly is a mess. Not only is there red lines running down every wall, there’s also a pool of it near the drain, and slightly red footprints from when I left to open the door. Groaning I find a washcloth and a sponge from the cupboard, it’s not exactly ideal, but it’ll have to do. I can’t start hosing it all down, it’ll take too long and sound like I’m taking a shower, which wouldn’t make any kind of sense. Instead I carefully wet the sponge in the sink, and start scrubbing off the most of it. The footprints are the worst, you can’t not spot them if you go out there. Working quickly it only takes me a couple of minutes, and I rinse out the sponge and cloth, before throwing them in the hamper. Both should be thrown out, but I’d rather clean that up later, even if it will get on my nerves that they are lying there, leftover water soaking into my clothes. 

When I get back out Shadow is sitting on the couch, fiddling with my pack of cigarettes. He looks at it curiously, and I take it out of his hand, desperate to get some good old fashioned nicotine and chemicals down in my lungs.

“Can I have one?” he asks, already giving me his best puppy dog eyes.

“You sure about that? Your mom’s gonna kill me if you get addicted.”

“I won’t from just one, will I?”

“I dunno, I liked it instantly.”

“Hmm,” he thinks it over for a while. I’m not going to deny him a cigarette, if he wants to smoke he will, but I still worry a little about the consequences. “I’ll try one, if I don’t like it, I’ll never ask for one ever again.”

Chuckling I pull one from the pack, handing it to him along with a lighter. He holds it between his index finger and thumb, looking completely ridiculous, and I can’t hold back a little laugh. I take it away from him, readjust his hands and fingers, and put it back where it’s supposed to be. 

“Now put it to your lips and inhale slowly when I light it,” I explain, and he does as he’s told. 

Putting the lighter just below the edge of the cigarette, I click it, a small flame licking at the tip of the white paper. He immediately coughs, not excessively, but he does look a little taken aback by the smoke making its way to his lungs. Still watching him I light up another for myself. He manages to get through the entire cigarette without complaining, and he looks immensely satisfied with himself as he stumps it out in the ashtray.

“That was… Not so bad, actually,” he sounds surprised, and I shake my head.

“You’re gonna start smoking.”

“I am not!” 

“Yes, you are. Soon enough you’ll be asking me for cigarettes every time we’ve fucked, then in the morning, after meals, eventually all times of the day.”

“I can just buy my own cigarettes you know.”

“With what?” 

He thinks it over for a while. “Maybe I’ll take on a part time job?”

I put my arms around him, pulling him in close. “Then when will you ever have the time to see me?”

“So what, you’d be willing to support my new addiction just to get to see me?” 

“Yes, actually, I would.” It’s not like I don’t have enough money for it, with a just couple of jobs a week, I’ve got a lot more than I need. 

“I don’t wanna be freeloading off of you!”

I sigh, shaking my head. “Let’s just wait and see if it’s gonna be a problem in the first place. You might decide you don’t wanna smoke at all.”

He huffs, then pulls out his Sense, checking the time. “Aw shit, I’ve got a big paper due tomorrow, I should go home.”

“Can’t I just drive you home and get it, then you can do your homework here?”

“I guess so, yeah...” he thinks it over for a while, then nods. “Yeah, that would be nice actually. Would give us a little more time for all the fun stuff,” he winks at me, and I shake my head, a small smile gracing my lips. 

I get up off the couch, go back into the bedroom and start getting dressed. His clothes are scattered all over the living room, and when I get back out he’s fully dressed. He goes into the hallway to get on his jacket, then, “What happened to your shoes?” 

I freeze. Those motherfucking shoes, I forgot all about them, and there they are, standing in the middle of the hallway, covered in blood. What the fuck am I going to say? My mind is grasping for some sort of explanation, while I’m battling to keep my face as neutral as possible. This is bad, this is so fucking bad, how the fuck am I going to explain a couple of bloodied up shoes? 

“I was taking Tofu for a walk earlier,” I begin the sentence, all sorts of catastrophic thoughts pushing through. “Must have walked through some mud or something.”

He nods, then shrugs. “Sounds nice.”

Hum halle-fucking-lujah, he’s buying into it. I let out a small sigh of relief, pull on my coat and another pair of shoes that aren’t covered in blood, then push him out the door. I’ve got to get my shit together, and be a hell of a lot more careful from now on.

***

After getting his stuff, having a brief conversation with his mom who willingly lets him do his studying at my place (“don’t spend all your time fooling around now, you hear me?”), we return to my place. I glance anxiously at the shoes when we enter, hoping he won’t look at them all too closely. It seems obvious to me that it isn’t mud, but then again, his vision is a lot different than mine.

He’s been working on his report for a couple of hours, typing away on the Sense, swiping back and forth between reading material and the report itself. In the end he had most of his school stuff lying around on it, only a single book is in physical format, and only because his teacher is so old he can’t figure out the Sense system. It seems to annoy Shadow to no end that he needs to keep a book next to him, and do actual highlights with actual markers, something I can’t quite relate to. Then again, I’m as backwards as his teacher is, I prefer everything to be real. 

He snaps the book shut, and looks at me. “You know it’s Sunday, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So I get my question,” he smiles a little, but he looks nervous, fidgeting slightly with the hem of his sleeve. 

“Ask away.”

He’s flustered, as he carefully weighing his words, says, “Do you… Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

This makes me laugh, and I smile as I say, “I thought I already was your boyfriend.”

“Really?” he looks stunned, apparently he had no idea. 

“What did you think we were?” I’m still laughing, this is absolutely ridiculous.

“I dunno! Maybe you just saw me as some friend with benefits or something like that!”

“Have you been seeing me as that?” a slight worry is creeping into my voice, even if I am 90% sure he hasn’t. 

“No of course not!” 

I walk over and kiss him, deeply and intensely. “Then I guess you’re my boyfriend.” I smile, and I feel genuinely happy. It’s an odd feeling, but I like it none the less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot uploading today, because I fell asleep on the couch.


	4. Hanging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is by far the dumbest, most excessively complicated murder I’ve done to date. Opening up the kitchen window I glance across my shoulder at the mess I’ve made. Fuck it, it is what it is, I think to myself, before climbing out on the small ledge, and begin my way down back to my car.

**May, 2342**

Meeting with a regular client, is usually a pleasant experience. Not that I like them or anything, but they now how I want things done. No annoying sob stories, no background on my victim, no needless information at all. More times than not, they simply hand me picture, a sheet of paper with the most necessary info, and a wad of cash. 

This time it’s one of those mobster types ordering a hit, I’m not taking sides in the whole mob war going on, but I only work for one of them. I’m not that stupid, and doing hits on both sides would definitely get me in trouble somewhere down the line. I’m not scared of the opposing side though, nobody knows anything about me, and I’m always slightly more careful when I’m doing jobs like this. It’s always the same guy I meet with, and if they send me a substitute, I refuse to do anything. They’ve only done so once, and learned their lesson, as they missed out on a perfect opportunity to get rid of someone high up in the hierarchy. Not my problem, I don’t give a fuck if they never get the opportunity again, I’m playing it safe with these murders. 

He’s a large man, sitting in the transaction spot, every other customer of the bar keeping as far away as possible. He’s always nicely dressed; pinstriped suits, perfectly tied tie, neatly pressed shirts. Harvey doesn’t much like him coming here, but as long as he leaves as soon as the job is given to me, he manages to live with it. I doubt whoever they are up against knows anything about Harvey’s, the transaction spot or anything regarding me in general, but I can see why it makes him on edge. 

I slide into the chair opposite of him, and without any words exchanged, he hands me a large, brown envelope. I nod as I take it, assuming the ‘conversation’ is over with, but he leans in a little and whispers something in my ear. 

“Beware with this one. He knows we’re out to get him.”

I raise my eyebrows and shrug. It’s unusual that they give me any other information than what’s kept in the folder, but never the less I make a mental note of it. As soon as he leaves the establishment, I return to the bar, sitting down in front of Harvey. Opening up the envelope, there’s a lot less information than usual. A picture – an old mugshot taken by the police – but besides that there’s only cash and a single post it note with an address scribbled down. I think it over for a while; usually there’s a whole schedule of where they go, what they do and what time of the day they do it. These people usually keep a clear tab on the people they want to get rid of, doing most of the work for me. It seems strange to only give me a single address, and my brain tries to connect the dots with what he just told me. It’s a home address, an apartment complex on the other side of town, which really only gives me one place to get a hold of him. 

It dawns on me: the guy doesn’t go out. Seems like a stupid move, he should try to get the fuck away from Destiny City, but apparently he’s decided to hole himself up inside his apartment. With all the surveillance around these days, it’s not exactly the easiest of tasks getting into someone’s apartment unnoticed, but I’ll just have to find a way around that shit. 

“Give me a beer,” I say to Harvey, handing him an ID card. He takes it and runs it through a slot on the refrigerator, but instead of allowing him to give me said beer, it makes an angry noise, blinking a red light. “Motherfucking...” I grumble, then pull out another one. I look it over carefully, this one says I’m 21, old enough to get a god damned beer. 

Harvey sighs and shakes his head, as he takes it from my hand, repeating the process. This time the fridge complies, blinking bright green, and opening up the door. Fucking surveillance society, keeping a tap on everything, making it impossible to get a fucking pack of cigarettes without a fake ID. Luckily I have plenty of those, Harvey sets me up with new ones once in a while. How he gets them I have no idea, he must know a guy, because the pictures match my appearance. 

“You really shouldn’t walk around with your own,” he points out as he hands me the beer. 

“Had to, I drove here.” 

That’s the one thing I haven’t found my way around, my car is registered to my real identity, which in itself is harmless enough. If I ever get pulled over I don’t want any alarms going off, nudging the cops towards the thought of me doing anything illegal. Should I get caught with a body in the trunk, I’ll be fucked regardless of my ID card, but getting caught with a fake one in itself, could attract some attention. 

“Lazy sod,” Harvey comments, as he hands back the fake ID.

“I spend all night fucking, I’m allowed to be lazy.”

This makes him chuckle a little, “So all is well with the love life of Michael Mayhem?”

“Shut the fuck up,” I take a sip of my beer, then add a quick, “And yes.”

This is probably the most conversation we’ve ever had, and I down the rest of my beer quickly to move away from it. I have no intentions of sharing my life with Harvey, or anyone else for that matter, but sometimes he catches on to little snippets of details without me even knowing. He’s perceptive like that, he figured out I’d met someone a long time ago, and has been making little comments about it for ages. 

“If you leave the car, I’ll drive it home for you later,” he calls out behind me, as I make my way towards the door.

“No need, I’ll pick it up before work.” That way I can also let him know when he’s supposed to write me down for hours, doing this without a schedule for the victim, I can’t really make one of my own. I leave the bar, barely nodding a goodbye to Harvey.

***

It’s gotten late before I manage to drum up some layouts of the victim’s apartment. It’s small, just one room, but it’s lodged in between two others. That’s a problem, partly because there’s only one window available, located in the kitchen; partly because it gives me two sets of neighbors, plus whoever lives underneath to take into consideration. At least it’s on the top floor, no one above, but it’s also a locked building, one that needs a code to get through. That limits my options of getting inside a lot, I pretty much have to go through the window, which leaves me with the problem of getting inside from there. I am no cat burglar, I don’t come with a set of glass cutters or lock picks, I’m just a guy who wants to murder some other guy.

I sigh and lean back in my chair, this would be a hell of a lot easier, if I could lure him outside. 

Then it hits me: the guy’s got to eat. He can’t exactly live off dust and thin air, so somehow he’s getting food into the apartment. I just need to figure out how and when, and if I’m quick about it, I can probably catch him at dinnertime. It’s only five in the afternoon, it’s a wager, but I can’t come up with anything else. Hurriedly I check nearby restaurants, and find a few that delivers. If I was some grand hacker I could locate everything within a second, but alas, I am not. I’m just going to have to take my chances and hope for the best.

With a huff I remove myself from the computer, and ruffle Tofu’s fur thoroughly before putting on shoes, jacket and gloves. I grab the duffelbag from the closet in the hallway, the one filled with murder weapons of all kinds, and leave the apartment. 

The rain is pouring down outside, it’s okay, I’ve always liked the rain. Just like murdering people, it has a somewhat calming effect on me.

I half run all the way to Harvey’s, somewhat in a hurry to pick up my car. If any of this is going to work out in my favor, I have to stick to my makeshift plan and wishful thinking. I open the door to the bar, popping my head inside and calling out for Harvey. When he emerges, I give him a thumbs up, and he nods, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper. There we go, now I’m officially at work busing tables. 

Outside again, I slip into my car, a small smile on my face. Damn you, you paranoid asshole, I’m going to get my hands on you, regardless of how much undercover you think you are.

***

I park my car several blocks away, then walk the rest of the way to his building. I look as average as I always do, no need for great theatrics on this one. If I can just get inside the building, it won’t matter. Luckily there’s an alley right across from the building, so I can stand there and keep watch. I hope I’m right in my many assumptions, otherwise this is a complete waste of time. It’s not like anything bad will happen if I’m mistaken, but I could definitely spend my time doing something much more fun, than hanging out in some alley. Like spending time with Shadow, that I would much prefer over this annoying job.

It’s closing in on six o’clock, when a car pulls up, stopping right in front of the building. It’s got a big pizza sign on top of it, and I revel in my own ingenuity. I’m not quite at the finish line, but it’s a big step of the way. Hurrying across the street I almost get hit by a passing car, but it doesn’t seem to catch the pizza boy’s attention, and as such it doesn’t matter. He’s bend over the backseat of the car, removing a pizza box. I’m almost certain it’s for my target, it’s a gut feeling really, and if I should be mistaking, it’s not that big of a deal. 

While the kid is still bend over, fiddling with the many boxes stacked inside, I grab a hold around both sides of his face. He barely even gets to react, before I make a rough twist, breaking his neck. He tumbles forward, his entire body going limp within a second, and I catch him on the way down, pushing my arms underneath his. 

Thank fuck I don’t care about other people, if I did, I might feel bad about the casualties along the way. 

Luckily there aren’t a lot of people out, everyone is either at home eating dinner, or hiding out from the pouring rain that’s overflowing the streets. I shove the pizza guy into the backseat of the car, grab the cap off his head and put it on, picking up the pizza too. There’s a piece of paper taped to the top of the box, and it is indeed intended for my target. Picture perfect, step two accomplished. 

Carrying the food, I go to the door, trying to balance it on one arm as I locate the buzzer with his name attached. Obviously he’s using a fake name, I know the feeling, but that part the mobsters already took care of for me. I’m sure they have their ways of keeping track of a guy, something I’d never bother to do myself. I expect that part of a job to be handed to me, I’m happy to do the dirty work, but figuring out all the details is totally on my clients. I push the button, and there’s a long pause before someone asks who it is.

“Pizza guy,” I say in a tone somewhere between tired and polite. 

I know the building has one of those sensor screens, but it doesn’t matter, the cap is covering my face. He wouldn’t recognize me either way, but I don’t particularly like being caught on camera. He doesn’t respond, just buzzes me in, no questions asked. Step three.

I take the elevator up, in spite of it being littered with cameras. The stairwell probably is too, it doesn’t matter, the cap is pulled tightly down, and I look at nothing but the ground. Making it to the top floor, I straighten up, I need to be ready for any kind of reaction. 

I ring his doorbell, and it’s answered almost immediately. He’s a big guy, larger than what I expected, but nothing I can’t handle. I hand him the pizzas, with a polite smile, and just as he’s about to close the door in my face, I wedge a foot in the crack between it and the door frame. He’s caught off guard, even if he is paranoid, he believes the delivery guy to be safe enough company. I’m not though, neither delivery guy, nor safe company. 

I make a swift push at the door, before he can react in any way, besides staring wide-eyed at my foot lodged in his doorway. The pizza box drops to the floor, as he flails his arms to close the door in my face. He can’t, it knocks hard against my shoulder, something that will definitely leave a big bruise, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. He’s strong though, probably stronger than I am, and I can’t ruff him up too bad, for this to go down perfectly. I’ve already settled on a method, but it does take a little preparation, for it took look just right. Which is exactly why I kick at the door and not him, pushing myself into the apartment. He lands hard on the floor, but he’s quick and jumps right back up in my face. Slamming the door shut behind me, I know he has no other way of escaping. The only two exits are the front door, and a window he – according to the pictures I found online – isn’t small enough to fit through. I hope I am, I’ll need that a little later. First I need him dead though.

He’s fit for fight and more than willing to do so, which is a drawback. Not that I was expecting anything else, but one can always hope that people will just die the way they are supposed to. I dig into the inside pocket of my jacket, pulling out a small spray container. It’s nothing deadly, it just stuns people, without leaving a mark. Maybe a little red eyes, but that’s okay, that’ll be covered up later. 

He grabs onto my arm as soon as he spots it, trying to wriggle it out of my grip. Not happening big guy, and even if it’s quite the gamble, I push down on the top of it, spraying the mist everywhere. It catches me a little bit, but only a small dose on my right cheek, making it numb. Annoying motherfucker, but it doesn’t matter, the stuff’s got him paralyzed within a few seconds. His face and arm, the places I hit him most, are already starting to stiffen, and he loses balance, tumbling to the ground. I keep spraying, covering his entire body in it, until I’m absolutely certain he can’t move. It’ll wear off within twenty minutes, but it’s all the time I need. 

Locking the door behind me, I leave him lying there in the hallway, unable to do a damn thing about my presence. I walk into his living room, a dirty place with curtains drawn shut, and find a chair. It looks stable enough for what I intended, even if he is big and bulky. There’s a rafter above my head, just like the floor plans said there would be, and carefully I fiddle out a nice and thick rope. Quickly I tie it around the beam, making a noose at the other end. Now to get his big ass up on that chair is going to be hard, but I’m a lot stronger than I look. At least strong enough to drag him from the hallway to the living room, where I let him slump down on the floor. His eyes are terrified, staring straight ahead, stunned just as the rest of him. He’s trying frantically to get words through his lips, but I put a finger to my own, shushing him. 

“Don’t even bother, you’re never gonna say another word,” I whisper, a small smile grazing my lips. 

For a second I’m just standing there, eyes moving from him, to the chair, then back again. Sighing I realize I’ve made a slight mistake, a miscalculation if you will, regarding his size. If he was a small guy, I’d be more than able to get him up there, but alas, he is not. I lift him slightly off the floor, trying to weigh out my options, then finally agreeing that I can at least get him sitting on the chair. He almost tilts over as I let go of him, but I push him back up in an upright position. Fucking annoying, next time I do this type of work, I’m going to ask for a weight and height chart.

Noticing he’s moving his fingers slightly, I have to work quickly. I can’t just keep standing around and stun him with mist, I’ll have to do something else. First I pull out another chair for me to stand on, I’m going to need that soon enough. Then I take a hold of the noose, and pull it down around his neck, hoping I can lift him off the ground with it. Climbing up on the chair, I loosen the other end of the rope, and maybe, for just a second, he thinks I’ll let him go. 

No such luck, I just pull the rope down on the opposite side of the beam, grabbing a tight hold of it, as I begin to hoist him up into the air. It takes every muscle in my body, I’m panting and cursing at the same time, but I manage to get him up high enough that his feet doesn’t touch the ground. His stiffened legs are trying to kick, the mist is starting to wear off, but the only thing he hits is the chair underneath him. He twists and wriggles one last time, before his eyes rolls into the back of his head, and eventually, he just hangs there. 

Now I just need to tie the damned rope back up, making it look like the perfect suicide. No one will suspect it, he’s a man hiding from the mob, maybe he just got sick of that, and hung himself. 

It’s borderline dangerous the way I’m standing, one foot on the backrest of the chair, both hands firmly locked at the rope, a big guy swinging from it. Right around now I really wish I had chosen another method, hell, I could have just shot him in the face and let the mob take the fall for it, but this just seemed like a much better idea. Better idea my ass, I’m never doing this again, unless it’s some teeny tiny person I can swing over my shoulder without any problems.

Eventually I succeed in getting the rope tied up to the beam, and I let him hang there, sitting down for a little while, smoking a cigarette until I catch my breath. 

There’s a ripping sound above me, and as I lift my head, the rope breaks. It fucking breaks, the guy tumbling down with it, all of my hard work going to waste. I sigh, get up off his couch, and walk into the kitchen. This is by far the dumbest, most excessively complicated murder I’ve done to date. Opening up the kitchen window I glance across my shoulder at the mess I’ve made. Fuck it, it is what it is, I think to myself, before climbing out on the small ledge, and begin my way down back to my car.

***

I’m tired and bruised when I finally return to my apartment. Going up the stairs, I see something – or rather someone – lying in front of my front door. It’s Shadow, and the first thought that flies through my head, is that he’s dead. I guess I am a little damaged, thanks to what I do. I rush forward, grabbing a hold of his head, turning him over. My heart is beating a million miles an hour, I am for the first time in my life genuinely terrified. Only when his eyes open up slightly, looking all blurry and wet, I notice what he’s got clutched in one hand. A bottle of wine; he’s lying passed out drunk at my doorstep.

He blinks at me, an almost apologetic look on his face, before he mumbles, “Sorry, I got all sleepy from waiting for you.”

I’m still a little shocked, but in the end I just give him a close hug and pull him up from the floor. Looking him over carefully he seems to be in perfect condition, short of being drunk of his ass. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, “I probably shouldn’t have come here...”

I chuckle a little at his sad puppy dog look, then pull him in for a close hug. “It’s okay,” I run my fingers through his hair, “Really, I’d rather have you drunk on my doorstep, than drunk somewhere else entirely.”

Still holding on to him, I unlock the door and get the two of us inside. In spite of how annoyed I was with my kill, right now I just praise myself lucky that I didn’t go for something bloody. Not sure he’d notice, his current state taken into consideration, but still, it’s damn lucky I don’t come home with blood spatters all over my face. 

I log him down on the couch, leaving him there for a second to go fetch him some water. When I return he’s curled himself up on it, looking somewhere between miserable and ready to pass out again. I nudge at his feet, making him move slightly, so I can sit down next to him.

“Here, drink this,” I hand over the glass of water, and he eyes it skeptically. “Seriously, it’s water, just drink it.”

Groaning he pushes himself back up, takes the glass from my hand, and gulps down the water in big sips. 

“Thanks...” he mumbles, still holding the glass. I shake my head and laugh a little, I’ve never seen him like this before, maybe a little tipsy, but never this drunk. 

“So… What happened?” I ask curiously. 

“I got into a fight with my mom.”

“I see.” 

Of all the things I don’t get, being in a fight with a parent is pretty high on the list. I think it’s a typical teenage thing, but as I am nothing of the sorts, there is no way of me fully understanding it. Makes me wonder how I’d be if I had parents, if I would still be off killing people, or if I’d just be having stupid arguments about not doing my homework. In the end I shrug of the thoughts and questions, and get up from the couch instead. 

“Let’s get you to bed,” I say softly, pulling him up with me. He groans in disagreement, but in the end he complies and follows me into the bedroom. 

When I’m done getting him out of his clothes, and tugging him safely into bed, I turn to go get my phone. He grabs onto my wrist, looking at me with pleading eyes. “Are you leaving?”

“I’ll be right back, I just need to make a quick call.”

He nods slowly, lets go of me, and curls himself into a ball. I laugh at him, and decides I’ll bring back a bucket for him to throw up in, just in case.

I fiddle out my regular phone; my list of contacts has doubled itself to all of two people. I dial the number that doesn’t belong to Shadow, sighing a little, and hope that the conversation won’t go over too badly.

“Hey Alice,” I greet Shadow’s mom, we’ve moved to first name basis a long time ago. “Yeah, it’s Michael. I’m just calling to let you know that Shadow’s at my place.”

“Oh he is now, is he?” she sounds mad, not at me, but no doubt she’s mad at her son.

“Yeah, I don’t know what happened, but he’s a little drunk and passed out in bed.”

“Big surprise there, he ran off with a bottle of wine about an hour ago.”

“An hour ago? Well the bottle’s empty now, so no wonder he’s drunk.”

She huffs, then, “Tell you what… He can sleep it off at your place, but I’ll stop by in the morning and come get him. Pretty sure I’ll still be in the mood for telling him off then, and he’ll remember more of it if I do.”

“Sounds good to me, you can just drop by whenever.”

“I’ll be there bright and early,” she says, before hanging up on me. Damn she’s going to yell at poor Shadow tomorrow, thank fuck I’m not him.

***

He throws up in the middle of the night, and I’m not sure he entirely hits the bucket I’ve set out for him. I pad him gently on the back, pull him back into bed, before he tumbles over into the vomit that’s probably everywhere. As he curls back into fetal position, I wrap my arms around him, holding him with his back pressed closely to my chest. I run my fingers through his hair, and kiss him gently on the back of his neck, before falling back asleep.

Two more times in the span of the night, I wake up to the sound of him vomiting. Every time he does, I reach over and stroke his back, finding it slightly odd how affectionate I can be towards him, when I’m so incapable of feeling even the slightest hint of emotion towards other people. I guess I was just right at my first assumption about him, he’s different, no explanation needed, he’s just different.

***

It is indeed bright and early, when the doorbell rings. I’ve been up for maybe half an hour, drinking my morning coffee, halfway getting ready to take Tofu for a walk. It can wait though, I want to stick around to see what happens. Maybe play the role of the supportive boyfriend, even if I’m pretty sure I agree with his mother; Shadow probably was acting a little over the top yesterday. He usually is, when it comes to fights, he has a tendency to get overly dramatic. He’s still in bed though, snoring softly, and as soon as I’ve let Alice in, I go get him.

“Hey sleepyhead,” I whisper into his ear, “You need to get up, your mom’s here.” He groans in disagreement and tries to pull the blankets up over his head. I shake my head at it, adding, “If you don’t get out of bed, she’s just gonna come in here and yell at you, trust me, you can’t win this one.”

Finally he moves himself into an upright position, his hair sticking out in every direction, still a little vomit stuck at the corner of his mouth. It’s not exactly a pretty sight, but I still feel sorry for him. He wipes at his face, holding his head in his hands. 

“Okay, alright, just give me a second,” he mumbles, and I do, leaving him to go back into the living room. 

I sit down next to Alice, offering up a cup of coffee, which she willingly accepts. It’s no more than six in the morning, I think everybody needs a cup of coffee right around now. 

When Shadow finally manages to move himself to the living room, he slumps down in a chair opposite his mom. She takes a long hard look at him, shaking her head exasperated as she does. 

“Adam Shadow Wright,” she starts, her tone calm and collected. 

In spite of the fact that me and Shadow have been together for more than six months, this is the first time I hear his actual name, and I make a mental note of it. It seems strange that I didn’t know it up until now, but then again, he doesn’t know my actual last name either. It says M. M. on both door and mailbox, and even though he has asked me repeatedly, I have refused to give up that little piece of information.

He looks up at her, a pleading look in his eyes. “Please don’t yell at me.” 

“Oh I’ll yell as much as I feel like, and you’re going to listen to every word of it.”

Groaning he slides down in his chair, bracing himself for what’s to come. 

In the end she doesn’t yell all that much, but he winces every time she raises her voice. Apparently they got into a fight about Shadow’s grades, Alice believing he can do better. He wants to be an architect after all, it takes a lot of hard work to get into a good school, he needs to up his game and do something other than just drawing on large sheets of paper. 

“But mom...” he tries to get a word in, but she raises a finger at him, shaking her head.

“Nope, no ‘but mom’ on this one, you will get your act together right this instance. If you fail math, you’re going nowhere near a good school. Especially considering math is a big part of being an architect, it’s not just drawing pretty buildings.”

She’s right, and Shadow knows this. In the end he nods his head resignedly. “I promise I’ll do better on the next test, really mom, I will.”

“Good. Now stop being a baby, kiss your boyfriend goodbye and get your ass home to study.”

“Can’t I just stay here and study?” he whines, and I know exactly what the answer’s going to be on that one.

“Not a chance, I want to see you knee-deep in books and papers until the next test comes around. You can see Michael when you’ve got some spare time on your hands, but no more studying at his place.”

This, I’m not too pleased with, and Shadow sure as hell isn’t either. Both of us are going to comply though, she is his mother, and apparently these hold a lot of power over their kids. In the end he gets up, gets dressed and with a deep sigh he kisses me goodbye. 

“I’ll be back soon, I promise,” he whispers against my lips.

“You’ll be back when I say you can,” Alice states firmly, and Shadow groans again. 

In the end they both leave, Shadow looking as miserable as ever. I close the door behind them, giving Tofu a weary look. I guess that’s the average teenage life for you, and as much as it bothers me that I don’t get to see him as often as I’m used to, I’ll just have to live with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appologize in advance, if I don't post next Friday. I'm having major surgery on Monday, and I don't know if I'll be up to it, but I'll try my best!


	5. Buried Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, I really can’t talk right now,” he begins, which makes no sense as he was the one to call her. “I just need to tell you that I’m gay, and the guy I was at the party with is my boyfriend Michael.”

**September, 2342**

As Shadow is a 17 year old high school student, he has some obligations, that I don’t. One thing is the classes and the homework, that I get, but there’s also things I find to be flat out dumb and borderline complete waste of time. Every possible social gathering in regards to school falls into that category, hell, I find most social arrangements to be ridiculous. For instance I’ve never celebrated my own birthday, I attended Shadow’s back in July, but that’s different. I like Shadow, and these types of things matter to him, so of course I’ll be there. I agreed to go to his mother’s as well, but right about there my willingness starts to come to an end. 

“Please-please-pretty-please?” he begs for the hundredth time, and I’m slowly starting to cave. “Seriously, we’ll only have to be there for a few hours, I promise!”

“But why? I don’t get it, why is this important?” I truly don’t, and if I have the slightest chance of getting out of it, I’ll grab it immediately. Unfortunately I don’t have any jobs planned, unless something pops up that exact day, I can’t get out of it. Even if it did, I’d have to ditch him in the last minute, something I definitely don’t want to do either.

“Because it’s a school dance, it’s my last year of high school and I really want to go.”

“You don’t even like half the people you’re in class with.”

“May’s gonna be there, I like her!”

“So what you’re saying is that you’ll drag me along for some horrible night, because you’ve got one friend who’s going? If she’s going, why don’t you just go with her?”

“She already has a date,” he scowls at me, “I want you to be mine.”

I groan, leaning my head back and rolling my eyes. “Fine.”

“Really?” he looks genuinely surprised.

“Yes, I’ll go to your dumb ass dance,” I finally cave, even if I don’t like it one bit. “But I’m not wearing a tux.”

“You have to, it’s formal dress,” he points out, a smile already plastered across his face.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Sure am, and you already agreed to go, you can’t take it back now!” 

I scowl at him, before nodding resignedly. That is going to be the worst fucking day of my life, I’m sure of it. Never the less he looks happy, all giddy with excitement, and I guess that’s good enough. In the end, I want him to be happy, and if going to some stupid dance is what does it, then I better just roll with the punches.

***

I get ready for the dumb ass dance at my place, muttering swearwords while tying a tie, something that I needed to find guides online just to do. This is ridiculous, I look nothing like myself, stuffed into a white shirt and black tuxedo. I even had to get dress shoes, apparently you cannot wear sneakers to a dance, nor a tux in general.

Glancing at the watch I sigh heavily, it’s time to go and pick up Shadow. As much as I want to see him and spend time with him, I would do anything that it wasn’t like this. Why the fuck am I doing this again? 

I grab my keys and jacket in the hallway, giving Tofu a big old ruffle on the head before leaving. I don’t care if it’s inappropriate, I’m wearing my leather jacket, and that’s final. The drive to Shadow’s place isn’t long, usually I just walk there, but he insisted we drove to the school. Why I have no idea, but it suits me fine, those damned shoes are already rubbing too tightly around my toes. 

I push the buzzer next to his mom’s name, hoping he’ll just come straight down. The less people who sees me like this, the better. No such luck though, as Alice answers the door, and buzzes me inside, telling me to come up. Great, now his mom’s going to see me wearing a fucking tux too? I hardly ever feel anything, at all, but this has a slight hint of embarrassment to it. I feel like an idiot, dressed up as something I’m definitely not, like being a grown-up stuffed into a really bad Halloween costume. 

It only gets worse, when his mother opens the door, and immediately starts gushing about how handsome I look. I hate everything right around now, pretty close to adding Shadow to the list, for making me do this. 

He emerges from his room, and as much as I despise everything about this experience, the tux he’s wearing actually suits him. It’s gray, Shadow never wears black due to his pitch black skin, and it fits him perfectly. His hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail, sides and back newly trimmed down to a soft peach fuzz. I hate to admit it, but he looks damned hot like this, and a small smile finally finds it way to my lips. He mimics my move, smiles brightly at me, as he moves over and kisses me. 

There’s a bright flash as he does, and when I turn towards it, it’s Alice using her Sense as a camera. Motherfucking, the last thing I need from this night, is proof that it ever happened. It’s too late though, she’s quick and snaps a few more of us, before I finally pull Shadow towards the door. 

“We’re gonna be late,” I grumble, trying to avoid the flashing light from the camera. He’s giggling though, and I shake my head in defeat. He really does want to go to this stupid thing, and I’m just going to have to live through it.

***

Arriving at the school dance, there must be at least a hundred people there, both juniors and seniors being invited. It’s a big school too, and the party itself is held inside the gymnasium. I used to go here, and I hated it just as much back then, as I do right now. I never fitted in to anything of what you’re supposed to do in high school. Not that I was bullied or anything like that, people were far too scared of me to try anything stupid like that, on account of me pretty quickly acquiring the title of being a psycho.

I guess that’s not too far off the mark, what I do taken into consideration. 

Mainly they just left me alone, and that part I was fine with. I just didn’t get the point of me being there, especially not when I started killing people for a living. It occurred to me instantly, when I was hired for my first job, that I could make a career out of it, out of being good at murder. That’s when I dropped out, I didn’t even get my second job before I was out of that school. Even if I couldn’t make it as a professional killer, I’d much rather be anywhere but this hellhole of a school. Being at school meant I had to be around other people, even if I didn’t directly socialized with any of them, I still had to share space and air with them. Looking around at this overly stuffed gymnasium, filled with stupid high school kids all dressed up, reminds me exactly how much I dislike people. 

“Hey,” a girl’s voice chirps, right next to me, and I barely turn my head, thinking she’s talking to someone else. When she pokes at me with a finger, I turn towards her, looking mildly disgruntled already. “Hi, I’m May,” she says in a chipper, giggly voice, “You must be Michael?”

I glance around quickly, hoping Shadow will step in between me and the girl, do something that keeps me from having to talk to her. I can’t spot him though, and with a deep sigh I introduce myself, “Yeah, I’m Michael.”

“So nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you,” she chatters on, “I don’t get why he hasn’t introduced us before, he always talks so fondly of you.”

My bet is it’s due to my quite obvious dislike towards other people, but I don’t say that out loud. Instead my mind is fumbling through things you’re supposed to say in these kind of situations, coming up with absolutely nothing. I don’t know how to be around people, Shadow I genuinely like, his mother and Harvey I tolerate, but everybody else? They’re all swaying somewhere between ‘annoying’ and ‘despise’. I know I’m supposed to be polite, I just don’t know how to be so.

“Not much of a talker, are you?” she winks at me, maybe catching on to my general discomfort at being in a situation like this. “That’s okay, my mom’s always told me I talk enough for four people, at least!”

I nod at this, stuffing my hand down the pocket of my pants, still not knowing what to say. “I guess not, no.” I finally agree to her first statement, at least that much is true.

“Well I must admit I’m a little mad at you,” she says, but she’s smiling as she does. Why oh why is some teenage girl mad at me? Do I even remotely care about this? Nope, not even a little.

“And why is that?” I still muster to say, in spite of the fact that I really don’t give a fuck. She can hate me for all I care, it’s not my problem. 

“Well you are off battling me at the title of being Shadow’s best friend,” she winks again, but this time I look at her completely stunned. Shadow’s best friend? What the fuck is she talking about? 

“Friend? I’m not Shadow’s friend,” I point out to her, still giving her a confused look. “I’m his boyfriend.”

Now she looks baffled, taken off guard, like I’ve just released some big, national secret. 

“You’re his...” she trails off, and it dawns on me that he hasn’t told her this specific little detail. It’s not a detail in reality though, in fact, it’s huge. 

I don’t even bother with excusing myself, I just turn away from her, spotting Shadow standing somewhere in the crowd, and walk straight up to him. 

“I’m leaving,” I state, and he looks at me surprised.

“But we just got here,” he begins, but I cut him off immediately. 

“Yeah well, as your _friend_ I really don’t have to stick around for this. I might if I was your _boyfriend_ , but apparently, I’m not.”

I turn on my heel, and walk straight out of the gymnasium. I’m not having any more of this conversation, not here, and I’m not sure I want to have it anywhere at all. 

Getting as far as the car, Shadow half runs up to me, and grabs onto my shoulder. I instinctively pull away from him, but he latches on again.

“Michael, I-” he begins, but I don’t respond. Instead I just shrug off his hand and get into the car. I can hear him calling after me, but I don’t give a fuck, I just pull out of the parking lot and go home.

***

It feels like the longest drive home. It doesn’t take more than 20 minutes, but my mind is running rampant. I can’t remember the last time I was this pissed, in fact, I’m not sure I ever have been. I’ve been frustrated if something didn’t go exactly as planned at work, but I’m not one to get mad. Annoyed and irritated, yes, but never mad. It’s not in my nature to get mad, that would mean I actually gave a fuck for something, but right now, I’m fucking mad.

How could he not tell her that I am his boyfriend? She’s supposed to be his best friend, how could he possibly have kept this from her? And most importantly, why? Why would he keep our relationship a secret, to anyone? His mom knows about it, I can’t wrap my brain around why he’d keep it a secret to anyone. It never seemed as if he did, at least not to me.

I make it to my usual parking spot, but I stay inside the car, trying to figure out what I’m going to do. I can’t just go home, it doesn’t sit right with me, I need to do something to get this feeling out of my system. In the end, I pull back out on the streets, take off in an arbitrary direction, and just drive. I’ll figure something out at some point, right now I just need to be in motion, do something other than just sit around and feel shitty. 

After a while, I find myself being in a part of town, I’m unfamiliar with. There’s a large building ground, that will most likely contain new blocks of concrete sometime soon. I pull up to it, and get out of the car. There’s actual dirt and sand here, something that is hardly ever seen within Destiny City, in fact, I can’t remember a single time I’ve seen anything resembling earth in this place. It’s a starry night, the air is cold and crisp, and suddenly I know just what I feel like doing. Something that will calm me down, if only for a little while. 

Glancing around the lot, I spot them. Two teenage boys, sitting on a large pile of metal rafters, drinking beers and laughing. Absolutely fucking perfect. Sneaking around the ground, I check for any more of them. There’s none, just those two lonely kids, thinking they’ve got their whole lives ahead of them. They do not, though, I’ll turn that theory upside down in just a second. 

There’s building materials everywhere, and I grab onto a piece of metal piping. It’s definitely hard and heavy enough to do what I have in mind, and this site is perfect for it. 

Sneaking up from behind, only one of them barely manages to notice my shadow, before I slam the piece of metal right into his temple. There’s a crushing sound, bones breaking, blood spattering all over the place. The other one screams, tries to jump to his feet, but it doesn’t matter what he does at this point. Even if I had to chase him all over the place, I’d eventually get my hands on him. He doesn’t get to run at all though, as I ram the metal pipe right into his left knee, making him scream again, and tumble to the ground. Pretty sure there’s no one around to hear them, this site seems to be completely void of people. 

There’s already a big hole in the ground, where the construction people have begun digging out for the foundation of the building. It’s deep, and the sides are too steep for anyone to get up. The two of them aren’t in any kind of condition to make a run for it either way, but it’s nice to have a little time on my hands. Dragging them one by one, I throw them into the hole, their bodies making loud snapping noises as they hit the ground. Pretty sure I’ve already broken half the bones in their bodies, hell, they might already be dead, but I’m not entirely done yet. I could just let them lie there, but I want to be absolutely sure that they not only die, but suffer as well. One of them is still whimpering, the one I hit in the knee, and he’s trying to get back up. Doesn’t matter, he’s not going to make it. 

There’s a large piece of machinery standing at the top of the hole, and it looks like something I should be able to control. It’s already got it’s big metal mouth covered in a pile of sand, all I have to do is push it forward, and tilt it over the edge. Should be doable. 

I climb into its drivers seat, looking over the massive amounts of buttons. Someone left the key in the ignition, it’s dumb luck, but if it hadn’t worked out that way, I would have found some other way of killing the two of them. Slowly I turn the key, and it makes a ruckus. Lights flashes on, the massive piece of machinery starts to vibrate, it seems like a mess. Good thing is I don’t care, I just don’t give a fuck for anything right now. 

I test a few of the handles and buttons carefully, and once I’ve figured out which controls what, I go forward, pushing the large amount of sand in front of me. I’m a little uncertain as to whether there’s enough of it, but at the very least, it’ll hit them hard enough to kill them. 

Inching towards the edge, there’s an annoying beeping sound, but I can ignore that. I manage to stop right at the edge, having scooped up even more dirt as I went, and then all there’s left to do is dump it down on top of the two boys. I have a feeling the one with the knee is screaming down there, but I can’t hear him over the sound of metal moving against metal. 

Carefully I push another button, but it only turns up the strength of the light. I shut it back off, no need to attract any more attention than the most necessary. Instead I pull at a lever, and that does the trick. The entire mouthful of dirt is tilted, tumbling straight down into the hole, right on top of the boys. The knee-kid is trying to get away from it, but the hole isn’t big enough for him to hide, and he gets just as crushed as his little friend does. 

Heaving a deep sigh of relief, I turn off the machine and climb back out. I brush off my gloved hands, feeling immensely satisfied with myself. Some of the anger has left my body, replaced by a more numb, yet oddly serene, feeling. I think I’m ready to go home now, to be with my dog, and at least try not to think about this night anymore. Getting back inside my car, I take one last look at the building site. I’ll have to remember to look for places like these, they are practically one big playground for someone like me.

***

I spot him as soon as I leave the elevator; Shadow’s sitting right there at my door, waiting for me. I gave him the code to the front door a long time ago, making sure he can at least get inside the building if I’m not home. He jumps as soon as I exit, and he looks somewhere between nervous and sad. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say or do, the anger has left my body, but I still feel something. Maybe it’s hurt, I’m not sure, but it’s a feeling I haven’t felt before. For a second I just stand there, looking at him, before I sigh and move forward to unlock the door.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him, slightly pushing past him to get the key in. 

“I… I came here to talk to you. I’ve been waiting for hours, where have you been?”

“Out,” I feel no need to divulge on that particular subject, ‘out’ is as much as I’ll tell him. 

“Can I please come in?” there’s a begging tone to his voice, and his lower lip is trembling slightly. He seems to be genuinely upset, but I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse. 

Sighing I open the door and wave him inside. Tofu jumps up against me when I enter, then turns her attention towards Shadow. She’s happy to see him, even if I’m not sure I am. 

Slipping out of my jacket and shoes, I go into the living room, and sit down on the couch. I have no idea what’s supposed to happen right now, I don’t even know what I want to happen, I just feel like shit.

“Look, I… I know I should have told her a long time ago,” he begins, sitting down next to me. We’re both still in our tuxes, and we look oddly misplaced within my apartment, with all my old furniture, and the dog shuffling aimlessly around. “It’s just… I’m weird enough as it is, you know? Being Evolved and everything, I’ve always been the weird kid, now I’m supposed to be the gay weird kid? It’s just… A lot.”

Within a split second I go straight back to being mad. “Right, so being with me is hard on you?” I spit out the words before I can even think them through, but I stand by them none the less.

“That’s not what I’m saying, I’m just saying that the whole situation is hard.”

“We have been together for almost a year, Shadow, this part should be over and done with,” I get back up off the couch, I’m sitting too close to him, and it rubs me the wrong way. “At the very least you should have told me, that our relationship is some big secret.”

He squirms a little in his seat, twisting his hands together, not capable of saying anything to my accusations. He can’t, I wouldn’t even listen if he did.

“Michael I-” I cut him off before he gets another word out.

“You know what, no. Just no. I don’t wanna hear anything from you right now. We’ve been together for a long time, I am with you, I want you, I love you!” the words come out angry, and he looks stunned by them. 

“You… What?”

“You heard what I said, but apparently it doesn’t matter.”

“No no, you said something, I need you to say that again!”

“Who gives a fuck what I said, you’re the one who obviously has some issues with the two of us being together.”

He looks at me, eyebrows scrunched up, biting down on his lower lip. For a second he just sits there, giving me this strange look that I can’t decipher, before he without a word pulls out his Sense. He doesn’t even glance in my direction, before he opens up the screen, going through the list of contacts coded into it. He looks concentrated and slightly nervous, before he pushes the first contact floating delicately in midair, just a bunch of purple lines.

Another screen appears, and for a second there’s only three dots, jumping up and down on in midair. A girl appears, she’s at the party we just left, loud music playing in the background. 

“Hey Shadow, where did you go?” she asks, a bright smile plastered across her features. She’s obviously drunk, but apparently that doesn’t matter to Shadow. 

“Hey, I really can’t talk right now,” he begins, which makes no sense as he was the one to call her. “I just need to tell you that I’m gay, and the guy I was at the party with is my boyfriend Michael.”

She looks somewhat surprised, then opens her mouth to say something. Shadow doesn’t give her any time to do so though, he just hangs up on her, then calls up the next contact on his excessively long list. 

He repeats every word he just told the first girl, to some guy who’s eyebrows are just about ready to pop off his forehead. This guy looks like the typical jock type, and I’m not sure if this is is a smart move for Shadow. Never the less he does, and as soon as he’s hung up, he moves on to the next. I just stand there, watching him make one call after the other, feeling like I’m in some sort of trance. 

This is… Ridiculous. Sweet, I think, but beyond ridiculous. Before he gets to make a sixth call, I grab the Sense out of his hands, pushing what I hope is the close button. Sighing I hand it back to him, running a hand across my stubbly head. 

“You… This is…” I fumble out the words, not entirely sure what I’m trying to say. “This is idiotic, and you don’t have to do it.”

He shrugs, just about ready to turn the Sense back on and pick up where he left of. 

“Yes, I do. I need you to say that again, and if I have to call every contact I’ve got to get you to do so, I damned sure will,” he states as he browses through his list, trying to get back on track. I groan a little, then sit down next to him, pulling his hand away from the screen. 

“Look,” I say quietly, “This is… Stupid. You already knew that,” I waver for a second, not entirely sure of my own words. “Right?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t know anything, unless you tell me, Michael. I know you’re not good with feelings, but I can’t guess stuff like that, I can’t just take something like that for granted.”

“But we’ve been together for almost a year,” my tone has gone a lot softer than it was ten minutes ago, and I’m struggling to get out the words. “Isn’t it… A given at this point?”

“Not unless you tell me.”

I’m squirming a little in my seat, I honestly never thought about telling him, up until this point. I bow my head, nodding slowly. “Okay. I get that. But I do. I love you.”

He looks some odd combination of happy and relieved, as he leans over, lifts my head by my chin and kisses me softly. “I love you too.”

A small smile grace my lips, it’s odd, even if it shouldn’t matter at this point, it does. It matters a lot actually, those words settle in my mind, my stomach and my heart, making small fluttery motions there. 

I’ve never loved someone before, not even remotely. But as always, Shadow is different. Him I love, even if I didn’t get the concept up until now, I just know I do. I’ve probably known that for a long time, I just never thought about saying it out loud. Maybe it has been a little frightening to pass on the words, maybe I’ve felt actual fear for the first time in my life, in regards to this. It doesn’t matter now though, now I’ve said it, and I lean in closer, our kisses growing deeper. 

“Do you want to go back to the party?” I ask sincerely, and if he does, I’ll go along with him. I won’t even mind so much this time, the happiness overshadows how little I want to be around people. 

He shakes his head though. “Nah, I’d much rather be here and listen to you say that over and over again.”

Laughing I do as he says, and repeat myself, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispers against my lips.

For a good half hour, we just sit there on the couch, the same words running back and forth between us. It’s soft and sweet, and I didn’t even realize how much I wanted this, until just now. 

“Do you wanna move into the bedroom?” he asks. We’ve inched closer to one another, he’s in my lap with his legs up around my waist, my hands are firmly on his back. 

No longer capable of saying anything, I just nod, halfway lifting him up with me as I move away from the couch. He laughs a little, wraps his legs tighter around my waist, and lets me carry him into bed. 

We halfway tumble into it, as I try to put him down gently, and he just pulls me down with him. Laughing I lie on top of him, still kissing, a hand wrapping around the back of his head, pulling at the hairband that’s keeping his ponytail in check. He’s pulling at my shirt, and not until now do I notice the small blood spatters crossing the front. Fuck. He doesn’t notice though, he’s too caught up in ripping my clothes off to see any of the finer details. I can’t believe he didn’t spot it earlier, but once again, I luck out. Right now I feel like the luckiest man in the universe, for so many different reasons, I almost can’t cope with all of it. 

Struggling with his tie, he chuckles a little and helps me remove it. I snort at the annoying thing as I throw it over my shoulder, hopefully I won’t have to wear one of those again, any time soon. I tug at his shirt, just about ready to rip the damned thing off of him, instead of fumbling through every little button. He takes over for me, and I must admit that there’s something hot and enticing to seeing him undress himself like this. 

Shrugging off the shirt, he glides back down on the bed, and I follow closely, my hands running down his body, lips following closely and kissing every inch of it. 

He’s out of breath, I think we both are, as I make my way to the soft hair on his stomach. Undoing his belt and the buttons on his pants, I drag every last piece of clothing off of him, in one ripping motion. Fuck he’s beautiful, lying on my bed, the fire burning in his eyes, the darkness of his skin standing out in clear contrast to my light purple sheets. Even though there’s only the dim light of the moon streaming in through the curtains, I can see him clearly. 

For a second I just watch him, look him over from head to toe, take it all in. 

His cock is resting heavily against his stomach, and I lightly run my fingers down it, making him shudder with anticipation. Slowly I move my mouth towards it, grip on a little tighter, and run my tongue over the tip. He groans, after a year I know exactly what he wants and what he likes. I use every trick in the book, but slower than I usually would. I want to drag this out, I want to be this close as long as I possibly can. 

I can sense it when he’s about to come, and I pull away slightly, looking up at him. He’s tense, every muscle in his body ready for what is about to come, but I’ve stopped mid action, not fully allowing it just yet. 

Instead I move myself back on top of him, kissing his lips softly, as I breathe, “Fuck me,” into his mouth. He nods frantically, pulls me in closer, making me scoot up further on top of him. 

He wants to prepare me for it, but I remove his hands. Waste of time, I want him right now, and I don’t care if it hurts. Instead I move over him, he watches me with a slight worry in his eyes, but I just shake my head and smile. It’s good, I’m good, I just desperately want this right now. 

We’re so used to one another that his dick hits the right spot as soon as I push myself down on top of it. I wince a little, but it feels too damn good to do anything but continue. Slowly I begin moving, rolling my hips and back as I ride him. With one hand he’s gripping at the sheets, the other he wraps around my dick, stroking it roughly, just the way I like it. 

Breath staggering, I lean forward and bury my head in his shoulder, a small moan escaping my lips. I kiss his neck, teeth nibbling at it, just hard enough to leave tiny marks. He’s gotten both his ears pierced and slightly stretched the hole up to 5 millimeters, giving me a piece of steel jewelry to run my tongue along. He sighs heavily, cranes his neck and twists it to the side, giving me better workspace. I almost can’t concentrate for the surges of pleasures that’s running through my entire body, as his hips start moving in unison with my own, pushing up a little deeper and harder. He keeps hitting the right spot, stroking me in perfect tune while he does so, and as much as I try to hold back, I end up spilling all over his hand and stomach. 

He makes a little satisfied laugh, he enjoys it when I come before he does, he likes to watch my face when I orgasm. It doesn’t take more than a few more thrusts and twists of my hips, before he comes deep inside of me, moaning fiercely as he does so. 

For a little while I stay put, catch my breath and let him calm down to the point where I can remove myself without bringing him any discomfort. He still winces a little when I do, but it’s a satisfied sound. I roll down next to him, run my fingers through his damp, ruffled up hair. I have acquired a small side table for my bedroom, a place to put an ashtray and a pack of cigarettes, for exactly this kind of thing. Scooting up into a sitting position, I grab two from the pack, and hand him one of them. 

He chuckles a little, “You know, it’s closing in on being a year ago since you said I’d pick up this habit.” 

“And was I right?” I gloat a little, as he nods resignedly. 

“Yes, you were right.” 

I light up both our cigarettes, settling the ashtray down in bed between us. There’s a brief moment of silence, both of us taking deep drags off our little cancer sticks. Then he leans in, kiss me on the neck and whispers a soft, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I respond, turning over and kissing him deeply. The leftover smoke gets mingled in our mouths, and a little puff escapes when we release one another. 

This is everything I ever wanted, and so much more, so many things I never even thought that I could get. It’s sweet and hot at the same time. Sometimes it’s tough too, but in the end it’s all worth it. As long as I’ve got Shadow, I don’t need anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got through surgery just fine, I'm in a lot of pain, but luckily my doctor gave me some hardcore pills, that make me all happy and wozy.


	6. Electrocution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So,” I start, heaving a deep breath, “I’ve got a question for you. Would you want to live with someone who murders people for a living?” He tries to get out some words, impossible due to the tape I’ve put across his mouth. “You can just nod or shake your head.”

**July, 2343**

It’s closing in on midnight, and Shadow’s at my place. He’s opened up his Sense, and we’re watching some horrible horror flick on it, his head resting against my shoulder, as he clings to my arm. Every now and then he’ll make small noises of discomfort, breathing in quickly, making wide eyes at the screen. He’s easily scared, and the amount of gore in the movie seems to freak him out. 

Me on the other hand, I just chuckle at the whole ting. It’s ridiculous how stupid people in horror movies always seem to be, not just the minor characters, the protagonist is just as dumb, and the antagonist isn’t much better off either. I always tend to side with the murderer/monster/whatever evil they may have decided to cram into these movies. If nothing else, then because they kill off people, and I can relate to that. Sometimes the antagonist will seem just as fed up with people as I am on a good day, and that I get. Unfortunately, the bad guy hardly ever makes it through the movie, they always find some dumb ass way to get rid of him. It needs to have a fulfilling ending, something that will make the watcher feel good again, even if they were scared for a little bit. So annoying, I’d much rather watch a movie where the guy ends up killing off every last piece of shit person around, then walks away without a scratch. 

This particular movie is a typical high school horror flick, a murderer out to kill off teenagers, for no apparent reason what so ever. That part suits me fine, you don’t need some grand reason for killing people, sometimes the fact that they breathe is reason enough. I have a feeling there’s going to be some shitty explanation at some point though, probably near the ending when this mass murderer is finally unveiled as someone you never would have believed it to be. The whole setting is ridiculous, the murderer might as well be going door to door, killing people off when they answer. 

When it finally ends, Shadow heaves a deep sigh of relief. Just as I anticipated, the murderer was revealed, they did indeed give the shitty explanation as to why he was such a bad guy, and then he got killed. For a second I wonder how much money I could make if I sold my story to someone, just took it murder by murder and made it into some horror flick. 

“Michael...” Shadow says tentatively, glancing around the room as if he’s expecting the murderer to jump out from behind the curtain. For a second I can’t think of anything else, than the fact that there’s a murderer sitting right next to him. “Can I stay over?”

“You can always stay over,” I say with a small chuckle, “But I don’t get why you insist on seeing these movies, when they freak you out so much you don’t dare to go outside.”

“Who says that’s why I wanna stay over?” he huffs at me.

“Well isn’t it?”

He glares at me for a second, before conceding. “Yes, yes it is.”

“You know if you really want to go home, I can walk you.”

“But then you might get killed on the way back here!”

“I sincerely doubt that.”

He scowls at me, which only makes me laugh. I ruffle his hair, grab onto his mussed up ponytail and drag him in for a kiss. He leans into it, shuffling a little closer, when his Sense makes one of those annoying little sounds it always seems to make. I’ve learned to ignore them, but Shadow always wants to see what’s going on, the second it does. He turns towards it, and when I glance across his shoulder, there’s firework bursting out of it. 

He smiles brightly, “That’s it! It’s officially my birthday!” 

“Why do you even have that coded into it? It’s not like you’re gonna forget your own birthday anyway.”

“It does that when you register it, it’s not me, as much as the Sense itself, that wants to remember.”

I roll my eyes at him, I’m pretty sure you can disable shit like that. Never the less I untangle myself from Shadow and get off the couch. 

“I’m betting you won’t mind getting your gift now then?” I tease him, and his smile broadens. 

Shadow loves these kind of things, his birthday is – to him at least – probably the most important day of the year. It’s grown pretty important to me too, mainly because I love seeing how happy it makes him. 

Disappearing into the bedroom, I rummage around underneath the bed to find what I got him. One of the upsides of being a hired murderer is the vast amount of money I make doing what I truly love. I would most likely have killed just as many people if I wasn’t getting paid, the money’s just a nice bonus, and it ensures me that I live a pretty comfortable life. It also ensures than I can get my boyfriend something way over the top for his birthday, even if he is going to complain about it being too much. It probably is, but as I know he’ll love it, I really don’t give a fuck. 

I stumble a little getting the large package out, but I manage and bring it with me into the living room, where he’s sitting all excited on the couch. Shaking my head a little, smiling while I do so, I hand over a flat package, the size of a A1 sheet of paper. He looks it over curiously, before ripping off the paper, and his eyes grow impossibly big when he sees what’s inside. It’s an original drawing by one of his all time favorite architects, one of the first buildings the guy ever made. 

“This… It looks so much like the original, it’s amazing!” 

“Well it had better look like the original, it is.”

He stares at me, back at the picture, then back at me again. “No way.”

I shrug, to me it’s not that big of deal, I just knew he’d love it. 

“Pretty sure it won’t fit in your room though, but you can keep it here until you figure something out.”

“I’ll clean out everything else in my room if it means I can fit this in there,” he says, still staring at the drawing. Carefully he runs his fingers across the surface of the glass, barely grazing it, letting them find rest on the small signature at the bottom. “I can’t believe you did this...” I smile, I did well on this one. “How did you even get your hands on it?”

“I have my ways,” I wink at him. It’s not like I can tell him I murdered 20+ people to get the money for it, nor does it matter the least bit. The look on his face is all worth it. 

“Thank you Michael, thank you so much!” he puts the picture down on the coffee table, and wraps his arms around me. 

I kiss him at the top of his head, and whisper, “You’re welcome.”

***

Neither of us catch all that much sleep, as Shadow finds many a creative way to thank me for the gift, all night long. When the alarm on his Sense rings, I feel like throwing the damned thing out the window, but in the end I just groan and get out of bed. Coffee is a deadly necessity right now, and halfway stumbling into the kitchen, I succeed in making some. We’re going to Shadow’s place, celebrating his birthday with his mom, and for some horrible reason this has to take place at midday. When he comes bouncing into the kitchen and wraps his arms around me from behind, it seems worth it though. A small smile grace my lips as I lean into his embrace, I’ll never get sick of his affectionate nature. When his hands snake underneath my T-shirt I have to stop him though, even if I don’t particularly want to.

“We have to go soon,” I mumble, trying to focus on my coffee rather than the small electric sensations running through my body. “If anything we should get dressed, rather than start ripping each others clothes off again.”

He makes a small disagreeing sound, but still releases me from his grip. “I don’t get birthday morning sex?”

“I think the sex we had at four thirty counts.”

“Oh alright,” he huffs, and moves himself towards the bedroom to get dressed. He’s gotten his own drawer in my closet, he sleeps over enough for it to make sense. When he returns he’s dressed, gray jeans and a bright turquoise T-shirt, his hair tied back up in its regular ponytail. It doesn’t really matter what he’s wearing, he always looks so damned good. 

Managing to get dressed myself, we inhale our coffee, and leave to go see his mom. We walk there, the sun shining brightly down from a clear blue sky. If it wasn’t for all the tall buildings of Destiny City and all the annoying people inhabiting it, it would be downright beautiful. 

His mom buzzes up, sounding as cheerful as ever. She’s got cake and hot buns prepared for us, and it tastes good in spite of being capsule food. Why anyone would choose to eat something coming inside a small pill where you just add water, is beyond me, but then again, not everybody is like me. I’m sure it seems very convenient to people, that their food comes in these small containers, but it just isn’t the same as fresh vegetables. There is a regular food market hidden in Destiny City though, and that’s where I go for food. I wouldn’t do it any other way, even though it’s at least five times as expensive. Never the less she’s got everything prepared when we arrive, and we feast on the massive amounts of food. 

The living room chairs aren’t a problem, but as soon as I flop down on the couch, it suggests that I sit up straight. Scowling at it I position myself even worse, leaning forward and resting my arms on my knees. At least it doesn’t continue telling me off, just quietly accepts that I’m not going to comply to its annoying advice on posture. Shadow unwraps his present and finds it to be a lot of clothes, something that he appreciates a lot.

“A little extra for you to keep at Michael’s,” his mother smiles. She has accepted that Shadow spends at least half of his time at my place, and since his grades has gone up remarkably, she’s actually okay with it. 

“Not to worry mom, now that I am officially 18, I will be moving out!” he says happily, grinning at her. 

“Settle down boy. As much as I want to get rid of you, you need to have a place to actually move to, for that to happen.” She’s smiling though, shaking her head at her overly excited son.

“Why don’t you just move in with me?” I ask casually, not giving it much thought. 

Shadow blinks and turns his head towards me. “Are you… Are you serious?”

“Why not? You’re there half the time anyway, you might as well live there. Would give you some space to hang your gift too.” Shadow has already told his mom about the drawing I gave him, and she seemed just as impressed as he did. 

Still looking me over curiously, he nods slowly. “I guess… If you really want me to, yeah, I’ll totally do it!”

I’m caught somewhere between smile and laugh, his enthusiasm is rubbing off on me, and when he wraps his arms around me he’s positively giggling.

“I’ll get an extra key made for you then,” I say, drawing him in a little closer. Alice just shakes her head at the two of us, even if there is a little wistfulness in her smile, she’s happy for us. We’ve been together for a pretty long time now, it seems like a natural step forward. 

My cellphone beeps, and letting go of Shadow I check it, careful to hold the screen away from his line of sight. When he’s present there’s really only one person it can be texting me, and it is indeed Harvey offering up a job. “MM, 4pm, HB” is all it says, and I groan a little. This day is supposed to be about Shadow, but I can’t exactly ignore a job either. Considering I’ve just spend half a fortune on his gift, I should go do it, get a little extra cash in case of emergencies. 

“Would it be okay if I took an extra shift at the bar tonight? Someone called in sick.”

“Of course,” he says, all chipper, “I guess now I can even stop by, watch you work and everything. I can drink my first legal glass of wine there.”

This I hadn’t thought about. Fuck. “Actually I’ll be in the back all day, doing some inventory crap. Plus I look like shit when I’m there, I’d rather you didn’t. I can text you when I’m done though, we’ll have a celebratory drink then?” Really trying to dodge a bullet here, and luckily I do. 

“Oh, okay. Sure, we can do that,” he smiles, nuzzling up a little closer. 

“Great, I’ll text you when I get off.” A sentence that can be translated into, ‘when I’m done murdering people’. Fuck. “I need to be there pretty soon though, is it okay if I ditch you now, so I can go home and change?” Translated to ‘I need to change into something that isn’t a white T-shirt and light jeans, in case it’s something bloody’. Double fuck. 

“Of course,” he is as always understanding of my shifting work schedule. Probably wouldn’t be if he knew what I was actually off doing though. 

I give him a small kiss, and get up off the couch. “I’ll see you sometime tonight then.”

“Don’t forget getting my key made!” he chirps, as I move into the hallway. Only now I realize just what I’ve gotten myself into. If he moves in, he’ll be there all the time, including the days where I come home with bloody smudges all over my face and hands. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Right, I’ll do that on my way there,” I respond, making a face of pure despair and fear that he luckily can’t see.

***

It’s a woman I’m meeting with, one who is known as the Queen of Death. So far I have killed 15 people for her, and just like every other client I have, I don’t give a fuck as to why. She’s sitting in the corner, smoking a menthol cigarette, the smoke hanging heavily in the air surrounding her, blurring out her face. I nod at Harvey before sitting down on the chair opposite of her, and she gives me this deadly, yet delicate, smile. I’ve always wondered if she’s trying to intimidate me, or if it’s just the way she looks, but either way, it doesn’t work. The only thing that scares me right around now, is the thought of my boyfriend moving into my apartment, making it all that much easier for him to discover what I actually do for a living.

“I need you to get rid of six people for me,” she says coolly, handing me a folder, larger than usual. “I’ve put in a little extra for you.”

By ‘extra’ she means money. “No need, I usually give discounts when it’s more than five.”

“Yes, but still. Your services are much appreciated.”

I shrug, I’m just doing my job, the rest I feel indifferent about. 

We say our goodbyes, in the sense that she gets up and leaves, while I move myself to the bar, no further words exchanged between us. Opening up the folder there’s a bunch of pictures, some of them being of different apartment buildings. Good, all six of them are at different addresses, which works to my advantage. If I should grab them all within the same building, it would be pretty easy for them to overpower me, but getting a hold of them one by one is definitely doable. I’ll need a bigger car though, I can’t exactly stuff all six of them into mine. 

I wave Harvey over, putting the pictures back in the envelope. “I need your car.”

“Flying or regular?” he asks, even though he knows the answer.

“The van, obviously, you know I don’t drive those damned flying ones.”

He shrugs, pulls the keys from his pocket and hands them over. “I want it back in one piece.”

“When have I ever crashed your car?”

“Well there’s a first time for everything, Mayhem, and I just got a dent fixed, so be careful.”

I roll my eyes as I grab the keys. This is going to take a while, but hopefully I can be done before midnight, early enough to get that birthday drink with Shadow on his actual birthday.

Right before leaving the establishment, I remember about the key I need for Shadow. I turn back towards Harvey, it’s annoying, but I need his help. “Do me favor?” I ask, and he looks surprised. I don’t think I’ve asked Harvey for a favor, ever.

“Depends on what it is.”

“Get this key copied for me,” I untangle the key from its chain, and hand it over to him.

“This for your apartment?” he asks curiously. 

“Yes.”

“So… Your boyfriend is moving in with you?” he gives me this annoying knowing smile, that makes me roll my eyes.

“None of your fucking business, just copy it for me and I’ll slip you a hundred.”

He shrugs. “Alright, I’ll see if I can make it happen.”

I leave the bar without any further words, Harvey still grinning widely behind me.

***

The first two grabs goes as smoothly as I hoped for, their schedule matches perfectly up with the time I’ve got, and giving them some good old-fashioned pepper-spray disarms them enough for me to get their wrists wrapped in gaffer tape and thrown inside the back of the car. In spite of how many people are littering the streets at this time of day, no one seems to notice the guy half-dragging another guy down a set of stairs, just to throw him inside a van. Sometimes doing things in broad daylight and with what might function as witnesses around, is the easiest way of getting away with something. If you look like you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to do, people won’t notice nor care. Of course I still took a few precautions, grabbing them in alleys and other such secluded places, stuffed a small cotton ball in their mouth to muffle out the screaming, followed by dragging a black cotton bag over their heads. I probably could have killed each of them right where I grabbed them, but I’ve got something else planned.

The third and forth causes a little trouble though; there’s two of them at the same place, just hanging out at a bar, drinking a couple of beers. It’s not their usual schedule, but it’s Friday, and it makes sense that they’ll take a beer after work. 

I walk in there carelessly, sitting myself down close enough that I can keep an eye on them, far enough away that they won’t notice me. I blend in with the rest of the people there, while I try to construct a layout of the bar in my mind. There isn’t much to work with though, and I move myself to the bathroom, hoping to find something there. Otherwise I’ll have to wait for them to leave, which is really just very annoying. 

Luckily there’s a window out in the men’s room, not a big one and it’s located near the ceiling, but I should be able to get them through, one by one. Neither of them are all that big, not like that giant motherfucker I had over a year go, a mess I still haven’t quite gotten over yet. Exiting the men’s room again, I sit by and wait. I can’t drink anything, I need to be capable of driving the van, last thing I want is to be pulled over for drunk driving with bodies in the back. 

When one of them finally gets up to use the restroom, I take another sip of my coffee, before going in after him. I look casual, and they haven’t given me the slightest hint of attention yet. The other guy stays put, which suits me just fine. Easier to take them down one of the time, especially considering I need to get them out through the damned window.

Getting out there I don’t bother with any kind of stealth moves, as there’s no one else in there, I don’t need to. Instead I just pull out a long syringe, and grabbing him from behind, putting my hand across his mouth to stop him from screaming, I inject the liquid straight into his neck. It’s a type of sedation, it works quickly, and soon enough he’s gone limp up against me. Usually you use this to tranquilize animals, but it works just fine on people as well, albeit a little stronger. 

Quickly I drag him to the window, and with a little labor I get him out through it. I can hear him hitting the ground hard, but I don’t care. Should he die prematurely, I’ll just have to live with it. Instead I go back to the bar, and walk straight up to his buddy.

“Hey man, I think your friends sick in there, sounds like he’s vomiting his guts out,” I tell the guy, and he raises an eyebrow at me. 

“Really? Doesn’t sound like him.”

“Well there was nobody else in there, so yeah, pretty sure.”

“Hmm. Better go check on him then.”

Hum halle-fucking-lujah, he gets up off the bar stool, and walks towards the bathroom. From this point on it’s just a repetition of the process, he walks out there, me right behind him, pretending to give a damn about his ‘sick’ friend. The second he’s got his back turned towards me, I grab onto him the same way as I did his buddy, and use the last fluid in the syringe. He goes out like a light, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Thank fuck, four down, two more to go. 

It’s a bit of a hassle to get them from the alley they landed in, into the van, but with a little effort I succeed. Nobody takes notice, no one ever does in this hellhole of a city, everybody only cares about themselves. Sliding back into the driver’s seat, I check my watch. It’s only seven, still enough time to get the last two, kill them all off, and be done before midnight. I work quickly, at least when I have to, and I don’t want to blow off Shadow on his birthday. 

The next two goes over just as easily; one of them I catch right outside his apartment building; the other I grab in an alley. Now that I’ve got all six of them rounded up, all there’s left to do is actually kill them off, and I’ve been pondering how to do so ever since I took the job in the first place. I’ve decided to go to my happy place, it’s not that long of a drive, it’s nice and secluded, and there’s never anyone around this late in the evening. 

When I get there, it’s like walking into pure bliss. Not a sound to be heard but my own footsteps moving across concrete, and the scratchy sound of me dragging one body after the other inside. It’s a tall building, just like everything else in Destiny City, but I decide to work my magic on the ground floor. Being down here gives me just the tool I need, and also saves me a lot of time, not to mention the strain of pulling them up stairs. The two tranquilized ones are beginning to wake up, while the other four are twisting and turning, trying to cry out for help, but kept safe in place with tape. 

I turn the motor off while I get the jumper cables out the back, Harvey’s always been a well-prepared man, so obviously he has a couple of those lying around. Returning to the front of the car, I open up the hood and clip them into place. I always have this tingling sensation running through my body when I’m about to kill someone, and today it’s more protruding than usual. Maybe it’s because I’m in a hurry, I would rather be drinking beer with my boyfriend, but there’s something else to it as well. I’m nervous. Not about the killing, obviously not, but because I asked Shadow to move in with me today. Considering what I’m doing right this very instance, it was a bad idea. How am I supposed to get away with this, when he’s around all the time? The fact that he can now legally drink at the bar where I ‘work’ doesn’t make things any easier, if anything it just complicates my life even more. 

Sighing I leave the jumper cables on the ground to go and turn the car back on. There’s an immediate spark at the end of them, and I watch with a little smile as they crackle. This is going to be good, a little dangerous for me maybe, but it’ll be satisfying enough that I’ll take my chances. Besides, the six of them are so neatly tied up, they won’t get anywhere near touching me when I’m electrocuting them. 

I pull the first of the six men a little closer to the cables, look him over curiously. Then I decide I might as well get something out of this, even if it is somewhat useless knowledge. I bend down, settling myself on the front part of my feet, knees bend and arms resting on them. I turn his head towards mine, squinting slightly in the dim light, as I lean a little closer. 

“So,” I start, heaving a deep breath, “I’ve got a question for you. Would you want to live with someone who murders people for a living?” He tries to get out some words, impossible due to the tape I’ve put across his mouth. “You can just nod or shake your head.”

He shakes his head vigorously, his eyes wide and terrified. I nod silently, sigh, and get up off the ground. He continues to shake his head as I pick up the cables, twisting and turning in a feeble attempt to get away from me. I am very careful as I – with as much distance as I can get – place the cables on his body. Not a sound escapes him, as he jumps and vibrates on the ground, and I keep the cables there far longer than what is probably needed. It’s a nice little show actually, the pulsating light, the sputtering of the cables, the way his body twitches before I finally pull away from him. 

I move to the next one in line; I’ve placed them all within reach of the cables, spread out in a nice semi-circle around me. Bending down, I repeat myself, “Same question, would you live with a guy like me?”

This time my victim nods, most likely hoping I’ll let him live if he answers differently than his friend. I make a thoughtful sound, looking him over again. “I think you’re lying, but either way it’s not going to define your fate you know.”

I electrocute him same as the first one, and move to the next. Each of them I give the same question, some of them nod, others – probably more truthfully – shake their head. In the end it doesn’t much matter, I’ve already asked him to live with me, the key should be ready by now, I can’t go back on it. I don’t want to either, I want him close, I just didn’t think it through entirely. Maybe if I just let go of the more messy types of murders, I can get away with doing what I do best. 

In the end I’m left with six dead bodies that I need to get rid of, and it’s a quarter past nine. I’ll just have to throw them in a dumpster or something, I don’t have time for any more of this. Turning off the car I put the jumper cables back where I found them, and drag the bodies into the back as well. Harvey will probably be annoyed with me that I used his car like this, but he’ll just have to get over it.

***

When I pull back up in front of the bar, I’m tired and worn out from all the hassle of dragging people around. I can’t quite figure out my own mood, on one hand the thought of Shadow moving in makes me happy, on the other it makes me equally terrified. I push open the door, only to find my mind’s concern, sitting right there on a bar stool, talking cheerfully with Harvey. Fuck, he’s not supposed to be here yet, and I’m not supposed to come in like this. I’m supposed to be in the back doing inventory, this is a fucking mess.

“Here,” I walk straight up to Harvey and hand him his keys back. “The beers are in the back of the car, you can just get them whenever.”

He raises a questioning eyebrow at me, but I’ve already turned my attention towards Shadow, pulling him in for a close kiss. Hopefully I get away with another lie, but as Shadow’s already tipsy, it seems like I will. Thank fuck he doesn’t question anything, instead he just nuzzles in close, resting his head on my shoulder. 

“I got here early,” he says, “I figured you’d get done sooner or later.”

“Mm, and so I did.”

I wave Harvey over, telling him to get me a beer. I’m old enough to be using my own ID by now, but I still hand him a fake one, to not make it look like I’m drinking one the job. When he slips me back the ID, he puts the key in my hand as well. I don’t thank him, just nod as I hand it over to Shadow. 

“So you’re really serious about this?” he smiles, a bright smile that feels somewhat reassuring. I do want him to live with me, that much I know, the rest I’ll just have to find a way around. 

“Of course I am,” I whisper, pulling him in for another kiss. I barely notice the way Harvey’s shaking his head, all that exists right now is Shadow, and the way he’s curling his fingers around the back of my neck. It’ll be fine, I’ve been murdering people behind his back for a long time now, it’ll be fine.


	7. Nail Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Michael… What do you do for a living?”

**September, 2343**

During the last 50 years or so, Destiny City’s population has grown remarkably. Why I have no idea, this place sucks, but never the less more and more people want to live here. I hate every single one of them, but one thing I hate almost just as much, is these new fancy apartments that had to be build to accommodate all the idiots moving here. To save space, every fucking inch of wall in these apartments, contains storage units. If you just push lightly on the wall, a drawer or cupboard will spring out at you, making it ever so easy to store all your shit. If I made commercials for these things, I’d call them crap-compartments, and inform people just how incredibly annoying they are, when you’re trying to nail something – or someone – to a fucking wall. 

I’ve got one arm crossing his neck, elbow jammed at his Adam’s apple, while my hand is latched onto his shoulder joint, trying to keep his arm in place. In the other hand I’m holding a nail gun, a glorious thing that I am going to nail him to the wall with. It seemed like such a good idea, right up until those motherfucking compartments started opening themselves up, constantly slamming into my victim. If I could just get a few nails into some joints he’d stop squirming, but alas, those little drawers keeps springing open. He’s going to get away from me if I’m not careful, and I’ve already chased him around the apartment once. He’s a real pain in the ass this one, and I’m starting to waver in my decision of method. 

Never the less, now I’ve dragged this damned nail gun all the way from my secluded little happy place, no way I’m going to let all that hassle be for nothing. Should have just brought him out there, no fucking high tech compartments at that place. 

When I finally get a nail through his left hand, I almost scream, as the compartment behind him springs open, halfway knocking his hand into my face. Bloody fucking hell, that’s going to leave a mark. If nothing else, then one of blood smeared across my face. Cursing I push it back into place, moving my hand slightly, exposing his shoulder joint. I try to hold my head as far back as possible, and luckily this one is a drawer. It tries to push open, but thanks to the nail through his hand, it can’t. 

He keeps trying to scream, but to no avail, I’ve taped his mouth shut. His eyes are gleaming with pain and panic, and for a second I stop just to watch them. It’s almost a beautiful experience to kill someone, gritty and dark, yes, but also wonderful and exciting. To watch someone’s life drain away, it can’t be compared to anything else, it’s truly special.

Right there in my little moment of tranquility, he kicks me in the shin, and I curse at him. “Don’t, I’ve already told you there’s no way around this. I’m the bearer of bad news, and someone is truly sick of you.”

Just to prove how annoying his insistent kicking is, I grab a hold of his leg, and shoot a nail through his thigh. It doesn’t go all the way through, but the recoil of his leg pushing backwards, is enough to make the damned compartment behind it snap open, making him kick me again. I know it’s not entirely his fault this time around, but I still put a nail through his groin, out of sheer spite. 

He’s crying now, sobbing uncontrollably, as the blood streams down his legs. I guess it is kind of painful to get a nail through your dick, at least it would seem so. I shrug, I hang on to little pieces of information like this, knowing where it hurts the most is almost always useful later on. 

He’s half dangling off the wall now, head hanging limply, in spite of him still being alive. I can’t let go of him though, if I do, my entire work of art might rip itself down, and therefore I move towards the other hand. Shooting a nail through his palm gives the exact same effect as the first time around, but this time I’m prepared, and duck out in the last second. Closing the compartment again, I aim the nail gun at his shoulder, and pull the trigger. Finally I can let go of the damned idiot, there should be enough to keep him in place. For good measure I give both of his elbows a nail too, it looks better that way. 

Finally done with the upper body, I could shoot one in his heart and be done with it, but I’d much rather take the joints of the legs first. One in each kneecap, one in each ankle, one through each of his feet. If I had an extra body lying around, I’d make it into the Vitruvian Man, but alas, I do not. It’s a job, but I still feel like I could have been more foresighted and brought one of my own. 

I’m not entirely sure whether he’s dead or not, once I’m done putting in all the nails. His head hasn’t moved for a pretty long time, but I’m not sure enough. Can’t take any chances though, so I give him one in each side of the neck, and a final one straight into his heart. That ought to do it.

***

Even though Shadow has moved in with me, and it probably would be both safer and easier in regards to him catching on, I refuse to wear a mask. It’s just not my style, I prefer to go all in, and should I ever get caught, a damned mask isn’t going to do me any good anyway.

I look like shit when I get home from this particular assignment though, blood smeared across my cheeks, a bruise from where the damned compartment hit me, blood spatters across my hoodie. It’s not good. 

Luckily he isn’t home, and I can sneak quickly into the shower, pull off all the dirty clothes and throw them in the hamper. I insist on doing the laundry, even if he doesn’t get it, I write it off as being one of my weird little quirks. Crawling into the shower I begin scrubbing off the blood, it seems to be everywhere this time around, and after living together for almost a month, you’d think I’d grown smarter by now. It seems impossible though, to only pick methods that doesn’t make a mess just gets incredibly boring in the long run. For about a week I stayed within that category, and after strangling and poisoning a few people, it just grew dull. No, I need variation, if anything I crave it. Which is exactly why I’m standing in the shower, scrubbing off blood and trying to explain myself out of a bruise.

“Hey honey, you home?” I barely registered the rustling of keys, being too caught up in my own head, but now Shadow’s home, and there’s still blood on the walls and floor. Fuck.

“I’m in the shower,” I call back. 

There’s a moment of silence, then the doorknob is turned, and Shadow pops his head in. The lock on the door, why the fuck didn’t I use the lock on the door? The shower curtain is drawn shut, but still, this is a mess. 

“Can I come join you?”

“Uhm, yeah, sure.” I don’t know what else to say, it’s not like I don’t like showering with him, I have zero explanations to refuse him this. 

Instead I grab a sponge and rub down the tiles vigorously as he gets undressed. This is so fucked up, right in this moment, it seems like every single aspect of my life is fucked up. If I’m not off killing people, I’m hiding the fact that I do kill people from my boyfriend, the only person I’ve ever loved.

I’m still scrubbing off some last blood spatters as he slips in behind the shower curtain. Every worry fades away as soon as I see his naked body though, he is perfect, absolutely fucking perfect. I wrap one arm around him, pull him in a little closer, and lift his head by the chin. Kissing him softly, the water drizzling down from the shower head, it’s like nothing else exists right now. 

“What happened to your cheek?” he asks, and snaps me right back into reality.

“Oh that? That’s nothing, Harvey just wanted to hand me a case of beers, I didn’t register it, so he hit my face instead of my hands.”

“You’re getting hurt a lot at work these days, aren’t you?” 

“I dunno, probably same amount as I always have.” 

That part’s true, it’s roughly the same amount of damage I take home with me, as it always have been. Before, there just wasn’t anyone around to see it. I could always make excuses for not hanging out if I had something that needed hiding, it wasn’t that big of a problem.

I have to distract him somehow though, make him think of something else than my stupid bruises, so I draw him in for another kiss. The water is getting in my eyes, but it doesn’t matter, I’m pulling him closer by the waist, grinding our hips together. I can feel the way both of us spring to life as he runs his fingers down my spine, and moves his lips down my neck. He’s nibbling at my collarbone, and I let out a satisfied sigh, take a step backwards and push my back up against the wall. This is good, even if it started off as a distraction, I’m definitely in the mood for this. He grabs onto my shoulders and turn me around, my chest now pushing firmly up against the tiles. 

We’re in a rush if we want to do it in the shower; back before I moved in someone was stupid enough to install a timer on the warm water, giving you only 30 minutes to shower. Probably seemed like a great idea to save resources, concocted by someone who’s never had shower sex, but to me it’s just fucking annoying. I would have removed the damned thing if I knew how, but alas, there are some things even I can’t get rid off.

He still takes the time to slip in a couple of fingers, stretching me slightly by moving them around. It’s not like we can just grab a bottle of lube, the water would wash it away before it going anywhere near its intended target. It hurts, but I’ve always like that, it’s another part of sex that I enjoy just as much as the rest of it.

He spreads my legs slightly with his foot, pushing me a little firmer up against the wall. I’m using my hands to brace against it, and when he pushes himself inside of me, I tilt my head backwards, moaning softly. I forget everything about blood on the floor, stupid shower timers, and everything else, when he begins moving slowly back and forth. Locking an arm around my chest, holding me in place, he pushes in further, hitting the right spot perfectly. With his free hand he grips onto my dick, stroking it slowly and lightly, hand bumping against the wall when he reaches the tip. It feels incredible when his thumb curls over the head, shivers running down my spine, a muffled groan escaping through my lips as he continues the small touch.

For once he climaxes before I do, his entire body shaking up against mine as he does. For a second we both just stand there, before he pulls out and turn me back around. Getting down on his knees, he kisses every inch of my upper body, curling his hand back around my dick again. A gentle lick at the tip of it almost sends me over the edge, but I hold back a little, leaning my head back against the tiles. Moving hand and mouth in perfect unison, it only takes a few more minutes before my middle section contracts and I come all over his face. He laughs a little, raising himself back up and wash the cum off his face in the still warm water. 

An electronic voice blurts out, “Only two more minutes left.” 

That fucking annoying piece of shit mechanism, I hate it beyond all reason right now. Quickly we clean ourselves off, and barely exits the shower before the water turns icy cold. I shut it off on the small panel next to the curtain, swearing a little, making him laugh. 

Turning around, I grumble, “You know I hate these stupid contraptions.”

He throws me a towel, and I grab it midair. “I do, but I find it kinda cute how much.”

“Yeah well, I’ll figure out some way to remove the damned thing some day.”

“Ever thought about checking the internet for do it yourself videos? Should be someone out there who hates it just as much as you do.”

I think it over for a second. “You’re right, I’ll get to that, first chance I get.”

Chuckling at my insistent hate towards anything modern, he leaves the bathroom. I take one last glance around the room, there’s still a little blood on the tiles, and I quickly wipe it off with my towel before throwing it in the hamper. Sighing in relief, I think I’m back in the safe zone.

***

Another week passes by, and I spend my time killing people for the fun of it. Short of those damned compartments, it was kind of fun to nail someone to a wall, and after a couple of different murders, I repeat the process, this time moving my victims to the old warehouse. I can’t exactly leave them there, hanging on the wall, and it’s just as annoying getting them down as it was working in that guy’s apartment. In the end I just have to write off the technique as being too bothersome and complicated, something I do while shoveling the last remains of a couple of bodies into a well-hidden dumpster down town. Too bad, but this damned city just isn’t build for that type of murder.

I’m home before Shadow, and I’m sitting on the couch with Tofu, when he gets home from school. High school is over and done with, and thanks to getting his grades up, he got into architect school. He was beyond happy when he got the letter of acceptance, practically jumping up and down like a school kid. 

He drops his bag in the hallway. For some reason, he’s not entering the living room, he just stands out there, not making a sound. Waving Tofu off my lap, I go out to greet him, but he looks… Weird. He’s chewing on his bottom lip, his eyes shifting around nervously, his fingers fidgeting with the bottom of his sleeve. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask, a little hint of concern to my voice. Not even when he’s gotten a really bad grade, does he look like this. He’s always anxious about telling me about those things, like he’s afraid I’ll get mad at him, or be disappointed. I never do nor am, he can’t get high marks on everything, and I’m impressed just by the fact that he’s getting an education. 

“I… I need to ask you something, and I know it’s not Sunday, but it can’t wait. I need to ask you this right now, and I don’t care if you take away every single question for the rest of the year, I just need you to be honest with me.”

I think it over for a second, then say, “Tell you what, I’ll give you a freebie, just ask.”

His eyebrows are scrunched up, he looks like he’s about to either run away or start crying. 

“Michael… What do you do for a living?”

And that’s it. My entire body tense up, and it feels like I can’t breathe properly. I don’t know how he’s figured it out, but he definitely knows something. Now I can either lie to him for the rest of my life, or tell him the truth and have him leave me. Because that’s what people do, when they realize they are in a relationship with a murderer, they leave. 

In the end I take a deep breath, crane my neck a little, and look up at the ceiling. I can’t do this, but I’ll just have to anyway. 

“I kill people.”

He looks at me with big, terrified eyes, his lower lip quivering. Sighing I run both my hands across my stubbly head, leaning over a little as I do so, unable to meet his gaze. This is by far the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, there’s a million thoughts running through my head, and just as many feelings bursting through every inch of my body.

In the end, I hear my own shaky voice saying, “Look… I’ll give you an easy out, right now. If you want to leave, you can leave, and you don’t have to explain anything to me. I won’t hold it against you, I won’t try to stop you, I won’t do anything at all... But I can’t watch you go, so I’m just going to go into the bedroom, and stay there.”

I do exactly that, force myself to leave him standing there in the hallway, I don’t know what else to do. I’ve never felt anything like this before, this is pure and utter heartache, that I have no way of handling. I’m not prepared for these kind of emotions, and if I wasn’t incapable of doing so, I would definitely be crying. I know that’s what normal people do; they cry when their boyfriend leaves them. Curling up in the bed, I drag the covers up over me. I just don’t know what else to do, I have this heart wrenching need to hide from the world. 

There’s a soft sound as he enters the bedroom, and I curl myself together even tighter, whispering, more to myself than him, “You can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do the whole goodbye thing.”

He sits down on the bed, and it barely moves underneath his weight. I can sense him though, I can sense his presence, as he sits there on the edge. He’s looking me over, and I have no idea what to do with myself. I can’t sit up, I can’t look at him, I almost can’t breathe.

“Michael...” he sighs, and I shake my head, even though he can’t see it. Nope, no, I can’t do this, it’s too much. “Michael, I…” he trails off again, then finally he gets up off the bed. For the briefest of seconds I think he’s going to leave, but instead he walks around the bed, nudging me softly in the back. “Scoot over.”

My eyes widen, this is too damn much for me to handle, but in the end I do as he says. He slips down next to me, curling his arms around me. Whatever he’s doing, I don’t get it. 

“I don’t want an easy out,” he finally says, his head nuzzled into my back. I’m just about to tell him that that’s all he’s going to get, before he says, “I don’t want an out at all.”

I swallow audible, shaking a little as I do so. I’m incapable of doing or saying anything, I just stay put, hugging the blanket close around me, hoping whatever this feeling is, it’ll go away.

“I love you,” he whispers the words close to my ear, “I love you, and I’m not gonna leave, not unless you want me to.”

For a second I can’t help but think he’s called the cops, that he’s just keeping me occupied until they arrive, but I’m pretty sure I would have heard it if he had. I know he wouldn’t either, in spite of everything, I believe him when he says he loves me. 

“Look, it’s not like I like this. At all. But I love you, and I guess this is just some part of you that I’ll have to learn to live with.”

My breath is still staggered, and it feels impossibly hard to get it to and from my lungs. 

“Please turn around,” he whispers softly, and as much as it feels impossible to do so, I force myself around to face him. He’s looking at me, a sadness in his eyes, but he reaches out for my chin, pulls me in for a kiss. It’s slow and deep, and I almost can’t move my lips.

“I love you,” he repeats himself, and even though I’m terrified of everything right now, I say it back.

“I love you too.”

“I’ve got a lot of questions though, and I’m not gonna spread them out over the next 50 Sundays, so you’re just gonna have to answer them.”

I nod, the least I can do at this point is be honest with him. I’ve got one pressing question though, one that I can’t let go off, and I have to ask that before anything else. “How did you figure it out?”

“The birthday gift. Nobody working at a bar makes that much money,” he says quietly, and I squeeze my eyes tightly shut. Fuck damn it, I never even thought about that. It’s not all though, he continues his explanation, “Then I started stopping by Harvey’s whenever you were at work, but you were never around. Harvey had a million excuses, but it just seemed impossible that you were always off running errands, at the exact time I was there. In the end I went through the entire apartment, and found your bag.”

The bag of murder weapons, of course. I thought I’d kept it pretty well hidden, before he moved in I made a compartment inside the closet, and kept it securely packed away there. Obviously I wasn’t careful enough, but then again, he was already on to me, and regardless of how well hidden something seems to be, you can’t keep it hidden from someone who’s openly searching for it. 

I nod slowly, I dug my own grave on this one, giving him that gift in the first place. The thought of how much money I spent on it never crossed my mind, because it wasn’t an issue to me. It is now though, now it’s gotten me into a fucking mess. 

“Okay, can I ask my questions now, then?” he asks, watching me carefully. 

“Yes.”

He starts off in the deep end, but at least it’s a question I have no trouble answering. “Have you ever hurt an animal?”

“No, never. I’m not a psychopath, I just don’t like people.”

We’re still lying in bed, his arms wrapped securely around me, and he pulls me in a little closer. “Thank god, that one was really bothering me.”

Nodding I gesture him to go on. Might as well get this over with, and I’m going to answer every damn question truthfully. There’s no reason for me to lie anymore, the biggest one is already out in the open, and it’s not going to change a damn thing if I start swaying away from honesty now. 

“Is it just work to you?”

Oh fuck, that one I hadn’t thought about, and I regret my initial thought of honesty. In the end I bide by my own decision though. “I’d say it’s maybe 70% work, 30% for the fun of it.”

He looks at me with fear in his eyes, and bites down on his lower lip. ‘Fun’ was a bad choice of words, but I don’t know any other way of phrasing it.

“You know I’d never hurt you right? I mean, regardless of what you could ever do to me, I’d never hurt you.”

“I know,” he says, but his tone is a little wavering, a little uncertain.

“You have to believe me, Shadow, I would never ever do anything to hurt you.”

“Okay, I believe you. Why did you start doing this in the first place?”

“The guy who gave me the scar,” I gesture slightly towards my ribs, sighing heavily, “It was just supposed to be a dumb fight, but when he cut me, something just snapped inside my brain. I wound up killing him, it wasn’t what I initially set out to do, it just happened. I liked it, and it became a sort of stress relief from that point on.”

“Fuck… How do you never get caught?”

“I’ve got a system. I never use the same method two times in a row, if anything I switch them up as much as possible. That way I won’t get categorized as a serial killer by the police, people like that don’t work that way. I have a fake name to go along with my fake identity, Harvey sets me up with new ID cards every so often. He also does my taxes and makes it look like I’m working at the bar, when I’m actually off… Well, working.”

“How much do you make on this?”

“A couple a grand per body. I give discounts when it’s more than five at once though.”

“You give discounts? On murder? Fuck, this has got to be the most fucked up conversation anyone has ever had.” I shrug at this, to me that part has always made sense. There’s a moment of silence, before he ever so carefully asks, “Would you… Would you ever stop doing it?”

I don’t want to answer, and the silence hangs heavily between us. In the end I do with a simple, “No.”

He looks like he’s about to cry, and I don’t know what else to do, so I scoot in further and wrap my arms around him. This is hard on the both of us, and I wish there was some way around it. That he’d never caught onto it at all, but in the end, it was probably inevitable. Sooner or later I would come home, smeared in blood, and there would be no explanations left. If anything it’s incredible that this hasn’t happened sooner. We’ve been together for close to two years, and I’ve gotten away with it over and over again, proving just how much he’s trusted me, bought into every far out story I’ve told him. He should be mad at me about that part, but he doesn’t seem to be.

“Can you promise me one thing?” he asks, a stern look on his face. 

“Yes,” I agree without asking what it is, because it doesn’t matter. I have to, whatever it is, I have to make this promise. If I don’t, he’ll leave, I know as much.

“Promise me you’ll always be careful. Promise me you’ll always come home to me, that you won’t end up getting yourself killed.”

“I will. I’ll always come home to you. Can’t promise I won’t have a few scratches here and there, but I’ll always come home.”

He nods, that’s the best I can do, the most I can give him. He leans in, kisses me softly, and no further words are exchanged between us. Instead we just lie there, holding tightly on to one another, and I think to myself that I’ll never let go.


	8. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Great!” I say ever so cheerfully. He nods as I flip open the notebook, and only now do I realize just what I have accomplished. “We’ve gotta go celebrate though,” I turn towards him, reach around his waist and pull him towards me. “My kill count just hit 100.”

**March, 2344**

It’s been a while since our talk, and things are shaping out for me. I still can’t believe how lucky I am, getting a boyfriend has always seemed off the table, and now I’ve got one who can live with me being a murderer. It’s surreal to me still, but I’ve somewhat gotten used to it. At least to the point where I’m not terrified every time I get home, fearing he’s left while I was gone. We’re in a good place, not that he supports my job and hobby, but he’s accepted it and lives with it. Our relationship is still solid, he’s everything to me, and never for a second do I doubt how much I mean to him either. I must, otherwise he’d be long gone, he’s had every opportunity and reason to leave, yet have used none of them. 

It’s almost two in the middle of the night, when a text tics in. I never turn off my phone, not even in the dead of night. If nothing else, there could always come a warning to get the fuck out of here. We have a code for that, me and Harvey, and it’s really very straightforward. MM, LN. Michael Mayhem, leave now, simple as that. Thankfully it’s never been necessary, and some part of me doubt it ever will be. I’ve got this under control, I’m always careful, I feel no fear regarding my job. I did when Shadow didn’t know about it, but as that’s over and done with and he’s still around, I really have nothing left to worry about. 

I barely wake up at the sound, but I manage to crack open an eye to check what it says. MM, 2am, HB. I double check, the text is send two minutes ago, at 1:56, which makes it quite impossible for me to be there on time. I shuffle out of bed anyway, waking up Shadow as I do. 

“Are you leaving?” he mumbles, still clutching onto the pillow.

“Mm, I have to. I’ll be back soon though, promise.”

He doesn’t ask, he knows what I’m off to do. Instead I reach across the bed, and kiss him softly on the forehead. He makes a small huffing sound, then props himself up on one elbow. 

“You can at least give me a proper kiss,” he sounds grumpy, but there’s a small smile gracing his lips. With a low chuckle I do what he wants me to, before I change clothes and leave. I bring the bag, just in case, throw it in the back of the car before I take off.

***

It’s raining heavily, and I get drenched just making it from the parking space into the bar. I am no happy camper about this, not only did it disturb my sleep, now I’m also wet and shivering cold.

The bar’s crowded, it’s Saturday and everybody wants to get shit-faced. I don’t, I just want to be back in bed with my boyfriend. The bar itself is covered in people, waiting to get served or just hanging out talking with their annoying friends. Harvey knows how much I hate people, especially large crowds of them, I cannot believe he dragged me out of bed on such a fucking awful night. 

Pushing my way to the bar, some annoying college kid is taking up my regular bar stool, something that doesn’t go over well. Whoever it is, he’s talking to some girl, trying to flirt his way into her pants, and failing horribly at it. I pad him on the shoulder, giving him a steely glare.

“Get lost or I’ll remove you myself.”

He must be able to tell I’m not joking, cause even if he does look highly dissatisfied, he moves, dragging the poor girl along with him. Sighing I take a seat, leaning over the bar to catch Harvey’s attention. He’s already seen me, and he rolls his eyes at me for scaring away some piece of shit customer. What the fuck do I care, I’m here, that’s got to be good enough.

“He’s in the back,” he says pointedly, referring to whoever needs my services for the night. 

I shrug and order up a beer first, looking through the five fake IDs my wallet is currently containing. Deciding on being Matthew Moore for the night, I hand it over, and soon enough I have my beer. If I didn’t hate people quite so much, I may have stayed at the bar to drink it, but being me, I just slip behind the counter and go in the back. 

“You know you could have done self-serve on that one right?” Harvey calls out after me, and I shrug in reply.

“Just do your job,” I snort, “And I’ll do mine.”

In spite of the loudness of the crowd surrounding the bar, I can hear him mumble, “Cranky motherfucker,” as I close the door to the backroom behind me. Fuck if I care, he woke me up at fucking two am, did he really expect me – of all people – to be a ball of sunshine? 

There is indeed a guy waiting for me in the backroom, a man with a serious face, like he’s at a funeral. He probably will be soon enough, maybe that’s what his deal is. 

“You’re late,” he comments wryly, and I raise my eyebrows at him. Instead of answering, I turn back towards the door, not caring about this anymore. Regardless of whatever job he has to offer me, I don’t deal with rude people. 

“Wait, wait!” he calls after me, and for a second I stop, still facing the door. There better be an apology waiting for me, otherwise I’m fucking out of here. “I… I apologize,” he says, and I turn around slowly. “My mistake, I should have gotten in touch sooner.”

“Yeah, that might have been a smart move. Even smarter not to blame me for your own incompetence.”

He narrows his eyes, but doesn’t comment on my snide remark. “I was hoping to catch you before it began raining, that’s all.”

This I like the sound of, and I finally sit myself down on the opposite side of the small table. If rain is a problem, then the job usually contains fire, something I rarely get to work with, but very much enjoy. I wave my hand in front of me, beckoning him to start talking.

“See the thing is-”

“Nope, don’t care, just gimme some specifics.”

He looks me over for a little while, his face going through many different emotions. Confusion, suspicion, relief, even a little bit of fear mixed in there, most likely fear of me, not the job he needs taken care of. 

“Okay,” he finally says, “Harvey told me you were odd, I guess I should have been prepared for this.”

“If you wanna get anywhere near me actually doing anything for you, I suggest you give me some fucking specifics, so I can go back to bed.”

Finally he hands me a picture of a building. Jackpot, he definitely wants this shit burned to the ground. I take the picture from his hand, look it over carefully. It looks familiar, and when I catch on, I refuse immediately. “Nope, not happening.” 

“But Harvey said you’d take on any job!”

“Not this one.”

He opens his mouth to do more interjections, but I’m already halfway out the door. No fucking way I’m burning down my happy place, and I’ll be damned if anybody else does either. 

“You better not take that to anyone else, I’ll saw off your head while you’re still alive if you do.”

He looks baffled, he doesn’t know me, doesn’t know anything about my routines or where I like to go for some peace and quiet. Not even Harvey knows about that place, if he did he wouldn’t have set it up, but that’s a good thing. He won’t get the job done anywhere else this way, and my happy place will stand to see another day. 

In the end he caves, pulling forth another picture, and I stop. “What about this one?” he hands it over, another picture of a building. This one is residential, there’s a lot of people living there, which might make it interesting. “I figured it would be harder to do, but if you’re up for the task...” he trails off, trying to peak my interest. I don’t give a fuck for that kind of games, and the guy annoys me already. If I could set him on fire, right this instance, I definitely would. 

“That one’s doable,” I say, a sting of arrogance to my voice. “I need money up front, and a lot of it.”

He nods, pulling out an envelope, clearly filled with cash. For once I start counting before leaving, I don’t know this guy, and I find him unreliable. Once I hit 20 grand, I stop. There’s still more inside the envelope, and considering fire is an unreliable cause of death, it ought to cover it. Still I say, “I’ll need the rest when I’m done. Price depends on how many deaths.”

“I really just need the building to disappear,” he begins, but I shake my head.

“Headcount is all that matters to me, the more death, the more money.”

He looks disgruntled by this, but in the end he nods. “Fine. But I heard you give out discounts on the larger amounts?” 

“Only to my regulars.” That’s a lie, but considering how irritating I find the guy, he’s going to pay full price, regardless of how many jobs I might end up doing for him.

Resignedly he nods in agreement, reaching out a gloved hand for me to shake. I don’t, instead I just take my wad of cash, and leave.

***

My employer, in spite of being a dick, gave me some useful knowledge through Harvey, enough for me to get the job done tonight. The building has a basement, which means I can just light that on fire and let it spread, easy as that. I just need to find and mess up some electrics down there first, that will make it look slightly less like the arson it is. I also got the code for the front door; if the police doesn’t buy into it being an electrical fire it’ll definitely be categorized as something done on purpose, but that’s not my problem. He knows it comes with a risk to do something like this, and I can assure you that I’m not the one to take the blame.

My bag contains the most common and necessary weapons, but not what I need for this job. I can’t carry around everything, and even though there’s an extra tank’s worth of gasoline in the back of the car, I still need tools to fiddle with the buildings electrical system. I have some at home though, and I walk back, in spite of the insistent rain. Most of all I want to crawl back into bed with Shadow, but considering the amount of money I’m making off of this, I should just get it over and done with. That’s how I usually work, I almost always get the job done same day as I get it. 

Standing back inside the apartment, I start rummaging through my toolbox. I’ve used it recently, hanging Shadow’s picture, as well as some extra shelves for his books and other stuff. He doesn’t quite get why I won’t use the build-in compartments hidden inside the walls, but I hate those almost as much as any other modern feature this apartment comes with. I’d much rather have a slightly crowded living room than the alternative, to me, it looks more like a home that way. 

In spite of trying to keep as quiet as possible, I manage to wake up Shadow. Suddenly he’s standing next to me, halfway wrapped up in a blanket, and I jump when I notice him.

“Fuck, how long have you been standing there?” My heart is pounding, sometimes I hate the fact that he’s so fucking quiet when he walks.

“I dunno, a couple of minutes?”

“Getting more and more serious about that bell around your neck,” I scowl at him, then return to my search through the toolbox. When I finally locate my set of tiny screwdrivers, I heave a sigh of relief. It’s almost 3:30, I need to get this done before sunrise. If I don’t I’ll have to wait another day, it’s one of those jobs I can’t pull off in broad daylight. Even if I could, fire looks so much prettier in the dead of night, flames licking up against a dark sky. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, and I’m not entirely sure he wants the truthful answer.

“I was looking for some tools,” I hold up the small box of screwdrivers, “Got it though, so I’d better get my ass in gear. I’ll be back in a couple of hours, tops.”

“Where are you going?”

I waver for a second, but in the end I’m honest and say, “I’m gonna go play with matches.”

“Oh… Okay,” there’s a slight worry in his voice, and he adds a quick, “Be careful,” before he leans down and kisses me. 

I get up off the floor, and pull him in for a deeper kiss before turning towards the door. “I always am,” I say, looking back at him across my shoulder. He nods, a small smile on his lips. Apparently he really is getting used to this, a thought that warms my otherwise dead heart, as I leave him behind to go do my job.

***

Getting into the basement is easy enough, thanks to the door code; and the whole ordeal is laid out for me like nothing I have ever experienced before.

For one thing cars a parked down there, making a gas-leak relatively plausible. There’s even a hint of oil underneath one of the cars, and after I’ve tugged a little at the fluid tube, there’s a lot more off it. 

Above the cars there’s a light, an old fluorescent tube, that could probably fall down on its own anyway. A little unlikely, given the fact that it’s screwed in tight, but it could happen. Climbing on top of one the cars, I fiddle out my set of screwdrivers and loosen both screws holding the tube in place. Just a little, not enough for it to fall down just yet, but enough so that if I poke at it, it definitely will. After all, I want to be at a pretty safe distance, if my plan doesn’t go exactly the way I want it to. 

Now for the gasoline, I go all in, drenching the floor with every last bit that was kept in my car. I walked back to Harvey’s and picked up the car, I just wanted to be sure that there was no beer left on my breath before getting into it. 

Carefully I place the fuel container near a corner, tilting it over to make it look like it just got knocked over by accident. No man with half a brain would leave it without its lid on, but then again, most people have less than that. 

There’s an old broom standing in the corner, one with a wooden shaft, which is perfect for what I have in mind. As far away as I can get with the light still being within reach, I poke at one end of the fluorescent tube. I falls down immediately, hitting the floor hard and breaking into tiny glass pieces. Unfortunately it doesn’t do the trick, not producing enough sparks to light the gasoline soaked floor on fire, but at this I just shrug. Didn’t expect it to, so of course I come prepared. 

Reaching into my pocket, I pull forth a box of matches. They’ll surely burn up in the fire, leaving no trace of them ever being there in the first place, and I grab a handful of them out of the box. Lighting one on fire, I let the rest of them catch on, before throwing them all inside, as close to the tube as I can manage. 

And that’s it, there’s a massive whooshing sound that I barely hear, as I’ve slammed the door shut behind me, getting the fuck away from the fire. I don’t run, that would look too conspicuous in case anyone is watching. Instead I aim for the nearest shadow of another building, gliding away into it, locating a fire escape close by. I climb it hastily, all the way up to the roof, where I stand for a little while, watching my masterpiece. 

Just as I though the fire spreads quickly, the rain has let up, and soon enough the flames are licking up all the way on the outside of the building. It’s just as beautiful as I thought it would be, burning bright against the black night sky and few remaining clouds. Regardless of the vast amount of money I’m making off of this, it’s worth it, just for the view.

When I start hearing sirens I sigh a little; I have to get a move on and get out of here. I would much rather stand by and watch it burn to the ground, see the last smoldering remains, but alas, I can’t just wait around for that to happen. Instead I run down a fire escape on the opposite side of the building, grab onto a steel pipe, and swing myself across to the next building over. I parked the car far away, but after a few athletic moves across rooftops, stairs and bridges, I make it back there. With one last longing look in the direction of slowly dwindling flames, I get into my car and drive home.

***

The following morning I sit down to check the news. I hardly ever do, usually whatever news there might be about a murder I’ve committed has no interest to me. This time it’s different though, I need to get a head-count so I know how much money the guy owes me. Probably not a lot, there was 30.000 in the envelope, but I’m going to charge his annoying ass down to the last penny.

It’s Sunday, and Shadow is still asleep when I boot up my old computer, sipping this day’s first cup of coffee. Seeing the headlines, the fire is apparently a big deal, every single newspaper seems to be writing about it. There’s a hint of pride when I read the latest headline: “Electrical fire kills 18 people.”

Fan-fucking-tastic. Not only have I killed off 18 people, I’ve also succeeded in making it look the way I intended. I reach out and grab the little black notebook lying besides my computer, when Shadow enters the living room. 

“Hey,” he says sleepily, “How did it go last night?”

“Great!” I say ever so cheerfully. He nods as I flip open the notebook, and only now do I realize just what I have accomplished. “We’ve gotta go celebrate though,” I turn towards him, reach around his waist and pull him towards me. “My kill count just hit 100.”

He shoots me confused look, one eyebrow raised, “Your kill count?”

“Yup. I keep track of how many people I’ve killed off, and today it came out an even 100.”

“You really are a homicidal maniac,” he’s shaking his head, but still runs a hand lovingly across my head. I shrug and smile, pull him in a little closer, resting my head against his naked stomach. I love the fact that I can finally share these kinds of things with him, and I love him even more for letting me. Kissing him lightly on the stomach, his body shivers. 

“There’s a lot of ways to celebrate,” he says, a small smile playing across his lips, “One of them we don’t even have to leave the apartment for.”

I grin as I get up, grab onto his wrist, and pull him off towards the bedroom. This really is shaping out to be one hell of a day.

***

It’s two in the afternoon before we finally pull ourselves out of bed to get dressed. We’re going to Harvey’s, I’m even considering getting a little drunk, and no matter what I’m not working today. I made a shitload of money off of last night, and today I just want to celebrate my big achievement with my boyfriend.

“Should I be wearing something nice for this?” Shadow asks, and I shrug in reply.

“You can go naked for all I care, I just want you there.”

He laughs at me, and struggle a little to get out of the grip I have around his shoulders. In the end he opts for a purple shirt and gray pants, while I pull on black, slightly trashed jeans, and a dark red T-shirt. Wrapping my arms around his chest and resting my chin on his shoulder, I look at our reflections in the mirror. He looks good, hell, we both look good, especially clinging to each other like this. I try to kiss him on the neck, but he bats me off, wriggling his way out of my tight hold. 

“If you start that up again, we’ll never get to Harvey’s.” 

I make a small disgruntled sound, but agree, “Guess not.”

“Good, then let’s get going,” he sounds cheerful, like he’s actually looking forward to celebrating the death of a 100 people. It’s odd, but I love him all that more for being like this. 

It has started raining again, but we still walk there. Shadow doesn’t have a drivers license, and I foresee that I won’t be in any kind of condition to drive home again. I really feel like getting drunk off my ass, even if there’s other people around, I honestly don’t care. There won’t be that many though, a Sunday afternoon isn’t exactly what draws a crowd. 

When we enter there’s only a few old drunks sitting around, minding their own business, and we scoot in on the seats at the counter. Harvey shoots me a look, he almost looks suspicious. 

“What’s up with him?” he asks Shadow, nodding towards me. By now he knows Shadow, and he knows the both of us well enough, to know he won’t get any kind of answer out of me. 

“Apparently he’s got a kill-count, which has reached 100,” Shadow says, his voice barely more than a whisper. 

I laugh a little at this, he tries to be stealth about something that I don’t give a fuck about. At this point all the regulars at the bar know what I do, but they would never tell on me. If nothing else, then because it would give me reason to kill them off some horrible way. 

“Ah,” Harvey raises his eyebrows, looking a little impressed, as he turns his gaze towards me. “Congrats.”

I don’t respond to this, instead I order myself a beer, and a glass of white wine for Shadow. He still hasn’t gotten the hang of drinking beer, but he will take the occasional fruity drink or something similar, that only tastes like soda. Shadow hands over his ID and I do the same, picking out one that says Martin Miller. Despite the fact that I work at Harvey’s, I never use my actual ID card there. It’s a sleazy bar, not somewhere the nice young man I’m supposed to be, would hang out for anything other than work. 

Harvey sets the drinks down in front of us, and I take a long, satisfied sip of my beer. Shadow shakes his head at me, and I turn towards him. “What?”

“Nothing, I just think it’s cute that you’re so excited about this,” he responds with a chuckle.

Harvey laughs, moving in on the conversation. “I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen Michael in anything resembling a good mood.”

“Shut the fuck up,” I say to Harvey, then shrug at Shadow. “I guess it just feels like a big deal. Like one of your games, where it pops up ‘achievement unlocked’ or some shit like that.”

“Not to burst you bubble or anything, but the guy from last night isn’t too fond of paying you any more money,” Harvey’s weighing his words carefully.

“Don’t give a fuck, tell him he owes me 6000, or I’ll break off all of his fingers and shove them up his ass.”

He nods in agreement, nobody runs off without paying Michael Mayhem. If anything he should be happy I don’t charge him extra, just for being a dick.

***

The afternoon continues into the early hours of the night, and I’m starting to get really drunk. Shadow is too, giggling and leaning against me every chance he gets. Harvey has called us every possible version of ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’, and even though I’ve considered wringing his neck more than once, I let it slide. For once I don’t care about anything, tonight I’m just a happy guy, out with his boyfriend getting drunk. Tomorrow I’ll be back to normal, telling Harvey to go fuck himself if he dares calling me anything endearing ever again.

I get up, half stumbling off the bar stool, but manage to make my way to the bathroom without tripping over my own feet. There’s a few more people at the bar now, but for once, they don’t bother me all that much. I tune them out, they don’t exist, they are just shells containing nothing walking around. As long as they don’t get in my way, I don’t give a fuck for any of them, not even enough to get annoyed with them. 

Leaving Shadow alone with Harvey turns out to be a bad move though, even if I couldn’t foresee this at all. When I get back, Shadow is beaming at me, a big smile plastered across his face.

“What?” I ask, wrapping my arms around him from behind. I kiss him on the cheek, and he laughs a little.

“Harvey offered me a job,” he says, and I freeze. Nope, no way, that is not happening.

“No he didn’t,” I say, glaring at Harvey, who is pointedly ignoring me.

“Yes he did! I’m gonna steal stuff for him, or well, for someone else, but it sounds fun!”

“Not a chance in hell you’re doing that.”

“Why not? And also: you really have no say in that.”

“Yes, I do, you’re not stealing anything for anybody.”

He scowls at me, narrowing his eyes. “So you can murder people, but I can’t steal?”

“That’s different, I know what I’m doing, you don’t know shit about stealing.”

We should probably be having this conversation somewhere else, at home preferably, but I want Harvey to hear what I’m saying. I want to make it perfectly clear to him, that Shadow is doing no criminal work for him, what so ever.

“But I’d be really good at it, think about all the times I’ve sneaked up on you without you even noticing!”

“Seriously, Shadow, no.” I don’t think I can make myself much clearer, but apparently the discussion isn’t over yet.

“You really don’t get to decide that, and if I want to work for Harvey, I will.”

“Yes, I do get to decide that, and no, you will not.”

“And how exactly is this your decision? It’s not even up for discussion, I’m doing this!”

I’m pretty sure he wasn’t this hooked on the idea before this very conversation began, but I’m still not budging on it. No way in fucking hell is he taking up a criminal career, he’s in school, he has the possibility of a down to earth future, he has the opportunity to live a normal life. 

“It just is,” I say firmly, “This is beyond ridiculous, you are not doing this.”

He crosses his arms in front of his chest, glaring at me with fire burning extra fiercely within his eyes. “Yes, I am. You can’t stop me anyway, I am doing this whether you like it or not.”

Turning towards Harvey, my jaw is clenching and I stare him down intensely. “Do you have a fucking death wish?” 

Short of Shadow, Harvey’s probably the only person in this shit hole of a city I wouldn’t touch, but right now I am pissed as fuck. He knows this though, and just shrugs at me, drying off a glass as he does so. 

“Settle down boy,” he says quietly, “He’s right, you can’t stop him. If he wants to make a little pocket money off of me, he’ll do it whether you like it or not.”

Just about ready to try and kill him off anyway, barely caring about the consequence it will inevitably have, I reach across the counter, waving Harvey in close. “If he gets hurt, or arrested, or anything at all, I’ll tie you to my fucking car and drag you until nothing’s left of you.”

Before he can get another word in, I slam a hundred dollar bill on the counter, about twice as much as our bill can possibly be, then turn around and leave. All the way home I mumble the word ‘fuck’ to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh fuck, I completely forgot to upload yesterday. Got a new phone, lost all of my regular calendar notes, bla bla bla, I'm uploading now.


	9. Broken Necks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How did you even make a career out of killing people? I mean, you said it started out for fun and stress relief, how did that evolve into something serious?”

**April, 2344**

A few days have passed, and we’re still fighting. Not constantly, but every so often one of us will graze the subject, starting it up all over again. It’s infuriating how stubborn he is about this, and I’m sure half of it is just because it’s pissing me off so much. I want to fucking murder Harvey for planting this idea in his head to begin with, and I want to murder everyone else, just to get out some of my frustration. 

At some point we even reach the angry-sex stage, in the middle of yelling at one another, he grabs onto my shirt, pulling me in for a passionate kiss. I’m not sure if it’s just to shut me up, but it works none the less, as we stumble our way to the bedroom, ripping off each other’s clothes along the way.

It doesn’t end there though, it never seems to end. I can’t let it go, I can’t deal with the thought of him ending up in trouble, so I keep pushing the subject. I need to hear him say that he won’t go and do something as fucking ridiculous as becoming a thief, working for Harvey. It’s as if he doesn’t get the seriousness of the subject, like he just sees this as some amusing way of making a few extra bucks, which it is not. 

To top it off he keeps dragging in my job, putting it up as an argument that he can run out and do something incredibly stupid, just because I’m in a slightly atypical line of work. He just doesn’t get it, I didn’t choose to become a hired murderer, I was a murderer first, then decided to make a career out of it. I lucked out, I found something I truly loved doing, then started making money off of it. Most importantly I know I’m good at this, Shadow has no way of knowing if he’ll be any kind of successful thief, he might just get caught on the first job he takes on. 

It Sunday, when he asks the most annoying question he’s thrown at me to date. We haven’t argued today yet, but the second he asks, I can feel another fight coming along. 

“How did you even make a career out of killing people? I mean, you said it started out for fun and stress relief, how did that evolve into something serious?”

I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose, but I still groan irritated. We’re lying on the couch, him on his back between my legs, his head resting up against my stomach. I don’t want to answer his stupid question, and for a second I consider boycotting the entire ‘Sunday Question’ concept right then and there. I know it’s going to bite me in the ass if I answer truthfully, and the best I can do is keep it as vague as possible. “Harvey adopted me, got me hooked up with clients.”

“Yeah I know that, but how?”

“How what?” I’m talking in circles, hoping he’ll forget what he asked me in the first place.

“How did Harvey get a hold of you?” 

“I… I don’t wanna answer that.”

He twists his head slightly, looking at me closely. “You have to, it’s Sunday.”

“So? I already told you: Harvey adopted me.”

“What’s wrong with you today? Why won’t you tell me how it happened?”

Because it’s going to fuck everything up, I think to myself, but in the end I just sigh, pushing myself away from him. I latch onto the nearest pack of cigarettes, light one up, then throw the pack back on the table, maybe just a tad too forcefully. I know this is going to start up another fucking argument, I just know it.

“Fine,” I finally say. There’s no way around it, he’s going to find out sooner or later, it just sucks that it has to happen right now. “I got caught. I murdered someone in the alley behind Harvey’s, and he caught me there with the body. Then he dragged me inside, asked me a bunch of questions, and in the end he offered me a job.”

There’s a moment of silence, where he just narrows his eyes slowly. 

“So what you’re saying is that even though you got caught, you’re still alive and kicking, you’re not in jail, if anything, you’re doing just fine?”

“I lucked out! It doesn’t work like that in general, I just fucking lucked out!”

“You’re kidding me right? I mean, you are so concerned with me getting caught doing something as relatively innocent as stealing, when you actually got caught murdering people? And got away with it too, one might add.”

And there we go, right back at that fucking argument, all over again.

I crane my neck, staring up at the ceiling, as light puffs of smoke escapes my lips, filling the living room. I can’t do this, I can’t keep having the same argument over and over again, it’s just too fucking much. Instead of engaging with him, I go into the hallway, and pull on my shoes. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, following me closely. 

“Going for a walk.” I grab my jacket off the coat rack, pulling it on in one swift motion. 

“Oh come on!” he calls out after me, but I’m already out the door, slamming it hard behind me. I’m almost certain he opens it up again, but as I’m already halfway down the stairs, it doesn’t even matter.

***

All the stores are still open, the people of Destiny City doesn’t care about holidays, Sundays, weekends, anything at all. They care about nothing, but spending their stupid money on equally stupid things. The streets are filled with people, even though it’s closing in on six o’clock, the streets are littered with human waste. It works in my advantage tonight, because I can hide in the crowds, killing off whoever I damn well please. That’s what I’m out here to do, that’s why I left, I just have to kill someone. I’m sick of being in this stupid argument with Shadow, right now I just need to see someone die, otherwise I’ll fucking explode.

I can practically feel the anger rushing through my entire body, as I slip into an alley, waiting for some loner to pass by. When she does, she’s on the phone, and I knock it out of her hand as I grab her. Someone might have heard a muffled scream at the other end of the line, but it just doesn’t matter. I break her neck in one twisting motion, her body going limp between my hands, as she tumbles towards the ground. That was one, but I am nowhere near done yet.

The next one I grab coming out of a train. There’s a tunnel running underneath the station, connecting the platforms and railway tracks, and just as he turns the corner inside one of those, I grab him just as I did the first one. Breaking someone’s neck is actually quite easy, if you know what you’re doing, and have enough strength to do so. I’m confident in that aspect, I have broken many a neck in my life, and this guy sure as hell won’t be the last. Not even tonight is he going to be the last, I’m way to angry to go home just yet.

It’s not like I’m scared I’d ever do something to Shadow. I wouldn’t, the thought is completely horrific to me, just as if I was told to hurt Tofu, or any other animal for that matter. I just need to blow off some steam, just run around on a rampant killing spree, for just a second until I can breathe properly again. 

I grab the third one as he bends over to pick up something he dropped on the ground, just pull him back up by the head, and wring his neck with no remorse. He slides onto the ground, and nobody as much as lifts an eyebrow at the dead guy lying there on the sidewalk, proving that his existence truly was meaningless. 

Usually I don’t kill off people the same way like this, usually, I think things through a lot more than the insanity I’ve got going on. I know it’s going to pop up in the police report, that some odd number of people was killed within the span of a couple of hours, the exact same way. I just don’t give a fuck right now. 

Instead I grab onto my fourth victim of the day, a little girl who’s playing in an alley. It’s an easy target, she’s already there all alone, and her neck is tiny and easy to twist until it snaps. I’m surprised her head doesn’t just pop right off, with the violent motion I’m making, but at least she doesn’t make a sound. 

Almost every building in Destiny City has outside fire escapes, due to them being so excessively tall. Old, rusty ladders running up and down the sides of them, it almost makes it too easy for me to get a hold of someone. I’m ready at the lowest part of one of them, and when a woman walks by, I swing down and knock her over. She cracks her head against a wall, but just to be completely sure – and because it really is a very satisfying sound – I go over and break her neck like the others. 

I’m starting to calm down a little, my head doesn’t feel quite as fuzzy with rage anymore, but I still feel like doing a little extra damage. An elderly man walks by, fumbling with his cane, and I kick it out of his hands before he even sees me. He keels over, his knees hitting the ground hard, and before he even knows what’s going on, I have snapped his neck like an old, dried up twig. 

Deciding to begin walking back towards the apartment, I grab two more on the way, just because I can. Both of them were in secluded areas, well hidden by shadows, and who cares if it’s six or eight or a fucking million people I kill tonight? Point is I need to be calm when I get back home, I need to be capable of talking Shadow out of this stupidity, using pure logic to win him over. He has to listen at some point, he just has to, I can’t leave it alone until he does. 

Unlocking the door, it’s completely dark inside. No light in the hallway, kitchen or living room, there’s a sense of fear creeping up on me. Did he leave? Was this the final thing to push him over the edge of actually leaving me? 

For once I don’t bother with the cleanliness of my home, I just push off my shoes and leave them standing in the middle of the hallway, drag off my jacket and throw it on the floor next to them. Tofu comes jumping at me, and I absentmindedly pet her, as I make my way through the apartment. She’s happy to see me, but right now I just need to know if Shadow is here at all. 

I glance towards the wall, his stuff’s still here, books placed neatly on the shelves, except for one. One’s missing, but damn it, I can’t remember which one it is. It’s a big one, probably one of those big architecture books, filled with glossy pictures of strange buildings. 

I furrow my brow, as I turn on the light, trying to spot more differences quickly, but come up with nothing. Everything is the exact same way as I left it, short of Shadow and the book. My heart is racing, and I can feel panic creeping its way into my body. Why the fuck isn’t he here? 

The door to the bedroom is always kept closed, mostly because Tofu will jump into bed otherwise, and she doesn’t quite get the concept of sex being a deal breaker on that particular habit. It’s closed now too, but maybe he’s hiding out in there. 

I feel like I’m dying as I move closer to the door, my breath has gone staggered all of a sudden, and to see him sitting in there, suddenly seems like the most important thing in the universe. Much more so than some stupid argument about a potential career in crime. 

I don’t know why I do it, it’s my home too, but I knock lightly on the door to the bedroom. There’s a muffled sound from within, and I heave a deep sigh of relief. He’s here.

“Come on in,” he says softly, and when I open the door, I open up for another dimension entirely.

What used to be my bedroom has transformed itself into a forest; a deep lush forest, with tall trees, moss covered rocks, a little brook running off in the distance. There’s the sound of birds chirping, rustling in the leaves, a clear blue sky that almost can’t be seen through the foliage. None of my furniture exists here no more, the bed, the closet, everything’s gone, transformed into something else entirely.

I stand there, completely stunned, as I watch Shadow sitting in the middle of it, the book spread out in front of him, resting on a little rock formation. 

“What… the… fuck...” I mumble, more to myself than him.

“I know you hate all those modern inventions, but I figured you might like this one,” he says questioningly, gesturing around the room as he gets up to greet me. 

“What… what is this?” I can’t get my eyes off of it, everywhere I look I see something new, and all of it is beautiful. It’s like being out in nature, outside of this damned city, truly being in the woods.

He leans in and kisses me on the cheek. “It’s an SHC.”

I know what those are, but my mind is still fumbling, caught off guard by everything that’s happening around me. 

Scenery Hologram Creator, that glorious machine, that makes you feel like you’re no longer trapped inside Destiny City. The wonderful device, that can transport you to all kinds of alternative places. I’m still standing there, gaping at the whole thing, slowly moving into the scenery. 

“Careful, furniture’s still here, you just can’t see them,” he says softly, grabbing onto my arm and leading me up to what must be the bed. It doesn’t look anything like my bed anymore, it looks like tree roots, rocks and moss. 

It’s there alright, it’s still a soft bed, but you could easily trick me into believing that it really was moss that made it this soft. 

“How did you…” I begin my sentence, then stop, because I’m pulled back to reality. A reality where I’m pretty damned sure where and how he got this. “You stole it.”

“Yes,” he agrees, and I guess I should be thankful that he isn’t trying to lie his way out of this one. He wouldn’t be able to either, those things are expensive, at least a couple of grand. Either he stole the thing, or he stole my money, and I would have preferred that it was the latter. 

Shaking my head, I sigh, “You’re… Such an idiot.”

“Why? I got away with it, didn’t I?”

“You sure about that? You’re absolutely sure the police won’t show up any minute, and not only put you in jail, but find a bag of murder weapons here and take me too?”

“Is that what this is about? You’re scared that I’ll get you into trouble?” for the first time ever, in regards to this overly long argument, he sounds concerned about me. 

“Not entirely, no, but it does add to the list.”

I sit down on the moss covered rocks, and drag him down with me by his wrist. He’s smiling a little, as he says, “I’m gonna be careful.”

“You keep saying that, but do you even know how to be careful?”

“You know, instead of complaining so much about this, you could just teach me all the tricks you know.”

He’s not entirely wrong about that, if anyone knows how to get away with doing something illegal, it’s definitely me. 

Never the less I shake my head. “You just don’t get it.”

“What exactly is it that I don’t get?”

“That I’ll worry. That every time you leave the apartment from now on, I’ll be worried.”

He makes a small, wry, chuckling sound, that almost sounds sad. “You don’t think I worry?”

And now we’re back at square one, him holding my job against me, for no apparent reason what so ever. 

“Shadow for fucks sake...” I begin, but he cuts me off.

“No, please listen to me. For once, just listen to what I’m saying.” 

I almost start talking again, but then I change my mind. The least I can do is hear him out, even if it does rub me the wrong way. “Okay. Talk and I’ll listen.”

“It’s just… I know you’re good at what you do. I get that. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a dangerous job. It doesn’t mean I’m not scared, and the least you could do is acknowledge that that’s how I feel.”

I chew on my bottom lip, nodding slowly. He’s right. I can’t tell him off this much, for something I’m doing myself every day. Even though I don’t regard my job as anything out of the ordinary, it is to him. Doesn’t mean I’ll have to accept his newfound choice in career either though. 

“Just because I do something that might be slightly dangerous, doesn’t mean you have to go and do the same, you know.”

“I know that,” he huffs, but he also nudges a little closer to me. “But I don’t dictate what you do, Michael. You can’t do that to me either.”

“What are you saying? If you could, you’d make me stop doing it?”

He thinks it over, then nods. “Yes. Yes I would.”

This I did not expect, in fact, I never thought about it at all. That might be the actual problem in this entire argument, we both want each other to not do something, but in the end we can’t. I lean in a little closer to him, and kiss him softly on the top of his head. 

“I guess… I guess that kinda sucks for the both of us then,” I say quietly, not really knowing what else there is to say. 

“Yeah… But we’ll figure it out… Right?”

“We will. Just… Promise me you won’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“And by stupid you mean getting caught?”

“By stupid I mean leave.”

He looks at me, surprised and a little hurt. “You think I’d leave over this?”

“I dunno. Maybe?”

“I’m not. We’re fighting, and yeah, that sucks, but I’m not gonna leave you just like that. I love you, you know that, right?”

I tilt my head, leaning it against his. “I love you too,” I whisper, and he wraps an arm around me, hugging me in a little tighter. For a long time we sit there, just like that, in the middle of a forest.

***

The following morning I wake up before Shadow does. The Scenery Hologram Creator is still running, and waking up inside a forest, to the sound of tiny critters rustling around in the leaves, isn’t bad. It feels safe and warm, with Shadow curled up close to me, his head resting on my shoulder.

I look him over carefully, I can’t help but search for tiny scratches and bruises, even if it doesn’t make much sense. He just stole something, he didn’t get in a fist fight or anything stupid like that. That’s my kind of stupid, and even if he is going to commit crimes, he’s not like me. 

I wake him up, kissing him on the cheek and running my fingers through his hair. It’s early, but it’s also Monday and he has to go to school. Bleary eyed he sits up, looking a little confused, as if his brain has forgotten everything about the Scenery Hologram Creator.

“Hey,” I say softly as I lean in a little closer and wrap my arms around him. “It’s six, you need to get up.”

He nods, albeit a little unwillingly, then pushes himself out of my embrace. It feels like a void is spreading inside my chest, but I shake it off and get out of bed myself. 

We go through our regular morning routine; I make coffee and prepare breakfast while he showers, and when he gets out we sit down to eat. There’s a silence hovering between us, but not nearly as uncomfortable as it has been for the past few days. Maybe we’re done fighting, maybe I’ve finally reached the conclusion that I’m just going to have to live with this one. 

I’m not entirely sure though, and in the end I just lean in, take his hand and ask, “Are we okay?”

He looks at me, the fire in his big, orange eyes springing to life. “Are you gonna let me do what I want?” 

Sighing, I nod resignedly. I can’t do anything other than that, no matter how hard I try, I can’t convince him that this is a horrible idea. I also can’t dictate what he does in general, but I still make one small comment, “Just promise me you won’t drop out of school for this. You’ve worked really hard to get this far, I don’t wanna see you throw that away.”

“Of course not!” he sounds surprised, and that makes me calm down a little. At least his mind hasn’t wandered off in that direction, and judging by his reaction, it won’t do so either.

“Okay. Then yes, I’ll stop...” I don’t know what to call it, so I just wave my hand and add, “Fighting you on this one.”

He smiles, a genuine smile that I haven’t really seen since the argument started in the first place. “Thanks. And I’ll be careful, I promise.”

“Trust me, I’m gonna teach you everything I know about being careful, and that is not up for discussion.”

He laughs, squeezing my hand. “That I can definitely live with.”

***

Once Shadow leaves for school, I get dressed and ready to go myself. I’ve got something I need to do, one more conversation that needs to be taken care of. Snapping Tofu’s leash on, she’s already jumping with joy. Even if this city is shit for walking her, she still gets excited about it, every day. That’s one of the main reasons people seems to opt for the artificial pets, you don’t have to walk them, feed them, clean up after them, they’re pretty much just around for you to pet. Even if I could get a mechanical dog that looked and acted just the way Tofu does, I wouldn’t swap her for the world. She’s special, she’s a living, breathing creature, nothing could ever replace her.

Walking down the streets of Destiny City it’s still early in the morning, but I know what time he clocks in. Harvey’s almost always working at the bar, but he hates the morning shift, and doesn’t get in until noon. That’s fine, it gives me time for walking Tofu and dropping her off back home, before meeting with him. He doesn’t know we’re doing that, but I have a few words of wisdom I need to hand him. 

One minute past twelve, I walk into the bar, sitting down on my regular bar stool. He’s in the back, the girl behind the counter tells me, but that’s okay, I’ll just wait here. Eventually he appears, and he sighs as soon as he sees me. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t offered me any jobs for the past few days, thinking I’ll yell and threaten him all over again. I’m not here to do that, and I wave him over. 

“Michael, I’m not in the mood-” he begins, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand.

“I’m not here to tell you off. I’m still mad at you, but I’m just here to lay down some ground rules and do a little damage control.”

He sighs, moves in closer and beckons me to start talking.

“First off, he’s not like me. He’s not gonna take on any job, because you’re not gonna offer him every job that falls your way. Easy stuff, nothing dangerous. If it sounds the least bit sketchy, you make sure I go along with him. I don’t care if you lie, tell him someone needs to die, just make sure I’m there. I don’t need to get paid or anything, you know me, I’ll be happy to kill off someone just for the hell of it. You, however, do not get to be the judge of anything. Everything goes through me, nothing gets to him unless I say so. Is that perfectly clear?”

He shrugs, and knowing Harvey, that means he’s agreeing to the rules.

“Good,” I halfway get up to leave, then stop and turn around again. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Shadow. As off limits as you might be, this is the exception. He gets hurt, you get hurt.”

He shrugs again, but I know he gets the seriousness of my threat. As little as I want to get torn apart by whomever else might be working for Harvey, it wouldn’t matter the least bit to me. If something bad happened to Shadow, nothing would matter, and I need that to be crystal clear. Harvey’s not outright scared of me, I know that, but he knows damned well what I’m capable of doing, and just how unpleasant I can make someone’s death. 

I get up to leave, but he stops me halfway out the door, calling me back to the bar. “There’s half a job waiting for you. The fire-guy is refusing to pay, you might wanna look into that.”

Sighing I rub the bridge of my nose. These kind of things are the worst, because usually you don’t get the money, as much as you just end up with another dead body to get rid off. At least I can try off some new creative way of killing, that’s something.

“Fine,” I finally say, “I will. I’ll stop by later with a schedule.”

He nods, then shoots me a rare, small smile. “He’s gonna be fine,” he says, referring to Shadow. “The kid’s not dumb, and he’s got some skills that none of us have. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him.”

He’s right, but I still shrug at the information. Finally I say, “Just… Don’t think of him as you do me, okay? He’s… different.”

Harvey knows exactly what I mean by that. He knows ‘different’ means that he’s different to me; that he’s different from every other person in the entire world. That he’s different because I love him, something I always seemed incapable of doing, but none the less do. 

“I know,” he says, nodding. “And it suits you to have someone around who’s different.”

Sighing, I nod back at him. He’s right, it probably does, and either way I wouldn’t be without it for the world.


	10. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve always loved the rain, it washes the blood right off the pavement.

**July, 2345**

When I was a kid, there was still a few green spots left in Destiny City. Well, there was two, but one in particular meant a lot to me. I used to go there all the time, just to sit by the small pond and skip rocks, or climb the scarce trees, or build make-believe forts in the bushes. 

The staff at the orphanage didn’t care, they had learned to live with the fact, that I didn’t want to play with the other children. They didn’t get me, they thought I was a weird kid, and I’m sure it wouldn’t come as that big of a surprise to some of them, if they found out what I was doing as an adult. 

This tiny park though, that was my happy place back then. I didn’t use it to kill people, I was still a little too young for that particular activity, but there was no other people around, which I much enjoyed. 

That’s probably why someone chose to remove it down to last flower, to make it into some parking lot; nobody used it except for me. I still hate every single person in charge of that particular building project, and some of them I’ve even killed off, just because of that. Took me a while to find them, yes, but it was worth it, just to get my little revenge. Voicing my opinion on what they did to it, making it crystal clear, that I wasn’t a fan. Now there’s nothing left but that dreadful parking lot though, and in the broader scheme of things, there is nothing green left in Destiny City at all. 

I’ve always wanted to drown someone, just push someone’s head under the surface, watch them try and wiggle their way out of it, before running out of air. It’s not an easy task though, something like that takes a body of water, and those are scarce, if not impossible to come by. Naturally when I spot one, I can’t resist the chance to make a dream into reality. 

They are building a new skyscraper, as if we didn’t have enough of those hideous things to begin with, and they’ve only just dug out for the foundation, when the rain starts to pour. It’s an incredible rain shower, it happens once in a blue moon, but when it does, it’s absolute heaven. I’ve always loved the rain, it washes the blood right off the pavement. 

It keeps going for hours, not a spot of sunshine to be seen, and I know I have to go out into it and make my little dream come true. Last time I walked by the building lot, the hole wasn’t that wide, but it was deep, and lucky for me, that’s still the case. It’s late in the evening, Shadow’s at home playing some weird game I don’t quite get, and I’m out wandering the streets all by myself.

When I pick out a victim, it’s just for fun, which means I can get whatever I want. Can’t be someone too big, I need to be able to hold whoever it might be down for some time. I don’t want to just throw someone into the water, I want to forcefully drown them, keep their head under water and feel the panic running through their body as they slowly run out of air. 

Already there’s a sense of serenity coursing through my body, it’s been a while since I’ve done anything just for me, as I have been to caught up in work assignments. This is the first day in weeks, that Harvey hasn’t texted me about something, and I can’t help but wonder why everyone is so hellbent on killing each other. It’s good for me though, closing in on Shadow’s birthday, it’s nice to have some extra cash lying around. But as much as I love my job, I love doing things just for me even more. 

Driving around for a little while, circling the building site and surrounding area, I spot a guy just standing out in the rain, holding an umbrella. He’s probably waiting for someone, just standing around like that, but looking up and down the streets there are no one nearby. I pull up next to him, feigning to ask for directions, getting out of the car to do so. 

“Do you know which way the bird district is?” I ask politely. That’s where Shadow’s mom lives, and it’s all the way across town. I stray away from that area, the last thing I need is for her to figure out what I do, or even worse, grab her by accident.

The guy tilts the umbrella slightly, looking at me curiously. “You’re way off buddy, you need to go back where you came from, then all the way around the flower district, before being anywhere near the birds. Don’t you have a guidance system?”

Most modern cars have those build in, where you just tell them where you want to go, and the car practically drives itself there. Mine is old though, it makes perfect sense that I have nothing like that. I shake my head then pull out my phone, handing it over to him. “You think you can show me on this?” 

He’s just about to say something, probably comment on the age of my phone, but it doesn’t matter. He’s got something in both hands now, which means I am free to grab a hold of his neck, and slam his head against the side of the car. He barely makes a sound, he’s knocked out completely, and I have to check his pulse just to be sure that I didn’t kill him off just yet. That would be a waste, I’m in it for the struggle today, I need more than just a simple murder. 

Luckily he’s still breathing, and as soon as I’ve put a strip of tape across his mouth and wrapped another around his wrists, I throw him into the back of the car. He’s very light, it’ll be no problem to get rid of him, not even in the way I’m intending. 

It takes maybe five minutes to get to the spot where I intend to kill him, still I’m shivering with cold before halfway there. As much as I love the rain, I’m not too fond on being cold like this. Never the less I stop the car and get out again, open the trunk and pull him out alongside of me. He’s still unconscious, which is really just very annoying, but he starts to wake up when I remove the tape from his lips. He even cries a little when I rip the last piece of Gaffer off of his face, and the sound brings a smile to my face. He’s perfect, the look of terror in his eyes, as I’m bending down towards him and pull him up by his collar. 

“So here’s what’s gonna happen,” I say calmly, smiling brightly at him. “I’m gonna drown you, you’re gonna put up a struggle, but eventually you’ll die.”

He’s struggling already, trying to get out of my grip, but it doesn’t matter the least bit. I’ve got a tight hold on him, even as I switch position to drag him over to the hole, there’s nothing he can do about it. Dumping him down right next to the almost overflowing hole in the ground, he tries to scramble away, but I’ve got a foot ready, and kick him in the groin. As he is curling himself up into a ball, I kick him again, just for good measure. I shake my head at him, he’s a pathetic little one, crying and trying to scream out for help. Thank fuck I’m about to shove his head under water, otherwise the noise he’s making might attract some other lonely soul out in the rain. 

For a second I just watch him lying there, he’s trying to will himself out of the fetal position, trying to crawl away from me. I just shake my head at him, as I bend down and grab onto the collar of his coat, whispering into his ear, “Trust me, you’re not going anywhere.”

The guy is terrified as I pull his head back, only to dunk it down under the water surface. He’s trying to scream underwater, which probably works against his attempt to stay alive, and I squat down next to him, holding him securely in place. Once in a while I drag his head back up, giving him just a second to breathe, before I push him back down again. I rarely waste time torturing people, but this is rather funny to me. Every time I pull him up, he looks that more desperate and afraid, it’s rewarding to do it this way.

In the end it gets too cold though, and the muddy ground underneath my feet, are starting to make me slip a little. I take one last look at his panicky face, before pushing his head down under again, and hold it there for him to die. 

He’s struggling till the last second, trying to will himself away from me, but to no avail. He’s dead within a couple of minutes, no breath left in his lungs. As I get up, his head still dangling down into the water, I contemplate what I’m going to do with the body. In the end I’m shivering to much to make a big deal of it, and just push him over the edge of the hole, letting his entire body slip into the water. 

I’m drenched to the bone, even my leather jacket feels wet on the inside, and quickly I make my way back to the car. Smiling to myself I turn on the radio, half humming along to the tunes, as I drive back home.

***

As much as it seemed like a grand idea to me, to go and drown someone in the middle of a rainstorm, as much does it seem like the dumbest idea in the world to Shadow.

I stumble into the hallway, trying to pull my soggy shoes off as I do so, when he sneaks up on me, looking not all too pleased with me. I’m in a good mood though, exceptionally so, and laugh at his cranky expression. As soon as I get my dirty shoes and jacket off, I move over and kiss him. My socks make little wet patterns on the floor, my pants are practically dripping, and I’m shivering so much my teeth are chattering. I’m still all smiles, it was worth it to finally get that dream fulfilled. 

“You’re a mess,” he says, gently pushing me away to get a better look at me. “You’re gonna get sick.” 

“I never get sick,” I say pointedly, “And should I it doesn’t matter, tonight was so worth it!”

“What did you do out in the rain anyway?” he shoots me a questioning look. He didn’t ask when I left, and I figured that was because he didn’t want to know. Regardless, he does now, and I’ll have to tell him the truth. 

“I drowned a guy,” I say a little hesitatingly. We tell each other everything regarding work, but this one wasn’t work, and so I didn’t mention it. He’s not fond of my work, but when I do it for fun, he likes it even less. I think it creeps him out a little, that I can just go out and kill someone feeling all calm and serene, as if I was off playing with a stress ball. That’s what it is to me anyway, just pure bliss, a way to center myself. 

For a little while he’s just watching me, his eyes running up and down my still wet body. 

“Are you mad?” I finally ask, and he shakes his head slowly.

“Not mad no… A little disturbed by your enthusiasm, but no, not mad.”

“It’s just one of those things I’ve always wanted to do,” I explain, most likely digging an even deeper grave for his dwindling understanding. 

Shaking his head, he turns towards the bathroom, pulling a towel from the rack. Sighing he hands it over, and I run it across my face. “You better change into some dry clothes.”

I feel a sting of worry, I don’t want to start hiding my pleasure-kills, nor do I want him to be all freaked out because I do them. “If you’re not mad, then what are you exactly?” I ask quietly, not entirely sure I want to hear the answer.

“Worried,” he states, as he picks up my shoes, puts them on the shoe rack. They are dripping a little, and I put the damp towel underneath them. 

“Shadow...” I don’t know where I’m going with this, in fact I have no idea what I’m supposed to say or do in a situation like this. We’ve been through it some times now, but I still don’t know what he wants from me. I can’t apologize, I’m not sorry, and I’m not going to pretend like I am. 

He shuffles his way back into the living room, curling up on the couch underneath a blanket. It may be July, but the rain makes it chilly. For a second I just stand there, watching him carefully, before he pats the seat next to him. Almost about to sit down, he stops me, waving his hand at me.

“Go get changed first.”

Nodding I do as I’m told, changing into my old sweatpants and the t-shirt I only use for sleeping. It’s gotten old and a little tattered around the edges, but it’s still got some good years left in it. Going back into the living room, he’s unwrapping himself from the blanket, gesturing me to cuddle up to him. I smile, even if he doesn’t love what I do, he still loves me. When Tofu jumps up to lie down at my feet, keeping them warm and toasty, I can’t ask for much more.

***

One thing I could have asked for though, was for Shadow’s foreboding words not to come true.

At some point we moved into the bedroom; the SHC turned on to show a large cornfield underneath a clear blue sky; and fell asleep. When I wake up again, I feel like shit. I can’t remember any point in my life where I’ve felt this horrible; my throat is soar, my nose is running, my body’s aching, and I have a headache from hell. Shadow’s sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand resting against my forehead, and he looks worried. 

“You’re sick,” he points out. I am not all that familiar with being sick. Hurt, yes, but sick? I’m not sure I’ve ever been sick in my entire life. I try to sit up, but he gently pushes me back down. “Seriously, you’re sick, you need to stay in bed.”

“I need coffee,” I manage to mumble, but my voice sounds off and it hurts like hell to say those few words. 

Shadow just shakes his head at me. “You need tea, painkillers and lots of blankets. All of which I’m gonna go get for you, so just stay here.”

I make a disgruntled noise, but as I seem to be incapable of making much resistance, I let him go fetch me everything. When he returns, he places a large cup of tea and some breakfast on the small table next to the bed. I really just want coffee and cigarettes, but I still appreciate it, and nip carefully at the steaming tea. It’s bitter and I make a dissatisfied face, but Shadow just shakes his head.

“You’re drinking that,” he says, then hands me a small pill glass. “And take two of these.”

“You know that I’m capable of taking care of myself, right?” I’m don’t like feeling helpless, but I also haven’t felt more so than I do right now. 

“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean I can’t do it for you.”

I huff, but in the end I nod, my body too fucked up for me to do any real kind of resistance. “Guess not.”

“Anything else you need?” he asks softly.

“Cigarettes. I need cigarettes.”

“You sure your throat’s up for that?”

“Pretty sure it’ll have to be, otherwise I’ll have to leave the bed to go and kill someone.”

He sighs exasperated. “If you hadn’t done that to begin with, you wouldn’t be sick at all.”

I have no smart comeback for that, so instead I just shrug and drag the covers up closer. He’s smiling a little though, and cups my face lovingly with his hand, before fetching me the cigarettes. It does indeed hurt like a motherfucker to get the nicotine down my lungs, but I can be very stubborn like that, and manage to get through the whole cigarette. Coughing I put it out in the ashtray, it tasted like shit, but it got rid of the itching feeling inside my body. Curling up underneath the covers, I fall back asleep, too sick to do anything else.

***

It’s closing in on midnight when Shadow crawls into bed with me. It’s summer vacation, and he’s probably just been playing video games, while I’ve been sleeping. In spite of having slept all day, I still feel tired, but I manage to check my phone before settling in for more sleep. There’s one from Harvey, telling me to be at the bar in three hours, and for once I’m going to have to refuse. I’ve never texted Harvey back, I always just show up when he asks me to, but this time there’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere. If nothing else, then because Shadow is shaking his head the second I pick up the phone, a stern expression on his face.

“You’re not going,” he says firmly. 

“No, I’m not, I just have to text him back.”

“Thought you didn’t do that?”

“I don’t, but I do always show up. I just need to give him a heads up that I’m not gonna be there this time.”

I’m not entirely sure what to text him though, Harvey’s got a bunch of codes, but I have none. Not even an ‘okay’ have I ever texted him, I’m not even sure he checks the phone after texting me. In the end I just write, “Can’t. Sick.”

There’s a moment of silence, then the phone beeps again. It says, “Srsly?”

I show Shadow the phone, giving him a weary look. “Please tell me what that means.”

“It’s means ‘seriously’.” 

“And what exactly am I supposed to respond to that?”

He sighs, “Give me the phone.”

Groaning I do as I’m told, not entirely sure it’s a good idea. When he hands it back he’s send a text saying, “He’s not going anywhere, trust me. He was stupid enough to run around in the rain yesterday. - Shadow.”

Another text tics in, and I’m just about ready to throw the phone at the wall, just to make it shut up. “LOL, tell the poor baby to get better soon.”

“Tell him to shut the fuck up and leave me alone,” I grumble, “And what the fuck does LOL mean?”

“Means ‘laughing out loud’. I’m just gonna text him we’re going to bed.”

He’s sitting there with my phone in his hands, when something odd happens. For the briefest of seconds, Shadow isn’t there. His entire person flickers, like when there’s a glitch in the games he plays, shaky bluish lines running across him. My eyes widen, my mouth agape, as I reach out to touch him. It only lasts for a second though, and he’s back to existing fully before my hand runs across his arm. 

“What the fuck was that?” I gasp.

“What the fuck was what?” he drags his eyes away from the cellphone, looking at me curiously. 

“That…” I don’t know what to call it, “That weird glitching thing that just happened?”

He raises an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“I swear, for a second you weren’t there!” I push myself up, even if it feels like the most straining thing I’ve ever had to do. “Seriously, you weren’t there!”

He shoots me a weird look, he obviously has no idea what I’m talking about. “I think you’re hallucinating, happens sometimes when you’ve got a fever.” 

I know I wasn’t hallucinating, I’m 100% certain it happened, and I stick to claiming that it did. He shakes his head at me, pushing me gently back down and pulls a blanket up closer around me. Giving me a slightly worried look, he runs his hand across my face, cupping my cheek. 

“Trust me, I’m right here, and you’ll feel better once you get some more rest.”

I know what I saw, and for a long time I lie awake, my eyes securely hefted to him. Nothing more happens, and eventually I fall asleep again.

***

It takes me almost a week before I’m back on my feet. As soon as I am, I go to Harvey’s, and he outright laughs at me as soon as I enter the bar. Flipping him off I slide into my usual spot, waving him in closer.

“Got any work for me?” I sigh, giving him a weary look. I’m already sick of being outside and around other people, that was the one good thing about being sick, I didn’t have to deal with anyone other than Shadow. 

“Nothing right this instance, but you have been sorely missed.”

“Whatever. I need to ask you something.” He raises his eyebrows curiously, he’s not used to me asking for anything other than work. “Did you have any Evolved customers last Friday?”

“No idea, I don’t keep track of who walks in here,” he responds with a shrug. “Why?”

I think it over for a second, then decides that he doesn’t need to know. “No reason.”

“You looking for someone?”

“None of your business.”

He sighs, “Suit yourself. But I can’t exactly help you if I don’t know what or who you’re looking for, you know.”

“Not looking for anyone, just needed some info.”

“Info about what?”

“Doesn’t matter. Text me when you’ve got some work.”

I get up off the stool, then leave the bar without further words. There’s still one place I can go, before giving up on this. I don’t do this, ever, but making my way across town, I go to see Shadow’s mom. We visit from time to time, but I’ve never been there on my own. This time I have to though, I can’t bring him along for this particular conversation. He already thinks I’m being weird about it, making it into something it’s not, at least not according to him. It was something, I’m sure of it, and I need to figure out what. 

She buzzes me in, and she’s just as surprised at seeing me as I expected her to be. “You’re here alone?” she asks curiously, glancing across my shoulder to see if Shadow’s hiding behind me.

“Yeah, I… I need to ask you something.”

“Came to ask for my permission to propose to Shadow?” she laughs a little, but there’s a hint of seriousness in her voice.

I chuckle at the question, “Not just yet. I’ll get there some day though.”

Going into the living room, I sit down on her annoying couch, which immediately tells me to sit up straight. Ignoring it, I lean forward, resting my forearms on my knees. 

“Then what is it?” she smiles, “You want some coffee or something?”

“No, no that’s okay. I just need to ask you something, and it might sound weird, but bear with me.”

Raising her eyebrows, she sits down in the chair next to me. Her posture is perfect, maybe those damned furniture do accomplish something once in a while. 

“It’s just… Has Shadow ever… Glitched?”

“Glitched?”

“Yeah, like… He wasn’t there for a second?”

She looks surprised, then her expression softens a little. “It happened a few times when he was a kid,” she says, carefully weighing her words, “I don’t think it means anything though, it’s probably just because he’s Evolved and they function differently from us regulars.”

“He denies it happened.”

“Yes well, he doesn’t seem to realize it himself, that it happens.”

“But… Why does it happen?”

Her smiles, shaking her head a little. “Honestly, I have no idea. The only thing I’ve noticed through the years, was that it always seemed to happen if he got hurt or sick, then soon enough he’d be back on his feet. I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything though, it’s just something about the Evolved, you know they are different from us.”

I’m not too fond of her explanation, but in the end, I just have to let it go. At least it wasn’t momentary insanity on my part, it wasn’t some fever hallucination, it really did happen.


	11. Shooting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dragging him in for a kiss, he smiles against my lips, and when he draws back a little, I whisper, “Happy anniversary.”
> 
> “Happy anniversary to you too,” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist.

**October, 2346**

If there’s one thing that can annoy me more than anything else in this shit hole of a city, it’s when I can’t find what I’m looking for. Or who I’m looking for, to be more accurate, because obviously I’m looking for a victim, that just doesn’t want to be found. 

Something must have tipped him off, and I really don’t have the time for chasing him all over town. It’s already past midnight, I got the job a week ago, this is beyond infuriating. I have to be home at four thirty at its latest, it’s October 1st, the one day a year I absolutely don’t take on any jobs at all. I’ve already told Harvey to shove any kind of work up his own ass, because today I’m not doing shit for him or anybody else. By now all of my regulars know this, they know that no matter how much money they throw at me, I’m not moving a finger on October 1st. They don’t know why, but they have learned to live with it, that that’s the one day a year, I care even less about people, than I usually do. 

Everyone other than Shadow, of course, because October 1st is our anniversary. I remember clearly looking at my watch, at exactly 4:32 in the morning, before moving into the bedroom, where he kissed me for the very first time. Which is why I need to be home by then, we’ve made a tradition out of staying up that night, disregarding anything else that might be going on. It doesn’t matter if he has school, doesn’t matter if I’ve got work, we do this every year. 

Glancing at my watch yet again, it’s now 00:51, and I still haven’t found the motherfucker. 

Groaning I look up at the night sky, it’s cold and starry, just like the night we met. It sends sparkly feelings of nostalgia through my entire body, and as such, I decide to just call quits on the night. I want to be home, as much as I love killing, tonight I just want to be home with my boyfriend. I can’t wait to cuddle up next to him, and I know he’s sitting around waiting for me. We don’t officially have a deadline for when our one day starts, but anything after 4:30 is too late. 

So far I’ve never missed it, and the only reason I took this stupid job in the first place, was because I was sure I’d be done within a few hours. Usually I’m not this slow at tracking someone down, whoever this guy is, he’s stealth as fuck. I had a whole schedule laid out for me, and so far he has been none of the places he was supposed to be. Whatever, I stopped giving a fuck once midnight came along, so instead of putting any more thought into it, I set off towards home. 

Making my way across rooftops, through alleyways, up and down countless stairs, I’m home within an hour. Shadow’s up, of course he is, he keeps this date as sacred as I do. It’s Tuesday, technically he should have been in bed hours ago and be up at half past six, but he cuts school for this. I’m not sure if his teachers know why, if he gives them any kind of explanation, but in the end it doesn’t matter. He never misses school otherwise, they can survive without him for one day. His study group knows, and they don’t complain about it the least bit. If anything they find it sweet that we keep this tradition going, and they seem quite impressed that we’ve been together for five years. Apparently it’s not that common for a 21 year old, to have been with the same guy for five years, but it seems perfectly normal to me. I wouldn’t be able to be with anyone but Shadow, I’m not even sure I’d be able to function without him. Hopefully I’ll never have to find out, but at the top of my head, I’d say I’d rather die than be without him. 

He’s shuffling into the hallway the second I turn the key in the door, ready to greet me the second I step inside. I smile widely the second I see him, he’s wearing sweatpants and an over-sized shirt, and he looks fucking gorgeous. Every annoyed feeling of not getting a hold of my target leaves my body, now it’s our time, and nothing but him exists. 

Dragging him in for a kiss, he smiles against my lips, and when he draws back a little, I whisper, “Happy anniversary.”

“Happy anniversary to you too,” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist.

As soon as I’ve removed shoes and jacket, put them in their designated places, he drags me by the wrist into the living room. He’s made an extra big deal of it this year, lighting a bunch of candles, warm blankets spread across the couch, coffee at the ready to keep us awake till at least five in the morning. 

“Place looks good,” I say, dragging him with me down on the couch. 

He laughs a little, as he halfway falls into my lap, wrapping his arms around my neck to stabilize himself. I grab a hold of him around his waist, my hands immediately finding their way underneath the warm sweater, pulling him in a little closer. I can barely keep my hands off of him on a regular day, hell, even when we’re fighting I want him close, and today is so much more than any other day. I can’t get enough of him, even having him straddling me, he’s doesn’t feel close enough. 

He laughs a little, kissing me on the neck, and I lean my head back to soak it all in. “So how was-” he begins, but I cut him off.

“No work talk,” I say softly, “Work doesn’t matter tonight.”

He furrows his brow, looking slightly concerned. “Did something go wrong?”

“Doesn’t matter if it did,” I bury my head in the crook of his neck, nibbling at his pitch black skin. “I’m here, you’re here, don’t give a fuck for anything else.”

“But-”

“Nope.”

He’s about to make more interjections, but I move my head, my tongue running lightly across his earlobe. He sighs, and I know he’s already forgotten all about my stupid job, and what might have gone wrong with it. He knows that if it was anything too serious, I’d tell him, but it’s not. Annoying, yes, but not an actual problem. I’ll get the guy tomorrow or some shit like that, right now, I just want my boyfriend to fuck me.

***

Lying around in bed, we’ve brought along both coffee and cigarettes. The coffee isn’t all that necessary, neither of us has any trouble staying awake, there’s always something exciting about this night. Closing in on four thirty, we’ve done nothing but kiss, fuck and laugh about the twists and turns of our relationship. From the first night till now a lot has happened, but we mostly focus on the good stuff.

It’s not Sunday, but I still allow Shadow to ask me stupid, embarrassing questions, that I’d rather live my entire life without answering. This night is always the exception to that particular rule, we can ask each other anything, and at this point there’s nothing left I won’t answer truthfully.

“What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?” he asks curiously, “I mean that I don’t know off already.”

Somewhere between groan and laugh I tell him, “That must be the time I decided to climb onto a roof, in the dead of winter. I can’t have been much more than five, and all the other kids at the orphanage just annoyed the shit out of me that day.”

“You hated people back then too?”

“Pretty much the same amount as I do today, yeah. Anyway, the roof was covered in ice, but I still managed to get out there, just to be on my own for a little while.”

“And then you slipped and fell down, am I right?” he chuckles a little.

“Not only did I fall, I fell onto a fucking metal bench, breaking both legs and both arms at the same time.”

“Fuck, that sounds terrible!” 

“It truly was,” I shake my head a little at my own stupidity. Neither of us can hold back on laughing though, looking back, it’s ridiculous how dumb of an idea it was. “What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?”

“Urgh, oh that’s a tough one. Short of lying drunk at your doorstep, I think it might have been when I was ten, and decided to run away from home. I was mad at my mom, can’t remember about what, but she probably told me to do my homework or something along that line,” he stops for a little while, the starry freckles on his cheeks lighting slightly. I have to gesture at him to continue, before he says, “Well, at some point I wanted to go home again, because, you know, I was ten. But I’d managed to get lost somewhere in the city, and in the end I had to walk crying into a police station and beg them to take me home to my mom.”

I can’t help but laugh at him, “So did they?”

“Yes, and not only did my mom tell me off when I got home, the police did too, for being a moronic kid,” he manages to chuckle a little, but the white dots on his face still shine brightly. Quickly changing the subject, he asks me, “What was the last thing to make you cry?”

My heart skips a beat, I’m not sure he wants to hear the answer to that. I shrug and tell him anyway, “Nothing. I haven’t cried in my entire life.”

“Seriously?” he looks a little shocked, “Not even when you fell off the roof?”

“Nope. I think… I think maybe I’m incapable of crying. Like, it’s a bodily function I just don’t have. The closest I’ve ever been, was when I thought you were gonna leave me.”

He nods slowly, I don’t think he knows how to react to this. I know it’s weird, disturbing even, that nothing has ever made me cry. Curling my arm a little closer around his shoulder, he nuzzles up against my chest. 

“I cry all the time,” he admits, shaking his head.

“I know, you’ve cried to at least half the movies we’ve ever seen.”

“Oh shut up.”

“You cry at those pet commercials too.”

“That’s because they suggest you switch out your living pet for a mechanical one!”

“And you cried when you slammed the car door over your own finger.”

“You have no idea how bad that hurt!”

“More so than breaking both legs and both arms at the same time?”

He thinks it over for a second, then nods, feigning deep seriousness. “Yes. Yes it did.”

I laugh at him, ruffling his hair a little, then bend in for a kiss. He makes a small satisfied sound against my lips, before he pulls away and checks the time. 

“Hey, it’s four fifty,” he points out, “It was probably right around now we kissed for the first time.”

“Then we better keep doing that,” I smile, “At least for another five years.”

“How ‘bout we make that fifty?”

“Sounds good to me.”

***

As much as I love this night, it’s a pain in the ass to get up at a somewhat decent time. We drag ourselves out of bed at noon, it still feels like too few hours of sleep, but we manage with massive amounts of coffee. Most of the day passes by with fooling around, kissing, hugging, just being near one another. Even when Shadow has to do a little homework, I’m practically draped over him, holding him tightly up against my chest.

We have dinner reservations at seven, a pretty fancy place that Shadow loves. I for one would much rather order take-out, not leaving the apartment at any point, and most importantly not be anywhere near other people than Shadow. He likes this though, dressing up all nice and go out for dinner. I’m pretty sure it’s just an excuse to get me into a tux again, but I let him none the less.

“You really do clean up good, Michael,” he whispers into my ear, as he helps me tie the tie, something I still haven’t gotten the hang of. Shaking my head I turn towards him, looking him over in his dark blue tux.

“You sure as hell do too.”

The restaurant is pretty far away from the apartment, so we take a cab. We’re going to drink champagne, Shadow probably a tad more than me, and I don’t want to leave the car there all night long. 

We haven’t even gotten around to order our food when I spot him. Motherfucking damn it all to hell, my fucking target from the past week is sitting at an adjacent table, out with some woman. I waver back and forth, this is not a night to be working, at all, but at the same time it’s been hell to find this guy. Shadow’s going to be mad at me if I do this, and I’m going to be mad at myself too, but the chances of me stumbling into him like this again, are slim to none. It’s a big city, after all, this might be my only chance to get him. He’s the most elusive person I’ve met so far, I have no idea where to find him, if I don’t get him right now. I already got half the money, not that it would be a problem to give them back, but it would destroy my perfect score of murdering people. Never have I missed a target, not one single time, have I given up on killing someone. 

The guy is getting up, he’s going to the restroom, I have to fucking do this, either now or never. In the end I lean across the table, take Shadow’s hand in mine, and whisper, “You have to leave.”

He looks at me confused. “What?”

“You have to leave. Right now.”

“Why?” already he’s not looking too pleased.

“Because…” I stumble through the sentence, not entirely sure what I can possibly say that won’t make me sound like the biggest dick in the universe. “Okay, it’s work. I’m sorry, but I gotta do this.”

He raises his eyebrows, and yes, he is indeed mad at me. He’s shaking his head as he gets up, and without further words, he leaves the restaurant. 

Fuck. 

I can’t possibly feel any worse about this, this was not supposed to happen, if anything, work was supposed to fuck off tonight. One night, that’s all I ask, just one fucking night a year, where I get to be normal with my boyfriend. In the end I know it’s my own decision, but it doesn’t feel like it. Sighing I get up, move towards the restroom, trying my hardest to look casual, when I’m really just cursing under my breath.

I never go anywhere without gloves and a weapon, I just don’t. Even on a date with my boyfriend, I don’t leave the house without. It’s just second nature, to pack something somewhere, and with my bag left at home, I decided to bring a gun. It’s not very big, small enough to be strapped to my calf without it being visible, but it will definitely do the trick. It’s loaded with expanding bullets, and shooting him in the head will more or less make it explode. It’ll make a fucking mess though, and I’m wearing a white shirt, that surely won’t stay that way. 

I already have a plan for this murder and getting away with it, in spite of being inside a crowded restaurant. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be fucking quick, which is all I can focus on right now. I have to get out of here, I have to get home to Shadow, I have to go apologize to him. I’m already regretting my decision, I could have gone after this guy tomorrow, I promised both myself and Shadow there was no work on this day, yet here I am, fucking working. And because of what? My own stupid pride? I hate myself right now.

Slipping into the restroom, there’s a couple of guys standing at the urinal, my target being one of them. A little extra obstacles, but it doesn’t matter, I can take them all down quickly. It won’t be pretty, but at this point, I don’t give a fuck for pretty. Instead I just bend down, pretending to tie my shoelaces, grabbing the gloves out of my coat pocket as I do so. I clip the gun free of its holster, barely making a sound. Neither of them notices, I look like any other guy in the restaurant, dressed ever so neatly to be on a date. 

I was on a date, fucking fuck, and now it’s ruined and the man I love is pissed at me. 

I blame it on my target, and as soon as I get back up, I take out my frustration on him, shooting him in the back of the head. He doesn’t get to react, his head explodes, blood and brain bursting out in every direction. The two other guys out there do react though, but I’ve shot both of them point blank, before they can do anything about it. 

Quickly I drop the gun to the floor, kicking it off towards one of the victims hand. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than me leaving the restaurant with gun in hand, and it’s too warm to be strapped back against my leg. 

Storming out of the restroom, I make quite the scene. It’s on purpose, I’m acting like a madman, calling out that somebody is shooting people in there. People jump from their chairs, almost every single one of them taking cover underneath the nearest table. It’s perfect, just the distraction I need, to get the fuck out of here. Running through the restaurant, I make a swift turn, aiming for the emergency exit. Someone will undoubtedly have called the police already, and I can’t be the guy running down the street, directly into their arms. Even if they think I’m just another helpless bystander, they would want to question me, and that’s not something I want to do.

Outside the exit, there’s nothing but a long, narrow alley. Seems like a shitty place in case of actual emergencies, but what do I care, it works just fine for me. I sprint to gain momentum, and the first wall that appears, I vault over. It’s a little harder doing these tricks in a tux, but I manage, continuing onward through the city. I have to be quick about this, but then again, I always am. 

I can barely hear the sirens behind me, as I jump from one staircase to another, soon enough being up on a rooftop. 

From here on out it’s easy, I’m far enough away from the chaos, and all I have left to do is make my way home. Standing at the top of the building, I take a minute to catch my breath, and think things through. This is a fucking mess, I’m going to come home to a boyfriend who is mad as hell, if he’s even there. It’s not like I haven’t fucked up shit before, but this is seriously bad. It’s our one night a year, it is that one day, where I don’t get to fuck up at all. I regret doing this, I made a bad decision, just to keep some perfect score, that ultimately doesn’t matter. Cursing at my own stupidity, I stand there for a while, hoping he’ll at least be there when I come home.

***

Glancing at my reflection in the 24 hour candy shop’s glass panels, I can definitely conclude that I look like shit. There’s blood all over my shirt and face, even little pieces of brain has gotten caught in my buzzed down hair.

I take off my jacket and rub the inside of it across my face, hoping it’ll take the blood bath down a notch, before putting it back on and closing it tightly to cover up my shirt. It’s not ideal, but it’ll have to do. If anyone starts asking questions, I’ll just say that I was mugged, and need candy to get over it. Sure, cause that makes sense. Whatever, it’s not like I care what other people think, I just don’t want to get linked to the murders more than I already am. Thank fuck I never use my real name when making reservations, if the police check, it was Matt Mosley that fled out the back exit. 

Going in, the store clerk lifts an eyebrow at me. “You okay sir?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, trying to sound polite, but not quite succeeding. 

Doesn’t matter, I’m a man with a mission, as I go through the vast amount of self-mix candy. I already know what I need, I just got to find the right way to do this. I may just be wasting time on this, time I should be spending getting home to Shadow, but it feels like the right thing to do. 

After spending maybe five minutes picking out candy, I pay the guy with cash, and start on getting home. I’m not going anywhere near the streets, not just because of the police, but also because I just can’t deal with other people right now. If there’s even a single person who stands in my way, I will fucking rip their head off, and I won’t even need a weapon to do so. So I go across the rooftops, making large jumps with an overly large bag of candy shoved down my pocket. I go as quickly as I can, right now I just want to get home and see that Shadow’s still there.

When I finally make it to the door, I take a deep breath before unlocking it. Glancing inside the light is on in the living room, and I hope that means he’s there. Without as much as removing my shoes, I go in, and he is indeed there, sitting on the couch bundled up in blankets. I feel like crap, I’ve done a lot of stupid shit through the years we’ve been together, but never in my entire life have I felt this bad about anything. 

“Hey,” I say softly, and when he turns his head to look at me, he looks more hurt than mad.

“Hey.”

“I… I’m sorry,” I blurt it out, sitting down on the couch next to him. I’m still wearing shoes and jacket, I’m still smeared in blood, but this is more important than cleaning up. “I really am, I know I fucked up, I just…” I’m about to begin explaining my poor life choices, but I stop myself, “No, fuck that, I’m just sorry.”

He nods slowly, staring at the table. I’m pretty sure he’s smoked half a pack of cigarettes while he was waiting for me, and that somehow, makes me feel worse. He’s been worried, he always smokes more when he’s worried, and that makes what I did even more unforgivable. 

“I know it’s gonna sound like the dumbest thing in the universe right now, but I brought you this,” I pull the bag of candy from my pocket, and he looks at it, raising an eyebrow.

“You brought candy?”

“Yes.”

“You seriously brought candy?”

“Yes.”

“So while I was here, worried sick, you stopped somewhere, to get candy?”

“Yes.”

“You really don’t get this, do you?”

“Yes, I do.”

Sighing and shaking his head, he grabs the bag of candy from me. Everything in it is licorice, his favorite obviously, except for a single piece of gummy, lying on top of the rest. 

“Look, I know it’s not gonna make up for tonight, at all,” I say, fishing the gummy from the bag. “But just… Give me a chance to make it up to you. Preferably a life-long chance,” I stumble through the words, and he looks at me, one eyebrow raised, as I take the round piece of candy and slip it on his finger. “Please?”

He can’t help it, it’s beyond ridiculous, and he starts laughing. “This is by far the dumbest proposal anyone has ever made,” he chokes out between bursts of laughter. “Are you really serious about this?”

“Of course I’m serious,” I feign outrage, but can’t keep a straight face, and start laughing too. I try desperately to stop, but I can’t. I’m still holding on to his hand though, and when I’m finally capable of saying a serious sentence again, I squeeze it tight. “No but really, I am serious. Even asked your mom and everything.”

He chuckles a little, shaking his head at me. For a second I think he’s saying no, but then he smiles and says, “Well okay then.”

The knot I’ve had in my chest all night finally loosens itself, and I physically slump forward a little, resting my head on his shoulder. He pushes me away, holding me at arms length.

“It’s not that I don’t wanna cuddle and be happy with you, but you’re covered in blood and… I think it’s brain?”

“That sounds about right,” I say, pushing myself up off the couch. I reach down a hand towards him, softly saying, “Wanna go take a shower with me then?”

He nods, the silly piece of gummy still around his finger. He looks at it, smiling.

“I’ll get you a nicer ring,” I start, but he cuts me off, shaking his head.

“Don’t. I like this one.”

Laughing I drag him to his feet, and in spite of the blood smeared across my face, I kiss the top of his head. “I insist. But you can keep that one too.”

All the madness must have left his body, because once we’re in the shower, we’re kissing and hugging all over again. Somehow I’ve managed to overwrite my own stupidity, at least enough for him not to leave nor hate me. 

The gummy ring is lying on the sink, he didn’t want to risk it dissolving in the water, and he slides it back on his finger the second we leave the bathroom.

“Even if I do get a nicer ring, I’m still gonna hold onto this one,” he says smiling, and I nod in agreement. “Just out of curiosity though, what did my mom say?”

I chuckle a little, “She said ‘about damned time’, then hugged me.”

“Yeah, she always liked you,” he points out, and I shrug in respond. It’s not like I dislike his mom, but she’s nowhere near the category where Shadow belongs. She’s like Harvey, a person I have to deal with once in a while, but nothing more than that. 

“She brought it up a long time ago,” I say, “But I wanted to wait around for this day.”

“Why? Were you scared we were gonna break up before this?”

“Not even a little, I just wanted it to be perfect.”

He looks at me, slightly worried, then asks, “Would you have done this if everything hadn’t fucked up? I just wanna know if this is some over the top way of apologizing.”

“I had this planned out, long before fucking shit up.”

“Then why the candy ring?” he tilts his head slightly.

“I wanted… I wanted to do this in a way you’d never forget. Something that we could look back and laugh about. I didn’t wanna do all the regular stuff, hiding some fancy ring in your champagne, I wanted it to be different.”

“But you bought the candy on your way home from fucking up our date,” he says the words questioningly, “How does that add up?”

“I was gonna stop for candy either way. I was gonna suggest walking home, I knew we’d walk past the candy store, I know you’re always in the mood for candy, and I was pretty sure I could get you to wait outside while I got us some. Or at the very least be stealth enough about what I got, to pull this off.”

“So you seriously planned proposing with a gummy ring?”

“Yup.”

“That’s… actually very sweet,” he shakes his head, smiling brightly.

“I know it’s silly and everything, but you know… I just thought it was a little less cliche, than anything else I could come up with.”

He looks at his ring, then back at me. “I think so too.”

“Even if I would have preferred to do it without all the blood on my face.”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie to you, that would have been better,” he chuckles a little, “But I forgive you.”

“Really? Just like that?” I raise my eyebrows, genuinely surprised. I thought he’d be mad at me for weeks, and he’d be in his good right to be so.

“Yeah, I’m not exactly happy about it, but I know how much that stupid ‘perfect score’ means to you,” he makes air quotes at the words ‘perfect score’, simultaneously rolling his eyes. “It’s okay. Stupid, yes, but ultimately it’s one of those things I’ll just have to live with.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” I say, worried and apologetic, “I’ll try and do better next year.”

“You’d better, otherwise you’re gonna miss out on your own wedding, and I have a feeling I won’t be quite as forgiving about that.”

“Oh, already picked out a date then?” I grin and pull him in by the waist, kissing him on the cheek. He nods, giving me this smug smile. “Sounds good to me, and I promise I won’t kill anyone that day.” 

“I’m happy if you just don’t do it in the middle of the wedding.”

“Deal.”

In spite of how tired I am, we stay up half the night, Shadow chattering on about things he wants at the wedding. I nod and smile, he can get whatever he wants, I just want him.


	12. Wire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know how to use a knife,” he begins, but I cut him off.
> 
> “If anyone grabs onto you, you stab them,” I say in a serious tone, “There. Now you know how to use a knife.”

**December, 2346**

Snow is falling gently, covering every space not infested by damned flying cars and annoying people. I can’t figure out if I love or hate winter, on one hand it makes the city a little more quiet, keeps some of the assholes inside, and the snow itself is pretty. On the other hand it turns into ice covering every fucking surface, making them slippery and dangerous to run across, not to mention the fact that I truly despise being cold. It’s a tough choice, but as long as I don’t have too many jobs requiring parkour and free running, I’m leaning most towards liking it. Either way, right this instance I’m cool with it, due to sitting inside in my windowsill, quietly watching it swirling down from the sky. I’m waiting for Shadow to get home from school, it’s his last day before Christmas vacation, and I look forward to having an entire week with him. 

I need him for something though, something I’m not all too pleased with. Harvey texted me with a job for the both of us, it’s the first time for that to happen, and already it rubs me the wrong way. Up until now, he’s only gotten small, easy jobs, something even my paranoid mind felt okay with. Harvey has kept true to his word, everything goes through me, and Shadow always comes home alive and unharmed. He enjoys the little thrills he gets from getting away with something criminal, which is kind of cute in itself, and he makes a decent amount of money off of it. It has no effect on me, but I think he likes having his own money, even if I still refuse to let him pay rent or any other bills. They haven’t changed one bit since he moved in here, it doesn’t make any sense that he should pay for anything, when I would do that whether he lived here or not. 

When Harvey’s got a job for Shadow, he texts me, “S 1pm HB” or something along that line. Then I go down there, alone, decide whether or not I find the job reasonably easy. Today though, he wrote “MM S 6pm HB”. We haven’t used that code before, and I’m not entirely sure if I should go down there alone at 6, or for once bring Shadow with me for the initial talk. I’m not sure he’ll listen if I say no, I’m not sure he’ll accept that I just know this shit better than he does. 

In the end I decide to go alone. Shadow’s home at four, and I don’t tell him anything about it being a possible job for the both of us, before leaving. As usual I just say I’m going to go meet with Harvey, I think it’s safer that way. I never meet with the actual clients when it’s something for Shadow, Harvey gives me the gist of what is needed, then I decide if I’ll let him do it. It might sound a little controlling, and it probably is, but I honestly don’t give a fuck. I’m still not too fond of him doing this, I’ve learned to live with it, but only on the terms I initially demanded. 

When Harvey and I have hashed out the details, he texts Shadow a similar message as the ones I get myself. He gets excited every time, like it’s some great honor to get to do work for Harvey, but it’s sweet really. I don’t know if he’s caught onto me having the final say on all of his jobs, but he hasn’t mentioned it if he has. 

Slipping into Harvey’s bar, the warmth hits me like a wall. I take my usual spot, and as soon as Harvey lays eyes on me, he sighs and shakes his head exasperated. 

“Still not letting the kid come along, I see,” he says pointedly. He’s annoyed with having to explain things twice, but I don’t give a fuck. It’s that or I rip out his throat if something goes wrong, I think I’m being nice actually. 

“Nope.”

“You ever gonna?” he’s cleaning out an ashtray, puts it down in front of me, as I light up a cigarette. 

“Nope.”

“You always have been both annoying and stubborn to the bone.”

I ignore his comment, simply saying, “So what’s the job?”

“Someone needs three people gone, and something stolen, simple as that.”

“I can do that on my own.”

“Really? Didn’t know you were capable of breaking into a safe all of a sudden.”

I narrow my eyes at him, already slightly annoyed with the job. After a few moments, I stub the cigarette out in the ashtray, not looking all too pleased as I tell him, “I’ll think it over.”

“You can think it over for the next five minutes, it has to be done tonight, so you’re either in or out.”

I groan a little, trying to run every possible scenario of this fucking up through my head. Three people isn’t a lot, it wouldn’t be a problem to me on my own, but this way I’ll have to look out for Shadow too. Getting into a safe I can’t do on my own though; Shadow’s gotten good at his job, and he knows how to do shit like that. If I had to do it on my own, I’d just end up blowing it up, something the client probably wouldn’t be too happy about. 

“Who wants this done?” I finally say. 

Usually I don’t give a fuck who I work for, but when it’s Shadow, it’s different. Harvey nods towards the transaction spot, and I see that it’s one of my regulars, the guy from the mob. Sighing I move towards the table, sitting myself down on the opposite side of it. I’m not too sure I want to get Shadow anywhere near this guy, then again, he’s never been anything but polite and to the point with me. 

I nod at him, then ask, “So what do you want this time?”

“It’s a little more complicated than what I usually bring you, but Harvey told me you could make this happen,” he digs into his coat pocket, pulling out the usual envelope. It’s thicker though, with both money and information. Just this once I go through every last detail, before agreeing to anything. 

The killings are easy enough, it’s just two men and a woman, on the opposite side of the war that’s raging between the mobsters. They going to have weapons, sure, but so am I. If we go in the dead of night, I can most likely take them all out before they even realize what’s happening. Not sure how I’ll do it just yet, but that part I’ll figure out soon enough. 

The job Shadow has to perform, seems straight forward enough too. All he’s got to do is open up the safe, grab what’s inside, then get the fuck out of there again. It all looks good on paper, but I’m still wavering back and forth. 

In the end, I shove the envelope into my pocket, before nodding at my client. “Alright. I’ll make it happen.”

“Good. You’ve always been very resourceful, Mayhem, I like that about you.”

To this I just shrug, I don’t care about anything he may or may not like about me. Without paying him any more attention, I get up and leave the bar, not even bothering with saying goodbye to Harvey.

***

Shadow gets just as excited about the job, as I expected he would. I didn’t entirely think it through though, giving him the assignment like this, and of course he asks me why he wasn’t at the meeting.

“Dunno, Harvey just texted me. Guess he figured I’d be able to give you the details,” I say, leaning in for a kiss. 

He buys into it, either he already knows that I get final say in anything remotely criminal he does, or he just believes me. Doesn’t matter, I’m already half off in work mode, and the thought of him seeing me like this, gives me a little discomfort. 

I’ve always been different around Shadow, than everyone else. It feels like I’m another person when I’m with him, he brings something out in me, that no one else gets to see. Now though, he gets to see the person everybody else does, the ruthless killer who just doesn’t give a fuck for nothing. He’ll still matter while we’re doing this job, obviously, I’ll love him just as much as I always do. But I will snap into murder mode, I have to kill these people, and I’m not sure if he’s supposed to see that at all. I’m not even sure how it’ll work with him around, whether I’ll just do what I always do, or I’ll spend all my time worrying about him. 

Couldn’t I at least just come along as his bodyguard, it would have been a little easier, but these three people have to die. Three people I don’t give a fuck for, which is exactly what he’s going to experience first hand. Hopefully I can make that happen quickly, then just stand around watching over him like a hawk. 

We sit around making plans over dinner, thank fuck this envelope is stuffed with more information than we need. There’s something odd about shoving in pizza with one hand, pointing out where three people about to die is, with the other. Odd, but also somewhat entertaining. Like it’s a cozy activity for a couple to do, just planning out crime and death, like it’s no big deal. It isn’t to me at least, he still gets excited, but to me it’s just another day at the office. 

“So that’s the safe, huh?” he says, struggling to get some cheese off his fingers. “Seems weird to keep it in the living room, but I guess that just makes it a little easier for me.”

“Mm. If we leave late enough, they will be in bed, and I can just...” I trail off, then make a slitting motion across my own neck. Apparently it looks completely ridiculous, because he starts laughing. Shaking my head, I chuckle a little myself. “Yeah well, that is what’s going to happen.”

“I know, I know,” he giggles, “How are you gonna do that anyway?”

I shrug, I haven’t quite gotten around to planning that part yet. I get up, go into the bedroom and pull forth the bag filled with the most common murder weapons. I’ve got more stashed throughout the entire apartment, but I’m pretty sure there’s something useful inside the bag. 

Done with the pizzas, I begin laying out everything on the table, going through them methodically, shaking my head a little indecisively along the way. 

“Can’t be guns,” I say, sliding three of them across the table, to create a pile for the stuff I won’t need. 

“Why not?” he asks curiously, eyeing the guns. 

“Don’t,” I say before he even lifts his hand, and he scowls a little at me. “It can’t be guns because they make too much noise, and I doubt all three of them is sharing a bed. The house has two bedrooms anyway, so it makes most sense that two of them occupy one, while the last is in the second. If I shoot one or two of them, the third will get alarmed, and I’m not up for too much of a struggle.”

He nods slowly, as I fiddle something out of the bag that might just work. It’s a piece of steel wire, it’ll cut through just about anything, skin and flesh included, and it makes no sound. If I can get that around the neck of the first motherfucker, the one who sleeps alone, chances are that the other two won’t hear a thing. 

I put it back in the bag, that seems like a pretty safe bet. Now for the other two, I could just go all in and blow their brains out, but I want to be more creative than that. It’s a little dangerous to take two people on at once, with a piece of wire, but I think I can pull it off, same way as I always do. 

In the end that’s my plan. Just cut their damned heads halfway off with the wire, let them bleed to death. Shadow is watching me carefully as I put everything back in the bag, the wire and a few backup weapons finding their way to my person. I’m still bringing the bag, just for good measure, it can stay in the car for safety. This is no regular night, this is a night out with Shadow, I’m going to be as careful as I possibly can. I look over the weapons one more time, before picking a knife out of the collection.

“Here,” I hand it over to Shadow, giving him a stern look. “You’re gonna take this, strap it to your hip, and you’re gonna use it if something goes wrong.” None of this is up for discussion, but he still looks like he’s going to object.

“I don’t know how to use a knife,” he begins, but I cut him off.

“If anyone grabs onto you, you stab them,” I say in a serious tone, “There. Now you know how to use a knife.”

“But… I don’t… I don’t wanna kill anyone.”

“Then don’t get caught.” He nods a little hesitatingly, taking the knife from my hand. “I’m serious Shadow, you had better use that if something happens.”

“Okay,” he says, a worried look in his eyes, as I strap the holster around his waist and thigh. 

It’s the best I can do, even if a gun is more deadly, he might just end up shooting his own head off. Everything else in the bag is too complicated, he wouldn’t know the first thing about using it the right way, nor does he have the skills or experience to pull it off. 

Sighing I look out the window. It’s dark out, heavy clouds covering even the faintest hint of moonlight, and it’s still snowing. The time says past midnight, and taking one last long look at Shadow, I pull him in for a kiss. 

“Time to get going,” I whisper against his lips, trying to hold back a smile. As much as it bothers me that he’s going with me, I still look forward to killing someone.

***

Parking the car several blocks away, we have to trudge through the heavy layer of snow covering the streets. Considering just how many of those annoying service robots fiddle around this fucking city, you’d think some of them could manage to shovel a little snow. This is the slums though, the poorest part of town, of course nobody cares about the people living here. Not that I do either, I hate everybody equally.

The building is quite low, at least in comparison to the ones surrounding it. There’s a parking lot on the roof though, something I always take note of when I’m somewhere new. What are the exit routes, how can I get away, that kind of thing. Shadow limits those options a lot, if anything, we’re just going to have to stroll back down out the building, pretending like nothing happened. It’s not like he can run across rooftops the way I can, which is a big setback. Maybe I should try and teach him some of my moves, at some point. 

Lighting up a couple of cigarettes, we hang out in the street for a little while. It’s freezing, our pants are already caked with snow, but I need us to go over the plan one more time. I have to be absolutely sure that Shadow does what he’s there to do, and nothing else. 

“Just stay in the living room, okay?” I repeat yet another time, “Promise me you won’t go anywhere else, at all.”

“Yes, you have made that perfectly clear a million times already,” he snaps a little, starting to get annoyed with my insistent lectures on what to do and what not to do. 

“Well then you can manage to hear it for the millionth and one, stay the fuck away from the bedrooms.”

I can feel his glare burning into the back of my head, as I turn towards the entrance, glancing down the streets. It’s late, it’s freezing, it’s snowing, there’s barely any people around. My contact gave me the code for the main entrance, so at least that parts taken care of, but Shadow will have to pick the lock on the apartment door. I know he’s done that a bunch of times before, but I still feel slightly on edge about it. 

“Okay, let’s go,” I finally say, dropping my cigarette bud into the snow. He nods and mimics my move, heaving a deep breath before setting off. 

As soon as I’m moving towards the entrance, work mode fully kicks in. There’s still worry about Shadow, but most of all my usual blood lust kicks in, and I can’t wait to get my hands on these motherfuckers. It’s a least a couple of days since I last got to murder someone, I was actually getting ready for a pleasure kill, but this is good too. 

The wire is already held tightly in my hand as we climb the stairs, and there’s the usual giddy feeling, that something good is about to happen. 

He doesn’t make the slightest sound; when we reach the designated apartment he just slips down on one knee, and picks the lock within 30 seconds. 

I’m impressed, I’ve never seen him in action, but he really is good at his job. 

I still pull him back though, I want to be the one to enter first, just in case. As I glance inside the apartment, no one is waiting for us, and we slip inside. We’ve gone over the layout over and over again, and Shadow disappears straight into the living room, melting together with the darkness surrounding him. His black skin pays off here, and for once he’s dressed in all black, making him close to invisible. 

Looking left and right in the hallway, I have no idea which room is the right one to start off with. According to the layout they are identical, yet one of them has to hold two people. I’d much prefer to start with the one only holding one, but in the end it’s a gamble. When I slide open the door on the right, I make a small, satisfied sound. Yup, there’s only one person lying in that bed, hum halle-fucking-lujah. 

It’s not the most thrilling of kills, I have to be as quiet and quick about it as I can. I’d much rather take on something with a little struggle today, but that might just wake up the two others, and I can’t take my chances on that scenario. 

Instead I crawl as close to the bed as I can get, lifting the covers ever so slowly, the guy not moving the slightest. I pad him gently on the shoulder, and the second he lifts his head, I wrap the wire around his neck. He tries to cry out, but no words escape his lips, as the metal cuts into his skin. Hysterically he tries to grab onto it, which is just stupid, and only makes him cut his fingers too. His legs are kicking, but from this angle there is no way of him hitting me, he can try to fight this as much as he wants, he’s already dead. Blood is running down his front, the metal wire just digging itself in deeper, and soon enough his legs make one last, futile kick, before he dies. 

Sighing satisfied, I let the wire slip away from his throat, letting him fall forward and smear blood all over the sheets and pillows. 

One down, two to go. 

I barely get into the other bedroom before I know something’s gone wrong. Inside there’s only one person, and as soon as I register that, there’s a loud yelp from the living room. Turning on my heel, I run in there, almost tripping over every piece of furniture on the way. 

This is bad, this is so fucking bad, I can’t believe this is fucking happening, this is my worst nightmare come to life. 

Standing in the doorway, I see the large figure of a guy, with one arm wrapped around Shadow’s neck. I can barely make out Shadow in the darkness, but I know the guy’s got a hold of him, and that right now, he has the opportunity to strangle him to death. 

Shadow is kicking at his shins, trying to pull his arm away from his neck, as the guy lifts him off the ground. He’s reacting all the ways he’s not supposed to, he’s supposed to just go for the fucking knife and stab the motherfucker. He’s panicking, and so am I for a second. Even though I’ve never tried anything like this before, I still manage to pull myself away from the shock and horror, and act instead. I can’t get around behind the guy and strangle him with the wire, he’s pressed up against the wall, and I can’t throw anything at his head either, I might just end up hitting Shadow. 

Instead I jump across a table, gaining enough momentum to roll down on the floor and slide towards the guys legs. My boots hit him hard across one ankle, I’m pretty sure it breaks, and he cries out in pain. It’s just enough to throw him off balance, and Shadow manages to wriggle loose, falling hard down on the floor on his hands and knees. He’s gasping for air, clutching one hand to his chest, but I can’t deal with that right now. I have to get rid of the two remaining people in this damned apartment, before I can help him, otherwise we’ll both end up dead. The guy in the living room is already lying down, screaming in pain and holding onto his obviously broken ankle. 

Good, that’ll keep him occupied for a while. 

The woman has caught on though, and comes storming out the other bedroom, a knife held high. Before she gets anywhere near me, I jump towards her, body tackling her to the ground. She tries cutting me with the knife, flailing it around aimlessly, but I knock it out of her hand without much effort. It slides across the floor, further away than either of us can get a hold of it, and instead I opt for simply grabbing a hold of her hair, lifting her head and slamming it back down on the floor. She screams as it makes impact, but it’s not good enough, she needs to at least go unconscious, so I can get my attention back on the guy with the broken ankle. 

Stumbling I get back on my feet, dragging her along with me, twisting her around so I can see what’s going on inside the living room. I can’t see Shadow, but ankle guy is still down on the floor. He’s rummaging around for something though, probably another weapon hidden somewhere, and I have to make quick process of the woman. I knock her up against the wall, head slamming into it, before slipping the wire around her neck. I don’t have time for this shit, so I just pull back as hard as I can, blood spurting out in every direction as I tear through skin and arteries. I throw her back down on the floor, where she stays, trying to press her hands against the massive wound in her neck to stop the bleeding. 

She’s dead though, not officially, but she will be within a minute. 

Turning my attention back towards ankle guy, I barely register something shiny in his hand, before he shoots the gun. Ducking for cover, there’s only one thing on my mind; where the fuck is Shadow?! 

I can’t start focusing too much on that though, I need to pacify the guy with the gun, otherwise he’ll surely blast both our heads off. He’s fumbling with the gun, he can’t keep his balance on the broken ankle, and all of a sudden something seems to slam hard into his back, making him tumble forward. The gun slides out of his grip, he’s trying to crawl for it, but I am far quicker than he is at this point. Kicking it off to the side, far away from him, I squat down next to his head, grabbing a hold of his neck.

Breathing heavily I drag his head up off the floor, and hiss into his ear, “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

He doesn’t respond, just tries to wriggle his way out of my grip.

“If you do,” I continue, “I suggest you take this little snippet of information with you: Don’t ever – EVER – fuck with Michael Mayhem’s boyfriend.”

I drag his head backwards, then slams it hard against the floor. Then I do it again, and again, until there’s nothing left but a bloody mess where his face used to be. Just to be absolutely sure he gets the message, I get up off the floor, draw back my foot and kick him the back of his head. Blood and brain matters spatter everywhere as I break his skull, and in spite of the fact that he is surely dead, I keep stomping at the last bits left. I’ve felt anger many times, but this is pure rage, and I can’t seem to stop myself. 

I have no idea how long I keep kicking at him, but when I’m finally capable of dragging myself away from the mess, my breath is staggered and I see spots. I can’t see Shadow, but I know he’s there somewhere, most likely feeling terrified. Heaving a deep breath, I turn around, softly calling out for him. Carefully he creeps up on me, making sure I know where he is, before putting a hand on my shoulder.

“I… I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Don’t,” I say firmly, “We’ll talk about this later, right now we gotta get out of here. You got what we came for?”

He nods, a movement I can barely make out in the dark, then adds a shaky, “Yes.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

Right now I don’t give a fuck for anything, other than getting the two of us away from this place. We’ve made a fucking mess of everything, and way too much noise to go along with it. 

I guide him towards the living room window, open it and glance outside. Listening carefully, I hear no sirens. Thank fuck for being in the ghetto, it always takes the police forever to get there, due to them not giving a fuck. We still can’t go out the front door, but at least we can climb somewhat calmly down the fire escape. 

I order Shadow to follow me closely, and he does so without saying a word. We don’t run through the streets, the snow covered sidewalks are too slippery for that, but we make it back to the car fast, and drive off even faster.

***

Not until we’re all the way back home, inside the apartment, I realize just how much I’m shaking.

It’s not just the cold, it’s everything. 

I pull off my boots and jacket, before going into the living room, still covered in blood. I don’t even care right now, I just need a fucking cigarette, I just need to be able to breathe again. Flopping down on the couch, I lean forward, resting my forearms on my knees. My fingers fumble with the package, and when I finally get out a cigarette, I light it up with shaky hands.

Shadow’s still in the hallway, and taking a deep, calming breath I push myself back up to go get him. He’s just standing there, still wearing coat and shoes, and he looks terrified. His lower lip is quivering, his eyebrows scrunched up, and I know he’s going to start crying any second. 

Sighing I run a hand across my head, then pull him in for a close hug. For a second he freezes, then slumps forward, sobbing into my shoulder. I wrap my arms even tighter around him, and clumsily manage to get the both of us to the couch. 

“I’m sorry, Michael, I’m so sorry,” he manages to get out between sobs, and I shake my head at him, running a hand through his hair. 

“Don’t be,” I whisper, “Don’t, it’s not… I wasn’t your fault okay?”

“It was,” he interjects, “It really was. I fucked up, I wasn’t paying attention… I didn’t even see him, before he grabbed me!”

“I don’t care, it wasn’t your fault, end of discussion,” I say firmly, still running my fingers through his hair. “Are you hurt though?”

He shakes his head. “No, my throats soar, but that’s it.”

I nod slowly, push him slightly away from me to look him over carefully. He doesn’t seem to be hurt, except for emotionally, but marks aren’t easy to spot on his black skin. He avoids looking me in the eyes, and I kiss him on the forehead, before tilting his head up by the chin. 

“Look at me,” I say softly, and he complies, eyes still wet with tears. Giving him a serious look, I grab onto his face with both hands. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” his voice is shaky, his lower lip still quivering. 

Sighing I lean forward, rest my head on his shoulder, and wrap my arms around him. I just need to feel that he’s there, I have to touch him, make physical contact to be absolutely sure, that he’s sitting right in front of me. His arms slide underneath mine, finding rest on my back, and for a little while we just sit there. 

I know I’m smeared in blood though, and eventually I pull away to go shower. He follows along, there’s no fooling around in the shower this time, we just get cleaned up and hold onto each other, hugging and kissing over and over again. As much as I need to be close to him, my mind can’t find its way into sex-mode, all the feelings running through my body doesn’t leave room for anything else. 

When we get out, I more or less insist we go straight to bed, and he doesn’t object. Crawling in close to him, I wrap one arm around his shoulders, rest my other hand on his face. I keep stroking it, making little circles and patterns on his cheek and jaw, trying to will myself into saying what I have to say.

“Look...” I finally manage to get out, my voice all shaky and careful. “It’s not a discussion I wanna open up again, and I’ll accept your answer either way but… Will you please stop working for Harvey?”

“Yes,” he answers immediately, and I look at him, surprised.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Because you wanna quit, or because I’m asking you to?”

“Both,” he says quietly, shaking his head a little. “I think you’re right, I’m not cut out for this, it’s too dangerous and I have to quit.”

Heaving a deep sigh of relief, I nuzzle in closer. “Thank you.”

I hate that it had to come to this to make him listen, but at least he finally does.

“Will you go with me when I tell Harvey though? If he gets mad or something, I just don’t think I can handle it alone.”

“Fuck Harvey, you aren’t obligated to do shit for him, and I’ll tell him for you.”

“You don’t have to...” he trails off, but I shake my head.

“Doesn’t matter, just let me take care of Harvey.”

He nods and pulls me in closer. “Thank you.”

For a long time we just lie there, as close as we can possibly get, before he finally drifts off to sleep. I stay awake though, I can’t sleep, if anything, I have to stay awake and watch over him.

***

It’s barely noon, and I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep when I walk into Harvey’s. It’s the usual woman behind the counter, and she looks a little worried when she sees me. I know I look like shit, I may have gotten through this without as much as a bruise, but not sleeping doesn’t exactly suit me either.

“Harvey’s in the back,” she begins, but I cut her off before she gets to say anything more.

“Then go get him.”

“He’s doing inventory today, I-”

“Go. Get. Him.”

She complies, with a slightly scared look in her eyes. It doesn’t take Harvey long to get his ass out the backroom, looking not all too pleased with me. Don’t give a fuck, he can be mad at me for the rest of his fucking life for all I care, I need him to get this.

“Your little arrangement with Shadow ends now,” I spit out the words, leaving no room for discussion. 

He sighs a little, leaning in closer. “What happened?”

“What happened was that I was fucking right,” I sneer, “And he’s never doing anything for you ever again. You’re not gonna ask him to, if he gets the faintest hint of message from you, I will beat you to death with that fucking cellphone.”

“Settle down boy, it’s not exactly my fault that something went wrong.”

I know he’s right but I still say, “Don’t give a fuck. Stay the fuck away from him.”

He nods slowly, a hint of worry crossing his features. “Michael… As much as it annoys me when you yell at me, I am sorry if he got hurt. Obviously that was never my intention. I like Shadow, he’s a good kid, and I don’t want him to get into trouble either.”

For a moment I just stand there, looking at him. I know he’s being sincere, I know Harvey’s not like me, I know he’s capable of caring about people in general. Hell, he probably cares about me, and even though that does nothing for me, I could at least acknowledge it. 

“Did you get hurt?” he asks, eyebrows raised, proving me right. “I mean I know you’re still standing, and you seem to have all of your limbs, but still...” he trails off, he’s genuinely worried. 

“I’m fine,” I sigh, some of the anger leaving my body. “Just… Just no more work for Shadow, okay?”

“Don’t worry about it, I was never gonna object to that, if he’s done, he’s done. You could quit on me any time, and I wouldn’t hold that against you either, you know.”

I never thought about that, I’ve never wanted to quit my job. It takes everything out of me, every last shred of strength I’ve got left, but I manage to get out a quiet, “Thanks.”

He laughs a little, “Well I’ll be damned, never thought I’d hear anything like that from you. Now go home to your boyfriend and get some rest, you look like shit.”

I nod slowly, before doing something completely out of the ordinary, and actually share something with someone who isn’t Shadow. “Actually, it’s fiance now.”

“Congrats,” he smiles softly at me. “Seriously Michael, being with Shadow has done you a ton of good.”

I nod, I know that better than anyone.


	13. Joyride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where to?” the cab driver asks, as I slip in on the passenger seat.
> 
> “Hospital,” I mutter, and he takes off, no further words exchanged between us.

**February, 2347**

Shadow’s never been much for morning sex, in fact, he’s not much of a morning person in general. So when his hands sneaks forth underneath the covers and latches onto my dick, I’m a little startled. I quickly catch on though, leaning into the touch, sighing softly. Scooting a little backwards, my back rubs up against his chest, and he’s already breathing a little heavier than usual. Leaning in he kisses my neck, nibbling at the soft skin, and flicks his tongue at my torn earlobe. I lean my head back and slightly to the side, giving him more space to work with, and his teeth sink in a little harder. 

Fuck I love it when he does that. 

When I try to reach back around to get a hold of his dick, he stops me, grab onto my wrist and push it firmly back where it came from. 

Yup, that’s even better. 

All I can do is shutter up against him, as his lips and tongue move across my body, kissing every inch and moving me around slightly as he does so. He flips me all the way so I’m lying flat on my back, grabbing onto my other wrist as well, keeping them tightly pinned above my head. It’s not like I’m going to stop him from anything he’s doing, but it’s still hot as hell to have him hold me down like this. 

His other arm’s still free to roam across my body, and lying on top of me, kissing me intensely, he reaches down between my legs. I can feel him hard against my thigh, as he curls his fingers back around my dick, stroking it in long, swift motions. Moaning against his lips, my body instinctively jerks up against his hand, and he uses his weight to push me back down. 

“Don’t move,” he whispers into my ear, a request that’s pretty damn impossible to fulfill. 

I laugh a little, but when his hand moves again, this time a little rougher, I forget all about anything that isn’t pure pleasure. 

Eventually he has to let go of my wrists, to scoot a little further down, leaving wet kisses across my chest and stomach as he does. Some part wants me to keep them where he left them, but when his tongue flickers across the tip of my cock, I can’t help but dig my fingers into his hair. Pulling back he shakes his head at me, not because he doesn’t like it, he just wants me to lie still. Instead I force myself to grab a tight hold around the sheets, as he continues to give me a blowjob. 

Not until I’m two seconds away from coming, he pulls away, giving me a small grin. He knows me so damned well, he knows exactly what sounds and movements I make when I’m close, but he’s not done playing with my body. 

Giving my dick one last tentative lick, he grabs hold of the bottle of lube, placed on the bedside table. He’s just about to slick some across his fingers, then changes his mind, and wets his dick instead. Yet another thing he knows about me, that I prefer to skip the whole preparation and just push through the pain, and today he does everything I love. 

Spreading my legs further, guiding them up to make better room, he pushes inside of me. It’s a mixture between searing pain and absolute pleasure, and fuck I love it. He slides down a little further, gets his hands nudged in underneath by back, fingernails digging in deep. That’s going to leave marks for sure, and when he bends in and bites down on my neck, I’m pretty sure that will too. 

His movements are both rough and fast, his hips moving back and forth, as he hits the tender spot over and over again. I can’t keep my hands in place anymore, and instead move them up to curl around his neck. I pull him down for a deep kiss, as he removes one hand from my back, turning attention back on my dick. I am rock hard, dripping pre-cum, as his hands move back and forth in tune with his thrusts. 

I try to hold back as much as I can, I don’t want this to end just yet, and neither does he. When he begins flicking his wrist right at the tip of my cock though, I can’t stop myself from spilling all over his hand and both of our stomachs. It only takes a couple of more deep movements inside me before he comes too, his entire middle section tensing up, before he flops down on top of me. 

We’re both sweaty, panting for air, and twitching with an overflow of sensitivity. It takes him a minute to prop himself back up, and he leans in for a soft kiss.

“Happy birthday,” he whispers, a smirk on his lips.

I completely forgot about it, and groaning a little I manage to mumble out a quiet, “Thanks.”

***

It took Shadow two full years to figure out when my birthday is. He must have asked me a hundred times through those years, without getting any kind of answer. I’d either avoid the question, move the subject to something else entirely, or flat out say it wasn’t any of his business. Sometimes he’d even try off the question on a Sunday, but it was one of the few where I would refuse to answer.

On our two-year anniversary I finally budged, and told him. At least it only comes around once every fourth year, so that’s something, and obviously I refuse to celebrate it any other years than that. It annoys him to no end, but that’s the best he’s going to get. 

This is the first chance he gets while we’ve been together, and I fear that he’s going to make some excessively big deal of it. Considering how big of a deal he finds his own birthday to be, I’m pretty sure he’s got something planned, and I’m dreading it already. I just don’t get the point, why people celebrate birthdays. Is it really that remarkable to stay alive for another year? Well maybe to me it might actually be, but I still don’t want a party for it. Milestones in my kill count I’ll definitely celebrate, that feels like an actual accomplishment, but the fact that I’ve gotten one year older? That I’d rather skip all together.

After lying next to one another, catching our breath for a good ten minutes, he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before disappearing off into the kitchen. I’m just about to go after him, but he calls out that I had better stay in bed. Rolling my eyes I stay put, and soon enough he comes back with a steaming mug of black coffee. Okay, that I can live with. Morning sex, coffee in bed, that’s not the worst things that have ever happened to me. He scoots back down next to me, handing me a pack of cigarettes. 

“So what, you’re like my servant for the day?” I chuckle at him, as I light up a cigarette. 

“Yes, yes I am,” he grins widely, and cuddles up closer. “Also I have a gift for you.”

“You know I hate my birthday, you’re really just torturing me, and I never should have told you about it in the first place.”

“This is the first one you ever get, Michael, you can’t know that you hate it yet.”

He’s right, I’ve never celebrated a birthday before, at least not one I was old enough to remember. It wasn’t something they did at the orphanage, and looking back, that place seems more like a glorified storage space for kids nobody else wanted. 

Sighing I nod in agreement. “You’re right, I can’t. The whole concept just seems odd to me.”

“Which it does solely because you’ve never done it before.”

“Maybe, yeah,” I agree, but I’m still not much for doing it. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna make this grand spectacle out of it. I just planned a few things that I know you like, the morning sex being one.”

“And the rest of it is…?” I gesture at him, and he smirks at me. 

“The rest is your gift and dinner. That’s all, I promise.”

“Please tell me we aren’t going out.”

“You are, but I’m not. I’ll cook you dinner while you’re gone though.”

He’s actually got my interest peaked a little at this point. I hardly ever leave the apartment voluntarily, unless I’m off to kill someone or walking the dog. Besides that, Shadow’s grown into a pretty good chef, and him making me dinner is always a pleasure. I introduced him to the food market once he moved in, and taught him everything I know about cooking without using those horrible capsules food comes in now a days. 

“Okay, so what is this gift?”

“Harvey’s got it, you have to go pick it up there.”

A small smile is spreading across my lips, I’m pretty sure this is something that involves murdering people, which always brings me great joy. 

“Okay then,” I say, pushing myself out of bed. “Can I go there now?”

“Check you phone,” he beams at me. 

Doing as I’m told, there’s a text from Harvey, saying, “MM 2pm HB”. Must have come while we were fucking, usually I always hear my phone, even when I’m sleeping that annoying beeping sound always wakes me up. Checking the watch, there’s an hour and a half until I have to be there, giving me plenty of time to shower and get dressed.

“I’ll shower with you, if you want,” he winks, and I laugh a little.

“Sure, sounds good.”

Before I can say much more, he’s stumbling out of bed, dragging me along with him. This is actually shaping out to be one damned fine birthday.

***

I’m not sure how clean we actually got during that shower, but we did fuck, and that is a lot more enjoyable than anything else. We took too long though, the damned shower telling us to get out before finishing, and instead we moved the party into the living room, where he fucked me bend across the dinner table. I’m soar, but it doesn’t matter, it’s the good kind of soar, the one I wouldn’t be without. When I finally get around to getting dressed, there’s only 15 minutes ‘till I have to be at Harvey’s. Shadow drags me in for a last, passionate goodbye kiss, cupping my face between both his hands.

“Have fun, okay?” he says, still holding onto me.

“I hope I will,” I smile at him, before I run down the stairs, and make my way towards the bar. 

It’s still cold out this time a year, and there’s a light layer of frost clinging to every metal surface. I opt for taking the car there, even if it is close by, it’s unpleasant to be outside in this weather, the wind biting at my cheeks and ears. Luckily there’s a parking spot available right outside the bar, and when I slip inside, Harvey is already waiting for me. He looks me over slowly, and immediately breaks down into laughter.

“Nice hickey,” he snickers, “Aren’t you getting a little too old for that?”

“Shut the fuck up,” I groan, sitting down in front of him. “What do you want?”

“I want to wish you a happy birthday, of course,” he’s still grinning, and some part of me wants to punch his teeth out the back of his skull just to make him stop. “Can’t believe Shadow actually got that out of you,” he looks a little thoughtful before adding a smug, “Then again, he seems to get a lot of stuff out of you.”

“Are you gonna give me my gift or not?” I ask sourly, giving him my best glare.

“But of course,” he reaches down below the bar, pulling forth three envelopes. “Pick one.”

Raising a single eyebrow, I shoot him a disapproving look. “Are you serious?”

“Very much so.”

Sighing I grab an envelope at random, and open it up before he can get in another annoying word. Inside is a picture of a woman, some words scribbled on the back. Thank fuck, this has got to mean that I get to murder someone.

“So who’s the client?” I ask, still going over the information on the back. It’s an address, a familiar one at that, even if I’ve never actually been inside the building. The Acelia is the largest building in Destiny City, holding hundreds of offices, all of them containing useless people manufacturing robots. Some of them are doing the paperwork, some of them the actual building, some the endless amount of inane commercials propagandizing for them. All of them, every single last one, is a waste of oxygen. 

“You are,” he says with a small smile, “Shadow managed to find some people he knew you’d hate slightly more than average, and that lady there,” he points to her picture, “Was the one who gave the go for cutting down the tree.”

The tree. 

The last, glorious tree left in Destiny City; a massive beauty, that got removed when I was fourteen. Everybody knows about the tree, it was standing square in the middle of Destiny City, right up until the point where this horrible human being decided it to be a waste of space. If anything she’s a waste of space; I’ve searched for her on and off throughout the last couple of years, yet never been able to find her. That tree was the last glimmer of green this city ever saw, and they cut it down, just to make space for some more buildings, that nobody cares about. At least I don’t, the people living there might, but fuck if I care. That tree was beautiful, it must have been a hundred years old, and the way it looked in autumn, was absolute perfection, the most calming thing one could ever hope to see.

“How the fuck did he…?”

“Don’t ask me, I have no idea how he does anything. My bet is he broke in somewhere, looked through a shitload of files or something like that, but your guess is as good as mine.”

I narrow my eyes at Harvey. “Did you set him up to do this?”

“Aw hell no, Mayhem, you told me to stay away from him, and I did. He stopped by yesterday with this info, and pretty much demanded I handed it over to you today.”

I’m pretty sure he’s telling the truth, it doesn’t sound like something Harvey would ask Shadow to do. “I don’t want him to do anything like this anymore,” I still point out, to which Harvey just shrugs.

“Tell that to him, not me,” he says, wiping a cloth across the surface of the bar. “But keep in mind that he did this for you, not himself, not me, just you.”

There’s still a little worry nagging at me, but in the end I can’t complain. Harvey’s right, this is a gift for me, and it’s a damned good one. 

“Wait, what’s in the other two?” I ask curiously, eyeing the envelopes.

“That’s for me to know, and you to learn if Shadow decides you get to.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s supposed to mean you’ll get them at some other point in time, Michael. Now stop being so pissy about it, and get going.”

I hate to admit it, but he’s right. This is a fucking awesome gift, it not only proves how well Shadow knows me, but also that he loves me enough to actually give me the gift of revenge murder. 

Looking over all the information on the back of the picture again, this time a little more focused, I can conclude that she works at the Acelia, as head of one of the divisions, and that gives her her very own parking spot. It’s up on the roof, which means it’s one of those damned flying cars. 

I’ve always wondered if it was at all possible to kill someone off using those, without simply blowing it up, and this may just be the day where I find out. Only the most necessary is written down, she gets off work at 4:30, giving me about two hours to figure this out. 

The problem is, of course, the building itself. 

The Acelia is littered with people, and as fun as it would be to simply blow up the entire building, it would be a little unsure that I hit my actual target. No, today is all about her, she’s the one who needs to die, and preferably some horrible way. 

In the end I say my goodbyes to Harvey, for once doing it somewhat properly, nodding at him before leaving the bar. Back out in the cold I slip into the car, turning up the heat, before driving off towards the Acelia. A smile is playing across my lips; it might be my first, but this is going to be the best fucking birthday ever.

***

I park the car a couple of blocks away, going through the bag of murder weapons packed in the back. I doubt I’ll need any, but it’s always good to play it safe. It needs to be something I can move with though, I’ll have to go across rooftops to get to the parking lot, and as such I strap on whatever I can heft to my body without it being in the way.

Sighing contently, I find the nearest fire escape and start ascending. I make it up pretty high, before I’m eye-level with a balcony, and being in the mood for doing this the fancy way, I grab onto it and pull myself up. Glancing around quickly, there doesn’t seem to be any people home to see me, and I jump onward to the next one over. 

Gaining more and more speed, I can go for something even further away, and when I run into a steel pipe, I jump, grab onto it and swing across to the next building over. Not pausing for a second, I climb a flight of stairs, cross the side of the building on a narrow ledge, until I’m at one of the bridges connected to the Acelia itself. 

Those are everywhere, making it easier for people to get to work, and this particular one runs straight to one of the rooftop’s parking lots. I’m not entirely sure it’s the right one, but it’ll get me as far as the right building, which is a start. I have to slow down though, the bridge is covered in people going to and from work, and I can’t just push through at the speed of light. If nothing else it would draw a shitload of attention doing it that way, so I just stop and stroll across it like any other person up there. Not exactly dressed to be inside the Acelia, but people doesn’t seem to take any notice of me. 

Finally past the flow of people, the parking lot is close to empty. Just my luck. Most people up here use their damned flying cars, just get into them and take off. I can’t spot my target anywhere though, but I lucked out in regards to the parking lot itself. It’s got all the right numbers, and I quickly locate her car. When it’s still here she must be somewhere inside the building, and checking my watch, I’ve got another good ten minutes before she gets off.

Grinning, I slide down underneath her car, pretty sure nobody sees me doing it. Everybody is so caught up in their own stupid world, nobody notices the average looking guy rummaging around underneath a car that isn’t his. I don’t know shit about flying cars, but I do know my own, I just have to figure out what’s different from that. Wires and tubes run across the bottom of it, a single one pulsating blue light, connecting to the tires. Oh this is almost too easy, I think, pulling out my multi-tool. I never go anywhere without that being stuffed down a pocket, and it’s easy to use a pair of pliers to yank out the tube. Some of the blue fluid splashes onto my leather jacket, but whatever, I’ll get it cleaned at a later point in time. 

One of the – to me right now – perfect things about these damned flying vehicles, is that they need momentum to take off the ground. They don’t hover up, you have to drive them off the edge of something before the flying mechanism snaps into effect. 

I shimmy out from underneath the car again, I want to see this happen, and I want a good view. As such I make my way back across the bridge, and begin ascending the other building, gaining enough high ground to watch the chaos from above. There’s still a few minutes ‘till she gets off work, and I simply sit down on the rooftop, smoking a cigarette until she walks out the door. I’m almost overly excited about this one, but it’s just so fucking perfect. 

She walks to her car, not a care in the world, and throws her purse on the passenger seat before getting inside. Any second she’s going to drive off, thinking the car will lift itself off the ground, and I’m sitting all giddy when she starts it up. 

Lighting up yet another cigarette, I watch her drive to the edge, this is going to be one of my finer kills. 

Without a care in the world, she drives the car off the roof, but instead of lifting itself up, it plummets directly down towards the street. If I were closer, I could undoubtedly hear her scream, while frantically pushing every button inside the damned thing. It doesn’t matter, she can pull and push at anything right now, the car falls down, crashing hard against the road underneath. Not only is she certainly dead, the car landing front first, but she manages to take a few bystanders with her. Everywhere down on the street people are running around screaming at the top of their lungs, as the car half explodes, catching on fire.

I can’t help it, I start laughing, this is too fucking perfect.

Watching the chaos for a couple of minutes, I decide it’s probably about time to go home to Shadow. It’s closing in on dinnertime, and it’ll take me a while to get back to the car. I take a different route back down, getting as close to the ‘accident’ as I can, just to see up close that she’s dead. She definitely is, I just catch sight of two paramedics covering her in a white blanket. 

Fan-fucking-tastic, maybe this birthday concept isn’t bad as I thought it would be. 

Down on the streets, I choose to go back up, gain some high ground on the way back to the car. It’s easier and quicker, that way I won’t have to deal with all the annoying people covering the streets, gaping at the accident. I’m still chuckling a little as I climb a stair, making it up in third story height. Crossing a few buildings, I’m close enough to the car and far enough away from the accident, that I can safely go back down and walk the rest of the way, without a care in the world. Filled with a mixture of pride and excitement, I jump a railing to slide the last snippet back down to the pavement.

Unfortunately this particular piece of railing is covered in a little more ice than I thought it to be, my feet slip and I tumble forward, barely enough time to break the fall just a little. Slamming my left arm straight down into hard concrete sidewalk, I have to use every last flicker of willpower I’ve ever had, not to scream out in pain. 

Catching my breath for just a second, I stumble back on my feet, using my right arm to push myself off the ground. It hurts, insanely so, and there is no doubt in my mind that it’s broken. I remember the feeling of something breaking quite clearly, and this is definitely the same. Swearing loudly, I bend forward, my right arm clutching the left. It hurts like a motherfucker, and I have to straighten myself up and get my ass to a hospital. 

Glancing at my old car, I make the conclusion that I am in no position to drive it, but I still unlock the trunk, disposing of weapons I probably shouldn’t bring to a hospital. Rolling my eyes I go to the curb and wave down a cab. 

“Where to?” the cab driver asks, as I slip in on the passenger seat.

“Hospital,” I mutter, and he takes off, no further words exchanged between us.

***

The worst thing about this isn’t the pain, nor the fact that it’ll probably have some effect on work, it’s not even the annoying concept of spending half of my birthday in an overly crowded hospital. No, the worst thing about this is that I have to call Shadow and tell him.

Thanks to my birthday gift the wait is forever, and sighing I leave the waiting area, clumsily lighting up a cigarette as soon as I’m standing outside the hospital. For a minute I just stand there with phone in hand, the cigarette dangling between my lips, before I heave a deep breath of air and call him up.

He answers the phone with a cheerful, “Hey hon, are you running late?”

“Sorta,” I start, “Look, I have to tell you something, and you can’t freak out.”

“Oh fuck, what happened?” he already sounds panicky, which was exactly what I expected.

“Just told you not to freak out,” I point out, before adding a quiet, “I’m… I’m at the hospital.”

“You’re WHAT?!” 

“Calm down, I’m fine.”

“Oh so what, you’re just there visiting?!”

“Okay maybe not entirely fine,” I sigh heavily, “I broke my arm.”

“You WHAT?!”

“It’s not a big deal, okay? And again, I told you not to freak out.”

“I’ll freak out as much as I damn well please!” he snaps at me, but I get it. He’s scared, nothing like this has ever happened before. “I… I’ll be there in five minutes okay? Just… Fuck, Michael.”

“You don’t have to come down here, the wait is forever and-” 

I don’t get to say anything more before he interrupts me, “Do not argue with me about this, I’m coming down.”

Sighing I say, “Okay.”

“See you in five,” he repeats, before hanging up on me. 

Leaning my back against the nearest wall, I heave one last drag off my cigarette before stubbing it out with my heel. This fucking sucks.

***

Back in the waiting room, it doesn’t take much more than five minutes before he bursts through the door, glancing frantically around the room to find me. Using my good arm, I wave him over, trying to give him a reassuring smile. He grabs onto my face the second I’m within reach, pulling me in for a series of wet kisses.

“Fuck fuck fuck, what happened?!” he sputters, looking at my obviously broken arm. Some nurse was nice enough to give me a sling to rest it in, but other than that I haven’t gotten a lick of attention yet. On one hand it is incredibly annoying how many people are in this damned waiting room, on the other hand I know much of it is my own doing, and thus I can’t be all that mad.

“I slipped,” I say, shaking my head a little at my own stupidity. “I was gonna glide down a piece of railing, then I slipped and landed on my arm.”

“Fucking fuck, why would you wanna slide down anything?! You could have cracked your skull or broken your neck or-”

I grab onto his hand, pulling him a little closer. “But I didn’t. I broke my arm, and I’m gonna be just fine. Just need a cast and preferably a shitload of pain killers, then I’ll be as good as new in a few weeks.”

He looks caught somewhere between anger and fear, when he quietly asks, “Was it your gift? Were you running from something, is that why it fucked up?”

“No, I was just getting ready to go home. That went fine, I just fucked up, misjudged how slippery everything is this time of year.”

Sighing he flops down in the seat next to me, his lower lip quivering slightly. He sits there quietly, looking down at the floor, until I wrap my good arm around his shoulders, pulling him a little closer. “Trust me, it had nothing to do with your gift, and I’m gonna be fine.”

“But-”

“No, no buts. I’m fine, it’s not that big of a deal.” 

There’s moment of silence before he turns towards me, leans in and grabs a hold of my face again, kissing me softly. “Did… Did you at least enjoy your present?”

“Very much so,” I chuckle, “It was fucking perfect. Thank you.”

Shaking his head, he manages a small smile. “I guess that’s something.”

“I was gonna demand an explanation, but since I’m the one who fucked up and broke my arm, I’m gonna let that one slide.”

“Wouldn’t have told you anyway,” he says, a small smirk gracing his lips. “You never tell me where or how you get my gifts, so I think that evens out on its own.”

“Mm, guess that’s true.”

It takes forever, but sooner or later it gets to be my turn, and a nurse calls out, “Morgan Milligan?” 

Shadow rolls his eyes, not even at a hospital I’ll use my actual name and ID. 

The x-rays take less than a minute, then there’s another long wait until someone has the time to put on the cast, but sooner or later we finally get to leave, indeed with a bunch of painkillers in hand. Lacing the fingers of my good hand together with Shadow’s, we walk out of the hospital, and hopefully I will never have to spend any more time in that place.


	14. Acid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So my fiance was a real dick tonight, and therefore I’m gonna go kill this motherfucker,” I tell it in a relaxed, happy tone, “You’re going with me though, but I want you to be a good kitty and stay in the car, okay? Not taking any chances with you here, you’re coming home safely with me. Then you can live alongside me and my annoying fiance, not to mention my dog, who I’m sure you’ll love. She’s gonna love you at least, Tofu loves all baby animals.”

**March, 2347**

It takes less than 24 hours, for me to get sick of being wounded. 

Shadow does his very best to take care of me, bringing me painkillers, fluffing up pillows and fetching me anything else I might need, but it’s driving me insane. 

Not him, of course, but the fact that I got hurt in the first place. Even if I’ve never lost a fight, I have taken many a beating in my life, and this should be no different. Somehow it is though, I can’t do any-fucking-thing on my own, and worst of all, I can’t work. Shadow put his foot down on that one, and after a long argument, I had to agree with him. Going off killing people with a broken arm, is just an obvious road to disaster. If anything I’d just end up with more broken bones, making this into a never ending story of pathetic uselessness. I’ll just have to stay put, follow doctor’s orders, and not do anything too strenuous. 

Harvey texts me on day three, apparently word hasn’t gotten around to him just yet, that I am incapable of doing anything. 

I text him back that I broke my arm, and can’t do shit for him, to which I only get that little annoying, “LOL” in response. I get just the right amount of frustrated, to throw my phone against the wall, shattering it into a million pieces. 

Shadow pops his head in from the living room, I’ve been stewing in the bedroom close to all day, while he’s been doing his homework.

“What the fuck was that?” he asks curiously, glancing around the room to see what exactly I broke. Spotting the last pieces of phone, he raises an eyebrow. “Seriously? You threw your phone at the wall?”

“Yes.”

“And may I ask why?”

“Because Harvey’s being a motherfucker, and I can’t deal with that right now.”

Nodding slowly, he walks into the bedroom, picking up some of the pieces of the obviously destroyed phone. “I see.”

“I’ll get a new one, I just…”

“Need to calm the fuck down?”

I’m just about to snap at him, but catch myself doing it, sighing instead. “Yes, that too.”

“You need to have a phone, Michael,” he points out, and I know very well why he sees this as essential. Harvey might just text me one of those get the fuck out messages some day, and wouldn’t it just be glorious if he did so the one day I decided to smash it against a wall. 

Sighing I get out of the bed, clumsily pulling off my dirty t-shirt and sweats, and change into actual clothes. Swearing through it all, of course, as the zipper on my jeans seems absolutely impossible to work with. Shadow’s still standing in the doorway looking at me, a little hint of worry running across his features.

“I’m fine,” I mumble, reaching my healthy hand out towards him. “Really, I am, I just… I’m just sick of this.”

“It’s been three days, and you’re supposed to wear that thing for eight weeks,” he says softly, as he takes my hand and intertwines our fingers. “I love you, but you’ve gotta figure out something to do, something that doesn’t involve either killing people or breaking things.”

“Can I break people and kill things then?” I shoot him a small smile, and he shakes his head, laughing a little.

“No you cannot,” he says, then pulls me in for a long kiss. “Now go get yourself a new phone.”

“Okay, alright, I will,” I groan a little, “I’ll stop by Harvey’s on the way home.”

“Harvey counts as people, you can neither kill nor break him either.”

“You really are no fun today,” I mock scowl at him, then pull him in for another kiss. “I’m just gonna go tell him to shove his stupid ‘lol’ texts up his ass.”

“Well, tell him he owes you a new phone too.”

“Will do.”

***

Having to be inside stores with people, is even worse than being outside in the streets with them. It’s too crowded, they all seem to be incredibly loud, and when someone pushes me in the back, I’m right back on the verge of snapping.

I must have given off quite the glare, for the old lady who pushed me, only looked at me for a second before she quickly took off. 

Sighing exasperated, I turn towards a sales assistant, telling him very clearly and specifically what I want.

“I need a phone. An old phone, none of that Sense shit.”

“Oh but you get so much more with the Sense really, did you know-”

“I’m just gonna stop you right there, referring back to what I originally said: I need a fucking phone.”

He looks a little shocked, but in the end he fiddles out a series of old phones, putting each box down on the counter. “This one-” he begins, but once again I cut him off.

“I need it for texting and calling, that’s it. The less it can do besides that, is the one I want.”

“Oh, well…” he looks severely confused, but in the end he picks out one, which I’m pretty sure he does at random. It costs next to nothing, and as always I pay cash, before hurrying back outside of the store. 

Can’t believe Harvey indirectly put me through that horrible experience, I’ll have to throw at least a dozen swearwords in his direction just for that. 

Walking back towards the apartment, I almost consider picking up the pace and go upwards, roam freely on rooftops, then remember that I can’t. I’m stuck on the ground with the rest of this useless city’s inhabitants, and all I can do is walk briskly towards Harvey’s bar. I’m sulking the entire way there, but at least it’s warm and toasty inside the bar.

It’s the woman at the counter, and as soon as she sees me, she offers a quick, “You want me to get Harvey?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself,” I say with a polite smile, then call out a little too loudly, “Hey fuck-twat, get your ass out here.”

Harvey pops his head out from the back room, narrowing his eyes. “Well aren’t we in a chipper mood today,” he comments, making his way to the bar. 

“You owe me a new phone,” I state, putting the newly bought cellphone on the counter, clumsily picking at the plastic to get the damned thing out of its box. 

He looks at me while I try to will the fingers on my left hand to do something – anything at all really – groaning loudly as I fail.

“You need a hand with that?” he asks, then adds a quick, “And why exactly do you think I owe you anything?”

“Because I broke my stupid phone over your fucking annoying text, and now, you’re buying me a new one.”

“You broke your phone over a text?”

“Yeah well I was in a pissy mood to begin with and – oh for fucks sake, will you just take that stupid fucking plastic off for me?!”

Chuckling a little, Harvey tears open the plastic covering the box, then continues to unpack the phone. He sets it down in front of me, with a dry, “There. And if you ask me, you’re still in a pissy mood.”

“Fuck off and give me a beer.”

“It’s two in the afternoon.”

“So? It’s not like I’m going anywhere. I can’t do anything with this.”

“Well thank fuck you’re right-handed, otherwise Shadow would be suffering too.”

“Very funny.”

He takes an ID card out of my hand, handing over a beer to Melvin Mueller. “So for how long are we stuck with your extra sunny self?”

“Eight weeks,” I say, taking a sip of my beer. 

Harvey groans, which actually brings a small smile to my face. At least someone’s suffering with me. “Well isn’t that just dandy. Can’t you just go fuck your fiance, instead of hanging out here?”

“I will in a second, just wanted to get a beer first. And get that money for my new phone.”

“I’m not paying for your temper tantrums, find some way of killing someone, instead of just throwing things around.”

I think it over for a second, there’s got to be some way to make that happen, there just has to be some way of killing people off without using both hands. I just need to get a little creative, that’s all. It would break my promise to Shadow about not murdering someone for eight weeks, but then again, it’s probably better than me smashing eight weeks worth of cellphones. Maybe he’ll be fine with it, when I come home happy and successful. 

Sighing I set the empty beer bottle down on the counter, and push myself away from the bar with the good hand. I pay Harvey no further attention, before leaving the bar, going back outside in the rainy spring cold.

***

Mixing alcohol with hardcore painkillers wasn’t the best of ideas, and before I’m halfway home, my legs feel like rubber. Everything is swirling a little, like I’m drunk off my ass, in spite of only having one beer. Stumbling into the hallway, I for once opt for taking the elevator, a decision I regret as soon as it starts moving.

Before making it to the fifth floor, I have vomited out everything I’ve had to eat all day, and I’m two steps away from slipping in it. Practically crawling out of the damned metal box, I can’t manage to find my keys, and instead just ring the doorbell. It only takes a second, but before Shadow manages to open the door up, but I’m already sitting down on the doormat, unable to keep myself erect. 

“What the… What happened?” he sounds scared, as he pulls me up and inside.

“Had a beer. Bad decision,” is all I manage to get out, before I feel the nausea pushing back in full force. Quickly I move past Shadow, barely making it to the bathroom before throwing up again. 

“Aw Michael… It says so on the package, ‘don’t mix with alcohol’,” he sits down next to me, stroking my back, as I spit out what is hopefully the last bits and pieces. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. I’ll get a bucket and stuff, just go lie down.”

He’s so nice to me, it seems impossible for anyone to be this nice, to someone who is obviously a moron. Not only does he put up with my foul mood, he takes care of me in every way he can, he’s got to be the nicest guy in the world. What the fuck is he even doing with me? All of a sudden that very thought seems odd, it’s not exactly the first time I have it, but it’s more pressing now than ever. 

When he slips into the bedroom, putting the bucket down next to the bed, I grab onto his wrist, yanking him closer. It’s not very successful, he barely moves an inch, but at least I got his attention. 

“What’s wrong?” he says softly, running his fingers across my head. 

“I… I just… Why are you with me?”

“Because I love you,” he bends down, whispering the words into my ear, and places a soft kiss on my cheek. “I’d kiss you properly, but seriously, you reek of vomit.”

Choking back a little laughter, I pull him properly down on the bed. “I love you too. My love just makes a hell of a lot more sense than yours do.”

“Don’t say that,” he shakes his head, moves around to the other side of the bed, and curls his arms around me from behind. Hugging me close, he runs a hand across my forehead, letting it find rest there.

Then something strange happens. It’s as if I can see myself, all of a sudden, but through Shadow’s eyes. 

I can see the way I smile when I look at him; the way I look when I’m fast asleep; the face I make when I have a fucking orgasm. I can see the little details too, that he still has a fierce grasp of what my hands look like; my hipbone; each and every visible vertebrae running down my back. I can sense through him how my lips feel, the softness of my split earlobe, hell, I can feel what it’s like for him to be inside of me. I can see and feel everything, and as much as I like the way he sees me, this is off. It can’t just be the medicine and alcohol combo, it’s something else entirely, he is in my head, he’s showing me these things on purpose.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I sound harsh and pull away from him, turning around so I can look him in the eyes. 

“I just…” he trails off a little, then adds a quiet, “I just wanted you to see what I see.”

“By messing around in my fucking head?!” I’m raising my voice, a lot actually, but this is beyond fucked up. I knew he’d figured out how to do those things a long time ago, I know it’s part of being an Evolved, that they can do weird mind shit, but he is not supposed to use any of that crap on me. He just can’t do that, it’s too messed up, him rummaging around inside my mind.

“It’s not a big deal, I just thought it’d make you feel better.”

“It’s a fucking big deal!” I’m already halfway out of the bed, pulling my hoodie back on. 

I’ve got to get out of here, I can’t be around him right now. The world is still swaying slightly, but I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did ten minutes ago. It’s either all the rage, or that we’ve been lying there a lot longer than what it feels like, while he poked around inside my brain.

“Wait, Michael, where are you going?” he calls out after me, stumbling to get a hold of me.

“Out. I have to get out of here, right now.” 

He grabs onto my shoulder, tries to pull me back, but I shrug him off. 

“Don’t fucking touch me right now, I can’t believe you messed around in my fucking head, what the fuck were you thinking?!”

He looks hurt, and as mad as I am right now, I get it. I’m too angry to care properly though, so I just pull on my sneakers as fast as I can, and run out the door slamming it hard behind me.

***

Walking around in the streets I haven’t got the faintest clue of where to go. I could go back to Harvey’s, but it’s not like I talk to him about anything anyway, and there’s no way in hell I’m getting anymore alcohol tonight. It’s gotten dark outside, time definitely flew by while he was inside my mind, nothing else makes sense. I can’t remember if I’ve ever been this pissed at Shadow, this is borderline unforgivable, you don’t fiddle with other people’s mind, you just don’t. I don’t give a fuck for good intentions, he can’t just pull a stunt like that.

Looking left and right down the streets, I realize I’ve already moved pretty far away from home. I’m walking towards Harvey’s after all, or at least that seems to be the destination, even if I’m still not quite sure what the goal is. When I slip inside the door, Harvey greets me with a couple of raised eyebrows. 

“I thought you went home?”

“I need your keys,” is all I say, in a no-nonsense voice.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

“Give me your fucking keys or I’ll break into your car myself.”

He looks me over, and there’s a lot of worry in his eyes. “What happened?”

“Keys. Now.”

Sighing he fishes the keys from his pocket, and throws them at me. “Don’t get yourself killed, Mayhem.”

I don’t respond, just rush back out the door, going straight for his van. I jump into the driver’s seat, and without even considering where I’m going, I pull out of the parking spot and drive off. 

Scouring the streets, I drive through most of the city, before spotting someone useful. He’s standing in an alley, he’s drunk and alone, peeing up against the wall. His back is turned towards me, and he doesn’t even notice it when I park the car close, cutting off the alley, giving him nowhere to run. 

Carefully I climb out the car, my feet barely making a sound as they hit asphalt. He just manages to register my shadow before I grab him, my good hand pressed firmly over his mouth, the one in cast thrown across his throat. It stings when I use it, but not enough for me to care. Instead I just pull him with me backwards, guiding him towards the car, slamming him up against the side. 

I’ve already got tape ready; there’s always extra rolls of that kept in Harvey’s van; and in spite of how much it hurts, I succeed at keeping the guy in place with the broken arm. 

Using the functional hand and teeth, I rip off pieces of tape, cramming the first across his mouth, then another long piece sealing his wrists together. I use more than I usually would, but with a broken arm, I’d better tread a little more carefully. When he’s finally incapable of moving, I pull open the door and kick him inside. He’s already crying, trying to shimmy his way out of the tape. Yeah, good luck with that buddy. 

Turning back around, I’m just about to climb back into the driver’s seat, when there’s a soft mewling sound right next to me. I stop instantly, looking around near my feet, and there it is, a small, white kitten. White is probably a stretch, it’s covered in dirt and grime, but I’m pretty sure it’s white underneath all of it. 

Glancing up and down the street, I see nothing resembling another cat, and the poor baby just keeps standing there, mewling at me. I can’t handle it, even if there is a mom out looking for it, I can’t take my chances and leave it here. If anything it’ll get run over by a car or something similarly unpleasant, so instead I scoop it up. Immediately it starts purring, rubbing its cheek against the palm of my hand, it’s so tiny it doesn’t even hurt when it puts its weight on my broken arm. 

Smiling a little I take it with me into the car, shuffling off my hoodie and putting it down on the passenger’s seat. Setting the kitten down on the makeshift blanket, I curl the hoodie around it, creating a tiny nest for it to stay in. I hope it stays put, and doesn’t complain too much about the drive, but I still have something I need to do before I can go home. 

Driving off towards my happy place, the kitten doesn’t make much noise. If anything, I’m the one making noise, talking to it all the way there. 

“So my fiance was a real dick tonight, and therefore I’m gonna go kill this motherfucker,” I tell it in a relaxed, happy tone, “You’re going with me though, but I want you to be a good kitty and stay in the car, okay? Not taking any chances with you here, you’re coming home safely with me. Then you can live alongside me and my annoying fiance, not to mention my dog, who I’m sure you’ll love. She’s gonna love you at least, Tofu loves all baby animals.”

Already I’m starting to feel better, I’m still pissed as fuck at Shadow, but this tiny critter really saved my day. I love animals, they are so much better than people, especially the ones with fur. Who wouldn’t prefer a kitten like this, over any screaming baby? 

“Wonder what I’m gonna call you though… Maybe, and that’s a big maybe, I’ll let Shadow have a say in it. Then again, I am incredibly pissed at him, so maybe I’ll just figure something out on the way, and not give a fuck for what he thinks.”

The rest of the way I just sit around pondering good cat names, voicing some of them out loud, to see if it reacts to anything. The kitten is fast asleep when we get there, and it barely opens an eye when I close the car door. I do a double check that everything is locked up, I don’t want it to get out in this place. It’d be impossible for me to find the little critter, and there’s tons of things lying around that it could get hurt on. 

The guy is easy enough to get out, I pretty much just drag him by the collar, using my good hand. He’s an average guy, same height as me, maybe a little bit bulkier, but I am strong, especially so when I’m mad. And I am indeed still mad. 

I have to get him up some stairs though, which isn’t going to be fun for either of us. I consider to just drag him all the way, bang his head against every fucking step, but it just seems like a hassle. In the end I budge, and doing my very best to shield my left arm from too much pressure, I get him up across one shoulder. He’s wriggling, twisting and turning, but I was smart enough to tape his legs together before pulling him out of the car. 

Climbing the stairs while having him balance on my shoulder, one arm rendered completely useless, isn’t all too easy. I almost drop him a few times, but in the end we both make it safely to the second floor. 

This is where the magic happens, this is where that big metal tub of acid is kept. It must be old, I have no real knowledge of acid, I just know that when I threw a branch into it about a year ago, it dissolved within a couple of minutes. 

Luckily there’s a steel railing and a deep fall down between me and the tub, I should be safe enough from any spatters.

When I shuffle him down from my shoulders, it’s not exactly a graceful move, and he hits the steel floor hard. Ah well, he’s about to die anyway, so no need to make a fuss about it. Dragging him back up, I shove him up against the railing, making him look down into the dark acid. 

“So here’s what’s gonna happen,” I say lightly, “That’s acid,” I push his head closer, almost choking him against the railing. “And I’m gonna throw you down into it.”

I sound damned cheerful, and I actually feel it too. My arm aches like a motherfucker, and I’ll be sure to pop some more painkillers when I’m back home, but right now I’m just too caught up in the act of murder to care about anything else. 

Well that, and the kitten waiting for me in the car, that definitely lightened my mood too. 

He’s shaking, still trying to wriggle away from me, but I keep him steady, a hand dug deep into his semi-long hair. Turning him back around, his back is now pressed against the railing. I give him a last wide grin, before shoving him hard in the chest, making him topple over and fall straight down into the massive acid basin. 

There’s a sizzling sound, combined with that of water splashing as he hits the surface, before he dissolves into nothing. I would have much preferred it if I had seen flailing limbs and heard screams of pain, but this is good enough for tonight. At least there’s no clean up work, and that always makes me a happy camper.

***

Back in the car, the kitten is still sleeping in the hoodie, and after removing my gloves I run my hands through its soft fur. It is indeed a little dirty, I’m going to have to bathe the poor bugger once we get home, and I already feel bad about it. As needed as it is, the kitten doesn’t understand that, and I hate it when they think you’re intentionally hurting them. That’s the only downside of having real pets, you can’t explain that you only mean them well. Hopefully the kitten will forgive me soon enough, and I’ll be sure to give it lots of love both before and after.

I drive home quickly, parking outside my own building. I’m just going to text Harvey that I’ll bring back the van tomorrow, he’s got the flying car, he’ll survive. 

Carefully I bundle up the kitten in the hoodie, sighing heavily as I enter the building. No one has bothered to clean up the elevator just yet, but I still opt for using it, rather than carry the now squirming kitten up five flight of stairs. Keeping it tightly held against my chest with my left arm, I fumble out the keys with the right. My broken arm is throbbing at this point, and there is nothing I want more than to just grab some painkillers and go straight to bed. I’ll have to talk to Shadow first though, I doubt there’s any way I can get around it. 

He’s waiting for me, sitting on the couch. He looks upset, like he’s been crying.

“You’re home late,” he says softly, unable to meet my gaze.

“Yeah, I had to, you know...”

“Kill someone?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you-” he begins, then notices the bundle rummaging around in my arms. “What is that?”

“Oh, right, it’s a cat,” I say, carefully putting the kitten down on the couch next to Shadow. “I think it’s a girl, and I’ve decided to call her Moo.”

“Moo?” he seems more surprised by the name, than the fact that I brought home a kitten. 

“Thought it suited her,” I shrug, pulling off my shoes and jacket. 

Tofu raises her head off the floor, looking curiously at the small mewling creature on the couch. I sit down on the floor in between them, a firm grasp on Tofu’s collar. 

“Now you play nice, okay? Moo is not a chew toy, you have to be really careful with her.”

“Michael...” Shadow says softly, “I’m sorry.”

I nod slowly, my eyes still shifting back and forth between the two animals. “Sorry about what exactly?”

“I made a mistake, I shouldn’t have messed around in your head like that.”

“You shouldn’t mess around in my head at all.”

“I know, I know, and I won’t!” he holds his hands disarmingly up in front of him. “I promise you, I’m never gonna do anything like that, ever again.”

Sighing I pick up Moo, carefully letting Tofu sniff her. Neither of them seem scared nor aggressive, if anything they are both just plain curious.

“Have you ever done anything like that before?” I ask cautiously, not entirely sure I want the answer. 

There’s a brief moment of silence, before he whispers, “Yes.”

I raise my eyebrows, finally looking at him. “Seriously?”

“Yes. You… After that whole incident, where we worked together, you’ve been having some really crazy nightmares. Sometimes I’ve calmed you down a little, slipping in some nicer things.”

“Can you see what I’m dreaming when it happens?”

“Yes.”

“Shadow that is messed up!”

“Yes, yes, I know, it’s just second nature!” he tries pleading with me, “It’s instinctive, you’re hurting, so I try to fix it.”

“But you can’t do it like that! If I’m having some weird nightmare, wake me the fuck up and talk to me, the shit you’re doing is seriously fucked up!”

“I know, it’s just…” he trails off, biting his lower lip, no longer looking at me.

“It’s just what?”

“You’re not exactly good with the whole feelings thing,” he says carefully, “It’s not like I haven’t tried talking to you about that night.”

That much is true, he has, and every time I’ve had the exact same reaction. That I’m fine, that we’re fine, that there’s nothing to talk about. But maybe there is, and maybe I know that, maybe I’m just unwilling to admit it.

Sighing I lean my head back, looking up at the ceiling. We’re on shaky grounds right now, and I have no idea how to solve this.

“If… If we talk about it, will you stop messing around in my head?” I finally suggest. I can at least give him that. 

“I’ll stop either way,” he says slowly, “But yes, it would be nice if we could. I’m not gonna force you though, I know what I did was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

I nod, that much is definitely true. Looking at him with a little kinder eyes, I say, “So where do you wanna start?”

Sighing he runs a hand through his hair, moving a little closer to me. “I want you to be completely honest with me about this, okay?” I nod a little reluctantly in response, and he continues, “Are you mad at me? Not in regards to today, but that night, are you mad at me for fucking up?”

“Mad? Why would I be mad at you, you weren’t the one who fucked up.”

He narrows his eyes, “Then who did?”

“I did.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It… Okay, look...” I start, I just promised him that I’d be honest, but I’m not too fond of it. “Whenever you got a job from Harvey, it went through me first. I had a deal with Harvey, that nothing went your way, unless I found it harmless enough.”

“Really? Wow… How much did you say no to?”

“Dunno, 50, maybe 60%.”

“Seriously? That is a lot...”

“I know, and I know it comes off controlling and shit, but that part I don’t give a fuck for. I was trying to keep you safe.” He looks a little hurt, but I disregard it and go on, “I said yes to that job. A job that was pretty damned close to getting you killed. I shouldn’t have, I should have stayed the fuck away from anything with a hint of violence, I made a seriously bad judgment, and it’s just dumb luck that either of us are sitting here today.”

“You saved my life, you know that right?”

“Doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t have put you in any position where you needed to be saved.”

There’s a brief moment of silence, before he says, “Everybody makes bad judgments once in a while. Everybody fucks up, makes mistakes, it’s just part of being alive.”

“No, breaking my arm was a mistake caused by bad judgment; you could have died. I don’t get to make mistakes like that. I am very well aware that I have a different life than most, but I can’t put your life on the line like that.”

“Look… You took that job, because you thought you’d be there to protect me, right?”

“Yes.”

“And were you there to protect me?”

“That’s not the point-”

“Were you there to protect me or not?”

Sighing I have to agree, “Yes.”

“Then stop beating yourself up about it, Michael. I love you, I don’t want you to feel bad about this for the rest of your life, you have to let it go.”

My shoulders slump down, my arm is aching like a motherfucker, and some part of me just wants to crawl into bed and hide from this conversation. There’s a question pressing on my mind though, one that I have to ask, “What do you see, when you… You know, go inside my mind.”

“Well… When you have nightmares it’s almost always about that night. It’s a replay, only altered into something worse,” he fiddles a little with the hem of his shirt, he’s considering how much to tell me. I gesture at him to go on, and sighing he does, “The worst ones are where you get shot, slowly bleeding to death and watch me die while you do so.”

“Fuck...”

“But that didn’t happen, Michael, nothing like that happened.”

“Easily could have. You shoved that guy in the back, if you hadn’t, that is exactly what would have happened.”

“But I did, and that’s all that matters. Both of us could have acted better or worse, I could have done what you said and just jammed that knife into him, you could have said no to the job, all kinds of shit could have gone differently, but it didn’t, and we’re both still alive.”

I waver back and forth about telling him this, but in the end I do. 

“Sometimes I lie awake all night, just watching you. Just making sure you’re there and breathing. I want to go to sleep, I just can’t stop.”

“Do you think that maybe your increasingly bad mood has something to do with that?”

I chuckle a little, “That bad, huh?”

“Not really, but you haven’t been entirely yourself since then. You’ve been slightly more on edge, is all.”

“Well, I guess sleep deprivation doesn’t help on anyone’s mood.”

“Maybe you should get some sleeping pills? Just for a little while, catch up on everything you’ve lost during the last couple of months.”

“Yeah, and what exactly am I supposed to tell a doctor to get a hold of them? I almost got my fiance killed, please help me sleep again?”

“I’m pretty sure Harvey could help you out in getting some, without talking to a doctor.”

I think it over for a moment, then, “I guess so yeah. I’ll talk to him tomorrow, right now I’m beyond beat, and I’m pretty sure I’ll sleep just fine on those painkillers.”

“Then you should go rest. It’s gotten late anyway, I wouldn’t mind going to bed either.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. Can I bring the kitten though? Just wanna make sure Tofu doesn’t eat her during the night.”

“Tell you what: I’ll give Moo a bath while you brush your teeth, and we’ll go cuddle up.”

I laugh a little, I almost forgot about the whole vomit incident, and I’m pretty sure my breath is still very unpleasant to be near. Pushing myself clumsily up off the floor, I pull Shadow in for a hug. 

“Thanks,” I whisper, “Seriously, I know I’m a lot to put up with sometimes, I’m just really glad you do.”

Hugging me in a little closer, he places a small kiss on my forehead. “I’ll put up with anything from you, Michael, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

For a little while we just stand there, holding on to one another, and I think to myself, how fucking lucky I am.


	15. Explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end I can’t stick around like this, but this truly rubs me the wrong way, and I have to shake my head to snap out of it. I’m certain she knows this is my doing, it’s a feeling, but one that runs ice cold through my entire body.

**June, 2347**

Summer in Destiny City is just as unbearable as the rest of the year, only with heat. If I was capable of that kind of emotion, I’d probably be grateful that my cast is long gone, but my annoyance towards how many people are outside, overshadows it completely. I’ll have to do something about it, some kind of grand spectacle, I just need to figure out what. Obviously there’s always the never ending stream of clients, but I feel like doing something for myself, and something a lot bigger than what I usually do. 

That’s why I for once turn on the computer, and start going through media pages, online newspapers telling me what’s going on in Destiny City this week. 

Clicking my way through cultural activities, one thing springs forth at me. A classical music concert, taking place this week, at a quite large concert hall. Sounds like the beginning of a plan, I’m sure I can figure out some way to ruin that particular piece of entertainment. 

It’s taking place on Saturday, giving me enough time to figure out the specifics of what I can and will do to the miserable people attending. 

Jotting down the time and date on a post-it, I shut the computer off again, a small smile gracing my lips. This is going to be good, if I can figure it out, it’ll be fucking fantastic. 

Shadow just graduated his fourth year of architecture school, rendering him an actual architect. He couldn’t be happier, he’s practically been bouncing off the walls ever since he got his diploma. The weeks up to finals were horrible though, he was so stressed out that I pretty much ordered him to take a proper vacation before throwing himself into job hunting. He is, he’s lying up on the roof, and in spite of the fact that there may just be other people up there, I go join him. Of course there is, and of course some moron parent planted a fucking inflatable pool up there, for kids to play in. I hate people, and kids are the worst. They are too noisy, too in your face, they’re everything I hate in people, turned up four thousand notches. 

Still I sit myself down next to Shadow, who’s lying on a blanket with no shirt on. He turns his head to look at me, using a hand to shield his orange eyes from the sun.

“Hey,” he smiles brightly, “Didn’t expect to see you up here.”

“Came to hang out with my fiance, I can ignore all of these motherfuckers,” I gesture lightly at everyone surrounding us, and I’m pretty sure I get a few angry glares in return. I’ve never pretended to like anyone, I’ve always just kept to myself, and for the most part people just think I’m a weird hermit kind of person. 

“You do know that all of our neighbors hate you, right?” Shadow points out, chuckling a little. 

I shrug, setting myself down next to him on the blanket, lazily wrapping an arm around him.

“You do know that I don’t give a fuck, right?”

He laughs a little, curling himself in closer to me. He’s always just accepted that I don’t care for nor like anyone but him, he’s never tried to drag out some grand explanation or cause for this, he knows it’s just the way I am. 

“We should come up here in the night sometime,” he muses out loud, “Bring blankets, sit around and watch the stars. I heard the city’s gonna start shooting off fireworks in the evening.”

Then there’s a little spark going off in my head, that’s what I need to do. I’m going to make the best damn firework this city’s ever seen, it’ll blow everyone’s fucking mind. For a little while I just stare off into space, smiling, before Shadow pulls at my arm.

“You listening?” he says, raising his eyebrows.

“Fuck, sorry, no I just drifted off for a second.”

“Whereto?” 

My smile broadens. “Oh you know… Just came up with a plan for Saturday.”

“Work or fun?” He’s gotten used to the things I do just for me, he doesn’t exactly condone it, but he’s a lot more relaxed about it than he was a couple of years ago. 

“Fun,” I lean in and kiss him softly. “Definitely fun.”

***

Usually I don’t ask favors from anyone, but this time I’ll need one from Harvey. Well, technically it’s a friend of Harvey’s, but I need him to fix me up with the lady first. I’ve never met her, but I’ve heard she’s an odd little woman, capable of making just about any dream come true. At least if it’s something she can build, then she’s all in, and I’ve been told that she likes a challenge. I’m not quite sure if this will be any kind of challenge for her, but either way I can’t pull this off on my own, I’m not qualified for that type of work.

Wandering into Harvey’s bar on Wednesday evening, I brought Shadow along for once. He told me he has something he needs to ask Harvey, and as much as I’m against him asking Harvey anything, I can’t keep him from going. If I tell him no, he’ll just go some other day, at least this way I get to hear what it’s about. 

“Mayhem,” Harvey nods at me, before spotting Shadow and greeting him in a much nicer way, “Good to see you Shadow, it’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with finals, but I’m all done now,” he says happily, leaning up against me, nudging our shoulders together. 

“And did you pass?” 

“Yup, with some really nice grades too!” 

“Always knew you could do it, nice going kiddo,” he smiles at Shadow, and for a second I actually like Harvey. He’s being so good to the most important person in my life, I should give him credit for that. 

“I’ve got something I need to ask you, though.”

I narrow my eyes at Harvey, giving him a deadly glare, just to make it perfectly clear that it’d better not be anything illegal. He just rolls his eyes at me, setting his attention back on Shadow.

“What’s up? Need a favor?”

“Nah, I just wanna invite you to the wedding,” he beams, handing over some overly fancy envelope to Harvey. 

I honestly hadn’t thought about guests for that particular event, and I certainly hadn’t thought about Harvey being one of them. Thinking about it now though, I realize there’s absolutely no one I want to invite to the wedding, not even remotely. I guess Shadow’s got an entire list of people he wants there, Harvey apparently included, but me? No, I just want Shadow there, don’t give a fuck about anyone else. 

He opens up the envelope, looking over the note inside. “October 1st, huh? Should give you enough time to run away screaming still, and you’re always welcome to borrow my car.”

Shadow laughs a little, whenever there’s something about the wedding he turns all cute and giggly, even if it is a bad joke. He grabs on to my arm and pull me in a little closer, before saying, “Nope, I definitely like this one.”

I smile softly at Shadow, as Harvey comments, “Suit yourself, but I won’t ask any questions if you show up and just ask for the keys.”

“Shut the fuck up,” I grumble, scowling at Harvey. “I need a favor from you though.”

“Well maybe you should talk a little nicer to me then.”

“Never gonna happen,” I state firmly, then climb up the bar stool, leaning in a little closer. “I need you to set me up with Keira.”

Harvey’s eyebrows rise remarkably, and he doesn’t seem all too comfortable. “You sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” he takes a quick glance around the bar, then jots something down on a post-it, handing it over to me. “I don’t wanna know anything about it.”

“Trust me, everyone’s gonna hear about it,” I smile smugly, this little operation is putting me in a good mood already. “But I wouldn’t go off buying any concert tickets if I were you.”

“Mayhem, please stop talking to me,” he groans, “I’m serious, I don’t want anything to do with that shit.”

I knew he’d react this way, it’s not that he doesn’t like Keira, he just doesn’t like the thought of the two of us together. It’s a combination that even Harvey doesn’t want to be connected to, which is saying a lot. It’s odd how little words trigger something inside people, that instantly makes them want to move ten feet away from you. 

The word ‘bomb’, is the surefire way of making that happen.

***

Getting a hold of Keira isn’t all that hard, Harvey just handed me an address, that apparently belongs to another seedy bar on the other side of town. Going inside I have no idea what I’m supposed to look for, so instead of fumbling around blindly, I just go ask the bartender.

“You know someone named Keira?” 

“Yeah, she’s in the corner,” he points over at a dark skinned girl, sitting quietly, nursing a beer. “You catch her at a pretty good time, she’s not entirely drunk off her ass just yet.”

“Thanks,” I say, trying to be just that tiny bit more polite to him than I am towards Harvey. “Can I get a beer?”

“Sure thing,” he reaches out his hand, and I give him an ID card saying Mac Murillo. Sliding it through the slot, the door pops open and he hands me an ice cold beer. 

I nod at him, before leaving the bar, moving towards Keira. She notices me coming over, narrowing her eyes at me as I slip down in the booth. 

“What? Here to try off some dumb pick up line?” she snorts at me, already looking tired of my presence. I guess she is a pretty woman, one most men would come on to.

“Think my fiance would be a little pissed if I was,” I state calmly, taking a sip of my beer. “No, I’m here to ask you for a favor.”

“Favors are something you do for a friend, not some random guy at a bar.”

“Not even if it’s a fun one?”

Suddenly she looks at me differently, her eyes gliding across every last detail, before she quietly says, “You’re Michael Mayhem, aren’t you?”

I nod, and her eyes widen. I have quite the reputation, and already now I can see that she’s intrigued by this favor I want. 

She leans in closer, whispering, “How fun are we talking?”

“Hilarious,” I shoot her a knowing smile, “And pretty too.”

Shuffling her phone out of her pocket, she places it on the table, gesturing me to do the same. Even if it is an old phone, I follow her lead, setting it down next to hers. I’m surprised to see she doesn’t have a Sense, but on the other hand, whatever it is, it looks nothing like one you could buy at a store. 

She points towards the door, removing herself from the booth, and I move along with her. Making a quick trip to the bar, she whispers something to the bartender, who glances over at our table, before nodding in agreement. She’s telling him to watch our phones, and soon enough some busboy runs over, sitting himself down next to them. He picks up her phone and starts fiddling around with it, leaving mine on the table. I’m a little impressed by her arrangements, but I also know they are there for a reason.

Outside in the streets, it’s still warm out. Keira walks a little ahead of me, and as it seems to be on purpose, I let her until she turns a corner and stops. 

“Listen up, Mayhem,” she says quietly, “If you want that favor, I’m gonna need some info, and you are not giving it to me here. You write it down on a piece of paper and hand it to me, then I’ll see what I can do.”

“Sounds good.”

“And be quick about it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll have it here tonight if you want.”

She thinks about it, looking a little impressed. “So you already know what you want?”

“Yup.”

“Hmm. Then here,” she hands over a notebook and a pen. “I was kinda done with it anyway, doesn’t matter if I’ll have to light it on fire.”

I laugh a little, “And they joke about me being paranoid.”

“I have a gut feeling about what you want, Mayhem, and as such I got every right to be paranoid. You’re not here for any kind of gadget, you’re a special kind of fucked up.”

“True,” I agree.

“Now go somewhere else and do your little doodles, then bring it back at the bar.”

I nod. This was easier than I expected, I guess my name alone is good enough for her. 

Glancing up and down the streets, I spot a bench close by. I know this city, nobody is watching me, nobody is going to notice me sitting around jotting down words in a notebook. People are way too caught up in their own little worlds for that, I could probably draw a big ass sign saying “I need a bomb” and nobody would raise an eyebrow. 

Shrugging I sit myself down on the horribly uncomfortable piece of metal, crossing my legs and resting the notebook on top of them. Tapping the pen against the corner of my mouth, I try and formulate what exactly it is I need. 

It’s really very simple: I need a bomb, I need it to kill a lot of people, and I need it to be pretty when it does. I need it to go off inside the concert hall, but I want there to be a button I can push. I’ve always wanted to do something like that, and unless I some day get a field trip where atom bombs are located, this is probably the closest I’m going to get. Now for the pretty part, I want fireworks. That’s what started this whole idea off to begin with, I want to give one hell of a show. Wouldn’t want all those victims to die without one last hurrah, now would we? 

In the end I jot down those key words, letting the rest be up to Keira. Still not sure she’ll even do me the favor, but I have a feeling she just might. She’s not exactly like me, but she’s the kind of person who loves a challenge, someone who wants to see her inventions go to good use. To me, killing off a bunch of people is definitely good use, but she might not agree with me on that one.

She’s an old timer herself, in my kind of circles; she’s been delivering custom weapons and gadgets to people like me for years. Never me though, I think Harvey might have slipped me some of hers through the years, but we’ve never had direct contact before. There’s a first time for everything though, and I knew from the very beginning, that Harvey wouldn’t be that closely connected to this endeavor. It’s beyond him, and when it’s not payed work, he doesn’t much care for it anyway. 

At the bottom of the page I scribble the date I want, I’m not sure she can make it on time, but otherwise I’ll just have to find some other day to bring by a little extra death. The concert itself doesn’t hold any specific meaning, it just seems like a nice opportunity. 

Getting back up, I walk back to the bar, the notebook tugged away inside my jacket. I slide it across the table to her, without sitting down. The busboy is gone, and she hands me my phone back, as she looks curiously at my notes. 

“It’s doable,” she says quietly, “But I won’t do it for free.”

“Then how much?”

“Ten.”

That’s a lot, even if I’m not all that surprised, I still try and haggle with her, “Seven.”

“Oh fuck off, Mayhem, it’s ten or it’s nothing.”

I think it over for a second. I know there’s no one else out there I can turn to, ten grand is a lot, but I also know I’ll get exactly what I want this way. In the end I just sigh, “Can you make it on time?”

“I think so yeah.”

“For ten I need to know that you can.”

“Urgh, okay, fine. We’ll call it eight, and I’ll do my best.”

Smirking a little, I slip her a note with me phone number on, and leave with no further words. 

You don’t shake hands on shit like that, if anything, you wipe your hands as clean as you possibly can.

***

When Saturday comes around, I’m caught somewhere between giddily excited and nervous wreck. I still haven’t heard from Keira, and as such I might be getting all worked up over nothing. When a text ticks in, I pull out my phone a lot quicker than usual.

“MM CL 11am” it says, and I hope it’s what I think it is. CL is the place I met her, Calvin’s Lounge, and seeing that it’s 10:30, I’d better get my ass in gear and take the car there.

I get up off the couch, gently removing Moo from my lap as I do so. She yawns and stretches, before moving herself down on the floor, to cuddle up next to Tofu. I smile a little, those two are getting along just as I expected they would.

“Shadow?” I call out. He’s in the shower, and I knock on the door before entering. 

“What?” he responds, popping his head out from behind the shower curtain, half his face covered in soap. 

“I’m going to out,” I chuckle, as the soap drips down into his eye, making him swear loudly. “And you use too much fancy shampoo.”

“Oh shut up! When are you gonna be back?”

“Dunno, maybe late.” I’m deliberately vague about it, he may have some idea as to what I’m going to do, but he sure as hell aren’t going to be an accomplish. 

“Okay,” he sounds a little worried, “Be safe, okay?”

“Always am,” I smile at him, “Gotta go though, love you!”

“Love you too!” he calls out after me.

The drive takes close to the half hour I got, but I manage to be there on time. Keira is sitting in the same booth as last, but the bartender does not look anywhere near pleased to see me. Everybody is so solemn and serious about something like this, and even if I get that it’s a big deal, I still find them to be overreacting slightly. It’s not like they’ll go to jail for letting me have a simple transaction there, they can always say they didn’t know shit about anything. Keira and I are the only two who should be genuinely worried, yet neither of us seem to be. Keira is a little paranoid, an understandable feeling, and I care as little as I always do. I’ll get away with it, I’ve gotten away with a lot of crazy shit through the years, including burning buildings to the ground, this isn’t all that different. It is in the eyes of the law though, which is why it freaks everybody out so much; as soon as you start playing with explosives, everybody calls out terrorism. I trust both Keira and myself though, I know this is going to go just as smoothly as all the things I’ve done before.

I’m just about to sit down, but Keira shakes her head at me. “No need,” she says pointedly, glancing towards the bartender. “Just take this.”

She hands over a square package, wrapped in brown paper. Nodding I take it, and I don’t even have to ask any questions towards the money, she brings it up herself. “Pay my tab at the bar, and we’ll call it even.”

I brought extra money just in case, but when I go to the bar he calmly asks for eight dollars. I hand over eight thousand, then leave, no further words exchanged between any of us.

***

The package comes with instructions, obviously, and judging by those, I get exactly what I want.

The bomb itself is a small round object, much smaller than I expected. I have no idea how much damage it’s going to do, but I’ll figure that out once I push the little button it comes with. I’ve spend all the time waiting for Keira to finish, to figure out a way to get it planted, and I think I’m in the safe on that one. There are some keys to doing shit like this, the most important one being: look like you’re supposed to be doing whatever it is you’re doing. 

No need for fancy disguises or sneak missions, I just go to the concert hall wearing my regular clothes, moving in through the back door, same way as every other person working there. There’s craftsmen littering the place, going through last minute work for the concert that’s about to happen, and I blend in perfectly. Strolling around for a bit, searching for the perfect place to plant my bomb, I figure I might as well just leave it as a gift underneath one of the seats. The workers are finished with that part, unless they start rummaging around underneath every single one of them, they won’t spot anything out of the ordinary. Hell, even if they did, they most likely wouldn’t notice the small piece of plastic I’m placing. 

As soon as I’m done, I walk back out, no one as much as lifting an eyebrow. They are all so caught up in what they’re doing, they take no notice of me, I could be anybody doing anything I’m supposed to do. Which is exactly how I see myself, but if they knew, they would probably disagree. 

I go back home, humming along to some radio hit all the way. Shadow’s sitting on the couch reading, Moo on one side, Tofu on the other. It looks perfect, I couldn’t imagine coming home to anything better than this. Shadow’s usually the one to take pictures of us, documenting our domestic life, but for once I pull out my phone and snap one of the three of them. He’s barely noticed me coming home, so caught up in whatever it is he’s reading, and turns his head when my phone makes a little clicking sound. Snapping a few more of him looking at me, he starts laughing, smiling widely at the camera.

“Hey,” I say, waving Tofu away so I can sit down beside him. I pull him in for a kiss, before mumbling against his lips, “I need you to do me a favor tonight.”

“Yeah, and what’s that?”

“Go hang out at the roof around eight. I’ll be there a little later, but I want you to be up there when I get home.”

He looks a little suspicious, but in the end he just shrugs. “Okay, I guess I can do that. It’s gonna be warm, and they’re gonna start off with the fireworks tonight, so I was gonna sit up there anyway.”

“I know. I’ll be home as soon as I can, I just got a few things I need to do first.”

He rolls his eyes, he knows I’m going to murder someone, but he doesn’t know how grand it’s going to be this time around. Cuddling up to him on the couch, I lean my head against his shoulder, and kiss him softly on the neck. He turns his head towards me, a well-known twinkle in his eyes. 

“You wanna…?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows, a movement that makes me laugh. 

Still I nod, and he immediately puts the book away, dragging me up from the couch and into the bedroom. Already this is shaping out to be one hell of a day.

***

The note Keira left with the bomb, tells me how close I need to be for the button to work, and I pick out a building, as far away as I can get. I’m not sure how powerful that bomb is, and I sure as hell don’t want to blow myself up.

It’s slowly getting dark, as I climb the roof of a building close to the concert hall. It’s an old, almost empty building, which means there’s nobody else on the roof, but even if there were, I’d still be able to pull this off. The button is tiny, I can hold it in the palm of my hand, nobody would notice it even if they stood right next to me. 

This building is perfect though, nobody there to get on my nerves, and I’ve got a perfect view straight down at the concert hall. Hundreds of people are slowly making their way towards my bomb, and I wonder who’s going to be the one sitting right on top of it. There’s room for eight thousand people within, and I can’t wait to check tomorrows news, to see my kill count shoot through the roof. 

When everybody’s inside, I take a long pause before doing anything. 

I want everybody to be seated for this, I want to make it in perfect unison to the music. Luckily it’s loud, and when the brass section begins, I am capable of hearing it reverberate up between the surrounding buildings. 

Grinning widely I pull forth the button, and just as they hit a particular loud note, I push it. It works immediately, and starting at the bottom, the building explodes. Walls are cracking, fire is spreading, people are screaming, but most importantly fireworks shoots up towards the sky. It is beautiful, lighting up the sky in intricate patterns, every color of the rainbow. I watch it, leaning my head back and laughing. I can’t stop, it’s just so damned magnificent, and the damage I’ve done can’t be compared to anything else.

I probably stand there for too long, but I can’t pull myself away from it. 

When ambulances and police cars come blaring through the night, I’m just about to make my way down from the building, but I spot something. Something odd, something that’s truly out of the ordinary. There aren’t a lot of Evolved creatures, maybe a couple of thousand spread across Destiny City, but there’s one down at the concert hall. It’s not the fact that she’s there, but something is off. 

Everybody else is either trapped inside the remnants of the building, or being carried outside on stretchers by paramedics and firemen. 

Not this woman though, she walks out through what’s left of the doors, completely unscathed, perfectly fine. She is standing there without a scratch, looking around at the catastrophe, then turn her gaze towards the surrounding buildings. I’m certain she sees me, I’m halfway down a fire escape ladder, but she’s looking straight at me with her big, orange eyes. I can’t make out her features, I can’t see anything but her glowing eyes, but I’m sure she’s watching me, as I pause for a second, staring straight back at her. It feels like an eternity, where I’m just hanging there, our eyes meeting across the vast space between us. 

In the end I can’t stick around like this, but this truly rubs me the wrong way, and I have to shake my head to snap out of it. I’m certain she knows this is my doing, it’s a feeling, but one that runs ice cold through my entire body.

I make it halfway down the fire escape, before moving across to another building. For a second I just stand there, feeling out of breath and confused. No one should be able to move away from that kind of accident like that, I pretty close to blew up the entire building, and even if she was far away from the bomb, she shouldn’t be that unharmed. At the very least she should be scared of what was going on around her, nobody walks away from an accident that calmly, they just don’t. 

In the end I can’t do shit about it, I have to get away from here, and go home to Shadow. 

Taking every detour I can manage, it takes nearly two hours of jumping and running before I’m back at the apartment. When I am, he’s still sitting up on the roof, waiting for me, and I walk over quietly, sitting myself down next to him. I wrap an arm around his shoulders, and he leans in, resting his head against my shoulder. 

“Hey,” he says quietly, “I was starting to get worried.”

“Sorry, it took a little longer than I expected.”

“Mm, it’s okay.” He nuzzles up closer, and I plant a kiss on the top of his head. For a long time we just sit there, watching quietly as the rest of the city starts shooting off their own fireworks.


	16. Vital Parts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why won’t you fucking die?!” I call out frustrated, pulling the trigger yet another time, this time aiming straight for her head.

**October, 2347**

Shadow did indeed find at bunch of people he wants at the wedding, and half of them I don’t even know. Not that it’s his fault, I’ve never made any kind of effort to get to know his friends or family, meeting his mother alone felt like a stretch. He’s excited though, so much so that he can’t sleep the night before, which incidentally makes him keep me awake too. Lying in bed at two in the night, he’s still shuffling around restlessly, as if he can’t get comfortable, fiddling with everything within reach. 

“Are you by any chance nervous?” I ask, a small smile playing on my lips. 

He’s cute when he’s fidgeting, and even though he scowls a little, he leans in for a kiss.

“Yes,” he admits, “But I don’t know why.”

I shrug, I have no idea why he’s so nervous either, I’m not. This is just another way of telling him that I love him, I’ve never felt the slightest bit of doubt towards our relationship. I’ve always known that I wanted to be with him forever, hell, I think I knew that the first night we hooked up. For a second I feel the slightest hint of concern though, maybe he hasn’t always felt that way. 

“Do you… Do you have any doubts?” I ask carefully, and he immediately shakes his head.

“Not even a little,” he says softly, pulling me in for another kiss. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” I whisper against his lips. “We do need to get some sleep though, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he mumbles a little reluctantly, “But you do know we’re breaking tradition here.” 

He’s right, we are, we’re always up till at least five in the morning on October 1st. Can’t do that this year though, the wedding’s at noon, if we did, we might as well be up all night. I think it over for a second before asking him, “Are you tired, at all?”

“No, if anything, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more awake.”

“Then let’s skip sleep. I’m not tired either, we can stay up all night, stay true to our usual anniversary tradition.” 

“And the wedding we’re supposed to attend? You do get that we’re pretty important people at that one, right?”

“So we’ll drink a shitload of coffee, it’ll be fine!”

He considers it, chewing on his bottom lip. “I guess we could do that… You sure we aren’t gonna fall asleep halfway through the ceremony?”

“I promise I’ll pinch you if you start drifting off,” I grin at him, already halfway out of the bed. He grabs onto my arm, pulling me back down. 

“Well if we’re doing that, we might as well do some other stuff as well,” he says smugly, pulling me in for a wet kiss. 

We haven’t had sex in two weeks, because the moron wanted to ‘wait until our wedding night’. It never made any sense what so ever, considering we’ve had sex about six million times, and judging by the look in his eyes, he’s willing to drop it.

“Thought you wanted to-” I begin, but he cuts me off with another kiss.

“Less talking, more fucking.”

I laugh as he pulls at my t-shirt, ripping it off of me. “Careful with the tattoos though,” I remind him, and he nods in response, already nibbling at my neck. 

I got my first tattoo about two weeks ago, and it still haven’t healed completely. It’s large, covering half my back, and Shadow was the one to draw it. He mostly draws buildings and landscapes, but he did one hell of a job anyway. A large pair of bird wings, starting at the nape of my neck, moving both down the back and out across shoulders and arms. Hidden within the feathers are our names, Michael and Shadow, curling along the lines in intricate lettering. They’re fucking perfect, a premature anniversary gift, and I couldn’t be happier with the way it turned out. The guy who made it questioned the names, saying that getting that kind of thing tattooed was almost always a bad idea. I told him to shut the fuck up and do his job, and he did so, with no further comments. 

As sore as they may be, nothing’s going to stop me from having sex with Shadow right now though. 

I’ve got him pinned down on the bed, straddling him, as I lean forward and kiss him passionately. He tries wriggling his way out of my grip so he can grab on to me, but I’m not going to let him. Instead I put in a little more weight, grinding up against him until he shudders. I can feel the way his dick goes from limp to rock hard, rubbing up against my own. The movements of our hips create the most perfect kind of friction, and I sigh heavily into his neck, my breathing already becoming more staggered and heavy. 

Letting go of his hands, I kiss my way down his torso, running my fingers up and down his sides as I do. He shivers against me, pushing his hips up as I tug at his boxers. For a second I stop to take it all in, almost counting every tiny, glowing freckle. 

He’s beautiful, so fucking perfect, I almost can’t handle it. 

The more I look at him, the more aroused I get, it’s like a primal mechanism, that as soon as he’s naked, I have to be closer and touching him. His skin is both soft and warm, as I slide down on top of him, kissing him all over on the way back to his lips. Digging my hands into his hair, he grabs onto my hips and pulls me in closer, before flipping us over so I’m lying on my back. Nudging me lovingly, he gets me to turn onto my stomach, sliding down on top of me, his dick rubbing roughly against my ass. 

Moaning I push up towards the touch, and he chuckles a little at my eagerness. I’ve been holding back for two whole weeks, at this point I could probably have an orgasm brushing lightly up against his thigh. 

I’m trying my very best to hold back when he pulls me up from the mattress, my back leaning against his front, and I can feel that he isn’t much better off than I am. His dick is leaving slick little patterns wherever it touches, as he holds me close, kissing my neck and shoulder. There’s a little sting whenever his lips touch the tattoos, but in some ways it makes it even better. 

He curls his fingers around my dick, stroking it gently, shudders running through my entire body. There’s tiny explosions in my mind when he heightens the tempo, and I lean back, resting my head against the crook between his neck and shoulder. Snaking my arm around to grab onto his cock, he tenses up, almost whimpering against my neck to keep going. For a second we’re caught like that, stroking one another, and I almost think we aren’t getting any further, based on how close I am to coming. 

He must have had the same thought, as he lets go of my dick, pushing me forward down on the bed, making me stand on hands and knees. Fumbling with the bottle of lube, he continues to place little butterfly kisses down my back, giving me the feeling of electricity running up and down my spine. When he grabs onto my hips, I’m breathing heavily in anticipation; it feels like an eternity since he’s been inside of me, since we’ve been this close. He’s almost as careful as the first time we did this, and I can’t help but laugh a little.

“Hasn’t been that long,” I chuckle, looking back over my shoulder, and he shoots me a mock glare, before removing his fingers.

Grabbing onto my dick again, he pushes inside of me, a soft moan escaping his lips as he does so. I can feel the way I’m tightening up, and he ushers me to relax. Shaking my head, I quite firmly tell him to continue what he’s doing, and he moves in further, his dick so hard I can feel it throbbing inside of me. 

Moving slowly, his hips rocks back and forth, stroking me in tune, and I shudder from head to toe by the touch. He increases the speed slightly, hitting just the right spot, and I clench up, trying not to come just yet. 

It really has been a while, and every inch of stamina I might have accumulated seems to be long gone. 

I still manage to hang in there, for a good twenty minutes, before I can’t take it anymore, coming hard all over his hand as well as the bed. Clenching up as I do, I can hear him groan with pleasure, and soon enough he’s panting and shaking against my back. Slowly I get us back down on the mattress, and he pulls out as gently as he can. Still stings a little, and he shoots me a worried look as I flinch. 

“You okay?” he asks, genuinely concerned.

I can’t help but laugh a little, “I’m more than okay, that was fucking amazing.”

“Good,” he whispers, pulling me in a little closer. “At least we didn’t get all bad at it, from waiting a few weeks.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever been bad at it. I think we’ve been pretty much on the same page all the way through our relationship, and this is no exception.” I muse out loud, and he nods in agreement. 

“We always have, haven’t we?” he smiles, kissing me softly. I lean into it, deepening the kiss, running a hand across his chest. 

“Have you gotten tired, or do you want me to go make coffee?” I halfway breathe against his ever so soft lips.

He thinks it over for a second, before answering, “Coffee. I’d rather be a little sleepy at the wedding, than fuck up our tradition.”

Nodding I shuffle off towards the kitchen, glancing back at him. He looks perfect, lying in bed and smiling at me, his hair all tousled, his freckles still glowing faintly. It’s been six years since we first met, six years since I decided to beat the shit out of some randomly annoying guy, just because I felt like it and because it seemed fair. 

Come to think of it, we should have invited that guy to the wedding, and thanked him for the introduction.

***

The wedding goes by without a glitch.

Of course it does, Shadow is a notorious control freak and perfectionist, I’m pretty sure he’d be the one to murder someone, if anything went slightly off track. It doesn’t, he’s got everyone involved on a short leash, and in the end we’re just standing there, him in a white tux, me in a black. Looking at each other, not a single other person existing, we give our ‘I do’, placing white gold rings on each other’s finger. In spite of the lack of sleep he looks perfect, not a hint of tiredness in his eyes, as he leans in and kisses me. There’s a small explosion going on in my mind, but it’s one of pure bliss. 

After the ceremony, Harvey walks up to me, giving me a long hard once over. “You look happy, Mayhem.”

Giving him a very rare smile, I gaze towards Shadow, who’s off talking to May. “I am.”

“Good,” he clinks his glass of champagne against mine. “I’ve always liked Shadow, you know that, and even though you’ll probably hate me for saying this, I actually like you too. It’s nice to see you happy.”

“You getting all sentimental now?” I chuckle a little, as Harvey shakes his head at me.

“Maybe. But it’s true none the less, you always have been my favorite.”

“Because I bring in the most money,” I state, all of my attention still hefted to Shadow.

“Why do you think you do that? I’ve got a lot of guys I could throw work at, why do you think I always contact you?” 

It takes me a little by surprise, I never thought about how much work Harvey throws at me, as anything but easy money for him. “Because I’m good at what I do?”

“You are. But also because I like you.”

I have a hard time believing what Harvey’s telling me, but in the end I say, “I guess… I guess I dislike you slightly less than people in general.”

He laughs at me, padding me on the shoulder as he does. “Well, I’ll be damned, a half-ass compliment from Michael Mayhem himself.” 

Shaking my head I chuckle a little. 

“Speaking of work though, obviously I won’t be contacting you for the next week, but do you want me to hold onto the customers until you get back?”

I think it over for a minute. “Considering what this is costing me, it might just be a good idea to have some work waiting for me. Not that there’s ever been a shortage on clients, but still. Yeah, keep the stuff that can wait.”

“Will do,” he nods, “Now go dance with your husband, I’ve been dying to see that all night.”

Groaning I do as he says, and regardless of how much parkour and smooth movement I know, nothing in the world could teach me how to dance. Doesn’t matter though, Shadow’s happy as long as we do it, he doesn’t care how ridiculous his clumsy husband looks. When we’re done we’re both laughing, and I’m pretty sure this is something I’ll look back on and laugh at for the rest of my life. 

Sooner or later the concept of not sleeping all night hits the both of us. We stick around for a little while longer, but when Shadow begins nodding, his head leaning heavily against my shoulder, I call quits on the party. Sneaking out the back we drive off in my old car, not giving anything but pure happiness another thought.

***

When we return from our honeymoon, I realize just how much work I actually do for Harvey. I’ve never thought about it before, but in one week he has accumulated a nice little stack of post-its for me to look through. For once he’s written down an abbreviation for the clients name, alongside a phone number. Usually I never know who I’m meeting with until I get down there, but this time he had to keep track of it somehow and wrote down a way for me to contact them. It’ll take me at least a week or two to get through all of this, especially if I have to take on new ones too, but that suits me just fine. I promised Shadow I would act like a normal person all through the honeymoon, which incidentally means not killing anyone at all. As such I’m definitely in deficit on that account, and I smile to myself as I go through the stack.

“I’m not setting up any of this from my phone,” I point out to Harvey, and he shakes his head.

“Didn’t think you would,” he says, handing over a phone that looks to be even older than the one I’m using myself. “You can borrow this. People are growing impatient though, so you might wanna get at it.”

I shrug, I don’t care if people are sitting around holding their breaths for my return, they should just be grateful I’m paying them any attention at all. Still I pick up the phone, open up a new text message and put in the first number on the list. 

“MM 6pm HB” is all it says, they might as well get the same texts as I do, and I’m pretty sure they’ll understand what it means.

It’s half past five already, but I expect whoever it is to make it on time anyway. He does, my good old regular from the mob, and soon enough I’m out killing off yet another person who’s been getting on their nerves. It’s easy money, only takes me about an hour to get him out of the way, and as soon as I’m back at the bar I pick up another note.

“Missed work, huh?” Harvey comments, giving me a crooked smile.

I don’t respond, just send out another text, telling the person to be there within half an hour.

The guy’s running slightly late, but he has the courtesy to text me that he is, and as such I let it slide. Everything is done backwards, I’m the one sitting ready at the transaction spot when they slip inside, and with this guy Harvey has to point out where it is. 

A newbie; and he looks as skittish as every other newbie I’ve ever had to deal with. His green eyes are shifty, looking over his shoulder all of the time, as if he’s certain someone will jump him, just for walking into the bar.

“Mister Mayhem,” he greets me politely, then pulls out a folder and hands it over to me. 

Opening it up, I scrunch up my eyebrows, this is something out of the ordinary, something I’ve never done before. 

Inside is a picture of a woman, but not just any woman, she’s one of the Evolved. 

I’ve never tried killing off one of those before, no one ever asked me to, and they are so rare I’ve never picked one up for my own amusement. Their little mind tricks taken into consideration, I decided a long time ago to just stay away from them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t take the job. I just need a few extra precautions, I need to be quick about it and keep a certain distance, not giving her too many chances of burrowing into my brain. I don’t know everything about the Evolved, their abilities seem to vary from person to person, but still, it might be nice with an extra challenge. 

“You’re paying extra,” I say, eyes still hefted to the information written down on the back of the picture. Apparently she lives a secluded life, at an address that feels oddly familiar, but not enough so that I can pinpoint it. 

“I figured as much, yes,” he responds, handing over another envelope, stuffed to the brim with cash. “I need this done, and after talking to Harvey, I decided that doubling your rate seemed fair. I’m willing to go higher though.”

She must have really pissed him off, not that I care about the whys and hows, I just like the sound of the extra cash. I nod at him, handing the picture back at him. 

“She should be home by now and stay there for the remainder of the night, but if you want to wait another day or two, I won’t mind too badly.”

“Not a problem, I’ll get it done.”

I get up, hand Harvey the cash, and he locks it up in a safe in the back room. Usually I go home and deposit it into my own, but I’m a little curious towards this job, and want to get going as soon as possible. 

The drive there isn’t that long, and as soon as I get there, I realize why the address seemed familiar. It’s the building from where I watched my little fireworks stunt, a party that is still slightly visible. They’ve managed to rebuild most of it, but they’re still working on the roof and detailing of the concert hall. Of the 8000 guests, I managed to kill off no less than 1906, shooting my kill count through the roof. 

It really was a glorious night, and quite the bomb Keira got me. 

The police claims to have a ton of leads, but that’s an obvious lie. If they had even the slightest idea as to either me or Keira being involved, we would have been hauled off for questioning a long time ago. Just like me, Keira has never set foot inside a police station, we know our shit, and we know how to be under cover. The faint memory of the Evolved woman looking up at me, makes me consider if it’s the same woman I’m out to kill. Wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, even if it has been months, I wouldn’t mind getting rid of that particular lady. 

Parking the car far away, I walk to the building. It’s so old and rundown that there’s no lock on the main entrance, and as such I’m free to stroll right in. I’ve brought along a big knife, one of those with the electricity blade, for cutting her into tiny pieces. Besides that I have a gun tugged into the back of my pants, a nightstick hidden up the sleeve, a taser in one pocket and a piece of wire in the other. Might as well play it extra safe with the weapons, I have no idea how much it takes to kill off an Evolved. 

Shadow did me a massive favor after quitting his job, and taught me how to pick locks. It’s easy enough, once you get the hang of it, and even though I haven’t done it all that much, I get the door unlocked within a minute. It makes an almost inaudible click, and I quickly slip inside, finding myself standing in a short, narrow hallway. There’s only two rooms in the apartment, kitchen included, and with the knife clutched tightly in my hand, I check that first. 

Nope, no Evolved lady in there. 

There’s no light either though, complicating my job slightly, as she can be hiding just about anywhere. Damned dark-skinned creatures, I would kill for a light source right around now, but I’ll just have to make due without. Slipping into the next room, I can make out the hints of furniture, a narrow bed, an armchair and a dresser, and my bet is she’s sleeping. Stepping carefully towards the bed, there’s the sound of a door being shut hard behind me. 

Fucking hell, she knew I was coming for her. 

I swoop around, knife held high, ready to cut her open and be done with it. It’s not that easy though, her black skin makes her blend perfectly in with her surroundings, and I can only make out a faint shadow moving towards me. The blade of my electrical knife gives off a hint of pulsating light though, and I cut through the air as soon as I see movement. I miss, I think, but she does flinch back slightly. Might have cut her a little, it’s impossible to tell, but I can at least move in closer now. 

She’s quick as fuck, sidestepping my every move, her slender form moving rapidly towards me. Suddenly she’s behind me, and she wraps her arms around my neck. Thank you, motherfucker, there’s my chance. Instead of struggling with her, I jab the knife backwards, straight into her side, and she gasps and let go. Falling backwards, she stumbles over a low coffee table, and I’m quick to grab onto her, pulling her back up into eye level. 

Tonight I don’t bother with fancy finishing words, I just slash the knife straight across her throat, killing her instantly. Her head snaps backwards, and I let her slide down on the floor. 

For a second I just stand there, wondering just how she could know I was coming for her. Maybe I’m not quite as good a locksmith as I thought myself to be, but either way I pulled through just as I always do. 

There’s a coughing sound from the floor, one that shouldn’t be possible, and all of a sudden she’s back on her feet. 

What. The. Fuck. 

That cut was deep, no fucking way she survived that. 

Yet there she is, standing upright, and I quickly pull out the taser to pacify her. Shots of electricity running through her body, I jam the knife straight into her chest, twisting it slightly to make sure she dies this time around. 

She doesn’t though, I can’t believe it, but she grabs onto the knife with both hands, pull it from both her chest and my hands, throwing it across the room. 

I slam the hidden nightstick straight into the side of her head, then pull out the gun from behind my back. She’s quick though, jumping for the knife, and suddenly she’s the one flailing it at me. She manages to make a deep slash across my arm, the leather jacket barely giving any protection against the electrical blade. How the fuck is this possible, I must have delivered enough damage to kill her off three times by now!

Gritting my teeth I pull through the pain without making much more than a wincing sound, then point the gun straight at her, pulling the trigger. Don’t give a fuck for noise right now, I just need her to die. She gets pushed back by the impact of the bullet, but it’s ultimately useless, she’s back on her feet within seconds.

“Why won’t you fucking die?!” I call out frustrated, pulling the trigger yet another time, this time aiming straight for her head. 

The bullet meets its mark, I’m a good shot, and I’m absolutely certain I hit her. 

Never the less, there she is, still standing. 

My eyes widen, this is insane, nobody can survive that. Shooting a few more bullets at her, I move towards the window. She’s still got the knife, slashing it towards me, nearly cutting me a few times in spite of how quick I am. Pressed up halfway between window and wall, I smash my elbow through the window, breaking the glass. 

I can’t do this, I can’t fucking kill her, I have to get the fuck away before she kills me. 

Shooting a last bullet to make her fall backwards, I scramble out the window onto a tiny ledge, that only gives me one way of escaping. I have to jump, without any kind of speed, straight across to another building. It’s a far jump, but the alternative is staying and eventually be cut to pieces by a crazy woman who can’t die. 

She’s back on her feet, and heaving a deep breath of air I go for it, jumping as far as I possibly can. I barely manage to get a hold on the rail of a balcony a story down, my fingers hurting like a motherfucker from the impact. I pull myself up, and just as I glance backwards, I can see that she’s climbing onto the ledge herself. 

Fucking fuck, she’s going to follow me. 

Apparently I’m not the only one out to kill someone, and I have to make a swift decision, running and jumping off in an arbitrary direction just to get the fuck away from her. She’s slower than me, thank fuck, and I manage to gain distance quickly enough for me to start hiding in the shadows. Vaulting every single wall I come across, climbing up and down fire escapes, crossing as many roofs as I can, I manage to shake her off. I don’t stop though, I don’t even care about my car right now, I just need to get the fuck away from her. Not until I’m back at Harvey’s, at least a two hour run, I start to calm down a little. 

Slamming the door open, I enter the bar, more furious than I’ve ever been before. 

“Where is he?” I spit at Harvey, who looks a mixture between confused and worried. “Where the fuck is he?!” 

“Calm down, Mayhem, where is who?” he asks, as his eyes run up and down my body, concern overtaking his features.

“The guy who hired me, where the fuck is he?”

“He left right after you did,” he says, “Sit down for a second, you look like you’re hurt.”

I stand there, out of breath, my eyes darting around the bar. He isn’t there, fuck damn it, he isn’t there. He set me up for this, I’m sure of it, whoever that motherfucker is, he set me up for this.

“I need the phone back,” I spit at Harvey, who hands it over without asking any questions. With shaky hands I dial the guy’s number, and of course the number doesn’t exist anymore. I slam the phone back down on the counter, forcefully enough for its screen to crack. Harvey doesn’t comment on it, if anything he’s just looking at me, uneasy with what’s going on. 

“Michael, what the fuck happened?” he asks, trying to catch my eyes.

I’m shaking with anger and exhaustion, and in the end I just shake my head at Harvey. “I have to go. Give me your keys.”

“Go where? Come on, Michael, you look like you’re hurt!” in spite of his worried words, he pulls out his keys and put them on the counter. 

He knows I’ll rip the whole fucking place apart if he doesn’t. 

Snatching them, I don’t respond to anything. He calls out my name behind me, but I just leave, slamming the door as I do. Fucking fuck, this is bad, this is so fucking bad I can’t even begin to imagine the repercussions. Right now though, I need to get this insane amount of anger out of my system, I can’t go home to Shadow like this. Even if blood is running down my right arm, I’m pretty sure it won’t kill me before I kill someone else.

***

A family of three safely stashed inside the back of the van, I drive off towards my happy place. I’m still beyond the state of rage, and these people are going to feel just how bad that is. A mother and her two twin daughters, as much fun as I would have had with this on a normal day, today it’s just a way to blow off steam.

It’s gotten early in the morning, and it won’t be long before the sun starts rising, there’s already a hint of gold in the sky when I pull up in front of my most treasured place. I open up the side door, pull the mother out first, followed closely by the two teenage girls. They are squirming, and just because I’m in such a shitty mood I kick one of them hard in the side. 

“Stop. Fucking. Moving.” I sneer, the last thing I want right now is someone putting up a struggle. If there was ever a day for someone to just accept their fate, this would be the day.

Heaving a deep breath of air, I look them over, trying to will my brain to just focus on killing these three people, instead of all the shit that went wrong tonight. 

Finally I pick up one of them, and leaving the other two on the ground, I drag her inside the abandoned building. I throw her down on the concrete floor, go get the next and repeat the process. When all three of them are inside, I go for my knife, a knife that I no longer own. Motherfucking, not only did I fuck up big time, I also lost a nice piece of weaponry. Groaning I start looking around the old factory, trying to find something that will do the trick. Coming across a saw, I find it to be a reasonable alternative, and bring it back to my victims. 

“Now here’s what’s gonna happen,” I say, squatting down next to them. “I’m gonna cut something off of you, and then we’re gonna find out which part makes you bleed to death the fastest.” 

I’ve always wondered if there was a difference between left and right arm, if the heart pumped slightly harder towards one side, and as such I pick the two identical twins to try off that theory. I would have been nice to have a fourth person around to make same experiment with the legs, but this is good enough. Thank fuck their mouths are covered in tape, because even through that I can hear her screaming for dear life, as I loosen the tape off her wrists. 

Stretching out the first girls right arm, I settle it down on top of my thigh. It’s not the best way to cut something off, but I still manage to get the old rusty saw through her skin and bones. Takes a shitload of force with the bone, and I’m pretty sure she’s going to bleed to death before I even get around to the other two. 

I just can’t catch a fucking break today. 

As soon as I’m done, I let the cut off piece of arm fall to the floor, moving on to the other girl. I was right, the first one is dead before I’m halfway through the second, and I let out an annoyed huff. Still I continue, and when I’m done with the two of them, I cut the mother’s leg off. This takes even more work and force than the two girls, she’s both bigger with a lot more skin to cut through, and the bone is thicker as well. 

Blood is everywhere once I’m done, not just on the floor and the three of them, I’m covered in it from head to toe. At least I’m wearing all black, making it slightly less visible, but I have to pull of my t-shirt and use the back of it to dry the worst off my face. 

As I remove my jacket, I see just how deep the cut on my arm is, and it’s not pretty. It needs stitches, and it’s going to leave a massive scar. Fucking fuck. I’ll have to use Harvey’s doctor friend, nobody gets a cut like this doing anything normal. To top it off, my leather jacket as well as hoodie is completely ruined, something that just adds to my current level of anger.

Sighing I look at the bodies, not entirely sure what to do with them. It’s gotten too late to use the cardboard press I usually go to, the stores are already open. I consider cutting them into more pieces, but that just seems like an awful lot of work, and in the end I simply dump them into the acid bath. 

Getting back in the van, I sit there for a little while, looking at the sunrise. I have to go back to Harvey, get a hold of his doctor, get patched up, all that shit, but sooner or later I will have to go home to Shadow. I’ve never come home with a wound like this before, a bruise here and there, sure, but never something like this. 

I’ve never come home unsuccessful either, and I have no idea how he’s going to take it. Groaning I run my fingers across my stubbly hair, digging my nails into my scalp. This is the fucking worst, but there’s no way around it, I’ll just have to suffer through whatever is going to happen.

***

Harvey’s doctor has always been a special kind of guy, and he shakes his head exasperated as he takes a look at the wound.

“Would have been a lot easier if I’d seen it a little sooner, you know,” he says, clicking his tongue against his teeth. 

“Had something I needed to take care of first,” I shrug, wincing slightly at the movement. Now when I’m not busy running around killing people any longer, the pain of it is throbbing and insistent. “Can you fix it?”

“Of course I can,” he pushes his glasses further up on his nose, squinting his eyes at the wound. “I’ll put some local anesthesia down first, it might sting a little.”

I raise my eyebrows at him, making a snide remark, “Right, because my current state couldn’t be any more comfortable.”

We’re in the backroom of Harvey’s, and he’s overlooking the whole procedure, as the doctor makes a few small injections near the wound. I don’t even flinch at the needle poking at tender skin, I just want to get this over with, so I can go home to my husband. Soon enough a long series of stitches are running down and across my arm, and the doctor pulls back taking a last hard look at it.

“That’s the best I can do,” he states, then pulls a small pill glass from his pocket. “Well that, and these. Take a few to keep the pain down, and you’ll be good as new within a couple of weeks.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” I mumble, as he wraps a bandage on top of the wound and stitches. 

When he’s finally done, I get up, ready to leave immediately. Harvey stops me, placing a hand lightly against my chest. 

“Mayhem,” he says carefully, weighing his words, “I think you might wanna lay low for a little while.”

I breathe in sharply, not pleased with this at all. Still I get out a solemn, “I know.”

“Good,” he nods slowly, then pads me lightly on the shoulder. “Go home, get some rest, and tell Shadow I said hi.”

Grabbing my trashed jacket off the chair, I leave the bar with no further words.

***

For a little while I stand on our doorstep, trying to figure out what the fuck I’m going to tell him. It’s not like I can hide the horrible outcome of this night for him, he’s going to have a million questions, and all I really want to do, is cuddle up in bed with him. It’s almost ten, I’ve been gone for many hours, and he might be worried already. Sighing I unlock the door and slip inside, only to be greeted by an overly excited Tofu and Moo rubbing up against my leg. I sit down to pet both of them, as Shadow comes shuffling into the hallway. He does indeed look worried, and when he sees the large bandage around my arm, his eyes widen.

“What happened?” he gasps, pulling me up by the arm that isn’t covered in white padding.

“I…” I start, not sure what I’m going to say. My voice is off, I sound scared, and I’m not supposed to do that to him. In the end I just whisper a quiet, “I think I fucked up.” 

Shadow now goes from slightly worried, to scared, to flat out panicking before I get through explaining what happened. We’ve moved to the couch, and every two minutes he’ll pull me in for either a hug or a kiss. He can’t handle this, and honestly, neither can I. 

I’m certain it was a set-up, that guy knew she couldn’t be killed; but it still leaves me with a fuck-load of questions, the main one being: is she the only one? Finding one immortal creature on the face of the earth is fucked up enough, but what if there’s more of them? I can’t wrap my head around it, I can’t make any sense out of anything, but there’s got to be a reason for this to happen. Not just the set-up itself, there’s got to be some explanation as to why she just wouldn’t die. That’s almost nagging more in my mind, than the fact that someone might be out to get me, because if someone really is, all they have to do is send her. Regardless of her fighting skills, eventually she’ll wear me down, sooner or later she’ll get a hold of me and blow my brains out. Suddenly my skills are rendered completely useless, if I can’t kill her, I can’t do shit. 

One thing is rummaging around in my head more than anything else though, something that I have to muster up the courage to ask Shadow. We’ve been sitting quietly for a while, him nuzzled up close to me, while I run my fingers through his hair. 

“I have to ask you something, it’s gonna sound fucked up, but I need to know this,” I finally say, and he lifts his head slightly to look me in the eyes. I try to formulate the question in my mind, try to make it sound less fucked up, but in the end I just ask, “Back at that night where we worked together… Did you think you were gonna die?”

It’s by far the most odd question I’ve ever asked him, and he raises his eyebrows remarkably as I do. “Well obviously, the guy was choking me.”

“Yeah I know that, I just mean… Could you breathe?”

“Michael, I was terrified, I don’t think any part of my body did what it was supposed to do.”

Nodding slowly, I try another approach, “What did it feel like? I mean choking, what did it feel like?”

“I… I dunno, like my breathing was off, like I couldn’t get air down in my lungs,” he says quietly, “You know I’m really not too fond of talking about this.”

“I know, I’m sorry, it’s just… Maybe this has something to do with the fact that she was Evolved. Maybe there’s some connection to that.”

“What, you think we can’t die?” he pulls away slightly, looking at me all confused and wide eyed. 

Honestly I don’t know what I’m thinking, I’m grasping for straws to make any kind of sense out of this. 

“I dunno…” I shake my head a little, lean forward and kiss him softly. “I don’t think I know anything right now.”

There’s a brief moment of silence, before he leans in and whispers, “What the fuck are we gonna do about this?”

“I don’t know. I’ll lay low for a little while, hope it’ll blow over, that it was just a fluke thing. That it was just some random guy, hoping to get rid of a random woman, and it blew up in my face for no apparent reason what so ever.”

“You know that’s not true though, right?” 

I shake my head; he’s right, I do know that. Either way I can’t do shit about it, at least not right now.


	17. Suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those are the last words I say to him, before I finally manage to open the front door, and slip out into the night.

**October, 2347**

I manage to lay low, all the time it takes for my arm to heal. Don’t get me wrong, I’m practically crawling on the walls with frustration and pent up energy, but eventually the stitches are removed, leaving behind nothing but a big old nasty scar. It’s smaller than the one I’ve got on my ribs, but somehow still manages to look more dramatic. Maybe it’s just because I can see it all the time, but either way I get pissed off just by looking at it. 

Shadow’s been watching over me, through the entire healing process, while Harvey’s left me alone. I’m growing slowly but surely insane from not working, from not killing in general, but there’s also a strong sense of paranoia gnawing at me. Everyone in my business are slightly paranoid, but this is different, this is flat out fear. I have to find some way to deal with it, I have to get back in the game somehow, even if Shadow is highly against it. He wants me to quit all together, to finally throw in the towel and start living a normal life. That argument lasted at least four hours, and even if he has the most logical of arguments, I refuse to budge. I can’t quit, even if I stopped working, I still wouldn’t be able to stop killing people all together. I don’t work like other people, I know something is fundamentally wrong with me, but I just can’t stop. I need this to be a part of my life, I have to kill people, otherwise I’ll go insane. 

Maybe that’s just the problem, I am insane and I kill people because of it, but it truly feels the other way around. 

It’s Monday morning when I decide I can’t take it anymore. I pull on my sneakers and – brand new – leather jacket, leaving the apartment while Shadow’s at work. He landed a job at one of the smaller architecture firms, and he loves his job. I tried turning that against him, that if he could do something he loved, I should be able to do so too. He did not buy into that one bit, because apparently working as an architect can’t be compared to killing people. 

Whatever, that’s just what I’m about to go do, whether he likes it or not. 

I can’t ask Harvey for work though, he’d either turn me down, tell Shadow, or both. Instead I go off on my own, aimlessly walking the streets to figure out some way of killing people without it drawing any kind of attention. It’s not like I haven’t done so before, I’ve gotten away with literally thousands of murders at this point, but I need to do something that won’t even be qualified as a murder. Something that won’t even spark on a ‘missing person’ add. I’ve got a few weapons pocketed, but I’m already quite sure as to what I’m going to use. 

Going through the shopping district, I pick out a nice bouquet of flowers, red roses and tiny white ones I have no idea what’s called. At another store, I pick up an anonymous cap, plain black, with a shadow large enough to cover my entire face when seen from above. 

That should do it, now all I’ve got left to find is a victim. Walking up and down the streets, in seemingly random patterns, I come to a halt at a nice large building. Looking at the buzzers, I pick the first woman’s name at random, hoping it’s someone who is not only home, but home alone. There’s only one name on the small tag next to the button, and when someone answers, it is indeed a woman. If she’s not there alone, I’ll just deliver the flowers and leave, but if she is, I’ll make my move.

“Who is it?” she says cheerfully, as she answers the door phone.

“Flower delivery for a...” I pause for a second, glancing at the name tag again, “Miss Delilah Evans?” 

“Really?” she sounds surprised, “Well come on up!”

Hum halle-fucking-lujah, step one accomplished. 

I keep my head held low all the way up, knowing very well there’s cameras hidden in every damned corner. Doesn’t matter in regards to her though, she won’t recognize me, nor will she be alive to tell any tales. She opens the door before I’m all the way up, and I listen carefully for any kind of voices. If there’s someone in there with her, she would definitely be talking to them, but she is not, she’s just standing there, holding the door as I come up the last flight of stairs.

Taking a quick glance into the apartment, I’m 99% sure no one’s in there with her, and as such I hand over the flowers with a big smile plastered all over my face. I need this, I crave this, I’ve missed this so fucking much. 

“If you’d just sign here,” I say politely, handing her a pen. She takes it with her right hand, and even though I in actuality have nothing for her to sign, it still gives me a little extra knowledge that I need.

Before she even catches on to the fact that I hold no papers, I give her a big doze of the paralyzing spray. She doesn’t even get to react, no screaming, no nothing, before she collapses. I catch her before she hits the floor, the flowers still clutched in my hand, as I push her inside the apartment. I don’t spend too much time thinking about it, I’ve got the whole thing planned out, as I drag her into the bedroom. I settle her down on the bed, giving her another thick layer of mist before leaving her alone. 

It only takes me half a minute to locate the biggest kitchen knife she’s got, and while humming a little to myself, I return back to the bedroom with it. 

Her eyes are wide and scared, she knows what I’m doing, she can feel everything, she just can’t do shit about it. Carefully I spend time positioning her just right, lying on her side, head resting on the pillow. Then I put the knife in her right hand, and guide it towards her wrists. I don’t just slash them lightly, I run from the wrist all the way up to the inside of her elbows, cutting as deeply as I find it reasonable she would. 

Blood is gushing out of the wound, soaking into the bedspread, as she twitches slightly. 

Just to make sure, I make another slash across the other arm, a little less pressure than on the first one. Blood spurts a little as I hit another vein, and sitting myself down on the floor, I watch her life slowly drain away. 

When her eyes roll back into her head and her breathing eventually stops, I let out a relieved sigh. Damn that felt good. 

I push myself back up, take the flowers and make absolutely sure neither they nor I, have left any traces. Cracking my neck slightly, I go back out the front door, feeling a hell of a lot better than I’ve done for weeks.

***

Getting back outside into the crisp autumn air, I know immediately that something is off. Not just off, something is deadly wrong, I can sense it.

Looking up and down the streets, I see a lot of people going about their business, but I can feel that someone is watching me. It’s not just dumb paranoia, somebody is watching me, I just can’t pinpoint from where. 

Ducking down slightly I take off, not running, just walking at a brisk pace to get the fuck away from this place. I turn as many corners as I can, cross a few streets quickly, it doesn’t matter, there’s still someone following me closely. I try not to be too obvious about it, as I search the streets for some suspicious looking type, but I can’t see anything out of the ordinary. I have to get home, but I can’t do that until I shake off whoever it is, no matter what I can’t bring this shit home with me. 

As I keep moving forward through the city, I find myself standing on Divinity Square, the center of town. This is where the three tallest buildings are placed; the Acelia, government hall and the stock market. Already there’s thousands of people littering the square and adjoining streets, ready to go to do their jobs. Annoying as it is to be caught in the middle of it, it gives me a chance to get a better look at my surroundings. My eyes are no longer trying to find someone next to me, as much as above me. That woman followed me out through the window, she made the same jump I did, she could easily be perched on top of a building, looking down on me. It would make sense, it’s exactly what I do when I’m trying to hunt someone down. 

The sky is clear blue, with nothing to obscure my vision, and when I see her, her black contour stands out sharply against it. She’s not doing a very good job of hiding, being on of the Evolved she should stick to the shadows, but it comes to my advantage that she doesn’t. She’s far away right now, up on a ledge jotting out of government hall, and I think she’s lost me a little in the crowds. 

Thank fuck, now I have a chance to get away, and ducking down slightly, I try and do just that. Getting lost in a crowd as big as this is easy enough, I just move with the flow, trying to blend in as best I can. 

Slipping into government hall, I make sure she’s still up on that ledge, before pushing through the doors. As big as this damned building is, there’s bound to be more than one exit, I just need to find one on the opposite side of the building, to lose her entirely. 

It looks like there’s a million people crammed together on the ground floor alone, and it feels like I have to push past every single one of them to get to the other side of the building. The biggest problem is the vast amount of cubicles belonging to government workers, I don’t have all day for this, and they all seem to be blocking my way. Moving around in a random zigzag pattern, I finally spot an exit, far off in the right corner. It’s big, with sliding glass doors, and according to my sense of direction it should take me straight back on the streets, only far away from her. 

I’m not entirely right, past the gliding doors there’s yet another damned appendix to the building, and this one leads me up a long set of stairs, then onto one of the bridges. Close enough, at least those all lead to and from the building itself, and I move quickly across it.

Now I’m on the side of another building, a metal platform running off in both directions. Glancing up I see no sign of her, she’s either still sitting on the other side of the building looking for me in the crowd, or she’s given up. Either way this won’t be the last time she chases me, I’m sure of it, she won’t give up just like that. 

Sighing I turn left; there’s still too many people around for me to speed up, but at least they are dwindling in numbers. As soon as I have an opportunity to do so, I move myself to a higher level, eventually finding a space with nearly no one around. I start running, and gain enough momentum to make a jump to another building, from where I can start going home. 

This is bad, this is so fucking bad, I have to talk to Shadow about it, I just don’t know how. He’s already scared about everything that’s going on, and now I have to tell him that I was stupid enough to go off and kill someone, only to be chased through half the city as a result of it. I’m not entirely sure it was the actual murder that did it, I think I would have been followed either way, but that doesn’t make it any better. I can’t exactly stay cooped up inside the apartment for the rest of my life, and I’m pretty sure she’s the type of person that holds a grudge. 

It’s past noon when I’m finally back at the apartment, and I do a double check before entering the building. No one is around, I don’t feel any eyes burning into my back, and I can’t see any shadows lurking around either. 

As soon as I’m inside our home, I flop down on the couch, and light up a cigarette. 

This fucking sucks.

***

The rest of the day flies by in a haze of fighting. Shadow can’t let go of the fact that I went out and killed someone, hell, he can barely let go of the fact that I left the apartment at all.

“Harvey told you to lay low, what the fuck were you thinking?!” he yells at me, his hands twitching as he’s pacing around the living room.

“Well what do you expect me to do? Sit around and literally never leave the apartment ever again?!” I’m closing in on being just as mad as he is, he’s being unreasonable, and at the very least he should be able to see that he is. 

“You didn’t have to go off murdering someone, that’s exactly what everyone has been telling you NOT to do!” 

“You know I’m gonna grow insane like this, I can’t just sit around and do nothing! I can’t not kill someone, it’s just not who I am,” I try to calm my voice down a little, but he still gives me a deadly glare. 

“Right, so what you’re saying is that it’s more important to run around killing people, than it is to stay alive yourself,” he points out, “You do get that this isn’t a game right? That this is serious, that you aren’t the one who’s fucking immortal.” 

“I know that, but there’s gotta be some way out of this mess!”

“Yeah well you aren’t gonna find it while killing random people, so maybe, just maybe, you should put a little more energy into figuring shit out!” 

He’s fed up, he can’t handle this, and his hands slide up to cover his face. His shoulders start to shake, as he sets himself down on the floor, crying. I feel like the worst person in the world, I just can’t do this shit, he’s not the only one who can’t handle it. Without a word I slip down from the couch, curl my arms around him and hold him close, as he sobs into my shoulder.

“Fuck...” I mumble, resting my head on top of his. This is a mess, this shouldn’t be happening at all, but there’s got to be some sort of solution somewhere. Finally I whisper, “Look… I know this is hard on you, and it is on me too. I’m sorry, okay? I… I won’t go out again, at least not to kill someone.”

“Are you sure that’s a promise you can keep?” he asks, his hands still covering half his face.

“No,” I say truthfully, “But I can try.”

***

It’s past midnight, and I’m still up. I can’t sleep, I haven’t been able to since all this happened, and even with the pills it’s a mess. I either feel like I’m in a coma or else I’m not sleeping at all. I look terrible, with the jagged scar down my arm, dark circles underneath my eyes, and I’ve gotten slightly skinnier from not using my body the way I’m used to. In the past three weeks I’ve left the apartment once, and I can feel the way my muscles are soar from doing things they usually would have no trouble doing. In spite of my hatred towards Destiny City, it actually felt nice being out there, which says everything about my current situation.

I’m sitting on the couch, Tofu lying next to me, Moo curled up on my stomach. There’s a beeping sound, one I haven’t heard in ages, and for a second I’m not even sure what it is. I grab for the phone, waking up poor Moo, hoping that Harvey’s got some good news for me.

“MM LN”

My eyes widen, no no no, fucking no, this can’t be happening! 

I jump up off the couch; startling both animals; this can’t be fucking happening! I’m still clutching the cellphone, and out of sheer frustration I throw it at the nearest wall. Fuck! I stumble towards the bedroom, I have to wake up Shadow, I have to get my shit, I have to leave. 

Fuck fuck fucking fuck! 

Shadow’s already awake when I enter the bedroom and he props himself up on one elbow, looking at me with scared wide eyes. “What’s going on?” 

For a moment I just stand there, my breathing frantic and jagged, my entire body shaking from a combination of too much adrenaline and even more so fear. What the fuck am I supposed to tell him? Sorry honey, my job finally caught up with me, and now I have to leave you? 

In the end I heave a deep, shaky breath of air, one that seems impossible to get into my lungs. “I have to leave.” 

For a second he just looks at me, then he shakes his head. “No no no no no!”

I cross the floor to his side of the bed, wrap my arms around his shoulders and drag him in for a close hug. “I have to,” I whisper, “I have to.”

“You can’t!” he’s shaking violently, as he digs his fingernails into my arm. “You can’t, you just can’t!”

“I have to,” I repeat, “I… I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, but I have to.”

He’s crying, trying to hold me back, as he keeps whispering the word ‘no’ over and over again. I have to pull him away from me, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. Moving away from him and the bed, I start rummaging through the closet, pulling out a backpack, filling it with clothes. 

I can’t look at him, I can’t do any-fucking-thing other than pack. 

My hands are shaking as I close the bag, and for a second I just stand there, looking at it.

“Take me with you,” he standing right next to me, I didn’t even hear him get out of the bed, too caught up in this shit to notice. 

I hate it, but I have to shake my head. “I can’t. It’s not safe for you, the last thing you want to be right now, is anywhere near me.”

“You don’t get to be the judge of that,” he pleads with me, “Please take me with you, please, Michael, please don’t leave me!”

“I have to.”

Tears are running down his face, all of his features warped into pure misery. “Please...”

It’s the hardest word I’ve ever had to say, but I have to, “No.”

He slumps forward, clinging to me, his hands curling around the fabric of my t-shirt. He won’t let me go, but he has to. Gently I remove his hands, lift his head a little, and kiss him softly. I can taste the salty tears on his lips, as they quiver against mine. 

“I’m sorry,” I say again, before pulling away. “I… I’ll be back. I promise, I’ll be back, I’ll figure this out, somehow I will get back.”

I’ve never promised Shadow anything without keeping it, and I won’t make this the first. Somehow I’ll find a way back to him, I just need to figure this shit out first.

I lean in and kiss him, he tries to grab onto me again, but I can’t let him. If he keeps holding onto me, I’ll never be able to leave. Instead I pull away, look at him one last time, before grabbing the bag off the floor. He’s still pleading at me to stay, as he follows me into the hallway. Pulling on my best running shoes and my jacket, I swing the bag up on my shoulders, clicking the clasps in place, tightening every strap. 

One final time I pull him in close, kiss him over and over again. “I love you,” I breathe the words against his lips. 

“I love you too,” he whispers, every muscle in his body tensing up as I gently push him away from me. “I love you so much.”

“I’ll be back. I promise, I’ll be back.”

Those are the last words I say to him, before I finally manage to open the front door, and slip out into the night.


	18. Tools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hum halle-fucking-lujah, this is the best thing ever!

**March, 2348**

Already I have been gone for several months, and I have accomplished little to none. 

At first I had to travel, drive as far away from Destiny City as I possibly could. For days I switched between driving aimlessly and sleeping anxiously in hotel rooms, a couple of times I even slept in the car. I had every weapon in the book strapped to my person at all times, but the heat seemed to be turned off remarkably the second I crossed city borders. 

From that point on it felt more like a road trip, and had Shadow been there with me, it would have been an enjoyable one. For a little while I considered going back to get him, but in the end I sided against it. It’s not safe to be around me, and the last thing I want is to put him in any more danger than I already have. 

Constantly I think about him, hoping he’s safe, hoping everyone is taking care of him, the best way they can.

I have no idea as to where I am for most of the trip, except that I’m far away from Destiny City, and that I traveled east to begin with. I must have gone further down south at some point, because sooner or later I find myself in Aurelia. It’s not as big as Destiny City, not by a long shot, but it seems to be equally horrible. At least there’s still patches of green in this place; tiny parks, large trees, green grass; which all makes it seem a little less unbearable. 

It isn’t though, in the end, everything is overshadowed by the fact that I miss my husband. Nothing can make up for that, I just need to be somewhere relatively safe, so I can dig myself a way back to him.

After getting to Aurelia, deciding that was as safe as it was going to get, I go out and get myself an apartment. I have no idea how long I’ll have to stick around, and even cheap motel rooms costs money, I have to make the most of what I’ve got left. 

I took a big chunk of money with me, Shadow’s got his job now, and it’s well-paid enough to keep him afloat. Thank fuck I’m not a big spender, otherwise I might not have been able to pull this off. In my profession, it’s not like I can just go out and get a new job here in Aurelia, and I don’t know anyone who might be able to hook me up. I can’t even contact Harvey about it, I can’t have anyone catching on to where I am. I know Harvey would never tell voluntarily, but I’m not going to put him in danger as well. In the end he did help me out a lot, and it seems unfair that I drag him further into this than he already is. I have no idea what happened to him, since he send that ‘leave now’ message, someone could have attacked him or worse. I don’t see it as fully my responsibility, it’s not like Harvey’s some saint, but I did manage to attract some attention that nobody asked for. 

In the end it’s another one of those things, I can’t do shit about, at least not from where I’m at.

Now I’m here though, settled inside Aurelia, and I need to figure this shit out. There’s got to be some way for me to return back home, some way for me to beat these followers, even if they are Evolved. 

I have a sixth sense about these things, it’s not just the one woman trying to get a hold of me, not anymore at least, there’s more of them, and my bet is they are all Evolved. Harvey wouldn’t have run me out of town for just one woman, even if she is immortal, there’s got to be more than just one. Being hired to kill her in the first place has to be a set-up, and the guy who made it happen, isn’t done until I’m dead. I need to figure out who he is, I need to figure out why, and most importantly, I need to figure out how to make it stop. 

When I left, I figured everything side of clothes, was probably bugged. The phone I destroyed anyway, and the computer I left behind just because of that. I didn’t bring any of the high-tech weapons either, I dropped them right outside of Destiny City, just to play it extra safe. I’m not sure you can track someone through a weapon, in fact I sincerely doubt that you can, but I’d rather lose a few of them, than get caught out here. 

The only thing left was the car, and that I drove to Libre Noctis, taking public transportation back to Aurelia. It’s far enough away, and Libre Noctis is a big city, I could be running around anywhere there. It’s okay to be paranoid, when you know for certain that someone is out to get you. 

Trying to solve this mystery without a computer isn’t the easiest thing though, and as such I figure out where the library is, to use theirs. Of course they have those stupid Sense things, but I’ll just have to live with that, not to mention learn to use the damned things. Shadow always told me that they were so intuitive nobody could fuck it up, but apparently, I qualify to be nobody. 

It takes me hours on end to do the simplest of things, and it has thousands of demands for me to even get it started. Create e-mail account, create username, create info page, create my fucking ass, it’s driving me insane. 

Obviously I’ll have to make up a fake persona, but I’m not too fond of using any of the old ID cards Harvey gave me. I don’t know how traceable they are, and especially not to someone who wants me dead. 

In the end I do it anyway, find the newest one, and create an account for Maxwell McCoy. The damned thing demands you type in the last four digits of the ID card, and as much as I’m against it, I budge and do it. Lucky for me, it works. Whoever is making those cards for Harvey, sure does a damned good job. 

The next couple of weeks is spend at the library, with me doing hopeless searches on things I know nothing about. All I’ve got is the guy’s initials, which are most likely fake, as well as a phone number that doesn’t exist anymore. It used to belong to someone named David Mitchell, and figuring out who that guy is, is as hard as it would be to find out who I am. 

I try linking the name to Destiny City, but whenever I try to access something – anything – related to that place, I find the pages to be blocked. The Sense just gives me a small, annoying pop-up message, that the site is out of order, which I find highly unlikely to be true for every fucking site regarding Destiny City. It not only pisses me off, it also gives me a sense that something is wrong with the city itself. It’s like it exists without existing, and I know the place is there, but I can’t see anything about it. Like it’s blocked from the world outside of it, halfway vanished into thin air.

While I lived there, I could see news sites, I could see all kinds of crap about Destiny City, I know they’re fucking there, I just can’t access them from where I am right now. It doesn’t make any sense, and it’s driving me insane, to the point where I actually fear the place isn’t real at all.

***

Another thing that’s driving me insane, is that of not killing people.

Not that I haven’t, but I’ve tried to keep it at a minimum. Here I don’t have all the precautions I had back home, I don’t have Harvey to be my standing alibi, it’s never a job, it’s only the murders I can’t keep myself from doing. I kill maybe once every two weeks, and I try to be as stealth about the remains as I possibly can. 

I miss my happy place, I miss the routines, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually miss Destiny City. Half of the time I’ve spend in Aurelia, I’ve been out exploring. The library isn’t open 24/7 anyway, and I spend the rest of the days just going around town, trying to spot the useful things. So far I’ve located a few empty buildings, nothing near as good as my happy place, but something useful at least. 

Besides those, I’ve been searching high and low for ways to get rid of the bodies. I’m too far away from the ocean to dump them there, and the only thing I’ve been able to come up with so far, is hiding them at a building ground. There’s all kinds of places there, dugout holes, covering them in cement, making it look like some freak accident where they got crushed underneath metal beams, all kinds of shit. 

I can’t keep that going though, sooner or later it’ll be too many, and the police will catch on and start looking into it. 

When I come by what will certainly be my new happy place, it almost seems to good to be true. 

I’ve rented a car; or more correctly, Mitch Manuel has; and for days I’ve been driving around Aurelia and the surrounding area. Going further and further away, there’s got to be someplace suitable for my kind of activities, even if I have to resort to making stops at hotels again. 

It works out though, because when I reach Dusky Grove, I can’t believe how beautiful and perfect it is. It’s got everything, trees, rocks, rivers, there’s a fucking waterfall hidden in there, I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could live here, hell, if Shadow was with me, we could live here for the rest of our lives and I wouldn’t complain. He would, he’s a city kind of guy, but me? I fucking love it. Best of all, there’s no people around. Hikers pass through every so often, but that’s it, no one is there to bother me. 

I walk around Dusky Grove for days, only going outside of this glorious place for supplies. When I come by a cabin, I couldn’t be more pleased. That’s exactly what I need, a place to stay, preferably with a bed and some basics like running water. I do a minor stakeout of the place, but there seems to be no one using it at the moment. It’s got a simple lock, easy for me to pick, I even have the tools I need, kept in the car. 

Doing a double check, I knock the door before breaking in. If someone were to answer, I can just tell them I got lost, or kill them off and be done with it. I’m certainly in the mood for the latter, it’s been at least two weeks since the last one, and I feel on edge because of it. 

No one is there though, the place is empty with no signs of anyone living there for quite a while. The air within is stale, but there are indeed the necessities, including running water and even electricity. 

Hum halle-fucking-lujah, this is the best thing ever! 

Not only is this place completely undercover, I can stay here for as long as I want without paying a dime. Sure, someone will rent it eventually, but they’ll be easy to make disappear. The wilderness is a treacherous place, there are hundreds of ways someone could die here, I just have to make sure I’m not around when someone comes looking for them. That’s what I’ve got the apartment for, I can travel back and forth, whenever I kill someone, laying low either places if things get a little too heated. 

Sighing deeply, I sit down on the small bench outside the cabin, and light up a cigarette. This is going to be good, even if I would much rather be cuddling up next to Shadow, this is as good as it’s going to get right now.

***

After finding that glorious place in the woods, I decide to make some additions, in the shape of weapons. Now the essentials I’ve got; knives, bats, guns, wire, mace, tasers, all those kinds of things. I want something new though, something a little more creative, that won’t draw any attention when I acquire it. Just like everything else, I left my weapons dealer back home, so I’ll have to make due with whatever I can come up with.

That is why I leave the forest for a bit, get back in my rented car, and drive back to Aurelia. By now I know where practically everything is, spending months walking around town has payed off, and I locate the hardware store quickly. I’m two steps away from humming all the way through it, as I pick out the most interesting things I can come by. 

A saw I’ve used before, but a powered circular one, I have not. Electrical screwdrivers, belt sanders, drills, it’s a whole new magnificent world to me. I get everything, even a workbench because it seems like a reasonable investment, not to mention a fuck-load of straps to hold my subjects in place. I could use tape, but this is so much cheaper in the long run. I foresee a long line of murders going down out in Dusky Grove, if nothing else, then to pass the time.

When I make my way to the register, the person manning it seems quite surprised by all my purchases. “Got some big project planned, huh?” he says, in a jovial tone, like we’re best buddies.

“Like you wouldn’t believe it,” I respond, and I can’t help myself from grinning at the guy. 

Maybe he’ll become part of my ‘big project’ at some point, you never know. 

As always I pay in cash, it’s a lot of money, but it’s that or going slowly insane from not killing anyone. It takes a while for me to get it all inside the car, but soon enough I’m moving back towards the cabin. It’s gotten dark out, and I take a quick scan, ensuring myself that no one has showed up during the day. Would have been perfect if someone had, it would give me a way to try off all my new toys, but I’ll get there soon enough.

***

I wait a few days, but that’s it. My skin is crawling, my fingers are itching, I need to get a hold of someone soon. It’s been raining none stop for the past couple of nights, and it still is, when I slip into the car. I’ve decided to go pick up my own again, if someone really was keeping track of it, it would have been long gone.

It’s not, it’s still standing where I left it in Libre Noctis, and it feels oddly nice to be back inside of it. 

It was getting too expensive to rent a car anyway, and I need to be able to leave quickly, if anything goes wrong. It’s not like I’m going to stick around Aurelia and Dusky Grove forever, but right now it seems like the safest place to be, even without Harvey’s involvement in my activities. 

Driving around for a while, I’m on sharp lookout for something – or rather someone – suited for my experiments. When I see a young girl walking down a secluded street, only to disappear into an alley, I jump at the chance. I know the city layout by now, and I know that that particular alley is a long, narrow one, that will keep her in place long enough for me to grab her. 

She’s fiddling with her Sense as she moves forward without a care in the world, which only makes my job easier. She’s occupied by the damned thing I hate so much, and she doesn’t notice shit when I sneak up on her, moving around high above her.

I’ve tried to keep my parkour and free running up to scale, just running around in the middle of the night, doing all kinds of tricks. Therefore it’s no hassle to me, to climb up a ladder, shimmy across a narrow ledge, and drop down right behind her from far above. I’ve got my hands clasped tightly around her mouth before she even gets to react, and for a second I consider just wringing her neck and be done with it. 

But no, no I need to do this a more horrific way, this is too easy, not to mention too boring. I’ve done too many murders of that kind, now I need something bigger and bloodier. 

So I pull her backwards, twisting her around and slam her head against a wall, hard enough to knock her unconscious. She makes a muffled screeching sound, but no one is around to hear her. Before she gets to do any kind of recovery from the blow, I put a strip of tape across her mouth, another one tightly around her wrists, tying them together. I’ll get her legs once I get to the car, right now I just got to move her out of this alley, before anyone comes along. I’ve almost got her packed into the trunk, when someone comes by and catches me in the act. 

“Hey what are you-” the guy gets out, but I’m one quick motherfucker, and always ready for this type of thing. I give him a healthy dose of numbing spray, look him over for a second, before tying him up as well. 

A two for one offer, who can resist? 

Taping the both of them up nice and tight, I get back into the car and drive off towards what will certainly become a new happy place.

It’s not a long drive, 45 minutes tops, before I’m back at the cabin. There’s a nice little driveway right outside, and dragging my two victims into my makeshift workshop is easy enough. I throw them down on the floor, there’s no need to worry about them getting hurt, it doesn’t matter in regards to the actual work. The more in one piece they are, the more fun, but still, a few bruises or even a broken bone doesn’t matter at this point. 

For a little while I glance across the many power tools I have now, there’s so many options, it’s almost overwhelming. In the end I just shrug, grab hold of the girl and move her up on the bench. Releasing first her legs, I tie them up nice and good with two of the straps. I’ve connected four of them to the legs of the table, and got a fifth one lying about for securing the middle section as well. 

She tries kicking at me, but I am far quicker than she is, and dodge her every move. It still annoys me to no end, and I pick up her head and bang it hard against the table to make her stop.

“You are not making this a very pleasant experience for either of us, you know,” I tell her calmly, as I cut the tape off of her wrists. 

She tries grabbing onto me, but I just repeat the process of banging her head against the wooden surface. Her eyes glaze over slightly, rolling in the back of her head. Fuck damn it, I don’t want her to be unconscious for this part, now I’m going to have to wait around for her to wake back up. 

It takes all of fifteen minutes for her to wake up again, and while she’s out, I’ve done some more preparation. I’ve decided on a murder weapon now, at least, something as wonderful as a belt sander. That’s one of those I was most curious about, and I can see the beauty in slowly sanding something into nothing. It’s going to make one hell of a mess of course, but still, it might be worth it. 

Only one way to find out, and when she opens her eyes again, I’m all ready for her.

Turning it on, I stand for a little while just holding it, trying to get a sense of how much it moves around in my hands. I don’t want it to slip and hit me, that would definitely be a setback in all of this. It seems stable enough though, it’s not all that heavy, and I’m sure I can figure out a way to move it around her body. 

Her eyes are wide with fear, as I move in close, the sound of it blaring through the almost empty room. It’s three in the middle of the night, the odds of someone being out to hear it are slim to none, but I still glance cautiously through the window of my makeshift workshop, before setting the belt sander down on her skin. 

Never in my entire life have I made such a mess before, little pieces of skin, blood and flesh are flying everywhere. I really should have worn protection goggles for this, I have to remember to get some of those next time I’m in the city. As it is I just have to keep my eyes pressed closed, and feel my way forward with the sander. The density of what I’m hitting gets harder, and I assume I’m at the bone now. 

I turn it off for a little while, looking curiously at my work, only to conclude that I am indeed down at the bone, and unbelievable as it may sound, she’s still breathing. Out cold from pain, yes, but still breathing. 

I consider letting her lie there for a little while, to see if she wakes up again, but in the end I side against it. She would bleed to death before it happening, at that would really just ruin some of the fun. 

Starting at a new place, somewhere down her thigh, I turn it back on, and continue my little project. 

When I finally feel done, she’s been dead for a long time, and there is fairly little left of her. I nod to myself, pleased with my accomplishment, before removing the sad remains from the workbench, and load on the next victim.

“Now with you, I’m gonna try a different approach,” I say to the man who was trying to play the role of grand savior. Bet he’s regretting that one, but that’s what happens when you don’t mind your own fucking business. 

Strapping him in as I did her, he’s struggling even more so than she was. He knows he’s going to die, in some very horrible way, I guess I can somewhat understand him. It doesn’t mean shit to me though, and I manage to get him strapped up nice and tight in spite of his kicking. 

For this one I’m going to use the drill, I’m pretty sure it’ll take a long time for him to die if I do it just right, and even if it doesn’t, it’ll be a lot of fun for me. 

Starting off at the bottom, I drill into his heels. He is squirming, twisting and turning, but no way he’s going to break out of those straps. I can hear the vague muffled screams coming from him, but it doesn’t matter. Even without the tape, no one is out here to hear him die. 

Slowly I move further up his body, drilling holes along the way. His calves and thighs get nice little perforations, but his middle section I save for later, digging into his arms first. The drill catches on bone once in a while, but not enough for it to break. Blood is gushing down the workbench though, as little bits and pieces of him fly through the air, and it’s going to be one hell of a cleanup job when I’m done. 

Ah well, you can’t get everything. 

When I reach his neck I stop and ponder. If I do that, he’s sure to bleed out, but if I set my attention to his stomach and chest, he might just hang in there a little longer. In the end I go for the stomach, all sorts of disgusting things pushing out through the holes. It’s a mess, but a delightful one none the less. I’m pretty sure he’s dead before I get back to the neck, but I still drill some holes into major arteries, making absolutely sure he won’t get to see the sunrise.

Sighing I let myself slip down on the floor, one arm resting across my knee, the other one still holding onto the power drill. That was fun, I’m beat from the hard work, but yeah, definitely worth it.


	19. Decapitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makes a pretty picture actually, a morbid kind of Christmas card.

**September, 2348**

Almost a year has passed, and I have traveled a lot by now. I think I’m closing in on having seen every single city in this part of the world, and not in one, have I found peace. 

My adventure in Aurelia ended abruptly, as one of my many murders made the front page of a major news site. Without Harvey around, I can’t take chances like that, and I left as quickly as possible. 

Right now I’m in Ely, some small town up north, but I won’t be staying long. I never do, the months I spend in Aurelia was by far the longest I’ve stayed anywhere, and all I really do now is drive around, murdering people here and there, then continue onward. It sucks, it fucking sucks, and all I want, is to go home. 

I’ve been heartbroken since the second I left the apartment, and it hasn’t gotten any better, if anything, it’s just getting worse. I want to be with Shadow, my husband, my everything, and I can’t keep letting things get in the way. 

I must have written a hundred letters to him by now, all of them pretty much saying the same thing, over and over again. That I love him, that I miss him, that I’m doing everything I can to get back to him. I haven’t send any of them, they’re in my bag, bundled up and tied together. I can’t bring myself to send them, not just because it’s dangerous, but because I don’t even know if he wants to hear from me anymore. I don’t know if he ever wanted to, leaving like that, I know I broke his heart. 

I’m out on an investigation though, something I caught onto in Aurelia, that I can’t seem to shake. I was there for almost four months, and not once did I see one of the Evolved. I wasn’t paying much attention at first, but once the thought popped into my head, I couldn’t stop looking for them. 

They are nowhere, I have searched high and low, and they are nowhere to be found, outside of Destiny City. I can’t figure out if it makes sense or not, I’ve never really thought about the Evolved or how they came to be anywhere in the first place. They were there when I was born, I’ve lived my whole life up until now in Destiny City, and they’ve always been there. These dark creatures, that everyone seems to be scared off, they just existed alongside the regular humans, no questions asked, no explanations given. 

They’re not here though, they’ve always been few in numbers, but not seeing a single one of them in almost a year of traveling seems impossible, unless they are confined to Destiny City. 

I have considered asking questions, but have sided against it, mainly because it would involve me talking to other people. Every town I get to though, I find the library and try to access information about Destiny City and the Evolved, but every time I run my head against the same wall I did back in Aurelia. Sites are unavailable, blocked or out of order, that fucking town is like an impenetrable fortress. 

Something or someone is keeping it hidden from the world outside of it, it’s the only explanation I can come up with, but even that doesn’t make any sense. It’s a horrible place, sure, but to keep it shielded from the outside world? I can’t figure out why anyone would do that. 

As little as I want to go off on some weird conspiracy theory path, I have to admit that something is off, that a lot of things just don’t add up.

***

Ely is cold as fuck this time of year, if anything, I think it’s cold all year round.

I’ve spotted a nice little cabin up in the woods, lying distant from everything else. The roof is covered in snow, as are the surroundings, and sitting outside in said snow is highly uncomfortable. 

I’ve acquired a set of binoculars, and as far as I can see, the place is inhabited by an elderly couple. The only upside to being on the move all of the time, is that I can take a little more chances in regards to killing people. No one knows who I am, and I have made some pretty drastic moves here and there, simply because I was in a bad mood. 

This is another one of those, these people may have friends or family, ready to swing by for a visit, but I just don’t give a fuck. I’ve already got a pretty good view of the escape routes, and I seem to get away with a lot of shit these days, hell, I could probably take down an entire family tree without getting caught. I need a place to stay for the night, and that’s all that matters right now. Darkness is sneaking up on me, and I can’t stay out in the cold forever. These people need to die, so I can get a warm bed to sleep in. 

I sneak in closer, stay hidden within the shadows of large pine trees. Climbing up on the porch I barely make a sound, I’ve gotten good at sneaking around, and the snow covers up a lot of noise too. 

Moving around to the front of the house, I’ve already got a weapon at hand, as I knock the door. I’m a poor stranger, lost and run out of gas, I need to borrow a phone. I don’t really need the excuse, I’m almost certain that no one else is in there with them, but I always have one at ready none the less. Never work without a plan B. 

It’s the old man answering the door, and I just manage to get a quick glance inside, before he asks if he can help me. I shoot him a tired smile, an honest one, I’m so fucking tired of this running around bullshit. Then I pull out the taser, hold it up close to his body and shock him with it. He falls to the ground, twisting and shaking violently, as I step over him to get inside the house. 

The woman haven’t registered what’s going on just yet, and she calls out from the kitchen, “Who is it, dear?” 

It’s the man who’s going to ruin your night, your life, the rest of your miserable existence. 

She walks out of the kitchen, holding a couple of coffee mugs, and pulling out my trusty gun I point it at her and tell her to put them down. Coffee would be nice once this is over and done with. 

She does as she’s told, shaking while she does so, and for a second I’m a little concerned she’s going to drop the coffee. She doesn’t though, and I make my way to her, still holding the gun out in front of me. 

“Drop to your knees, hands behind your back,” I tell her, and already now she’s crying and pleading for her life. Nudging her with the gun, I firmly say, “Shut up, crying isn’t gonna do you any good.”

Either she doesn’t want to listen, or she is incapable of following my request, but she keeps at it either way. Sighing I whack her over the back of her head with the gun, and she tumbles forward onto the floor. The husband isn’t far from recovering from the shock treatment, and I quickly get her wrists wrapped together in Gaffer tape, before I move to him and repeat the process. 

There we go, two bodies at the ready for me to have a little fun. 

For a little while I leave them there on the floor, squirming around, while I go look through their tool shed. There’s a pile of freshly cut wood out front, it seems highly unlikely that they don’t have an ax lying around. 

They do, it’s hanging neatly on the wall of the clean shed, and humming I bring it back into the house with me. 

When I come back, there’s three people in there besides me, and I swear under my breath. An eight year old girl is sitting crouched at her grandmother’s side, trying to wring the tape off her wrists, while crying heavily. 

Motherfucking. 

Moving swiftly across the room, I swing the ax back, and before the girl even manages to scream properly, her head pops right off and flies through the air. It’s amazing how quick I can be, when I’m in a hurry. I have no idea if she called the police before trying to save her dear grandmother, I highly doubt it, kids are stupid like that, but never the less I’d better get a move on. 

I take the man first, he’s trying to wriggle out the open door, trying to push noise through tape. 

Not happening, I swing the ax and chunk it maybe halfway through his neck. He’s definitely dead, but still, I want to chop the whole thing off, and with a few extra swings I do. It rolls out on the porch, his dead eyes gleaming in the faint moonlight. Makes a pretty picture actually, a morbid kind of Christmas card. 

Quickly I move back to the grandmother, pulls the ax up high, and crashes it straight down on her neck. She’s an old, frail woman, with little meat on her bones, and the ax cuts right through her. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Usually I would spend some hours cleaning the place up again, but I still don’t know if the police is coming for me or not. 

In the end I shrug, leave the ax right there on the floor with the mangled bodies, and exit the cabin. My car is parked a little further down a road, and I halfway run back towards it. Jumping in on the front seat, I blare the heat up on maximum capacity, before driving off into the night. Annoying little kid ruining my fun, but still, at least I got a three people package deal.

***

Back on the roads I have nowhere to go. My plan was to sleep in the cabin, be gone in the early hours, but as it is, it’s closing in on midnight and I can’t hang out here anymore. Not just in the cabin, but this area in general.

I have to drive nicely though, would be ridiculously stupid if I got pulled over for speeding, with blood spatters all over my face. 

I’ll have to drive to some other city, and in the end I pull over and start searching for motels on one of the countless maps I have lying around the car. I still don’t have a phone, you never know who might be tracking it, and also I have no reason to have one. It’s not like I can call Shadow anyway, so what’s the point? 

I locate a motel a couple of hours away, and memorizing the route, I aim for that. There’s many more before that, but I’d like to have a decent amount of distance between me and the crime scene, before settling in for the night. 

Most people hate driving in the night, but me? I love it. It’s nice and quiet, you’ve got a clear view of everything going on, and you can both see and hear police cars coming a mile away. I stay calm, they are surely driving towards my last stop, but I’m just another lonely driver out in the middle of the night. I do make a swift turn after they’ve passed by me, pulling onto the freeway, but there’s nothing unusual about the way I’m acting. 

Safe to say I won’t be staying at the motel I’d picked out though, if anything, I’m going to drive all night. Stupid little girl; at least she’s dead now, that’s slightly comforting. 

Not until six in the morning, with no sign of police anywhere, do I pull up at a motel. I’m nowhere near Ely anymore, I’m somewhere in Wiliard, and I am beyond tired. My eyes are red and runny, as I park the car a little away from the motel, and climb into the back of it. Fiddling out a water bottle and a towel, I clean off my face, halfway hanging across the passenger seat. Double checking everything in the rear-view mirror, I drag myself inside the motel, and get a room. It’s small, slightly dirty, and has a mangy smell to it, but it’ll do the job. 

Right now I could sleep anywhere, but letting Milton Matthews rent a room, does sound a slightly more comfortable than curling up in the backseat of my car. 

I get maybe four hours of blessed sleep, before yet another horrible nightmare wakes me up. 

They have changed during the last year, but the gist of them are all the same; either I, Shadow or both of us die. In either scenario, I am rendered helpless some way or another, and the frustration that comes along with the fear, is unbearable. I try not to let my mind wander too much, fight a losing battle against worry that he might actually be dead. I have no way of knowing, I’m sure Harvey alarmed me before anyone figured out where we lived, but there’s always a chance he didn’t make it in time. That I left Shadow there to die alone, not even around to protect him. 

Those thoughts have haunted me through the entire trip, and some part of me wish I had taken him with me. It just seemed safer for him to stay, nobody knows my real name, and in extent of that, my connection to Shadow. Harvey does, of course, since he does my taxes, but there’s no way in hell he’d tell on me. In spite of my general dislike towards other people, I know I can trust Harvey, he’d never sell me out, regardless of what other people might do to him. Even more so he wouldn’t put Shadow in harms way, not by a long shot.

Sighing I get out of bed, no need to try and catch more sleep, that is a battle I have yet to win. Instead I get dressed, in clothes that have seen better days, and check out of the motel. 

Driving off I have no idea as to where I’m going, but it definitely has to be far away from Ely. I turn on the car radio, to see if I can get any news about what happened back there, but there’s only a brief mentioning of the police having no leads. 

Good for me, I have left quite the trail of death on my way, but I doubt anything before this has been discovered just yet, and making a connection between the many murders is highly unlikely. 

Making my way further down south, I start to get an idea as to where I’m going. Hell, I probably knew all along, I just had to make up my mind and follow through on it. It’s a long drive, it’ll take me a couple of days to get there, but I should be able to make it on time. It’s dumb and it’s reckless, but in the end I have to do it. I left shortly after the wedding, yes, but fucking hell if I’m going to miss our anniversary.

***

It’s September 30th, it’s dark and it’s cold, but here I am, right outside of Destiny City.

I’ve got about five hours left to get there, but I’m dead set on making it there on time. I have a sixth sense about this kind of thing though, whoever was looking for me back then, won’t give up until they find me. It’ll start all over again as soon as I cross city borders, as little as I’ve found out about Destiny City and the Evolved while I’ve been gone, I just know that the chase will begin again once I enter. 

I have to do this, regardless of how dangerous it may be, I can’t keep this up any longer. I’ve spend an entire year searching for answers, and I’ve come up with nothing. 

For a little while I just stand there, in the darkness, looking down at the place I hate the most. It doesn’t matter though, it holds the only person I’ve ever loved, and I can’t be without him any longer. Heaving a deep breath of air, I take one final look at my car. I can’t bring it down there with me, even though it’s registered with my real name, it’s just too obvious of a vehicle. Not a lot of people drive regular cars, if they know anything about me, they sure as hell know to look out for something like that. I’ll miss the damned thing, but I’m just going to have to make it on foot from this point on.


	20. Anything Goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hold this for me, will ya?” I snap at her, putting a grenade in the palm of her hand, before I jump and run. This one doesn’t blow quite as hard, but it does set everything surrounding it on fire, including the dumb college kids.

**October, 2348**

I barely get across city borders, before all hell breaks loose. 

I try to be careful, try to stay hidden within the shadows, but someone spots me regardless of how stealth I think myself to be. 

It’s one of the Evolved, not the woman I’ve been dealing with so far, but a man, a tall and looming presence in my world. I’m just about to make a shortcut through an alley, when he grabs onto me from behind, doing one of the many moves I’ve been known to do myself. Lacing one arm around my neck and the other pressed tightly over my mouth, he is capable of strangling me to death with just a little more pressure. 

I didn’t come unprepared though, and I jab the knife forcefully into his side, slide it in right between two ribs. Now would be the perfect time to find out if it’s all of the Evolved who are incapable of dying, but alas, there’s no time for such experiments. 

Instead I run, I don’t even look back to see if he’s down on the ground or right behind me, I just bolt down the alley as fast as I can. The city is turning into a blur around me, as I rush down the streets of Destiny City. Regardless of how much I’ve kept myself in shape, my breath is staggered, forcing its way through lips and down lungs. I can’t keep this speed up forever, I have to find somewhere to hide, at least for a little while until I can breathe again. 

Turning a corner, I find myself at what would be a dead end, to anyone but me. I know this city, I know every passageway, every wall I can vault, every nook and cranny I can shimmy through. This is no exception, although it was kind of a gamble that it would still be there. Down at the bottom of the wall, there’s an old hole I can slide through. 

Considering how many annoying people there is, and how many equally annoying robots they control, you’d think they’d have time to patch a hole in a wall within the span of ten years, but lucky for me, they didn’t. 

I barely even slow down as I drop to the ground and push my way through it, making it out on the other side, into another narrow alley. Without slowing down for even a second, I run left, vaulting onto a low wall when I hit the end of it. To whoever my attacker was, it looks as if I’ve disappeared into thin air by now, but I still keep going. I need to get further away, I don’t know if he’s the only one out to get me, but I sincerely doubt it.

Making a slight, elegant jump, I grab onto a drainage pipe, and start climbing up. Reaching a balcony, I use the rail to pull myself up on it, barely glancing inside the apartment it belongs to. I consider whether I should just bolt through the building, kill off everyone in sight, to get to the other side, or move up higher. 

In the end, I do a combination of the two. I don’t give a fuck for killing people on a good day, and the last year has been nothing but bad ones, so I might as well take out some frustration on these people. 

Smashing the window with the heel of my gun, I shimmy through the last pieces of glass, and find myself standing inside a nursery. There’s a crib with a baby, and it immediately starts crying at sound of breaking glass. 

Not to worry, you won’t cry for long, I think to myself, as I walk over and stuff a pillow over its head. 

The cries become muffled, and soon enough they completely stop. I can hear someone calling out from another room of the apartment though, probably the bedroom, where the kid’s parents are. I have an expanding nightstick hidden up my sleeve, and I swoosh it out in full length, before the woman even gets close to me. Hitting her hard on the side of the head, I can hear her skull cracking, and I follow it up by giving her boyfriend the same treatment. 

Going to the front door I let myself out, leaving behind a trail of death, as I run down the stairs. There might be a way to get up on the roof of the building, which I would much prefer, but I can’t be sure and I don’t want to get caught inside some staircase.

Back down on the streets, I see no sign of anyone I should be afraid off or take into consideration, and as such I continue my route towards my old apartment. I still go quickly, making twists and turns wherever I can, and when I get to a fire escape ladder, I gladly follow it up. At least now I’m on a rooftop, that makes navigation a lot easier. 

Glancing across the city, I can only conclude that I hate it as much as I always have. The flashing lights of commercials running in an endless loop; the fluorescent neon signs; the helper robots humming about; not to mention the endless streams of people going about their stupid little lives. They’re going through the motions really, I doubt any of them have a higher sense of purpose in the broader scheme of things. 

I do though, I have one particular purpose that I find to be higher than anyone else’ hopeless existence, and a lot more important than their inane lives. I need to find Shadow, I have to see him tonight, otherwise I’ll never be able to forgive myself. 

There’s the sound of footsteps behind me, and I turn around quickly. It’s a woman, not just any woman, but one of the Evolved. Not the one who hunted me a year ago, but this one doesn’t seem pleased by my presence either. 

Yup, they are definitely out to get me, I just still don’t know why, except for the fact that I was hired to kill one of theirs. Shouldn’t they be going after the guy who did that? The man who effectively ruined my life? I’d be happy to help out on that chase, no questions asked. 

I don’t think twice about it, I just make a run for it, storming off across the rooftop as quickly as I can. I need a bit of momentum on this one, as I have to fling myself from one building to another, but I successfully manage to do just that. She’s still standing back at the building from which I came, but she’s pulling something from her coat, aiming it straight at me. It’s a gun, and I barely manage to drop down and roll away before she hits me. 

Good aim, I’m just a tad quicker than she is. 

I’m almost about to pull out my own gun, but then side against it, and just make a run for it instead. I can’t waste time shooting at someone who might just be immortal, it’s not like I’ve got endless amounts of it right now. 

Darting across these roofs aren’t the safest right now though, they are wide open spaces, and even if I’m fast, it’s not like I can outrun bullets. The second I spot a glass panel build into one of the roofs, I go for it, my gun already pulled before I get there. Shooting the glass into thousands of tiny splinters, many of them get caught on my face and body, but right now survival is key. I jump through what’s left, my arm getting caught on a shard, but nowhere near badly enough to complain about it. Might have ruined yet another leather jacket, but at least no skin was broken this time around. 

I land on my feet, inside an office building. Great, now I have to figure a way out of this damned place, before I can get anywhere near seeing Shadow. Glancing quickly at my watch, it’s now 1:46, meaning I’ve got less than three hours left. 

Fucking hell, I’ve got to make this quick. 

Stumbling into the nearest hallway, I hear someone coming. Fan-fucking-tastic, somebody’s in here with me. Hoping it’s just a night guard or someone else I know I can kill off, I slide along the walls, my trusty knife clutched in one hand, a mace in the other. Whoever it is, he’s humming as he goes, and my bet is that it’s not someone off chasing me. 

Whatever, I’ll kill him off anyway. 

As soon as he is within reach, I spray him. Apparently I picked the wrong one, I thought I’d stun him, when in fact I douse him with acid. It’s not like he was going to live anyway, but he’s making a terrible ruckus, screaming in pain as the flesh melts off his face. I quickly cut his throat to make it stop, but it doesn’t help much. Already I can hear the running footsteps of people coming to his rescue, by the sound of it there’s at least three of them, coming from different directions. 

Sighing I kick in the nearest door, I don’t have time to pick locks or anything fancy like that, I just need to get the fuck away from these people, and hopefully figure out where the fuck I am.

Entering an office, I’m a little pleased to see a window inside. If all else fails, I can make a break for it through there. 

There’s a buzzing sound on the floor, and I immediately put the knife away and pull out the gun instead, to shoot whatever it is. As it turns out, it’s just a fucking helper robot, send to vacuum the floors, but they’ll definitely need a new one of those now. 

The footsteps outside of the office is coming closer, and I’m still standing around, not entirely sure what to do. 

Fuck it, I’ll just go through the fucking window, I can kill more people later.

I smash it open with my nightstick, more shards of glass cutting into my face, and I can’t help but think I’ll look like shit when I finally get to see Shadow. I don’t make it entirely out the window before the door is kicked open, by a guard, who’s got a gun held out in front of him. 

Well that settles that, I’ll get to kill them anyway. 

Grabbing into the inside pocket of my jacket, I fiddle out a small capsule, sealed with a steel pin. I pull the pin out with my teeth, and throw the miniature grenade at them, while they still look stupefied by what’s going on. There’s a bright flashing light, and a loud boom when it goes off, and blow them all too smithereens. The shock wave almost throws me off, pushing me a little further out the window than I care to be, but I manage to grasp onto the window frame, keeping myself in place. The sound has completely deafened me, but they’re all dead when I glance back across my shoulder, lying on the floor in a mangled heap. 

Good, but I still need to figure out where I am, and as I don’t know if there’s any more of them coming, I decide to go out through the window anyway. 

There’s a narrow ledge, and from standing there I can see a big, lighted sign saying Dahlia Center. That’s the stock market, which can only mean that I’m caught inside the fucking Acelia. Well isn’t that just swell, that building is like a thousand stories high, which means I can really only go down. I’m nowhere near the top of it, the roof I came through must have been somewhere down on the sides, I have to go down if I want to go anywhere. How could I have missed that I was at the Acelia? The worst thing about it is that I’ve still got ways to go before I’m anywhere near home. 

Fuck damn it. 

The second my hearing pops back into place, there’s the annoying sound of an insistent alarm going off, and I have to speed this up. Sighing I push myself further out on the ledge. There’s got to be some lower building I can jump to, a bridge I can cross, anything to get me off this hellish building and the horrible sound it’s making at me. 

I spot the rooftop of a building, it’s not all that far away, but making it there without any kind of speed seems risky. I’ll just have go for it though, the noise is now accompanied by flashing red lights, and the police will show up any minute now. 

Pushing myself back against the wall, I use all of my muscles to spring forward, barely making impact with the roof I’m aiming for. I’m hanging off the edge of it, my fingers grasping at concrete, before I manage to pull myself up on top of it. 

If I hadn’t stayed in shape while I was out of town, I would have been dead five times by now.

Looking across the rooftop I spot a bridge connecting it to the next one over, and I rush towards it. In spite of it being at least half past two, there’s people out, the city nightlife of Destiny City is as unbearable as that of the day. A bunch of drunk college kids are passing the bridge in the opposite direction of me, and one of the girls manage to move out right in front of me. Swearing I stumble into her, and she only giggles in return, apparently finding it funny.

“Hold this for me, will ya?” I snap at her, putting a grenade in the palm of her hand, before I jump and run. This one doesn’t blow quite as hard, but it does set everything surrounding it on fire, including the dumb college kids. 

At least she’ll never get in anybody’s way ever again.

Crossing the bridge I find myself being inside one of the 24/7 shopping malls, just about the last place I want to be, side of the Acelia. For a brief second I consider just blowing the whole damned place up with a shitload of grenades, but then there’s a voice behind me, pulling me away from everything else. 

“Michael Mayhem,” she calls out, and I instinctively tense up. I know it’s her, I just know it. I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help but turn around and look at her. 

Sure enough it’s the woman who started off this whole mess to begin with, dressed in all black, a grim look on her face. For a second we just look at one another, an old, horrible reunion between enemies. 

Like hell she’s going to get me this time around, I’ve already dodged that bullet once, I can do it again. I can’t do it by just standing around though, and when an electrical blade becomes visible in her hand, I turn back around and make a run for it. This one I know for sure I can’t kill, and as much as I hate to flee from a battle, that is my only option.

Considering just how late it is, there’s a surprising amount of people out shopping. Must be some event or launch or similarly useless nonsense, but no matter how fast I try to run, those motherfuckers get in my way. I can’t help but think about killing off every single one of them, just clear a path with my trusty gun, but even I can’t get away with that many obvious murders. 

Making it as far as a pair of escalators, I choose going down, solely based on that one being the least crowded. Still people get in my way, and I make a jump for the rubber railing, pushing myself beyond the moving stairs, and make a rolling fall on the hard stone floor underneath it. 

People are staring at me, I can sense their eyes following me closely, but I just have to push forward and get away from the crazy lady out to murder me. 

Finding myself on a new floor of the mall, I’m pretty sure I’m down on the ground. There’s more escalators going down, but there’s also a sign saying basement. Thank fuck, maybe I can get out of this place now, find some way to shake her off outside. I can’t look back to see how close she is, I just have to keep pushing forward, and hope for the best. 

The best doesn’t happen though, she’s as agile and trained for this as I am, and she manages to make a jump, landing right behind me. I can hear her boots hit the ground, and I wish I could just turn around and ask her what the fuck it is she wants from me. 

Instead I bolt, I was hoping to just blend in with the crowd and make my way out of the mall like a normal person, but I have to find some other way to exit. She’s quick and lashes out her knife at me, and I can feel it catching on the back of my jacket, cutting straight through the thick leather, even grazing skin. 

Nothing to be alarmed about, at least not besides all the obvious shit going down, but still, it stings. 

Pushing through the endless amounts of people, I notice that half of them are lined up near the Sense store. Oh goody, a new one of those, that explains why there’s so many annoying people out at this hour. 

Looking around for anything that can get me out of here, I spot a clock on the wall, telling me it’s now 2:29. Fuck time flies by when you really need it not to. Only two hours left until I absolutely have to be there, and I can’t seem to shake this damned woman.

All the way down at the other end, I spot bathrooms, and that might be something. Either this goes horribly wrong, with me getting caught inside of them, or there’s a window or something similar I can make a break through. At the very least they are located at an end wall, which means they must be pressed up against the world outside of the mall. 

Fuck it, I’ll take my chances, at this point I pretty much have to. 

Still running and dodging past people, I hear the woman call out something, something that sounds very much like, “Get away from me!”

I glance back across my shoulder, almost bumping into the line of annoying people waiting for their equally annoying piece of hardware, and see that a couple of mall guards are trying to retain her. That’s what you get for waving a knife around, you damned motherfucker, and even though I’m attracting attention myself just by running, this means I finally catch a break. I still go for the bathrooms, even if she decides to start killing off people at random, it’s still somewhat of an exit strategy. 

Making it there, the door slams shut behind me, as I crash into the men’s room. There’s a small window near the ceiling, something I can barely push through, but I’m just going to have to do it. First I lock myself inside a stall, switching out the bullets of my gun, from expanding to explosive. They are a safer bet if I need something to crash down and cut her off, even if they make a lot more noise than the expanding ones. I doubt those mall guards are capable of holding her back all that long, she’ll find some way to get away from them, but this is my golden opportunity to make her lose track of me. 

As soon as the bullets are switched, I crawl up on the toilet, only to find a lock on the window. 

Fucking hell, why is everything working against me right now?! 

In lack of better options, I crack the glass with my elbow, giving my jacket yet another tear, that thing just can’t catch a break either. Quickly I remove the largest shards, then pull myself up and shimmy through the window. It’s a tight fit, but I make it, and soon enough I’m back outside, standing in an alley behind the mall. 

Thank fuck, at least now there’s less people to get in my way, and I can continue moving towards home. 

Home, I’m not even sure I can call it that anymore, having been gone for almost a year, I’m not sure I’m allowed to. 

There’s a wall at the end of the alley, and with a little speed I can vault over it, making my way towards a new area of the city. I’m still disoriented, I need to get my inner compass back on track, and as such I go up, running up the first fire escape I come by. 

Up on top of the building, I can see miles away, and I’m not all that far from home. If I just run across a few buildings, preferably going up and down as I move, I should be able to make it there on time. I just need to make it there, without any more people following me, please give me that much. I have to run around as long as someone is, leading them to Shadow is the worst possible thing that can happen at this point, and I’d rather give up my own life than do just that. 

That’s when I spot him, another Evolved creature lurking about down on the street, and even if he doesn’t seem to have seen me, I have to keep an eye on him. I’m too far up to see the details of his face, but judging by height and build, my bet is that it’s the same guy I stabbed back in the alley. 

Motherfucking, if it is, then none of them can be killed. 

Sighing, I start running, jumping from one roof to the next. I hit one that’s too far away, but there’s a thick cable running between them, and as such I take my chances on balancing across. I’ve never been quite as good as that as I am with my other tricks, but the only other option is going back to where I came from, which really isn’t an option at all. 

I sway a little on the way, but manage to make it across in one piece, heaving a deep, thankful breath of air as my feet are back on solid ground. I’m close to Harvey’s now, it’s only a few blocks away, but this is not the time to make a stop there. Glancing at my watch it’s now 3:12, if nothing gets in my way, I’ll make it there on time. 

Of course that’s when someone spots me, and this time I’m certain it’s the Evolved guy from before. I don’t know how he caught onto me being up here, but he’s climbing the nearest fire escape, cornering me between the cable and a big ass jump that I’m not sure I can make. 

There’s another way down though, an entrance to the building I’m standing on, and without giving it a second thought I blow the door open with my explosive bullets. 

No way no one heard that, but whatever, I just need to get away from him. 

Running down the stairs inside, I make it halfway down, before stopping. There was a bridge further down, connecting this building to the next one over, and I’m pretty sure this is the right floor to get to that. 

Kicking the door in, I move into a hallway, apartments on each side of it. It’s like a maze inside, and all I can do is run, try and stay focused on the way I think is the right one. 

When I finally get to the side of the building where the bridge is supposed to be, it is not. I’m a floor too high up, all that’s here is another apartment, one that will have a small balcony. If I can make it to that, I can make the jump down on the bridge, I’m almost sure of it. The chances of me breaking something from that high of a fall is rather large, but it’s not like I have any other options. I can’t hear the Evolved guy following me, but I’m sure he is, none of them seems willing to give up at this point.

In the end I kick in the door to the apartment, everyone inside is asleep, but of course the noise wakes them up. I don’t care though, I just have to cross it, get to the balcony and be done with it. 

One of the inhabitants is a brave guy though, and he comes swinging at me with a bat. Not to worry, I still have my trusty nightstick, and falling to the floor I slide towards him, slamming it hard against his kneecaps as I do. He topples over screaming, they are certainly broken, and if I had the time I’d do him the favor of just killing him off and be done with it. I don’t though, not right now at least, so I just run towards the balcony, and without even looking down, I jump off of it.

At least I was right about the bridge being right underneath, only it’s one of the glass-covered kinds, and I crash right down through it. Landing hard on hands and knees, I’m panting heavily, every part of me seems to be covered in cuts by now. I have to get up, but my entire body is shaking from exhaustion, and it takes every last bit of determination to do so. At least there’s no people on the bridge, and as soon as I’m back on my feet, I can run safely to the next building over. 

I can’t see the Evolved when I glance across my shoulder, but he’s out there somewhere, and I will once again have to make a detour not to lead him with me to the apartment. 

The next building is another one with apartments, and this time I choose to go down. Taking the stairs two steps at a time, I make it to the ground floor, where there’s a small build-in kiosk waiting for me. That might just be my way out of here, and I dodge inside. There’s a bunch of drunk teenagers out to buy more alcohol, alongside a few other customers, all of them a waste of space to me. 

I pull out my gun, and immediately everyone screams and drops to the floor. The average reaction for close to everybody, when they see a gun. The clerk behind the counter does the very same thing, but him I grab onto and drag him off into the backroom, the gun pressed firmly against his back. 

“Open that door,” I spit at him, waving my free hand towards a door that will surely lead me into an alley. 

He’s whimpering, trying to fiddle out a set of keys, and when he drops them on the floor I lose my patience. 

“Motherfucking,” I groan, and instead of waiting around for him to pick them up, I push him up against the door. Pulling the trigger, I blowing both him and the door to smithereens, and even though dust and debris get caught in my eyes, I get out of there in one piece. 

I recognize the alley I’m in now, it’s so close to the apartment, I can almost sense the way Shadow is getting closer to me. Glancing back, I see no sign of neither Evolved nor anyone else chasing after me, and as such I hurry forward, this time aiming straight for my old home. 

I’ll make it, I’m sure of it, my determination is going to pay off, and soon enough I’ll get to see my husband. All kinds of worried thoughts are rummaging around in my head, but I can’t deal with that just yet, I have to get there before I can start spending time on that aspect of the trip. 

Crossing a few more streets, I’m finally there, and I stop abruptly a few blocks away. Checking my watch it’s now 4:01, and there is not a soul to be seen anywhere. Even when I look up at the surrounding buildings, squinting my eyes and focusing intensely at the darkness, I see no sign of anybody. I must have lost them, finally I must have lost them. 

Moving over to the right entrance, I’m still glancing around, scared and nervous that someone will pop out of the shadows to get me. No one does; as I punch in the door code with shaky hands, the lock snaps open and I’m free to go inside. I take the stairs, even if the elevator is quicker, I’ve got too much adrenaline pumping through my body to stand there waiting for it.

When I’m finally standing outside of the apartment, my nerves kicks in full force, and for a minute I just stand there, scared beyond all reason. My initials are still on the door, M. M., as is his name, Adam Wright. At least he still lives here then, at least this is still something qualifying to be my home. 

I have no idea what to say to him though, the entire drive back to Destiny City, was pretty much one long argument with myself, on what the fuck to say when I finally got back. 

In the end there’s not a damned thing I can do, other than ring the doorbell and hope for the best.


	21. Pause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he whispers, “It’s gonna be okay,” again, I shake my head.
> 
> “It’s not. Everything is fucked up.”

**October, 2348**

The doorbell rings, and I go from zero to absolute panic, when the door isn’t immediately opened. Then I realize it’s close to four in the morning, and when I’m not around, there’s really no reason for Shadow to be up at this hour. 

Shuffling my feet I stand there waiting, it feels like an eternity, but suddenly the door is unlocked. 

There he is, standing in a pair of sweats and an over-sized sweater, looking like he’s spend the last four hours crying. He is completely stunned, his eyes widen, his mouth opens, and I can do nothing but stand there, looking straight back at him, hoping he doesn’t hate me. He should, he really should, not only did I take off in the middle of the night with no warning, I’ve also been gone for almost a year, without as much as phone call. 

Fuck, I hate myself for this, I hate everybody else too, but right now, I hate myself the most.

“Michael?” he finally manages to say, his voice small and shocked. 

I can’t get any words out, so instead I just stand there, nodding. 

Adding a quiet, “Fuck...” he pulls me inside, and for that I am beyond grateful. He could have easily told me to fuck off and never come back, but he doesn’t, he grabs me by the wrist and drags me inside the apartment. 

As he looks me over slowly, I just stand there in the middle of the hallway, not knowing what to say. It’s like my brain stopped functioning, like words no longer exists to me, and all I want is to grab onto him and hold him tight for the rest of my life. I can’t do that though, I simply doesn’t have the right to, whatever happens tonight, it’s got to be on his terms. 

At least I manage to kick off my shoes, and hang my jacket on the coat rack, at the same spot it hung almost a year ago. Everything makes me sad, like I’ve only now realized how much I actually left behind.

“Shit… You look horrible,” he says softly, reaching out a hand towards my face. He stops mid move, then shakes his head. “You look like you broke a window with your face.”

“Surprisingly close to what actually happened,” is the first words I say to him, and he almost flinches at the sound of my voice. I almost do too, it sounds so off and raspy, like it hasn’t been used for ages. Then again, short of random last words to people here and there, it hasn’t. 

Shaking his head, his eyebrows all scrunched up, he drags my into the living room by my hand. The touch is electric, it’s small but so powerful it almost overwhelms me. For a second I just stand there, until he tells me to sit down, it’s as if I am completely incapable of doing anything without being told so first. 

I look him over carefully, he looks different, his hair is cut short, but there’s something else too. His skin isn’t quite as black as it used to be, like he’s faded slightly while I was gone, and I immediately jump to the conclusion that it’s my fault. It has to be, what else could it possibly be? Fuck, I really did do serious damage to him, when I left. 

Without further words he goes into the bathroom, and comes back with our small first aid kit. He rummages through it, fiddles out cotton swabs, band-aids, disinfectant and a sterilized washcloth, kept in a small sealed package. He hands it to me, and with shaky hands I rip it open, draw it across my face, only to wince at the touch. There’s definitely still some glass pieces stuck in there, we’re going to need a pair of tweezers and a fuck-load of time to fix this. 

Still I manage to get the worst of the blood off, and he’s already found the tweezers before I get to ask. For a good fifteen minutes we just sit there, completely silent, while he removes tiny glass splinters, and dabs with disinfectant. Some of the cuts bleed a lot, and he has to take a clean washcloth and press it against the wounds to make it stop. A particularly large one he puts a band-aid on, but the rest he just leaves alone. He knows I’m going to rip the damned things off first chance I get anyway, so no need to bother with sticking them all over my face. 

“What are you doing here?” he finally asks, after putting the first aid kit away.

“Didn’t wanna miss our anniversary,” I respond truthfully. 

“You almost did, it’s…” he glances at the lid of his Sense. “It’s 4:32.”

It seems borderline impossible that I can remember this, but that was the exact time I looked at the clock, seven years ago, and asked him to spend the night. Then again, I remember close to everything about that night, every last, tiny detail, and I will for as long as I live. I can’t help but smile a little at the coincidence, and he looks at me, giving me this small, sad smile in return.

“Look-” I begin, with no idea as to what I’m actually going to say. It doesn’t matter though, he cuts me off before I can get another word out.

“No, don’t, Michael,” he says, shaking his head. I’m instantly terrified, this can’t be good, and my heart jumps to my throat. “Let’s just… Let’s just go to bed. You look exhausted, I haven’t exactly had to best of nights either, we can talk in the morning.”

Bed. Our bed. I’m not entirely sure that’s what he means, if he means one of us will stay on the couch, but I still get quietly up, nodding as I do so. I can’t move further than that though, I can’t do anything unless he outright permits me to. 

“You do still know where the bedroom is right?” he says, a hint of teasing to his voice, as he gets up himself.

Heaving a sigh of relief, I nod, saying, “Yeah, pretty sure it’s where I left it.”

Again he grabs onto me, leading me by my wrist into the bedroom. Only now do I realize that neither Tofu nor Moo is anywhere to be seen, and when I ask him, he tells me they are at his mom’s place. 

“I just had to go through this day alone, you know? I knew it was gonna be hard, and I just… I just needed to be on my own. Now take off your clothes,” he says softly, his back turned to me, as he rummages through the closet. 

I do as I’m told, wincing a little too visibly when I have to get the t-shirt off my back. It’s stuck in little spots of blood, I almost forgot about the knife-wound I received, and of course I manage to rip it up when I remove my clothes. 

“Think there’s another thing you’ve gotta help me with before bed,” I say hesitatingly, turning around so he can see my back.

“Fuck, why didn’t you say something?”

“I dunno, kinda forgot about it.”

“Only you can forget about a wound of that size,” he comments, before hauling me back into the living room. 

At least it’s not as bad as it looks, he gets the blood cleaned off, and tapes a bandage over it, just to be safe. 

Back at the bed, he hands me a t-shirt, one that is far from clean, but also one that I’ve missed dearly. It’s the one I used to sleep in, I forgot it when I left, but here it is, waiting for me. 

“I… It’s really not very clean, I’ve kinda been sleeping with it since you left, as stupid as that may sound,” he says, fidgeting with the hem of his sweater. 

He’s nervous, and all I want to do is pull him in and tell him that I’m right here, that it’s going to be okay. I’m not entirely sure it is though, and also I’m too damned afraid to touch him, to do any such thing. Instead I just give him a small smile, and pull the t-shirt on, along with some black sweats he picked out of the closet for me.

I’m still nervous about the whole sleeping arrangement, terrified that he’s going to abandon me to go sleep on the couch. He doesn’t, he just strips down to his underwear, then climbs underneath the covers. 

For a second I just stand there, watching him, and it feels like a complete déjà vu, back to our first night together. I’m absolutely certain that I was standing just like this, with him already in the bed, trying to figure out if I should climb in or not. I’m just about to ask him, when he waves a hand at me.

“Come on,” he says softly, “You’re tired and so am I.”

I am tired, I’m beyond tired, but there’s still so much I want to tell and ask him. At least he’s giving me the go to sleep next to him, that’s something, more than I expected. Heaving a deep, shaky breath of air, I do as he suggests, and settle underneath the covers. For a second we’re both rummaging around, trying to get comfortable, in a situation that holds no such thing. It’s unbearable to be this close to him, even more so than it was sitting on the couch. I could reach out a hand, wrap my arms around him, cuddle up close, there’s a million things I could do, that I’m just too fucking afraid to. In the end I slide onto my side, facing him, and he mimics my move. 

“I… I gotta ask you something, and I really hate doing it, but I have to,” I go through the words quickly, making them almost incoherent. This is the worst, I can’t believe I’m even thinking it, but then again, I can’t hold anything against him at this point. If he answers yes, I’ll just have to live with it, and I have to see that it’s my own damned fault for leaving in the first place. “Are you seeing someone?”

He looks shocked, his eyes wide as he shakes his head. “No! No of course I’m not! How could you even think that? We’re still married aren’t we?”

“Fuck, yes, of course we are. I just… I’ve been gone for a long time, I wouldn’t hold it against you if you were, I just had to know.”

Slowly he nods, then adds a quiet, “Have you been…?”

“Fuck no,” I can’t help but chuckle a little at the mere thought of it. “I hate people, you know that.”

“I’m people,” he says it in a certain tone, and it’s like we’re repeating our very first night together. He knows that, he knows he’s said that to me before, even if it was a long time ago.

I jump at the opportunity, smiling as I say, “You’re different.”

It lightens the tension just one tiny bit, and for a moment, we’re just like we always were. He lifts his hand slowly, and carefully he reaches forward, lets his fingers curl around my jaw, cupping my cheek. I breathe in sharply, there’s nothing I want more than to just turn my head a little and kiss the palm of his hand, I’d do anything for more physical contact with him. Still I keep my head in place, I can’t do anything, except for just lie there and take whatever he’s willing to give.

“I’ve missed you,” I whisper, a sadness to my voice. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too,” he breathes, leaning in a little closer. 

“You know I still love you, right? I never stopped, not for a second.”

He inches forward, letting his forehead press up against mine. “I still love you too.”

Those are the best words I’ve ever heard, I thought back when he said it the first time would always be, but this means more. It doesn’t automatically equal forgiveness, but at least he doesn’t hate me, at least there’s still something. Some snippet of love left in him, something that might be salvaged, if I try. 

We’re breathing the same air, and both of us sound ragged and shaky. The last 24 hours have been long and hard, but this makes it all worth it. Even if nothing more happens, I at least got to lay like this with him, one more time, just being close. 

When he pulls me forward a little, I can’t stop myself from brushing my lips lightly against his. I probably shouldn’t, but the motion, little as it may be, was just the thing to push me over the edge and go for it. It’s an explosion inside my mind, it’s feather light, but it means so much when he moves his lips against mine, kissing me back. 

For a second I draw back, my breathing staggered already, and just look at him. His eyes are glowing orange, the fire inside them twirling and dancing around. The tiny starry freckles on his skin light up, and I can feel myself flushing, just from that one, tiny kiss.

He moves his hand a little further back on my head, pulling me in for a much deeper kiss. 

Fuck I’ve missed this, I’ve missed it so much, it breaks my heart that I ever left in the first place. 

Digging one hand into his hair, I get the other one snaked around his waist, pulling him in tighter. I can’t get him close enough, whatever he does, I can’t get enough of it. His hands run down my face, curling around my neck, as he pulls me closer for more deep kisses. My lips are bruised from the intensity, but it doesn’t matter, I just need more. For a long time we just lie there, kissing over and over again, until we are completely breathless. 

When his hands mover further down, tugging at my old, worn t-shirt, I stop him for a second. Grabbing onto his hands I pull them slightly away from me, planting another kiss on his lips before quietly breathing, “You sure you wanna do this?”

He looks at me, almost confused. “Yes. Of course I want to do this, I haven’t seen you in almost a year, of course I want to do this! I have missed you so much, I just want to be as close to you as I can possibly get.”

“Okay,” I nod, feeling a little better about it. I just don’t want to be the guy who shows up out of nowhere, seeming like I just came to fuck. 

“Wait, do you not want to…?” he trails off slightly. I’m still holding his hands, and quickly I guide them back to my body.

“Of course I do.”

He grabs onto the bottom of my shirt, pulls it off over my head. My back stings a little, but fuck if I care, this is a thousand times more important. Still he’s careful with the bandage, skipping over it as his hands run down my back, nails digging in slightly. Already I can feel myself hardening up against him, as he moves our hips together in a slow, soft movement. 

Everything we do in slow motion, as much as I’ve missed him and can’t wait to fuck, I want to do this right. I want to enjoy it for as long as I possibly can, just take in everything and remember all of it. There’s still some part of me that fears it’s going to be the last time, and I’m dead set on making it last all night if I can. I think he has the same idea, his hands moving slowly and tentatively across my chest and down my sides, like he’s exploring my body all over again. He’s trying to memorize me, the touch of his fingers grabbing on to every last, tiny detail. 

We barely come up for air between kisses, and even if it is physically impossible to get any closer, I still keep pulling at him, making sure that our fronts never lose touch. My hands start off at his shoulder-blades, slowly moving down further to the small of his back, before finding rest on his hips. We’re both hard, regardless of how many times I may have jerked off to the memory of him on my trip, it’s nothing compared to actually being with him. 

Carefully he moves a hand in between us, running his fingertips down my stomach, until they brush lightly over my cock. 

I shudder, it’s such a gentle touch, but it shoots a tingling sensation throughout my entire body. Pushing a little harder up against his hand, he strokes me with a little more pressure, before he moves up to the waistband of my pants, tugging slightly at it. 

Slowly he moves his lips towards my neck, kissing every inch of skin on his way, and I lean my head back a little to give him better access. He gets his hand underneath my clothes, his fingers curling around overly sensitive skin, and I breathe in sharply. I almost forget to move, the feeling is so intense, I can’t focus on anything but that. 

Snapping back out of it, I move my hand from his back to his front, letting my fingertips brush lightly across his nipples. He sighs with pleasure, it’s almost unbearable to hear that sound again, and I pull his face back up for more intense kisses.

We’re both breathing heavily, as I slowly guide him over to lie on his back, following along with him, kissing him every step of the way. My hands glide further down on his body, until I get to his cock, rubbing lightly against it. He shudders and moans, jerking slightly up against me, as I pull off his boxers. He tugs at my sweatpants and underwear too, and I shimmy out of them, kicking them off the bed. Lying perfectly naked pressed up against one another, our hips grind together as I dig my hands into his hair, making a soft sound of pure pleasure against his lips. 

Moving my lips further down, I plant kisses across his chest and stomach, making my way to his dick. He groans as I plant a tiny kiss at the tip of it, one hand digging into the sheets, the other on the back of my head. 

Wetting my lips with the tip of my tongue, I breathe heavily before setting wet kisses all the way down his cock. I lick it, from the base all the way to the tip, before opening my mouth and take in as much as I can. 

He jerks up towards me, it’s an uncontrolled movement, and I settle my hands on his hips to hold him in place. 

Slowly I move my head up and down, my tongue curling around his dick, licking off salty pre-cum at the tip of it. I think it’s somewhat of a miracle that he doesn’t come right then and there, his entire body is tensing up, but he manages to hold it back long enough for him to remove my head, pull it back up to kiss him intensely. It’s wet and it’s sloppy, we’re both breathing heavily, as he flips me around to lie on my back. 

Grabbing the bottle off lube off the nightstand, he pours some over his fingers, little droplets falling onto my stomach. Gently he spreads my legs, and carefully start probing at me, slipping in a finger. I breathe in sharply, the mixture between pain and pleasure is exhilarating, as he leans in and kisses me on the lips and neck again.

“You’ve gotta relax,” he whispers against my mouth, a request that has always been impossible for me to abide by. 

Still I nod at him, try to force my body to do as he says, without much success. He chuckles a little, shaking his head as he kisses me again. 

As he slips in another finger, he starts moving them around slowly, try to stretch me open, only making me clench up harder. When he brushes the most tender spot, my hips jerk up against him, and my breathing becomes even more staggered. I wrap my arms up around his neck, pulling him down closer, my fingers digging in, almost breaking soft skin. 

He groans, lifts my head slightly with his free hand, and gets his arm underneath it, pulling us just that tiny bit closer to one another. I can feel his dick rub against mine, rock hard and leaking, before he pulls his fingers back out. It leaves an empty void inside of me, one that is quickly filled when he scoots down a little, pushing his cock carefully inside of me. 

Breathing in sharply my hands fly down to grab onto his hips, pulling him in further, and it’s almost too much. He stops moving, just holds me there for a minute, giving me time to relax and just enjoy the feeling of having him inside of me. Slowly he begins moving his hips again, in smooth, careful movements, pushing in a little further with each thrust. It’s incredible, as much as I knew I missed it, the feeling of actually doing it just blows my mind.

Propping himself up, he leans his weight on one arm, snaking the other down to grab onto my dick, curling his fingers softly around it. He’s stroking me in tune with his motions, I never got how he could get that so perfect, but he can, and the feeling is incredible.

Several times he slows down, whenever I’m just on the verge of coming, he takes a small break, just holding me in place. It’s exhilarating and almost frustrating at the same time, the way he drags it out, making it last as long as it possibly can. We’ve both been longing for this, almost a whole damned year have we been without this sensation, and the longer it takes, the better. 

It feels like I could stay like this forever, just having him inside of me, forget about everything else and just be with him.

At some point neither of us can take it anymore, it’s as if we are in perfect sync with one another, when he latches onto me one final time, stroking me with increased speed. I’m moaning heavily as my hips twitch up against him, and finally he lets me come, giving me the best fucking orgasm I’ve ever had. 

We come almost simultaneously, he tenses up as soon as I’ve spilled, making one final thrust inside of me, before he falls forward, gasping into my shoulder. I’m shaking, every fiber of my being is clinging onto him, I can’t let go of him just yet. 

For a long time we lie just like that, I wrap my arms around his back just holding him in place, as he pushes his head back up and kisses me softly on the lips. 

The second he pulls out, my shaking and heavy breathing turns into something different, I’m still gasping for air, but it feels bad, like I can’t get air down into my lungs. He notices it almost immediately, pulling slightly away to look at me, but I draw him back in. 

He can’t leave, he can’t move away from me, not right now, he has to be close. 

I latch onto him, holding on for dear life, as my breath catches, gets stuck somewhere it’s not supposed to. 

“Are you okay?” he whispers into my ear, still holding me close.

I try to respond, try to calm myself down enough to say something, anything really, but I can’t get any words out. Instead I just shake my head against his shoulder, I don’t know what the fuck is happening right now, I just can’t breathe. 

Gently he runs his fingers across my head, kisses me on the neck, softly saying, “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. Just try to breathe okay, try and follow my breathing, it’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that,” the words come out shaky, almost incoherent. 

It dawns on me, right before he says it, “I think you’re having a panic attack.”

“Fuck,” I mumble the word into his shoulder, then repeat it over and over again. 

“I’m not gonna leave, but I am gonna move down next to you. I don’t think it’s doing you any good to have me on top of you like this, if anything it’s just making it harder for you to breathe,” he whispers gently, before carefully removing my hands from around his neck. 

Instinctively I latch on harder, but he’s calm about it, just pulls away slowly, as if he’s trying not to startle me. It does anyway, it’s like I haven’t quite understood what he just said to me, but eventually he gets down beside me, wrapping his arms closely around me. 

Everything that has happened during the last year comes crashing down on me, and I can’t do a damned thing to stop it from happening. I’ve fucked up in so many ways, from the second I tried killing off that Evolved woman, everything just went to hell. It didn’t even stop when I left, I was miserable and continued to kill people, I even almost got caught a couple of times, which means I’m certainly wanted some other places. There’s nowhere left to run, nothing left I can do, except for just be here next to Shadow, holding onto him for dear life, and hope I get just a few more hours before everything explodes in my face all over again. The way I see it right now, I’m caught somewhere between dead and in prison, I can’t fucking win this one, it’s just not possible. 

When he whispers, “It’s gonna be okay,” again, I shake my head.

“It’s not. Everything is fucked up.”

“We’ll figure it out, I promise, there’s gotta be some solution to this, we just need a little time to find it.”

Some part of me wants to pull away, tell him that he’s insane for even thinking that, but I instead, I pull him in a little closer. Even if it is a lie, it’s one that he believes, and I have to do the same. My mind is still grasping for straws, trying to will forth something right this instance, but of course it comes up short for answers. In the end, the only thing I can do is cuddle up to my husband, and hope that he’s right.


	22. Gas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Uh uh! And the time I set fire to a mom and her stupid crying bullshit kid! That was a good one, I remember very clearly that it eventually made the kid shut up. Took a while, but yeah, at some point there was finally blissful silence again.”
> 
> “I forgot how messed up you are.”

**October, 2348**

Waking up next to him is bliss, and for a few minutes, before my coffee craving kicks in, I just lie there and watch him. He looks so peaceful, and for the briefest of seconds I almost feel so too. 

Doesn’t take all that long for reality to kick in though, and when it does, it hits like a hammer straight to my temple. Sighing I pull myself out of bed, it’s almost two in the afternoon, and I wobble into the kitchen to make us coffee. Everything is where it used to be, it feels odd that I have been gone for so long, and in the span of a few hours, everything manages to seem familiar again. 

Going through my old, regular routine, I get some coffee ready; carry two cups in one hand and an ashtray in the other, back into the bedroom. He’s waiting for me, all bleary eyed, and for a little while it seems like I never left, like none of the bad stuff every happened. I set the cups down on the nightstand, and scoot down into bed with him, pulling massive amounts of blankets over me. He cuddles in closer, wrapping an arm lazily around me, before going for the coffee and cigarettes. 

“Though you quit?” I say, raising an eyebrow at him. He did, he quit smoking right after his final exam, claiming it to be over and done with, now that he wasn’t stressed out about school anymore. 

He nods, and pops one in between his lips, lighting it up. “I did, for a while. Then...” he trails off slightly, and already I can hear reality knocking on the door. 

“Then I left and you started again?” I offer, and he looks away.

“Yeah, something like that.”

There’s a moment of silence, before I muster up the courage to say, “You know you’re allowed to be mad at me, right? I mean, I get it if you are, if anything, you should be.”

“I’m not mad at you,” he starts off softly, “You did what you had to do. You broke my heart, yes, but I’m not mad at you for leaving.” 

It hurts like a motherfucker to hear those words, that I broke his heart. I think I broke my own too, but still, his matters more to me. 

What hurts even more is when he looks away, and quietly asks, “Are you gonna leave again?”

I don’t know exactly what to tell him, it’s dangerous for me to be here, but I’m not going to leave like last time. 

“You can come with me?” I offer up, “I mean we can find someplace safe, maybe we’ll have to go to another country, but there’s gotta be somewhere out there we can start over.”

“No,” he says and that definitely breaks my heart all over again. He doesn’t want to come with me, it’s as simple as that.

“Why?” I have to ask, maybe it’s something I can fix somehow. Hell, if it’s about friends and family, I’d be willing to drag all of them along with us, I’ll find some way to make it work. 

“It’s not because I don’t want to, I do want to go with you, but I physically can’t do it.”

I look at him, confused and unable to say anything. Slowly he reaches a hand out towards me, putting it on top of mine, holding them up in front of us. I don’t know exactly what it is he’s trying to show me, before I finally see it. It’s not just that the color of his skin has faded slightly, it’s as if he’s gotten translucent. Not entirely see-through, just a little less substantial than when I left.

“What…?” I begin, and he sighs heavily.

“I tried to leave the city while you were gone. You’d already been gone for a couple of months, when I decided I had to go find you. I wasn’t sure how, I just knew you were somewhere outside of Destiny City, and I was willing to do anything to find you,” he explains, “When I got to city borders, I just… Started to fade. Like I was slowly disappearing, and if I went any further, I’d do so entirely.” 

Many things snap into place simultaneously. The fact that I haven’t seen a single Evolved outside of Destiny City, for instance, is because they can’t leave this damned place. The fact that they didn’t go after me, that they just waited for my return. Even the fact that all knowledge about Destiny City seems to be locked off, it makes sense, considering something is obviously off with this place. My mind is crashing through all of this knowledge, trying to connect all the dots, even if there’s still a bunch of missing pieces. 

“Fuck...” I mumble, more to myself than him. “Then I’m staying. We’ll figure this out somehow, I’m not leaving without you.”

“And then what? You get killed off the second you set foot outside of the apartment?” 

“I’m not leaving without you,” I repeat firmly, and it really isn’t up for any kind of discussion. Being without him again isn’t an option, I just can’t do that to either of us. 

There’s a long moment of silence, where we just sit there holding hands, and it feels like I’m hanging on for dear life. I don’t want to die in this damned city, but living without Shadow… I can’t do it. I just can’t do it, and in the end I’d rather have a last few days with him until they catch me, than leave all over again. It’s not like I can just travel back and forth, getting here was hell, and it won’t be any better next time around. That trip almost killed me anyway, the chances of me getting through another time, are slim to none. 

Leaning in I wrap my arm around him, nudging us closer together, as he leans his head onto my shoulder. 

There is no easy way out of this, but I’ll have to find one some way.

***

I left almost everything behind in the car, side of all the weapons strapped to my body, and one thing I felt like he should have. Standing there with a wad of unsent letters, it seems slightly weird for me to bring them, I just wanted to show him that I did spend all my time thinking about him.

I hand them to him while we’re still in bed, there’s got to be at least fifty of them, some longer than others. All of them include what I’m doing and where I am, but most importantly they tell him how much I miss him, and how badly I want to go home. He reads through them with a hint of wistfulness, but he’s also glad that I spend so much time just thinking about him. 

“Of course I did, you were everything I thought about on that trip,” I tell him, and he smiles at me, before grabbing into the nightstand drawer. He hands me four sheets of paper, all of them covered in his delicate handwriting.

“It’s my Sunday questions. You said you’d return sooner or later, so I kept track of them, wrote them down so I wouldn’t forget,” there’s a little hesitation to his voice, but he still hands me the sheets, chewing at his bottom lip as he does so.

I chuckle a little, that damned question tradition never seems to stop, it’s been going on for seven years now, and he still manages to come up with more. It’s a combination of sweet and very persistent, he should know everything by now, yet he always finds something he can dig into. 

I look them over, but this time they are all the same, “When are you coming home?” 

Sighing I sit down next to him again, take his hand and hold it tight. 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, kissing him on the top of his head. “I really am, I never should have left, and I’ve never regretted anything more in my life than that.”

“I know, but… You had a deal with Harvey, and he wouldn’t have texted you that, if it wasn’t serious. You had to leave, there was no way around it.”

“Maybe not but… I dunno, at least I’m home now.”

“Yes, you are, and it’s still our anniversary, which means I get to ask you all the questions I want,” he beams at me, pulling me further down on the bed. I laugh a little, it seems so normal, like there isn’t a fuck-load of people out looking for me, wanting me dead. “So, do you still keep that ridiculous kill count journal?” 

“Not exactly a journal as much as it’s just a bunch of numbers, but yes, I do. It’s really very healthy to look back on your achievements in life.”

“And how far have you gotten?”

I get up and shuffle into the hallway, picking the little black book out of the inside pocket of my jacket. Of course I kept that too, anything else would have been stupid. For a second I stand there, trying to count how many people I killed last night. There were the guards, the teenagers on the bridge, the store clerk, the family, it really was an eventful night.

“3299,” I say as I get back into the bedroom.

Raising his eyebrows, he comments, “You’ve been busy.”

“Gotta keep yourself active.”

“So what was your dumbest kill?”

“In general or while I was gone?”

He thinks it over for a moment, “While you were gone. I think I know most of them from when you were still here.”

“My dumbest kill might have been the guy I shot at a diner, because he was talking on the phone while I was trying to down my morning coffee. Funny and justifiable, but not very clever.”

“I can see why that made the list.”

“Or the guy I shoved off a bridge because he looked like he wanted to jump anyway. He did not, as I could grasp from the following newspaper, he was having a meditative moment with the water, as he apparently had every day. Sound like a pretty boring life though, so maybe that one was really just doing him a favor.”

“Any others you’d like to share?”

“Well I did kill a woman for jumping in front of me in the queue at the supermarket.”

“And…?”

“An old man for not holding the door. People are very rude these days, especially all of those old assholes.”

“Wow, you really haven’t grown on the patience level.”

“Uh uh! And the time I set fire to a mom and her stupid crying bullshit kid! That was a good one, I remember very clearly that it eventually made the kid shut up. Took a while, but yeah, at some point there was finally blissful silence again.”

“I forgot how messed up you are.”

We both laugh a little at these incredible stupid murders, and for a second I consider leaving out the ones where I almost got caught. It’s not fair though, he asked for the dumbest, and those certainly make the list. “I think… I think I’m wanted a few places. They don’t know who I am, of course, but there have been a few times where I’ve gotten a little too close to the police.”

He nods slowly. “I guess that had to happen sooner or later.”

“Guess so, but… Well, killing off more than 3000 people without getting thrown into jail, does seem like an achievement on its own.”

“Yeah, it kinda does,” he chuckles, “Do you think you ever will get caught?”

“By the police? Maybe. But there’s little to no connections between the murders, even if I did get caught, it’d be for just one of them, and I’d be back on the streets in no time.”

“You do get that you get like 16 years for murder, right?”

“Yeah, but as long as they keep me inside of Destiny City, you could come visit me all the time. We’d get conjugal visits too, it’d be fine.”

“Maybe, but I’d really much prefer it if you stayed here with me.”

There’s a moment of silence, a heavy one, loaded with the fact that I haven’t been there for the past year. 

“I will,” I finally say, “Trust me, I will figure this shit out and I will be here.”

“I hope so,” he says quietly, “Maybe I can even help, it is my kind that’s chasing you after all.”

“I don’t wanna put you in danger, that was the whole reason for me leaving you behind in the first place.”

“Well I guess it was a good thing you did, if we had driven past city borders, I would have disappeared.”

Of all the shit that has happened through the last year, that particular piece of knowledge, is by far the worst. It could have turned out terrible if I had let him come with me, so much more devastating than what actually happened, and that’s saying a lot. I still don’t get it, it’s impossible for me to do so, but there’s got to be some explanation out there, to why he can’t exist outside of Destiny City. Of all the shit places to be stuck, this scores pretty high on my list. 

“Either way,” he changes the subject, and I’m okay with it. “We should probably go shower and get dressed. As much as I want to lie in bed with you all day, all of these problems aren’t gonna solve themselves.”

“You’re right,” I nod, even if I’m not much for leaving the warmth and coziness of just being like this. 

Begrudgingly I slide out of bed, pulling him with me. It’s true that I need a shower desperately, but at the very least, he’s coming with me.

***

Obviously we fuck in the shower, if we could spend all day doing nothing but that, I couldn’t ask for much more. That dream gets crushed though, not just because we need to do something else, but because once again, life works against me. You can do many things in life and get away with them for a long time, but sooner or later, shit catches up with you. For normal people it’s telling a lie that is unraveled at a later point, or stealing something and having to give it back later. For me, it’s murdering more than 3000 people, and most importantly, not being able to kill one in particular.

There’s a loud banging on the door, one that both of us are unfamiliar with. During the last seven years, the amount of people inside this apartment, is confined to the two of us, sitting here right now. In spite of feeling safe in my own home, I’ve kept a gun close by at all times, hell, I brought it to bed with us last night. I just wanted to be absolutely certain that I could protect both myself and Shadow, should anything happen, and now, something is. 

It can’t be good, if it’s the police I’ll blow their heads off, no questions asked, but if it’s the Evolved… Well, then I can’t do shit about it. At this point I know they are immortal, there’s no other explanation left, I should have killed off at least two of them by now, yet I haven’t. 

Grabbing the gun off the table, I hiss at Shadow that he needs to get his shit, anything that he can’t live without. 

The banging continues, growing more forceful, and sooner or later they will break the door down. It doesn’t even matter who they are, no matter what, they aren’t stopping by just to say hi. 

He disappears into the bedroom, looking as frightened as ever, and returns quickly with a small backpack strapped to his shoulders. I just grab my torn and tattered jacket, and strap as many weapons as I can to my body. When the steel door starts to bulge in, I know they brought some sort of battering ram, or a similar tool, and they’ll be inside within a minute. 

“Come on,” I pull Shadow in front of me, ushering him towards the living room window. 

There’s a fire escape right outside, I’m pretty damned sure they’ll be waiting at the bottom of it too, they aren’t that stupid, but we’ll just have to take our chances on that. Shadow doesn’t know my tricks, he isn’t trained to jump off rooftops and get away with it, and even if he is immortal, he can still break bones and get hurt. At least I think he can, I honestly have no clear facts on the matter anymore. 

Right as he climbs onto the fire escape, the door frame gives, and the apartment is flooded with people. Some are Evolved, but there’s also some regular humans in between, even if they do look off. Their eyes are glazed over, they don’t look like they’re all there, and I can only jump to the conclusion that the Evolved are controlling them with their minds. 

Motherfucking, as if it isn’t bad enough already, now they’re using mind games to get to me? Fucking fuck!

Grabbing into one of my pockets, I pull out another one of those small grenades. It’s nerve gas, it will probably hold no effect on the Evolved, but it’ll definitely kill of the humans they’re controlling, and I pull out the split and throw it at them, pushing at Shadow to get a move on. 

All of a sudden something pops into my head, and it makes no sense. It’s as if something is pulling at my mind, but then it turns into kittens. Literally, without any warning, everything my brain can think about is kittens. There’s still the slightest bit of room left, focusing on getting us the fuck out of there, but mostly, it’s just kittens. 

Glancing at Shadow he makes a begging face, this is indeed his doing, but he’s not doing it without reason, and it’s not just to calm me down. He’s doing it to keep the other Evolved away from me, they are just as capable as manipulating my thoughts as he is, and if he doesn’t do this, they’ll most likely make me shoot myself. 

Fucking hell, either way we need to run, before the gas starts pouring out of that grenade, and without any further warning, I push the both of us onto the fire escape. 

Glancing both up and down, there are people standing by in both directions, but it seems as if they are just regular people, going about their business. They don’t seem controlled by anything, and they certainly aren’t Evolved.

“Down, go down,” I call out to Shadow, and he does as he’s told. We can’t make it across rooftops anyway, and if there’s an Evolved hiding up there, neither of us is getting anywhere. 

Pushing past people that all seem to be in the way, we run towards Harvey’s. It’s the closest place nearby, and we can borrow his car, put more distance in between us and all of our chasers. We’re running side by side, I don’t want to lose track of him, I have to know where he is all the time. 

Sprinting down the streets, I keep telling him what to do and where to run, we need to turn as many corners as possible, until we finally make it to the alley that leads to the back entrance of Harvey’s. There’s a wall blocking our way, but I jump up on top of it, reaching a hand down towards Shadow to pull him up. We manage, barely, but at least now we’re right at the door. It’s locked, and I start banging on it, as hard as I can. 

Luckily it’s Harvey himself that comes and peeps out the door, only opening it up a slit, and when he sees it’s me, his eyebrows rise remarkably. Ushering us inside, Shadow almost collapses on one of the chairs, he’s not used to this type of running, and all that’s keeping him going is rushes of adrenaline. 

“We need your car,” I tell Harvey immediately, there’s no time for hellos or anything similar, we just need to borrow his car.

He nods, pulling the keys out of his pocket. “Take the flying one, it’s parked on the roof, and you’ll manage.”

I’m not much for trying out new vehicles right now, but he’s right, it would be a lot better to use that one instead of the van. Cursing a little, I take the keys, pull Shadow back up, and look him square in the eyes. “I have to get out of here, can you manage?”

“Fuck no, Michael, I’m going with you!”

There really isn’t time for discussion, and even if I would much rather he stayed here in safety, I just nod and pull him up. “Then let’s go.”

There’s a staircase going from the backroom of Harvey’s, straight up to the roof, and we take it two steps at a time. It’s long and winding, Shadow’s gasping for air, but not for a second does he complain nor slow down. As soon as we hit the roof, I click the little lock symbol on the keys, making the car we need flash brightly. Only now do I realize how dark it has gotten outside, we’ve spend almost all day in bed, and it’s got to be at least eight in the evening. 

We run across the parking lot, even if there isn’t anybody around right now, there will be soon enough. Shadow drops down in the passenger’s seat, while I fumble with the keys, trying to get the damned thing to start. When it does, a soft woman’s voice welcomes me, and asks me where I wish to go. I glance at Shadow, who shrugs in return.

“Go to my mom’s,” he says, and as we have no other options, I give the car the address.

Pushing down the gas pedal, it glides across the rooftop, and takes off the second we hit thin air. I hate these things, mainly out of principle, but right now it’s the best option we’ve got for surviving. It’s moving swiftly across the city, and regardless of how many times I tell it to speed up, it insists on staying within the law’s limits. At least it only takes a few minutes to get there, even if there are a lot of other cars in the air, it’s still beats going through the streets. 

We land on the street, parking right outside of the building, and Shadow quickly punches in the access code for the door. Taking the elevator up, his breathing is still staggered, and he’s shaking. I still think he should have stayed at Harvey’s, those people aren’t out to get him, and he might just be an immortal creature, just like themselves. I don’t think they’d harm one of their own either, not even to get their hands on me. 

Standing outside the apartment, he rings the doorbell a couple of times, and she opens the door looking confused. Behind her I can see Tofu jumping with excitement, and I couldn’t be happier that Shadow took them to his mom before last night. If they had been at the apartment, they either would have died from the nerve gas, or we would have tried to save them, most likely failing horribly.

“Shadow? Michael?!” she’s a lot more surprised to see me than him, then again, she hasn’t seen me since the wedding, and there’s no way that Shadow hasn’t told her about my disappearing act. 

She ushers us inside, and Shadow looks like he’s just on the verge of a nervous breakdown, when he sits himself down on the couch. Moo is lying there, rolled up into a nice bun, and she barely lifts her head to look at him. She’s gotten big, a little chubby even, but that doesn’t surprise me. Shadow has always been overfeeding the damn creature, because he just can’t resist her meowing.

“Please adjust your position,” the couch says in a silky voice, “It’s better for your back.”

“Oh shut the fuck up,” he grumbles at it, yet he still readjusts to please it. 

“Honey, don’t say ‘fuck’ to the couch,” Alice says pointedly, “And please enlighten me, what are you two doing here? When did you even return?” she points a finger at me, and I don’t have the faintest clue as to what to say. I don’t even know what Shadow told her, and as such I leave all the explaining up to him.

“Mom, I…” he heaves a deep breath of air, he’s fumbling for the words, that I in no way can give him a helping hand with. “Michael came back last night, and we need a place to stay. Just until tomorrow okay? And no questions, I can’t… I just can’t answer any of them right now.”

She doesn’t look all too pleased with that response, and she’s looking me over carefully, as if she’s suspecting me of having done something I shouldn’t have. She’s always been a smart lady, so that doesn’t surprise me the least bit.

“Alright,” she sighs, “I’ll go set up the guestroom.”

She leaves us alone, and I sit myself down next to Shadow. The couch gives me the same annoying message, and I pointedly ignore it. 

“You okay?” I whisper, placing a hand on his knee.

“Not even a little,” he shakes his head, chuckling exasperated at his own words. 

“We’ll figure something out tomorrow, I promise, we won’t spend half a day just fooling around, we’ll get some actual work done before they find us again.”

“What if they show up in the middle of the night? What about my mom?”

I bite down on my lower lip, this is horrible, right now I’m bringing danger to everybody I know. 

“We’re just have to hope they don’t,” I say honestly, because I can’t sit there and lie to him, tell him that they won’t or that it’s definitely going to be okay. I can’t even protect them if it happens, I can’t do shit about these creatures, except to try and figure out what’s going on. “We’ll leave as early as we can, catch a few hours of sleep, then get out of here.”

Nodding slowly, he sighs and gets up off the couch. “Then let’s go get some rest now.”

When Alice returns, she’s still not looking any kind of pleased, and when Shadow disappears into the guestroom, she grabs onto my shoulder. “Whatever it is you did, you had better fix it, Michael. You’ve already got my son wrapped up in this, but you sure as hell aren’t gonna get him killed for something you did.”

“I won’t,” I say, shaking my head. “I promise I won’t.”

At least that part is true, if nothing else, then because I truly believe he can’t die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm a day late with this one, but I had a severe allergic reaction to some medicine yesterday, and everything was completely fucked up.


	23. Poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck you,” I spit at her, “You did this.”

**October, 2348**

The alarm goes off at 4am, which doesn’t bring me any kind of joy. If anything, I want to throw the damned thing out the window, but the faster we get going, the faster we’ll find some solution to the problem. I’m still certain there is one, I’ve already got some of the puzzle pieces, I just need to find the rest of them. I need to start off with the guy who hired me, even if he was just some random guy who wanted to get rid of that woman, he’s got to know something. For once, I actually want to know the story behind the kill, I want to know everything I can about her, and the Evolved in general too. Therefore I drag myself out of bed, having gotten maybe four hours of sleep, tops, waking up Shadow as I do so. He drags a pillow over his head, scowling at me from beneath it.

“You can’t be serious,” he groans, and I lean in and plant a soft kiss on his half-covered forehead. 

“We have to, I know it sucks, but we have to get going.”

He almost hisses at me, as I remove the pillow from his head, but eventually he succumbs and sits up. “Fine. But we are stopping somewhere for coffee, before doing anything else.”

We can’t exactly make coffee here, Shadow’s mom has one of those fancy coffee makers that talks to you, and we don’t want to wake her up before leaving. We agreed to that last night, if no one knows where we are, they can’t tell anybody else either. I have a feeling the Evolved wouldn’t do damage to anyone just to get information, when they can just as easily burrow into people’s mind, and see for themselves that there is none. At least I hope that’s the case, it will give us a little more wriggle room in regards to keeping people like Alice and Harvey in the safe zone.

Harvey’s exactly where we’re going, the bar is open 24/7, and even if he’s not there, his apartment is right above it. His talent in regards to coffee making is absolute shit, but I still insist we drink it there. I don’t want to make a hundred stops or be seen anywhere really, you never know who might be lurking in the darkness. 

Shadow complains all the way down the stairs, in fact he continues to complain all the way to Harvey’s bar. We take the car back, landing it in the same spot on the roof, before trudging down the back stairs to the bar. 

He’s not in the back, but as we slip out to the bar, he’s standing there, serving a customer. Waving the customer away with his drink, he turns towards us, and we don’t even have to ask for his piss poor excuse for coffee, before he sets a couple of mugs down in front of us. 

“You look like shit,” he comments, “Both of you.”

“Yeah well you try getting four hours of sleep, and see how nice you look,” Shadow snaps at him, clutching his coffee mug.

“Well isn’t he a little ray of sunshine in the morning,” Harvey shoots me a look, as if he almost feels sorry for me. 

“He gets better as the caffeine level starts to rise,” I say, putting an arm around Shadow. He’s shaking, it’s cold as fuck this time of day, and I’m sure that doesn’t help his mood either. “Harvey, you know why I’m here, I need information.”

Sighing he glances around the bar, he needs to know if anyone is listening in on us. “I don’t know what to say, Michael, I don’t have a whole lot of it.”

“You’ve gotta know something about the guy who hired me, some tiny snippet of information, anything really. I don’t care if it’s his fucking shoe size, I need to find him somehow.”

“I’ve never seen him before, honestly, not even as a regular customer at the bar.”

“Then how the fuck did he even come by my name? Someone must have referred him to me, it’s not like he’s just walked around town asking random people for the best way to get rid of someone.”

“He was referred here, yes, that much I know,” Harvey says, not sounding all to pleased with the conversation “The thing is I’ve got maybe a dozen of people out there doing that, and I can’t just hand you that kind of information.” He scratches the back of his neck, then says, “Look… There’s only three people who refers directly to you. They never use anyone else, and they bring you a shitload of work, so you shouldn’t complain about either of them. Now I might not be able to give you any names or anything like that, but...” he trails of a little, before nudging his head in Shadow’s direction. “If someone were to break into my apartment, they might just stumble over a file cabinet, and it’s not like I can do anything to prevent that type of thing from happening.”

Shadow hasn’t exactly caught on to anything going on, besides his coffee, but he’ll do anything to make this stop, I know that. Breaking into Harvey’s apartment could bring forth some really unwanted attention though, it’s not like he associates with nice people, but it’s taking that chance, or just wait around to get killed. If someone catches on to us doing this, we’re in big trouble, but we already are, how much worse can it really get at this point? 

Nodding I squeeze Shadow’s shoulder to get his attention, and he looks at me like he isn’t a part of the same world as I am. “What?”

“We have to go.”

“But I haven’t even finished my coffee yet!” he whines, but still puts the mug down. 

Nodding at Harvey, I drag Shadow with me back to the staircase leading up. At least this is something, something I feel like maybe Harvey could have done a year ago, but still. When he wrote the ‘leave now’ text, there wasn’t any time left to give me anything. Now he’s giving me this much, a small lead, and hopefully it’s enough to put an end to this.

***

Considering how little time I gave Shadow to grab his things, I’m surprised at how reasonably he packed. Side of the obvious things like his favorite sweater and underwear, he also managed to pack his lock picking kit.

“It was really just lying at the bottom of the bag to begin with, I used this all the time when I was out doing jobs,” he says with a shrug. 

I don’t care what the reason is, as long as we don’t have to go back to the apartment to get it. I have no idea what that place looks like, but either there’s still five regular humans lying dead in there, or it’s swarming with police. That place has been my home since I was sixteen, and now I sincerely doubt I’ll ever be going back there.

I notice that the stack of letters I didn’t send, are also packed away within Shadow’s bag. “You brought those?”

“Yeah, and this,” he pulls out a little square box and pops it open. It’s the gummy ring from when I proposed, I’m surprised it’s anywhere at all, but that he actually took it with him is just sweet. “You know, for sentimental value.”

Maybe he doesn’t think we’re ever going to return to the apartment either. 

I try to push all thoughts of future problems out of my mind, but there are a lot of them. Even if we get the Evolved to stop chasing me, even if we make it through this catastrophe alive, there’s still hundreds of things wrong that can’t be fixed all that easily. Harvey can probably help out with some of it, but either way we will have to start over in a lot of aspects.

Sighing I run a hand across my head, trying to will my focus back on the task at hand. “So, can you get us inside?”

“I think so yeah, but I am a little rusty, it might take a while.”

Nodding there’s nothing I can do but stand idly by, as Shadow carefully starts picking the lock. The five minutes it takes him to get us inside feels like the longest ever, and when the lock makes a small clicking sound, I heave a sigh of relief. So far so good, now we just have to go through Harvey’s stuff, to find something with my name on it.

Harvey isn’t exactly a slob, but he’s definitely no me either. There’s clothes scattered here and there, dishes stacked next to the sink, old paper work piled up on his desk. At least the file cabinet is easy to locate, it’s right by the desk, but on the other hand it’s huge, and there’s another lock on it. 

Shadow gets to it, picking it open, while I look through the files on his desk, just to make sure that we aren’t wasting time with the cabinet. All the files are labeled with initials, and there is none saying MM. I hope the information is inside my file, or at least easily traceable from it, otherwise we’ll be spending all day doing this. 

Another click, the file cabinet is open, and Shadow steps away to let me look through it. At least they are alphabetical, and finding the MM folder is easy enough. It’s huge, much bigger than the rest of them stashed away inside the cabinet. I guess Harvey didn’t lie when he said he threw most work my way, this is basically a catalog of every single murder I’ve ever committed for him. 

My pleasure-kills aren’t in there, but the rest of them, from the first to the most recent, they are all there. Of course most of the information is written in code, the most easily translated being dates. I flip forward to the most recent, looking through the week we were off at our honeymoon. 

There it is, noted in the file, a kill that can’t be anything but that of the Evolved. 

Unfortunately, there is little to no information about it, but there is a line saying, “REF. KM”. Now we just have to figure out who KM is, there’s got to be files on his referees too. 

“Look for KM,” I tell Shadow in a hushed voice, and he starts rummaging through the files, while I continue to look over mine. 

It’s impressive how many jobs I’ve had through the last eight years of working for Harvey, but most impressive is the fact that they have all been taken care off. Side of the one with the Evolved, there are none I haven’t been able to do, and it brings a slight hint of pride to me. 

Shadow comes up with a slim folder, only a few sheets of paper held inside, and most of it is just two letter codes. A bunch of dates where the person referred someone, followed by initials. At the beginning of the list they are made out to HJ, which I know is Harvey himself, meaning whoever it is didn’t care about who did the job back then. 

There’s a switch though, on June 20th, 2347, they all become MM. 

What the fuck happened last year on June 20th? Rummaging through the inside pocket of my jacket, I pull out my little black book. Everything inside that is listed with dates, and flipping forward to June 20th, there’s a huge leap in the kill count. No less than 1906 people died on that date, which can only mean it was the day I bombed that concert hall. Staring at the book, I just stand there for a little while, my mind exploding with information overload, crashing into oblivion.

“It’s Keira,” I say out loud, “It’s fucking Keira.”

Slamming the book shut, I’m two seconds away from throwing something. I can’t believe Keira did this to me, why the fuck would she do anything like this? All I did was order a bomb, she could have easily said no, it wasn’t like I forced her into anything. For some reason she destroyed my entire life, it doesn’t make any sense to me. Instead of throwing anything, I just slam the file cabinet shut, maybe just a tad too forcefully. 

Fucking fuck, of all the fucked up people this could be, I just can’t wrap my mind around it being Keira. 

There’s a beeping sound from Shadow’s Sense, and he digs into his pocket, pulling it out. It’s a text from Harvey, saying, “MM S LN”. 

Oh goody, more fucking people going after us, right in the middle of this. 

Groaning I grab onto Shadow’s hand, pulling him towards the nearest window. I still have Harvey’s car keys, we can go to the roof and get away like that. Hopefully there aren’t people standing around up there, waiting for us, but we’ll just have to take our chances on that one. Shadow isn’t trained for running through the city, we need to get to Calvin’s Lounge, or somewhere in the near vicinity. The chances of her being around at five in the morning aren’t very good, but it’s the best shot we’ve got right now. Maybe I can kill my way to a home address, I’m sure as hell going to kill Keira once I get my hands on her. 

Climbing up into the windowsill, we go out the window, and up the fire escape. I go first, gun at the ready. If someone is waiting for us it had better be a human I can shoot. My eyes slide across the parking lot, no one is there, except for the woman who works for Harvey, getting out of her car. She’s not a threat, and as such we just walk past her, giving her a slight nod on the way to Harvey’s car. Setting the destination to Calvin’s Lounge, we take off quickly, the car gliding off into thin air.

***

Keira isn’t at the bar, it did seem a little unlikely that she would be, at 5:30 in the morning. At first I go ask the bartender, but he’s not too willing on giving up information about her, especially not where I can get a hold of her.

“Call her. Tell her Michael Mayhem wants to see her,” I say firmly, adding a no nonsense, “Now.”

He does not looked thrilled with me, but when I pull out my gun, and place it hard on the bar in front of me, he gets cooperative. In the end, nobody wants to die, and they sure as hell don’t want to die in the hands of Michael Mayhem. Pulling a gun is the nicest way I can kill someone, but who’s to say if I’m going to start off shooting him in the head? I’ve always had good aim, I’m pretty sure I can shoot his fucking toes off one by one, if I feel like it, and he knows that just as well as I do. He’s just about to disappear into the back, but I don’t trust him, at this point I trust nobody.

“You’re staying put,” I reach out a hand towards Shadow, not taking my hand off the gun nor my eyes off the bartender for even a second. “Give me your Sense.”

Shadow punches in the code before handing it over, and there’s a flashing purple light as the screen unfolds. I almost smile as the background screen turns out to be an old picture of me, cuddled up on the couch with Tofu and Moo. I’d kiss him if I wasn’t busy threatening someone to do my bidding.

The bartender looks worried, biting down on his lower lip, but in the end he types in a number, and the screen turns into dots while we wait for her to answer. There’s a heavy silence between us, luckily the bar is void of customers, except for a single old drunk hiding out in a corner. I think there were other people before, but they all seemed to disappear once a weapon was drawn. 

“What?!” there’s a grumpy voice, before a woman’s face comes into view, her hair tousled and her eyes almost closed. “I’ll pay my fucking tab later, just let me sleep!”

“Uhm, right, Keira, it’s not about the tab,” the bartender fumbles through the sentence, and already I lose my patience and flip the Sense around to get into view.

“You’d better be down here in five minutes, or I will find you and keep you captive until you starve to fucking death,” I say between gritted teeth. 

“Mayhem?” she looks at me confused, she probably expected me to be dead already. “Hang on a second, I need to get dressed, and there had better be coffee waiting for me when I get there.”

The screen turns off before I can get another word in, and I hand the Sense back to Shadow. “Now you’re gonna stay right there, until she gets here, you got it?” I hiss at the bartender, and he nods repeatedly. “If you move anywhere out of my sight, you’re dead.”

I slip onto one of the bar stools, and Shadow takes place on the one right beside of me. He leans in a little, he’s still sleepy, and it’s not like we’re having the most pleasant of mornings. Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, I order us some coffee, and the bartender serves us with shaky hands. 

He might be used to Keira and her little antics, but he sure as hell isn’t used to someone like me. 

The gun is still resting on the bar, my hand curled around the handle, finger ready at the trigger. I don’t think he’s brave enough to try any shit with me, but still, got to play it extra safe with this kind of thing. Technically I shouldn’t be threatening anyone with a connection to Keira like this, but at this point I just don’t give a fuck.

When she enters, she does not look pleased at all, but she doesn’t look frightened either. That in itself seems odd, and when she walks straight to the bar, she shoots me a weary look. 

“I thought you’d be dead by now,” she states calmly, “Rumors say you pissed off all the wrong people.”

“Fuck you,” I spit at her, “You did this.”

She looks me over, then nods slowly. “In some way, yes, but it wasn’t my intention, and I didn’t know what I was doing.” That’s it for me, I grab a tighter hold of the gun, and point it straight at her. “Settle down, I’m the only one who can give you any kind of information on this mess, so you’d better keep that in the holster until I do.”

She’s right, but I still want to blow her brains out right this instance. There’s a hand on my shoulder, and without looking I know it’s Shadow. 

“She’s right,” he says quietly, “You have to hear her out.”

My jaw is tense with anger, as I lower the gun down. I’m not putting it away, no way in fucking hell is it leaving my hand, but I do remove it from her face. Sighing she nods her head towards her regular booth, and we go sit down in it, Shadow and I on one side, Keira on the other. 

“Look, Mayhem,” she begins slowly, but I cut her off.

“Shut the fuck up, I’m the one asking questions here, and you’d sure as fuck better answer them truthfully,” I hiss, “Who is the guy you referred to me?”

Sighing heavily, she says, “He was an old friend of mine. He wasn’t a bad guy, he was a reporter, and he was trying to get some hardcore information on the Evolved. He… He had this fucked up theory that they couldn’t be killed, like that they were immortal or some shit like that, and he was sure he was going to uncover some big secret by proving it. I told him I knew a guy who could kill anyone, no questions asked, so he hired you to do the dirty work.”

“Wait, was?” Shadow says, shooting both me and her a confused look.

“Yeah, he got killed about 24 hours after hiring you. Well technically he’s still missing, but I know he’s dead, and I know it’s the Evolved who made it happen.”

For a moment I just sit there silently, staring intensely at the table. Fucking fuck. That guy wasn’t out to get me killed, he was doing some fucked up experiment, and he’s not even around so I can blow his brains out on account of it. 

“Mayhem, I don’t know what to tell you. I sure as fuck didn’t mean to get you neither hunted nor killed, I just know you’re the best in the business, and since our little adventure, I’ve referred everyone directly to you.”

“Fuck...” I mumble, so caught up in my head that I’m barely sure whether I say it out loud or not. “Fucking fuck…”

“Where’s his research?” Shadow suddenly asks, and I turn my head towards him. What good is a ton of papers covered in conspiracy theories going to do us at this point? What good is anything going to do us? This is beyond fucked, I can’t do shit with this.

“Probably still at his apartment,” Keira says thoughtfully, “Either that or with the police, but I highly doubt they would bother with that kind of madman rambling.”

“Then we’re going there,” he states, already halfway up. “Give us an address, and we’ll check it out ourselves.”

Shrugging, Keira pulls out a pen and a piece of paper, jots down a few words then hands it over to Shadow. I’m still wavering back and forth on whether or not I should kill her for this, and I think Shadow knows that, as he grabs a hold of my arm.

“Michael, this might lead somewhere,” he says quietly, “At the very least we can go take a look at it.”

Nodding slowly, I get up, and finally put the gun away. Heaving a deep breath, I give Keira one last hard look. “This better not be some sort of set-up, Keira. You have no idea how creative I can get when I’m genuinely pissed off at people.”

“Mayhem, if I truly wanted you dead, I would have planted a bomb underneath your car or some shit like that. I never meant for this to happen, honestly.”

Without further words exchanged between us, Shadow and I exit the bar, leaving Keira as well as the frightened bartender behind.

***

Telling the car where we want to go, it takes us on quite the trip. Luckily it practically steers itself, and as such I’m free to kiss Shadow half the way there. He’s more awake now, and gladly wraps his arms around me to pull me in further. Even if we are on a dead serious mission, we still haven’t seen each other in a year, and there is no such thing as too much touching.

When his hands glide from my face to my legs, I have so little self-restraint left, that I spread them a little to give better access. Harvey probably wouldn’t be all too pleased with him giving me a hand-job in his car, but see if I care. 

Before he gets properly to it, the car comes to a halt, parked on top of a roof. It’s still early, there seems to be no other people around, and as such I pull Shadow into the back of the car. Climbing across the front seats was a horrible idea, but somehow we manage to scramble into the back, where he starts tugging at my hoodie. I barely manage to get it off without slamming my head against the ceiling, but still, this is going to be worth it. It’s not exactly the first time we have sex outside of home, but that doesn’t make it any less special. Just to be close to him is special. 

Breathing heavily I’m on top of him, grinding my hips against his, when there’s a knock on the window. I’m jolted straight out of my little reign of pleasure, when some annoying elderly man is making quite the scene at us. 

“I’m gonna call the cops on you, if you don’t stop that right now,” he calls out, all too loudly. “There’s kids living here, you know!”

Groaning I get off of Shadow, open the side door and climb out through it. The man stays put, looking somewhere between outraged and pleased with himself that he got us to stop. 

You don’t fuck with my sex life, you just don’t, and as such I dig into my pocket, fiddling out a small capsule. I grab onto the guy, swing him in front of me, his back pressed against my front. 

Pretty sure I’ve still got half a hard-on, but if that’s a problem, he really shouldn’t have stopped us halfway. 

One arm latched across his chest, I force his mouth open with the other, slipping the pill down his throat as I do so. His eyes are terrified, he’s trying to cry out for help, but the poison works quickly and efficiently. I keep him in place, still holding a hand over his mouth, just to be sure he doesn’t spit the damned thing out. When he starts shaking and jerking, I let go, right before he starts throwing his guts up all over me. 

I can’t help it, I lean in close, and even if he isn’t capable of hearing me, I whisper a quiet, “That might teach you to mind your own fucking business.”

Behind me Shadow stumbles out of the car, his eyes darting back and forth between me and my latest victim. “Fucking hell, Michael,” he groans, “I’m starting to get how you hit such a high number.”

That makes me laugh, and I drag him in for a quick kiss. “Wanna finish or should we get going?” I grin at him. I’m down with it either way, although I would prefer fucking in the backseat of Harvey’s car. 

“We can’t fuck with that guy just lying there,” he sounds a little shocked that I’d even suggest it, but I just shrug in response. “Nope, not happening, we’re leaving.”

“Fine,” I grumble a little, kicking at the body as we move past it. “Fucking mood killer.”

***

Shadow gets us into the apartment belonging to the late David Mitchell quite quickly, and it is clear that no one has been around for a long time. The air is stale, dust whirling up in the faint light seeping in through the curtains, as our feet touch the old carpet. There’s a snippet of police tape crossing the living room door, and moving past that, it looks like the cave of a madman.

The entire back wall of the room is covered in everything from newspaper clippings, to post it notes, to pictures, anything and everything, all about the Evolved. There’s long threads running from one piece of information to the next in an indecipherable crisscross pattern, and right there, among all of the random snippets, is a picture of me. 

I go straight for it, looking closely at what it connects to, finding a picture of the Evolved woman I was hired to kill in the first place. I don’t seem to be connected to anything else though, maybe he really did just hire me because he thought I could do it. In the center of it all, there’s a post it, saying ‘Dreamscape’, and I have no idea what that means.

“There’s a bunch of notebooks over here,” Shadow calls out, as he picks one up from a tall stack. Moving towards him, I flip through the stack, finding them all to be labeled with words that can also be found inside his little wall decoration. “At least it’s all just lying around, if he had it all stocked on a Sense, it’d be impossible for us to get to.”

“Yeah...” I mumble, “I wonder why that is, everybody seems to have those things.”

“Maybe he was as paranoid as you are. And not entirely without reason.”

“What the fuck do we do with all this shit?” I gesture towards the piles of information.

“Dunno… Get pizza and go through it?”

I groan in disagreement, I can’t come up with a much worse way to spend my day.

“Oh come on, we can organize it and everything, it’ll be fun!” 

“You have a very twisted sense of ‘fun’,” I say pointedly, “But it’s not like I’ve got any better suggestions, so yeah, I guess we’ll do that.”

Already restless with the prospect of spending all day doing this annoying task, I move into the other room of the apartment, finding a bed that looks horribly enticing. I only have to think it over for a second, before I go back, grab a hold of Shadow’s hand and drag him with me to the bedroom. 

“Got something we have to do first,” I whisper against his lips as I kiss him intensely. He laughs a little, but still succumb to my request, and we fuck on the dead guy’s bed. 

Twice.

***

I must have drifted off for a few hours, but sooner or later I wake up, unable to find Shadow. I panic, I absolutely fucking panic, as I drag on my t-shirt, and call out for him throughout the entire apartment. I can neither see nor hear him anywhere, everything else seems to be in place, but he isn’t. I can’t handle it, at all, and I’m just about to leave the apartment to go look for him, when the door opens and he walks in, carrying pizzas.

“Where the fuck were you?!” I sputter, throwing my arms around his neck, in spite of the pizza boxes getting in my way. He puts them down on the nearest table, then hugs me close.

“I was just off getting us food, everything’s fine,” he moves one hand up to wrap around the back of my neck, carefully trying to move away a little. “I take it you didn’t see my note then?”

“What note? There was no fucking note!”

Untangling himself from me, he walks into the bedroom and takes what is quite obviously a note from the nearest pillow. “This note.”

“Oh.” 

I take it from his hand and it clearly states that he’s gone out for food. He even wrote down what time it was, most likely so this wouldn’t happen, so I wouldn’t explode in a fit of worry. Still I feel terrified, like the feeling won’t leave my body, and slumping down on the bed, I take his hand. “I’m sorry. I… I guess I’m a little messed up these days.”

“It’s okay, and you’re allowed to be,” he says, sitting down next to me. He wraps an arm around my shoulders, and I lean into it, nuzzling my head against his neck. 

I can’t keep this up, we have to figure something out soon, otherwise I’ll go insane from sheer worrying all the time. That unsafe feeling always gnawing at me, I never had that before all this shit happened, and I’d much prefer it if it went back to being like that. As it is, I jump at every little fucking sound, I used to be close to fucking fearless, but now? Now I’m just fucked.

For a while we just sit like that, not talking, just sitting quietly in each others company, as I try to calm my nerves, before he softly says, “You wanna get some food?”

I nod, tear myself away from him to go fetch the food. We eat in bed, it’s not like it’s ours or if it matters if we make a mess, this place looks like it’s been abandoned for a long time, and it’s doubtful that anyone would show up here, demanding an explanation. 

Sooner or later we have to get at it though, and Shadow has already begun his orderly, color-coding, indexing, systematic madness. I think he misses studying sometimes, the whole note taking ordeal that it demands, he’s always liked that. 

“Okay, so here’s what I’ve found out so far,” he begins, rummaging through binders that I have no idea as to where he got. He might just have gone out and bought some, for this very purpose, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had. 

“David Mitchell wanted to do an expose on the Evolved. He wanted to figure out everything there is to know about us, and I think he may have wanted to make it into a book or something, because there’s way too much material to cram into an article. Either way, he started investigating us, and it looks as if the Evolved only traces back about 30 years. There is literally no sign of us existing before 2315, and of course that in itself is rather odd. Now people in general, seem to believe that we are just an evolutionary step from regular humans, but Mitchell thought there was something else at play. According to his findings, we just kinda sprung out of thin air one day, and at the first occurrences of seeing the Evolved, they were all grown ups. It makes no sense, if something is an evolution, it happens gradually, people don’t just spring out of thin air, grown up and different.”

I nod, I’m with him so far, but I’m not quite sure what all this knowledge is going to do for us. Great to know some facts about the Evolved, but how does it make them stop trying to kill me?

“So obviously Mitchell began digging deeper, trying to figure out where we were actually from. At some point he thought we were aliens or some shit like that, or an underground people who had risen to see daylight. That part is really very odd, so I kinda skipped over most of it. Then one day he witnessed a car crash, that information is kept in what appears to be his personal journal. There was an Evolved man there, and in spite of how hurt he should have obviously been, he walked away without a scratch, just disappearing into the crowds of bystanders. That’s what spurred Mitchell on to think that we were immortal, setting him off in new directions. Still the idea seemed a little far out for him, so he hired you to kill one of the Evolved, and be over and done with the theory. Keira was definitely right about that one, he didn’t mean to get you in trouble, nor did she, he just thought you could kill the woman and then he could move on to something else. Unfortunately you couldn’t, he died, and here we are.”

“Well that’s all very well, but how do we stop the Evolved from murdering me?” I sigh, burying my head in my hands. This is infuriating, even if the guy didn’t mean to get me killed, he sure as hell didn’t give a lot of ways not to either. 

“Honestly? I have no idea. As far as I know the only thing that seems to make us disappear, is leaving the city, and it’s not like we can go around and pick up every single one of the Evolved, to throw them out of here.”

“He doesn’t have some grand explanation to that one, does he?”

“Not really no, if anything he knows nothing about it.”

“To me, this sounds like an awful waste of time, Shadow.”

“Maybe… There is one thing though,” he walks over to the wall with all the pictures and post its, points towards the one in the middle. “Now I have no idea what a ‘Dreamscape’ is, but it sure as hell isn’t a word I’ve ever heard before.”

“Let me guess though, there’s nothing about it anywhere at all?”

“Nope, but that I doubt is any kind of coincidence. If he made it a center point, he would have written down all sorts of shit on it, yet I can’t find anything about it. My bet is that there was something, but someone removed it, when they killed him.”

“Well fucking fuck then.” 

There’s a long moment of silence, where I try to wrap my head around this mess. Then Shadow leans in, saying very quietly, “I don’t think they want you dead because you tried to kill one of them. I think they want you dead because you know something you not supposed to.”

“What, like that the Evolved can’t fucking die?”

He nods slowly. “Yes actually, I think that’s it.”

“And what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”

“I dunno. I’m not even sure where we go from here, it’s all so messed up, I can barely think straight anymore.”

I think it over for a moment, reaching the conclusion that I’ve had enough of this bullshit. That no matter how much digging we seem to do, nothing is leading us towards putting an end to it. In the end, I can only come up with one thing we really can do, even if I know Shadow’s going to be against it. It’s not his decision though, I have to do this.

“I’m gonna go find her. The woman who tried to kill me in the first place. I’m gonna go find her, and one way or another, I’m gonna put an end to this.”

He looks at me, completely stunned. “You’re kidding, right? You can’t do that, she’ll murder you, Michael, you can’t do that!” A little reluctantly, I reach out a hand and pinch his arm as hard as I can. He shrieks and swats his hand at me. “What the fuck was that for?!”

“If you can feel pain, so can she,” I say quietly, “Now I’m gonna go bring her a shitload of it.”


	24. Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah well,” I say, looking back at her across my shoulder. “Payback is a motherfucker.”

**October, 2348**

Shadow is not pleased with my idea, in fact he’s outright against it. The argument bounces back and forth, and neither of us are willing to give up. We’re still inside David Mitchell’s apartment, Shadow is pacing back and forth, while I’m maybe a little too calm about this. I know it’s dangerous for me to go after her, but I see no other options. At this point, it’s either that or me leaving again, and the latter isn’t an option to me. If I can’t bring Shadow along with me, then there’s no point to any of this anyway, going after her is all I can do. I am very well aware that it might get me killed, hell, I know the chances of that happening are pretty high, but Shadow has to understand that it’s all there’s left. We’ve tried everything else, if she can survive a fucking bomb, not to mention gunshots to the head, then even I can’t kill her. Making her talk though, that should be doable, if I can just get a hold of her. 

Looking over David Mitchell’s grand creation of nonsense once more, I really wish he’d been around to explain all of it. If he could at least tell me what the Dreamscape is, then we might be getting somewhere, but that’s exactly the piece of information I’m going to drag out of that woman. She’s got to know something about it, and lucky for me, I know where to find her. 

“Michael, please don’t do this, there’s gotta be another way for us to make this stop!” Shadow pleads with me, jerking me out of my intense staring. 

“I have to, and it’s not like I’ve got all that much left to lose.”

“How about your life?!” he suggests. It seems like he’s angry with me, when really he’s just desperate that I won’t go off and get myself killed. 

“I’m gonna lose that one way or another, Shadow, you know that. I can’t keep hiding in this city, no matter where I go, they’ll find me.”

“Then… then maybe you should leave again,” his voice is sad, and it’s devastating to me, to hear those words from him. “I’d rather that you’re alive out there somewhere, than that you die in Destiny City.”

“That’s not an option, I’m not leaving without you.”

He sits himself down on a chair, lean forward, and bury his face in his hands. His shoulders are shaking, he’s crying, and quietly I move over and sit down on the floor in front of him. Wrapping my arms around him, I pull him down to sit in my lap, his legs curling around my back. 

For a long time we just sit like that, until he starts to calm down, and whisper in my ear, “I want to go with you.”

“Oh no you’re not, that’s completely out of the question.”

“If the Evolved are immortal, then so am I, I’m going with you.”

“And what if there’s a loophole in that theory? What if you are capable of killing off each other? What if you aren’t immortal, what if she kills you?”

“Why is it okay for you to go out and do something that might get you killed, while I just have to stay back and watch it happen?”

I feel like we’re back in a fight we had four years ago, and my arguments are as hopeless now as they were back then. I know he’s right, and some part of me knows that he might actually be of some help to me in the fight I’m about to have, but still I can’t let him do it. 

“I can’t let you do that,” I repeat myself firmly, while still holding onto him.

“Well, you don’t have a choice. One way or another, I’m gonna go with you, so you can either let me or you can do all sorts of shit trying to keep me away, it doesn’t matter, I’m going with you.”

He’s right, short of tying him to a chair and force him to stay put like that, there’s nothing I can do. I’d never be able to do something like that, that would put him in serious danger too. When it comes down to it, he might just be safer tagging along with me. 

Sighing I bury my head in his shoulder, digging my fingers into the fabric of his t-shirt. I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this, but there is no way for me to stop it. “Okay,” I finally whisper, “Okay, you can come with me.”

“Thank you,” he hugs me in a little closer, “And I really do think I can be of some help to you. If she tries to bury her way into your mind, I might be able to counter it.”

“Is that what you did when we fled the apartment? I never got to ask you that, but all of a sudden all I could think about was kittens.”

“Yeah, that was me… I’m not gonna apologize though, they were trying to project all kinds of shit into your mind, I had to do it.”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad. Was a little weird, but I’m not mad.”

“I thought kittens was a safe bet, and far better than what they were trying to make you think about.”

“Could you see that? What they were trying to do?”

“Only glimpses, like, they were trying to make you kill yourself in all kinds of ways. Trying to hold you back from escaping, just distracting you, so you wouldn’t get away.”

I nod slowly, I should just be happy that Shadow managed to counter it, I’m pretty sure they could have made me do anything if he hadn’t. Still it feels weird to no have full control over your mind, that images just pop up out of nowhere. 

“If you have to, you should do it again. But only if you have to, it’s still feels a little off to me.” 

“I know, and I get that. Trust me, I won’t do anything unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“Thanks,” I nuzzle my head against his neck, then gently push him off of me. “We should get going though.”

It’s gotten dark outside, we’ve spend all day trying to figure things out, and have gotten little to nothing from it. I’m not exactly looking forward to this mission, but I see no other way of doing it. It has to stop somehow, and I’m not going down without a fight. Shadow simply nods as he gets up off the floor, dragging me up along with him. I grab onto him, pull him in for a long, slow kiss. Some small part of me is screaming not to do this, that this might just be the last kiss I ever get, but I’m just going to have to ignore it and move on with the plan.

***

Shadow doesn’t want to return to the roof, he’s scared someone will have noticed the dead guy by now, and it will be crawling with cops. I try to tell him that if it had been, they probably would have come knocking on doors by now, but he would still much rather walk all the way to the abandoned building where the Evolved woman lives. It’s pretty far away, but I succumb to his request, he might just have a point. At least the streets are crowded, even if someone is following us, it’s easy to get lost in the midst of all the people.

We go slowly, holding hands every step of the way, once in a while stopping just to kiss and hug. It’s an odd combination of nerves and love, and as much as I want to get my hands on that lady, I equally want to spend time with my husband. If anything it’s nice to play the game of being normal for a little while, just like we used to be, before all this shit happened. 

Well, as normal as one can be working as a professional murderer, but still, we had a pretty nice domestic life beside of it. 

Being October, everything is littered in pumpkins, paper bats and plush spiders. Shadow has always been a sucker for decorations, whether it be Halloween, Christmas, New Years or something else entirely, and I can’t stop him from window shopping. 

“You do get that this is ridiculous, right?” I grumble, as he flies across the street to look at overly ornate jack-o-lanterns. 

“Maybe, but...” he trails off a little, giving me this weird, sad look. 

“You wanna play normal for a few seconds?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

I nod, I can’t exactly claim that I don’t get him. If anything, there’s nothing I’d like more than for us to be normal right now, or at least as normal as the two of us can be. Pulling himself away from the decorated window, he sighs and grab my hand again, our fingers intertwining. 

“I’ll stop, I know it’s stupid, it’s just...” 

“I know,” I say quietly, pulling him in for another kiss. “Seriously, I get it, and it’s okay. I’d like to be back to normal too,” shaking my head a little, I add an optimistic, “Who knows, maybe we will be soon.”

“If we pull through this, I’m gonna cover the entire apartment in Halloween decorations,” he starts, before realizing there is no apartment to decorate. “Or well… We’ll figure something out.”

“We will. There’s gotta be a solution out there somewhere, and trust me when I say, I will find it.”

He looks at me, concern written all over his features, but in the end he shrugs it off, and continue to pull me down the streets of Destiny City. We’re closing in on the concert hall, and by extent of it the abandoned building where I found her the first time. It’s not even certain that she is still there, but it’s the only place we’ve got to look. If she’s not, we’ll have to wait for her to find us, and that is not an option I’m all too fond of. She might not come alone, and as much as I want to, I doubt I can take on more than one at a time. Hell, even one almost killed me already, I know I can’t handle anything more than that.

It’s all back to normal now, the concert hall, if anything it looks even bigger and more elaborate than when I blew the damned thing up in the first place. I make a mental note that maybe I should do it again sometime, or blow up something else entirely. It was rather funny and fulfilling. 

The surrounding buildings have been given a make-over as well, except for the one where she lived. There is a sign outside, saying that it is a danger zone, that the building will be torn down soon. It looks like it too, the bottom floor has no doors or windows left, and as such we are free to stroll right inside. No one seems to notice us as we do, there’s plenty of people out, but nobody cares that a couple of young men wander into an abandoned building. Why would they, that would mean actually getting their heads out their own asses, and give a damn for anything but themselves, something the people of Destiny City isn’t exactly known for.

Inside the building, it looks like shit, and definitely as dangerous as the sign outside proclaimed it to be. If the Evolved lady doesn’t kill us, this building just might, with its weathered walls and drooping ceilings. 

Still there’s a staircase that looks like it should be able to survive us walking on it, and as such we make our way up throughout the building. She used to live on the third floor, and there’s still a locked door at the end of the hallway, leading to the apartment where she was a year ago. 

We share a look, one that doesn’t hold much optimism, before Shadow bends down on one knee, and pulls out his lock picking tools. The door snaps open within a few seconds, and a damp smell hits us as it creeks open. 

Quietly we sneak inside, and someone is definitely living here. There’s canned food stacked in the kitchen, there’s a bed which has recently been slept in, there’s books lying around, everything looks pretty much the same as when I was here the last time. She’s not there though, but it doesn’t seem like much of a problem. She still lives here, and she will have to come home sooner or later.

“So what do we do?” Shadow asks hesitatingly, his eyes darting around the room as if he expects her to pop up out of nowhere.

“We wait,” I say calmly, “She was waiting for me that night, now I’m gonna wait for her.”

I sit myself down in an armchair, pull the gun forth and hold it in my hand. It might not kill her, but the bullets still hold some effect, and they’ll at the very least knock her off her feet. Just sitting there quietly, I try planning everything out in my mind, try to prepare for every possible scenario. I’m going to get her, and I’m going to hurt her beyond all reason.

***

She might be a silent creature, but the door isn’t, and when it is unlocked I immediately tense up. It could be someone else, someone who has taken over this shitty apartment and just left things the way she used to have them, but my gut tells me it’s her.

When there’s a slight stinging sensation in my mind, like a sudden jab of otherworldly pain, I know for certain it’s her. Not only is it her, she knows we’re here, or at least that I am, and she’s trying to dig her way into my thoughts. There’s a voice inside my head, whispering that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’m going to kill everyone I love, but then the world twists and there’s only kittens and puppies, playing in a field of green grass. 

Motherfucking, this is confusing. 

I’ve already got the gun ready when she enters the living room, ready to kill me off once and for all. She jumps at me, and I’m not the only one armed to the teeth. She’s wielding a kitchen knife, disregarding Shadow entirely, as she swings it at me, but I shoot her straight in the chest before she even gets close. Flying backwards, she knocks into the wall, but she’s back on her feet in no time. 

Shadow isn’t just standing around though, he latches onto her by her waist, trying to hold her back and away from me. He’s never been all that strong, but he manages to throw her off balance enough, that she tumbles to the floor when she gets loose from his grip. Crashing her shoulder into the edge of the low table, the knife gets knocked out of her hand, but she barely winces as she gets back up. 

Shadow is quick, he grabs the knife off the floor, and without giving it much thought, he jams it into her shoulder, making her cry out in pain. The knife is stuck there, and I shoot her point blank in the head, as she’s trying to wriggle it out. For a brief second she stumbles backwards, loses her balance, and falls straight back on the knife. 

Gotcha, that’s just what I need, a brief second for me to get her pacified. 

I move around, grabbing her wrists and get a good, long strip of Gaffer tape wrapped around them. She’s already ready to continue the fight, kicking and screaming as I struggle to wrap up her ankles too. Shadow grabs onto her thighs, holding her straight until I get the tape around her. The apartment looks like a disaster zone, but lucky for us, there’s most likely no one around to hear the struggle. 

Fighting with every last fiber of her body, I pick her up off the floor, and throw her down in the armchair. She’s shaking and screaming, I think she knows what’s coming, but I don’t give a fuck, she dug that grave herself. 

Looking her over for a second, just to make sure she stays put, I turn towards Shadow. “I think you should leave.”

“What? Why?” he looks shocked that I’d even suggest it, but I think I’m right about this one.

“Because this is not gonna be pretty, and I’m not sure you wanna watch me do it.”

For a second he just stands there, I can tell that he’s wavering back and forth, but in the end he succumbs to my request. “Okay. Okay, I’ll leave. But I’m not leaving the building, I’m just gonna go to another floor or something.”

“Thanks,” I mumble, I just know he doesn’t want to see this particular scene play out. Even if he did once see me stomp a guy to death, this is different. This is going to be flat out torture, with absolutely no mercy until I get what I want. Silently he slips out of the room, leaving only me and the Evolved woman behind.

“Now first things first,” I say, turning back towards her, “What is your name? I would very much like to know who it is that’s trying to kill me over and over again.” She spits at me, without hitting anything but the floor. “Nope, that ain’t gonna cut it.”

Pulling forth my trusty knife from its holster on my leg, I run it across her cheek, pulling a thin line of blood along it. She doesn’t flinch, and I shrug. I gave her the option of answering, now I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want. 

The blade is as sharp as they come, it can cut through just about anything, and it can do it in very fine slivers. I grab onto her silvery hair, pull her head to the side, and slice a rather large piece of flesh off her face. That definitely makes her flinch, if anything, it makes her scream out in pain. 

“One more time, what is your name?” 

She still refuses to respond, and as such I twist her head to the opposite side, cutting an equal chunk of skin off her other cheek. She’s a stubborn one, but eventually, I will make her talk, and from her point of view, we’re at the worst place possible. No one is around to her hear scream, except for me and Shadow, and I can do this for hours. As pissed off as I am, I can probably spread it out over days, if no one comes along to stop me. 

After the second slab of skin hits the floor, I continue cutting off little bits and pieces of her face. They seem to regenerate, but it takes a while, and it really just gives me the option of doing the same thing over and over again. I must have cut off a dozen of strips, before she finally tells me her name. 

“It’s Artemis,” she whispers, “My name is Artemis, please stop.”

“If you want me to stop, you’re gonna have to tell me a hole lot more than just your name,” I say thoughtfully, “And you probably shouldn’t have tried to kill me in the first place either.”

Her breath is shaky as I bend down and untie her left boot. Dragging it off her feet, I settle down next to her, looking up at her curiously.

“Now can you guess what I’m gonna do to you?” 

“Please don’t...” she starts, but I don’t give a fuck how that sentence is going to end, because I’ve already grabbed onto her foot, and before she can finish it, I slice off the first toe. She barely screams, the pain so intense she can’t get any words out, as she wriggles and instinctively tries to pull away from me. No such luck though, she’s taped up nice and good, and there’s no way for her to escape. I sit around and wait for a little while, just watching closely as her body somewhat glitches, and the toe reappears. It reminds me of something, something that happened a long time ago, and when it dawns on me, I have to ask.

“What was that?” 

She doesn’t get what I’m referring to, gasping out a quiet, “What was what?”

“That glitching thing you just did, how your toe came back, what is that?”

She shakes her head, she’s not going to tell me, at least not just yet. 

“Okay then,” I shrug and cut off the toe again, alongside another one. 

Without stopping to make them reappear, I continue cutting off her toes, one by one. It’s all done in a very smooth movement, if you know how to do it, it’s really very easy. You just have to position the knife right at the joint, before you cut, then they just pop right off. I’m going to do the same thing to her fingers, hell, I’ll cut through every joint she’s got, if it means she’ll tell me something.

“It’s just something the Evolved does!” she cries out, before I get to the other foot. “We can regenerate like that, you already know that we are immortal, you sick bastard!”

“I suppose that’s true, yes,” I ponder her statement, then moves on to the next question, “Why are you trying to kill me?”

Once again she shakes her head, she’s not too willing to give up what she knows, but it doesn’t matter much to me. She will eventually, and when I pull out my gun and load it up with fire bullets, she starts to squirm again. Pointing it straight at her chest, the gun touching her skin, I pull the trigger and a bullet is fired directly into her. 

Now had she been a regular human, she’d be long dead by this alone, as the bullet buries into her body and releases a burst of fire within, but instead she just wriggles and cries out in pain. Her skin is cracking and bubbling, as the fire boils her from the inside out, but sooner or later it stops, and she just sits there, her head hanging low as she glitches back to life.

I repeat my question, “Why are you trying to kill me?”

She’s halfway given up already, as she spits out, “Because you know too much. You’re like that damned reporter, you shouldn’t mess around in other people’s business.”

“I usually don’t, but I kinda got pulled into this one, so you’ll just have to bear with me.”

Now I’m starting to get bored with her regenerating powers, and as such I move into the kitchen for a second, finding a large tub of water. This ought to do well for drowning, and I hum slightly to myself, as I return to the living room with it, filled with water. Setting it down on the coffee table, I drag her to the floor by her hair, and position her head above the tub.

“Now what can I do to make you stop?” I ask, and she’s shaking her head vigorously, trying to squirm away from the clear water. 

She obviously don’t want to answer, and as such I push her head under water, holding it there for at least a couple of minutes, before I drag her back up again. She’s gasping for air, even if she can’t die, it probably felt like she was going to. I’ve never been close to drowning myself, but I have a feeling it isn’t the nicest way to go, and doing it over and over again, can’t be any kind of fun to her.

“Please… Please stop...” she whispers, but as it’s not the words I wish to hear, I just dunk her head back down under. 

“Tell me what I can do to make you stop hunting me, and I’ll stop this right away.”

The stinging sensation within my mind returns, and for a second I wish I hadn’t told Shadow to leave, as the words, “You’ll kill him, you’ll kill us all,” keeps going in a repeating loop. Sighing I try to shrug it off, try not to care about the shit she’s putting inside my head, but it gets annoying quickly. I slam her head hard against the coffee table, before pushing it back underneath water.

“Stop doing that, or I’ll make this last twice as long as it has to.”

The words come to a halt, fade away as quickly as they came. Good, at least she’s starting to listen to me, and she definitely takes my threats seriously. 

“How do I make you stop hunting me?” I repeat the question, hoping to get more than just mind games out of her. 

“I don’t know!” she cries out, “I don’t know, I was told to get rid of you, I don’t know how to make it stop!”

“Now I could tell you to just leave me the fuck alone, but I find it highly unlikely that you will, and you aren’t the only one chasing me at this point,” I say, carefully weighing my words, “Who are all the others?”

She’s quiet for a little while, and I have a feeling she might actually answer that one straight away, if I just let her think. Unfortunately for her, I don’t have that kind of patience, and pulling my knife forth again, I run it quickly across her throat, blood gushing out of the wound. It spills onto everything, my shoes included, and into the bowl of water, tainting the it bright red. Gurgling and heaving for air, the wound heals up and her body shakes back to life.

“It’s everyone,” she sounds hoarse as she spits out blood. “All of the Evolved.”

I figured as much, which makes my job of stopping them a whole lot harder. It’s not like the city is flooding with them, but there’s got to be at least a couple of thousands around. I think it over for a while, before asking her another question, “Why can’t you leave the city?”

“We-” she chokes up more blood, “We can’t exist outside of Destiny City.”

“Why?” 

She cracking down, answering my questions a lot more easily, but still she’s too slow about it. I pull her away from the water, leaning her head down on the table, her teeth balancing on the edge. Pulling forth my nightstick I crash it into the back of her head, and had she been a regular human, she’d be dead by the blow. Her skull cracks, and so does her teeth, as it makes impact, and for a little while she just lies there quietly. She flickers a little, then she’s all back to being alive, even though I’m pretty sure she’d rather not be at this point. 

“Why can’t you leave the city?”

“Because… Because it’s too far away from the Dreamscape!”

Now there’s a word I’ve heard before, now I just need to figure out what the fuck it is. “And the Dreamscape is what exactly?”

She shakes her head, in spite of everything I’ve put her through, she’s not about to give up that information easily. Sighing I let her lie there for a little while, as I contemplate just what I can do to her next. I don’t have all too many different weapons on me, but I do have my taser, and a nice bit of electroshock might be just what she needs. Pulling it out, I press it up against her temple.

“What is the Dreamscape?” I say quietly, giving her about five seconds to respond, before I push the button and shoot electricity through every fiber of her being. She doesn’t make it on time, and soon enough she’s lying in a convulsing heap on the floor. As soon as the taser has reloaded itself to full strength, I give her another shot, just for good measure. “Tell me what the Dreamscape is, or I’ll keep this going for the next hour.”

“It-” she manages to get out through chattering teeth, “It’s a machine. It’s kept hidden inside a building, right behind city hall. But you can’t go there, you just… You just can’t.”

“And what makes you think I give a fuck about what I can and cannot do?”

“Please… You’ll kill him.”

Furrowing my brows slightly, I’m unsure as to whether the words are coming from her lips, or are being planted inside my mind. Either way, I shrug it off, she’s just rambling to make me stop hurting her, and keep me away from whatever this Dreamscape is. No such luck for her though, she already told me where it is, now all there’s left for me to do, is go there. I’ll tear it to the fucking ground if I have to, whatever will make this shit stop, I’m willing to do it. I’m sure there’s some answers in that place, whatever it is, that’s where I’ve got to be. 

Standing quietly for a little while, I contemplate what to do with her. I doubt I’ll get any more information out of her, mainly because I don’t think she knows anything more than what she’s already told me. I can’t let her go though, even if she is dead scared of me now, her regenerating powers will have her back on her feet, and she’ll chase me with a vengeance. Not a completely unjustifiable one, but still, I don’t need any more shit from her. 

Dragging her off the floor, I throw her back into the armchair. She’s so worn down she doesn’t even try to fight me, as I tape her forehead and chin to the back cushion, making sure she’s kept in place. Picking up the kitchen knife she used against me, I slide it into her neck, blood pouring out of the wound, down her front. About halfway through I stop, then secure it to her with more tape, making it absolutely impossible for her to remove it. All she can do is sit there, blood pulsating through her body and straight out of a wound, and unless someone comes to her rescue, she’s going to sit there forever. 

It seems fucking fair to me, that the battle ends this way. She tries saying something, but nothing comes out except for gushes of blood.

“Yeah well,” I say, looking back at her across my shoulder. “Payback is a motherfucker.”

***

Shadow is waiting for me right outside the room, and he looks scared. I’m halfway covered in blood, I’m tired, and I really just want to go home. It’s not an option though, nothing seems to be an option anymore, except for pushing through and finding that fucking Dreamscape.

“You okay?” he asks carefully, and I shoot him a small smile.

“Yeah I’m good,” I drag my sleeve across my face, to remove some of the blood, before pulling him in for a kiss. “And I know where we’re going next.”

He looks relieved, I’m pretty sure he’s heard everything going on inside that room, and that can’t be a pleasant experience for anyone but me. Torture has never been my kind of thing, not like this, but I do see the appeal in it, just making someone hurt that much longer. Of course she would have died ages ago had she been human, but with everything she’s put me through, it seems fair that I got to have a little extra fun with her. 

“What about her? Is she gonna follow us?” Shadow asks, and I shake my head.

“Not unless someone comes to her rescue, I’ve made sure of that.”

“Do you think she can call on someone to do so?”

That I hadn’t thought about, if she can call on her Evolved friends with her mind, then she might get loose at some point.

“Not sure, but if she can, we’d better get a move on and get the fuck away from here.”

He nods, then asks, “Where are we going?”

“We’re gonna go find the Dreamscape, and hopefully, that’s where we’ll put an end to this. I’m still not sure what it is, and I bet there’s gonna be a hundred obstacles, but we have to at least try and get through them.”

“Okay,” he says, before pulling me in for another soft kiss. “Then lead the way.”


	25. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Whatever, I’m sure he was an idiot anyway.”
> 
> “You assume that about everyone. I always wondered why you didn’t do that to me too.”
> 
> I turn my head and smile softly, saying, “Because you’re different.”

**October, 2348**

I don’t realize how late it has gotten, until we’re standing outside the abandoned building again, stars dotting the night sky in intricate, indecipherable patterns. It looks just like the night I met Shadow to begin with, and even if it was seven years ago, the thought of that night still brings a tingling sensation through my entire body. 

Asking Shadow, it’s half past midnight, and I can only conclude that I have tortured Artemis for far longer than I thought it to be. Time flies when you’re having fun and all that bullshit, but now it’s time to get a move on and figure this out once and for all. Whatever this Dreamscape is, the answers has to lie within. I imagine it to be something controlled by the Evolved, something I can fiddle with or break, to make them stop their hunt. Artemis said it was a machine of some sort, and even if I know nothing more than that, it’s still something important. They wouldn’t go through this much trouble to keep it hidden if it was something without meaning, whoever controls it has to be the enemy. 

Walking down the street I catch my reflection in a window, only to conclude that I look like shit, halfway covered in blood. Even if Destiny City is filled with moronic people, someone might still notice it if we walk all the way there, someone might be alarmed by it. As such I make a swift decision, we aren’t going to waste anymore time, and I go to the curb, waiting for a cab to drive by. 

“Seriously? We’re gonna take a cab? Isn’t that even more dangerous?” Shadow asks, looking me up and down.

“Not the way I’m gonna do it,” I reply, as a yellow car slips up in front of us. It’s a flying one, but I think I’ve got a pretty good grip on how to work those shitty machines by now. 

The cab driver looks a little concerned as I open the door, and when I pull out my gun, he looks dead on scared. 

“Get out. Now.”

I don’t have to say it twice, he stumbles out the car, hands raised, halfway falling to the ground as he does so. I don’t want him to go off and alarm the police, and as there isn’t too many people around, I shoot him point blank in the head. I forgot I’d loaded the gun with burning bullets, and he bursts into a small inferno, that he – lucky for him – doesn’t feel. He’s dead before his body hits the ground, but the sudden fire does attract some attention. Annoyed with myself I move to the driver’s seat, Shadow getting in right behind me, shooting me an unappreciative look. I give the car it’s destination, and it flies forward, taking off towards the sky in a gliding motion. 

“You know you could have let that guy live, right?”

“Whatever, I’m sure he was an idiot anyway.”

“You assume that about everyone. I always wondered why you didn’t do that to me too.”

I turn my head and smile softly, saying, “Because you’re different.”

“But how did you know that?” he asks curiously, and I chuckle a little. 

“I think it was just one of those gut feelings, you know? I just knew you were.”

“Don’t you ever wonder if other people might just be different too, if you just gave them the time to show it?”

“Nope. You’re the only one.”

Shaking his head, he smiles at me. “Guess I can never convince you otherwise.”

“Not even a little.”

Flying through the ice cold night air, above rooftops and in between buildings, I spot the Acelia from far away. That horrible building, at least we aren’t going inside that, if there’s ever an experience I don’t want a repeat of, it’s being inside the Acelia. Well that, and the last year of my life entirely. It would be fun to watch it burn though, I’ll have to look into that at some point, once I’m done dealing with this shit. 

It sneaks up on me, it’s been gnawing in the back of my head for a year now, but it finally makes its way through. No matter what happens tonight, nothing will ever be the same again. There is no way in hell, that I can ever return to living the life I was used to. I can’t return to my apartment, I can’t just resume my work for Harvey, I can’t even get away with murdering people for fun anymore. I know I can’t leave Destiny City, but I’m pretty sure that at this point, the Evolved aren’t the only ones out to get me. It’s a matter of time before the police starts hunting me full force, and I can’t do shit about it other than run. I don’t even see myself as capable of just stop murdering people all together, but that little pleasure of mine has sure as hell caught up with me. Unless the Dreamscape turns out to be a motherfucker of a reset button on all the people of Destiny City, then I’m fucked. 

Swearing a little under my breath, Shadow turns towards me, a worried look on his face.

“You okay?” he reaches over and gives my arm a little squeeze. 

“Not even a little,” I say truthfully, but I’m not going to elaborate on it. 

It’s not like he’s stupid, he knows all of this shit already, and I can’t handle talking about it. It’s too much, and I’m actually happy to see the car coming to a stop, on top of city hall. There’s a large parking lot up there, and the car automatically aims for a vacant spot. There’s plenty of those this time of night, and quietly we slide out of the car, aiming for the nearest bridge. Had it just been me I would have done a hundred quick parkour moves to get down from this building, but there’s no way in hell I can convince Shadow to stay put. I don’t want him to either, I have a feeling I’m going to need his abilities, and also I just want him close. The recent developments tells me that he really is immortal, side of moving him outside city borders, no harm can come his way. Luckily we’re far away from those, we’re in the center of Destiny City, far from anything that might harm him. 

Me on the other hand, can be hurt and killed by just about everything, so I got to be careful and watch my steps. 

Once across the bridge there’s two options; either we go straight through the adjacent building, or we go down using the outside stairs. Problem is I don’t know exactly where we’re going, all I know is that this Dreamscape thing, is hidden somewhere behind city hall. 

Carefully I behold all of our surroundings, trying to pinpoint something that might look off. I try to keep an eye out for any Evolved creatures coming our way, or moving around down there in general, but the darkness makes it impossible to see it, if they’re there. I should have asked more questions, I should have demanded an address, but it’s too late to go back now. 

Finally I spot something that seems slightly out of the ordinary. It’s a building, and it looks much like every other building in Destiny City, except for one thing: it doesn’t have any fire escapes. Every fucking building in this place is littered in fire escape ladders, due to over-population the hallways inside buildings are too narrow to accommodate for all the people that would need them, in case of a fire. Instead of stop building too tall buildings with too many shitty people crammed inside, the city just made outside fire escapes, making sure that at least some of them survived if the whole thing turned to flames. 

This building however, has none. It’s just as tall as everything surrounding it, it looks modern enough, but for some reason no one bothered to build them. That’s got to be it, it simply has to.

“Shadow, I think I know where we’re going,” I say, my voice sounding off, as if it’s coming from far away. 

He turns towards me, but I’ve still got most of my attention fastened to the mystery building. 

“Come on,” I continue, “Just follow me closely.”

We go down the stairs, and I try my very best not to lose track of where the building is while we go. Down on the ground it’s still right in front of us, and sneaking along walls and through shadows, we make our way there. Walking around the building I look for an entrance, but soon enough we’re back where we started, without finding one. 

“What the fuck…” I mumble, standing close to Shadow.

“We’ve moved around all four sides, right? I mean, we can’t possibly have missed it.”

Without a word I go all the way forth to the building, but about a few feet from being close enough to touch it, my body hits something. There’s a wall, an invisible one, and it doesn’t make any sense. Running my hands up and down the surface I’m feeling, it looks like I’m just flailing my arms in thin air, but it’s there, there’s a wall right there. I call Shadow over, and he examines it the same way I did. 

“It doesn’t make any sense,” he says, staring intensely at whatever invisible barrier that’s keeping us out. “There’s gotta be some way to-” he stops mid-sentence, and I turn towards him, shooting him a confused look. For a second he just stands there, one hand still on the invisible wall, the other held up, as if he’s trying hard to concentrate. “Oh fuck… It’s an SHC,” he mumbles, and for a second I don’t have the faintest idea as to what he’s talking about. Then it starts to dawn on me, slowly but surely, the entire building we see, isn’t what’s actually there, it’s a fucking hologram projected onto the wall we’re actually touching.

“Fucking fuck...” I say quietly, “What do we do? It’s gotta be the right place, no one would bother to hide something this much, but what the fuck do we do about it?”

“As I see it there’s two options: one, we move along this invisible wall, hoping we find an entrance at some point, or two, we find the SHC and turn it off.”

Neither of those options are all that appealing, and they’re both very time consuming, and both might turn out to be a complete waste of it. If we can’t find the actual entrance, then we’ll just be walking in circles forever, and if we can’t find the SHC, we’ll just be rummaging around for those in an endless loop. This fucking sucks, we’re so close to figuring something out, and now yet another fucking obstacle is blocking our path, quite literally. 

“Okay,” I say, trying to stay calm and be reasonable about it all. “Okay, we find the SHC. I have a feeling the entrance will be impossible to find as long as those are running, we’ve gotta find some way to turn them off.”

“You’re right, give me a second though,” Shadow says, pulling out his Sense. 

It might not be the brightest of ideas to start fiddling with something that can be so easily traced, but we don’t have a whole lot of options left. Opening it up, he searches his way to some information on the SHCs, and what they look like when they are capable of projecting something this big. 

“It’s… It’s on the roof? I think so, but on the actual roof, of course, not the one we can see.”

Sighing I bend over, resting my hands on my knees, trying to figure out how the fuck we get to an invisible roof. I can only come up with one thing, and that is close to suicidal. 

“I’m gonna go up and jump onto the roof,” I finally state, and Shadow looks at me shocked.

“No way, you have no idea where the actual roof is, you’re gonna plummet to your death!”

“The actual roof can’t be much higher up than what the SHC is showing. It’s gotta be somewhat at the same level, just broader.”

“And if there’s an indention or the roof is slanted or made of glass or something similarly catastrophic, you’re gonna die.”

“Do you have a better suggestion?”

He chews his bottom lip, looking from me to the building and back again. “Michael, it’s...”

“Do you have a better suggestion?” I repeat myself, a little more forcefully.

“But-”

“No, seriously, either you come up with something better within the next five seconds, or I’m going up there.”

He’s trembling, he can’t handle shit like this, and neither can I. There’s no other way though, short of running around the invisible walls touching every inch of it for the next four hours, this is what I’ve got to do. 

Finally he caves, saying in a small, sad voice, “Go. Just… Please don’t die.”

I pull him in for a kiss, long and hard, before turning towards the surrounding buildings. Those all have fire escapes, I should be able to get up high enough, but I will need some momentum to make the jump. Sighing I go for the one that’s only slightly taller than what I’m aiming for, I can make it all the way to the roof, and jump from there. There’s about a hundred things that can go wrong with that plan, but as I see no other ones lying around, I’ll just have to do it. 

I take the fire escape two steps at a time, and when I get to the roof, I stand there for a few seconds, looking straight down at the fictitious building. 

Fuck damn it, this has got to work, it’s just got to. 

Using as much space as I can, I bolt forward, my breath catching, as I jump off the edge. I have no idea what kind of landing I’m supposed to be prepared for, and my safest bet is to just do a rolling fall. Not a smart choice, Shadow was right, the roof is slanted and I crash straight into the side of it, rolling straight down. Twisting and turning, I try to grab a hold of something, and only the brief second where my feet hit thin air, do I manage to latch onto an edge, barely holding on with my fingertips. 

I know Shadow’s looking up at this, I know he can only see me hanging in thin air, and I know he’s terrified beyond all reason. 

Forcing myself to pull up, using every muscle in my upper body, I manage to make it back on the steep roof. It reminds me of the roof I once fell off of, and had I fallen off of this, it definitely would have broken every bone in my body as well. 

For a second I just sit there, trying to catch my breath and calm my nerves. That was way too close, but I don’t have time to just sit around and feel scared. Instead, I force myself back into movement, even if everything I’m touching is invisible. It’s terrifying, even I’m not equipped to do this kind of shit, and as much as I’ve always liked heights and jumping around, this is insanely nerve wrecking. I’ll just have to pull through, I have to carefully move up, and find the SHC. 

When I feel the roof’s ridge, I breathe a little sigh of relief. This has got to be the tallest point, and therefore the damned thing should be somewhere close. I stretch my arms out, carefully feeling along every inch, before I finally manage to grab onto something. It’s a round box, very similar to the one that Shadow and I had in our bedroom, only bigger. 

Hum halle-fucking-lujah, there we go. 

I am in no mood to start fiddling with it, the odds of it shutting off if I just smash it seems good, and therefore I do just that. Crashing it down into the roof, it cracks into tiny pieces, and the world around me starts to flicker. All of a sudden I can see where I’m sitting, on a sleek glass roof, held in place by metal beams. Had I destroyed that thing a little to the right, I would have crashed it straight through the glass, but lucky for me, I only hit metal. 

Now the building is there, the actual building, and Shadow is standing far beneath me. I have to get back down to him, but now that everything is visible, it’s a lot easier to do so. I can let myself slide down the slanted glass, gain a little speed, then fling across to the nearest fire escape, grab on and move further down. That should be doable, and as much as I know it’s freaking Shadow out, I do just that. 

The jump is elegant, and I grab onto a low piece of railing, swinging myself back onto solid ground in the shape of stairs. Running down, I can’t help myself from sliding the last piece of railing, it feels like a brief second of freedom in the middle of a battlefield. 

As soon as I’m back at Shadow, he wraps his arms around me, hugging me close. He’s shaking, and I let my hand slide up and dig into his hair, holding him there for as long as he needs. 

“Fuck Michael...” he breathes into my shoulder, then moves up a little to kiss me. “That looked insanely dangerous.”

I shrug. “Yeah, it probably was, but I’m fine. Maybe a bruise here and there, but other than that, completely fine.”

He’s chewing on his bottom lip, nodding slowly before letting me go. “We should...”

“Yeah I know.”

Neither of us move though, for a little while longer, we just stand there, as stupid as it may be. Whoever is inside that building might soon enough catch on to their hologram missing, and we shouldn’t be out here, standing in the middle of the street. 

Slowly and very reluctantly, I pull myself away from him, kissing him again, to remember every last detail of it. As nerve wrecking as it may be to jump on and off invisible buildings, it’s nothing compared to what we are about to do. If the place is crawling with the Evolved, there’s no way in hell I’m walking out of there, but it’s the only option I’ve got left. The only chance of maybe – just maybe – returning to the life I want to live. My life, the life I have with Shadow, and in the end, I don’t give a fuck about anything else.

***

The lock on the entrance door isn’t an easy one to get by. It needs an access code, alongside a retina scan, and if Shadow wasn’t there, I never would have made it through. The code is the easy part, he just takes off the panel surrounding it with the tiniest of all screwdrivers, does something to the wire underneaths, then the whole thing resets and asks him for a new code. Punching in four arbitrary numbers, I make a mental note of them, just in case we need it to get out of there again. The retina scan starts off as a bigger problem, but Shadow has a feeling about it.

“Now this is really a gamble, it might just set off a hundred alarms inside, so be ready to run okay?” he says, as he bends towards the scanner. Carefully he position his big all-orange eye up to it, and a bright red light travels across it. 

It takes a few seconds but then, “Access granted,” and the door springs open.

“How the fuck…?” I whisper, as Shadow ushers me inside the building. 

“I just figured that it might allow any Evolved inside, if it’s our place, then it shouldn’t be too picky about us.”

Unfortunately, things start getting fucked up right that second. Something has caught on to my existence and the fact that I am not one of the Evolved, and as such starts screaming at the both of us. 

“Intruder alert, intruder alert, intruder alert,” it repeats over and over again, as flashing red lights springs to life. 

We’re standing in a broad hallway, covered in white panels, and above us are fluorescent tubes, changing color from bright white to dangerous red. The floors have colored lines on them, red, blue and yellow, but neither of us have the faintest clue as to what that means. 

I have little to no idea what to do, it’s too late to turn back now, and the only thing I can think of is to pull out my gun, and have it at the ready. Then I grab Shadow’s hand, and pull him with me down the first corridor, until we reach a crossroad. I know damned well that this might end up with the two of us running around in endless circles, in a building we are nowhere near familiar with, but it’s not like we have all that much of a choice. 

The lines on the floor split up, the red going off in one direction, the blue and yellow in another. As I can hear footsteps coming from the red one’s passage, the decision is almost made for us. 

“We follow the blue line,” I say quickly, “If it’s not the right one, then we’ll just have to backtrack until we find the one that is.”

He nods a little reluctantly, then we start running. Keeping a constant eye on the blue line, while also trying to keep track of where possible attackers might be hiding, we keep pushing forward through the building. 

Then an image appears inside my mind, it’s a picture of Shadow, but it’s not his doing. He’s just standing there, looking at me, before starting to glitch and dissolve into nothing. It’s so clear, as if it’s happening in real life, and I can’t help myself from coming to a halt and just look at him. He’s right there, he’s not disappearing, and before I get to say anything, the image is replaced with much more positive ones. 

Suddenly I see a forest, a large cat lying on an overturned tree, looking at me with curious green eyes. It’s beautiful and it’s good, I can almost smell the fresh air, and I’m certain that if I reach out my hand, I can touch the surface of the trees. 

Still there’s a voice splitting through the vision, a voice saying, “You’ll kill us all,” over and over again. It’s unbearable and confusing, and I can’t keep track of both that and the blue line. 

“You have to lead the way,” I say, my voice sounding so off, I doubt it’s part of reality. “I can’t see shit through this, just follow the blue line.”

“Go left,” a voice whispers, and for a second I think it’s Shadow, but it’s not. 

He’s pulling me straight forward, and I know that we’re on the right path. His hand is clutched to mine, as I stumble forward, trying to dodge imaginary branches and rocks, when the cat gets up off the tree. It hisses at me, making a deep growling sound in the back of its throat, as it gets ready to pounce. Some part of me knows it can’t hurt me, but I still flinch and want to take cover, when it moves in closer. 

Fucking hell, it’s not real, it’s not real, I keep repeating to myself, when Shadow pops up inside the forest, disintegrating all over again. He looks so sad, and I want to hug him so badly, that I almost let go of the real Shadow’s hand. 

“Stay with me!” he says, and I can no longer determine what’s going on in my head and what’s not. His grip on my hand tightens, and that has to be real, because the Shadow within my mind is still far away from me. 

Dragging me forward we turn another corner, making the entire hallucination wobble, as if it can’t keep up with the movement. It changes into something new, we’re on a plain field of grass, the cat is gone, and there’s Tofu, leading the way. It’s familiar and it’s nice, right up until the point where someone starts shooting at us. It’s from far away, but they still manage to hit Tofu, and she tumbles to the ground, bleeding and whimpering. I want to stop and I want to kill whoever it is hurting my dog, but I know I can’t do that.

“Everything you’ve ever loved will die,” the voice inside my head is firmer and more forceful, when the imagery skips again, this time turning into where I might just be in real life. I can’t figure it out anymore, it’s all a mess of contradictions, but Shadow has stopped pulling at me.

We’re standing up on a ledge, and below me is a large open space, one wall covered in what looks to be a machine. There’s tubes and wires, going in and out of a blueish glass container, large metal panels surrounding it. I can’t see what’s underneath the glass, but it looks like the shape of a person. I have no idea if this is real or not, but five people are down there, regular humans just moving about. When one of them spots us, his eyes are milky white, glazed over like he’s not a real, living person. He’s standing in front of what looks to be a control panel, filled with buttons and levers, and only in the last second do I spot a gun lying right next to it. 

“Don’t kill him, don’t kill him, don’t kill him,” the voice is pleading with me now, and it almost sounds like Shadow, but it’s not. Whoever it is, is trying to stall me, and whoever those men down there are, I have to get rid of them, before they get rid of me. 

The man grabs a hold of the gun, and I barely dodge the bullet, pulling Shadow down with me. I try to keep a hold of his hand, while stabilizing enough to get my aim in check, but the first bullet I fire misses by a long shot. 

The other four guys pull out weapons of their own, they all have that strange look, like they’re not entirely there. They must be controlled by the Evolved, there’s no real life left in them, and either way they are trying to kill me. This is it, this has to mean something, whatever that machine is, I have to kill the ones controlling it. 

All of sudden there’s more of the men, they multiply, and they are everywhere. Some of them run towards the ledge, some of them is focusing on the machine, some of them just stand there with their guns raised at me. 

Fucking fuck, I don’t know which ones to shoot, I’m not even sure I have enough bullets for this. 

Then a thin veil of light streams down from the ceiling and walls, some of the men turn red, while others blue. There’s only five red ones, it’s got to be Shadow doing this, he’s helping me see the right ones. I aim my gun at one of the red ones and pull the trigger, and he falls backwards, a bullet lodged inside his brain. 

“Stop! Stop! Please stop!” It sounds more and more like Shadow, but it’s not. When I glance at him, his lips aren’t moving, but the men are moving closer, and a bullet is fired, hitting mere inches from my head. 

Fucking fuck, I have to get rid of them. I’m not sure whether or not the unreal ones can hurt me, but I have to focus on the ones that Shadow is pointing out to me. 

Running along the ledge, I’ve still got one hand clutched to Shadow’s, I refuse to let go of him, even if it would be easier to hit if I did. Shooting another red one, he falls backwards, blood spurting from his forehead. All the blue ones are focused on getting close to me, but the red ones are trying to flee or take cover. No fucking way, I have to get all of them, and I shoot the one closest to an exit in the back. I hit right at the nape of his neck, and he stumbles to the ground, blood pooling on the floor beneath him. Three down, two to go. 

I catch the fourth one right as he tries to shoot me, barely dodging his bullet, by falling to the floor. I drag Shadow down with me, he stumbles, wincing a little as his shoulder hits the ground hard. I want to check if he’s okay, more than anything I want to make sure he’s not hurt, but all the blue ones are closing in, and I’m not taking any chances with those. Even if they can’t hurt me, they can definitely distract me enough for me to lose track of the last real one. 

I barely spot it when he crawls underneath the control panel, trying to hide from me, but no way in hell he’s getting away with that. I can’t hit him from this angle though, I have to move down there, to get my hands on him. 

Turning towards Shadow I quickly say, “I’m gonna jump over the railing, just follow me as closely as you can, okay?” 

He nods frantically, as I let go of his hand, and make the jump down there. Rolling as I hit the floor, I try to keep track of Shadow, and just barely see him moving towards me. He’s climbing the railing, I’m not too fond of him making moves like that, but he manages to get himself down unharmed. He runs to me, as I go for the last of the real men, blue ones closing in all around me. 

“Don’t do it, leave him alive, please don’t do it!” the voices are crying out to me, there’s more of them now, talking in unison. 

I almost fall for it, almost feel like this really is a bad move, but I can’t stop now. The Evolved are trying to trick me, they are fighting for a way to get me killed, and I can’t let them do that. 

I run for the control panel, Shadow is right behind me, as I drop down and shoot the last of the men in the head. 

“You’ve doomed us all,” the voice whispers, this time sounding sad and heartbroken. 

The blue men disappear as I get back up, breathing heavily as I look at my surroundings. Nobody is left besides me and Shadow, but I can hear footsteps closing in on us, coming from above. I get my gun ready, but I have a feeling it’s one of the Evolved, the one who has been in my mind through all of this. I’m right, a pitch black creature appears, up on the ledge. 

He’s talking to me, regularly now, and his voice is shaking, “Congratulations Michael Mayhem. You’ve just managed to eradicate every single one of the Evolved.”

I say nothing, I just stand there, staring up at him. 

“Those men you’ve just murdered, were scientists. They were the only one capable of running the Dreamscape,” he points towards the machine, and I can now see that it is indeed a man, floating around in the blueish liquid. 

“That man is Paxton Smith. He build a machine many years ago, capable of making dreams into reality. His very first dream, was that of the Evolved, and without it running, we all disappear back into nothing. Back into being nothing but his dreams.”

“What do you mean, disappear?” I say the words quietly, and I have a feeling I’m not going to like what he has to say.

“I mean we cease to exist. We were never real, we’ve always been dreams, and all we’ve fought for through the last many years, is surviving. Keeping that machine running, is all that makes us real, the second he stops dreaming of us, we stop being here.”

“But… No, no that can’t be, you-” I stop and look at Shadow. He looks scared, terrified, as he moves closer to me, reaching forward to grab my hand. “You can’t not exist, you can’t just disappear!”

“We can and we will. Within the next few minutes, the machine will start to release Paxton, and that is the end of the Evolved.”

I feel like I’m frozen in place, this can’t be happening, if that’s true, then Shadow will disappear right alongside of them. 

“Why do you think we can’t die, Michael? It’s because we’re dreams, and in Paxton’s dreams, that’s how we function. We are immortal, and we could have stayed that way for as long as he lived, if you hadn’t just shot the only people capable of running the machine.”

“No! I can… I can fix this, I just need to get a hold of Keira, she’s gotta be able to fix this, she can fix anything, she’s gotta be able to figure out how this shit works!”

“And just how do you expect to make that happen within the next five minutes?” he sighs. He’s given up, he knows just as well as I do, that they are about to disappear. I can’t let that happen, there’s got to be some way of stopping it, I can’t lose Shadow. “I tried to warn you, Michael. I tried to make you stop. You wouldn’t, and here we are.”

“You were trying to kill me, if you had just left me the fuck alone, this-” I run my hands frantically across my head, my breathing jagged and desperate. I can’t breathe, this can’t be happening, there’s got to be a way out of it. 

“There is not,” he says quietly. He’s still got the ability to dig through my mind, but that doesn’t matter anymore. 

There’s a beeping sound, followed closely by the words, “Dream session ending in five minutes.” 

“No no no, make it stop, make it stop!” I yell at him, how can he not know how to use that fucking machine?! 

“We were never able to use it, we tried to learn, but the knowledge disappeared, over and over again. We’re dreams, we’re not supposed to be the ones running it, that’s why we kept the scientists around, controlling them to make it work.”

He seems so calm about it, as if he knew all along that this would happen. That if I survived, I’d be the one to destroy them. 

“You have got to do something, you can’t just stand there and do nothing!”

“There’s nothing I can do. We’re going to go back to being nothing but dreams.”

I turn towards the control panel, as it says, “Dream session ending in four minutes.”

Moving around to the other side of it, I look at what feels like millions of buttons and levers. Nothing is marked with anything, nothing makes any sense, I could push buttons at random, but I might just make it worse than it already is. 

Turning back towards Shadow, I plead with him, “Please do something, please make it stop!”

“Michael, there’s nothing I can do,” he whispers, tears running down his face.

“But… No, this can’t be it, this can’t be happening!”

“Michael, please…” he says softly, moving closer to me, he wraps his arms around me.

“Dream session ending in three minutes.”

I pull him in closer, I can’t let him go, he has to stay, he just has to. My entire body is shaking, as I latch onto him, there’s got to be some way of making him stay. Carefully he lifts my head up by the chin, kissing me over and over again. 

“Michael, I’m not real...” he’s shaking his head, as if that’s supposed to make things any better. 

“You are to me,” I keep holding onto him, my fingers digging into his hair. 

“Dream session ending in two minutes.”

“Make it stop, please make it stop,” I repeat the words over and over again, the words getting caught in between sobs, that I didn’t even know I was capable of. 

“I love you,” he says softly, kissing me again. 

“I love you too.”

“Dream session ending in one minute, awakening starting to commence.” 

He starts fading, right before my eyes, he starts to disappear. Getting more translucent by the second, I try so desperately to hold onto him, try to will him back into existence, but it doesn’t work. I can’t do anything about it, all I can do is just stand there, and watch him disintegrate into nothing. 

“I love you,” I whisper, over and over again, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

It’s last words I hear him say, before he completely disappears. 

That’s when I finally learn what it feels like to cry.


	26. Injection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe that’s a catch or something, if you don’t cry for 23 years, then it’s going to hit you like a motherfucker once you start.

**October, 2348**

I’m sitting quietly, my back leaned against the metal control panel of the machine, that definitively destroyed everything I ever cared about. I’m beyond heartbroken, my face feels soar from sheer crying, and for a while I didn’t think it would ever stop. Maybe that’s a catch or something, if you don’t cry for 23 years, then it’s going to hit you like a motherfucker once you start. Every time I think it’s going to stop, the last few minutes I had with Shadow goes into replay mode, and I’m crying all over again. 

At the same time I’m trying to come up with a solution, I can’t give up just like this, there’s got to be some way to get Shadow back. If that guy could dream him up once, then he’s got to be able to do it again, I just have to make him show me how the machine works, and then stuff him back inside of it. I don’t care what it takes, it just needs to be done. I’m clinging to that fragile hope, that when he finally opens his eyes, there will be a solution. 

I’ve been sitting here for at least two hours, on and off crying, just watching and waiting. Keira’s on her way, her phone number was logged inside of Shadow’s Sense, and telling her firmly that I will make the rest of her life a living hell, she agreed to come. I can hear her footsteps before she even enters the room, and I force myself to get up off the floor. 

“Damn, Mayhem… You look...” she starts the sentence, then trails off. There’s nothing she can say, that I don’t already know, and there’s definitely no need to comment on my current situation. 

Sighing, she looks around at all the equipment and electronics. “So what happened and what can I do to help?”

I nod towards the elderly man, who has slipped down into a sitting position, still held within the chamber. The liquid is gone, and some of the tubes have removed themselves from his body, but I haven’t done anything to get him out of there. 

“It… It’s really complicated. Shadow’s gone, and I need you to get him back.”

“You’re gonna have to give me a lot more to work with than that,” she says, and she sounds apologetic about it. 

Chewing on my bottom lip, I begin explaining as much as I know. That Shadow, as well as the rest of the Evolved, were nothing but dreams. That the guy in the glass chamber was the one who made them real with his machine. That I shot all the people capable of maintaining it, only to find out that I doomed my husband to disappear, because he was never real to begin with. That I need to make the dream come back, that no matter what, Shadow has to come back. 

She nods slowly through the entire explanation, looking back and forth between me and the machine holding Paxton Smith. “I’ve heard about him, you know, he’s come up with a lot of grand inventions through his time. Then one day he just disappeared. I guess that was when he build this.”

“Don’t give a fuck, just… Just do something.”

She walks towards the chamber, looking carefully at the man inside of it. “Okay, first things first, we need to get him out of there. I can’t guess my way through how this works, and he seems to be close to fully awake now, so we might as well go for it.”

“How do we…?”

“Well, either we break the glass, or we find something that opens it up.”

“You can’t break it! It might ruin the machine, it might ruin my chance of getting him back!”

“Wasn’t going to, but you have to give me five minutes to find the right button.”

There’s a panel right next to the chamber, one I’ve already looked at for at least 20 minutes without getting anywhere. It’s a bunch of swirly symbols, and none of them makes any sense to me. They must do to Keira though, it’s got to be some sort of secret inventor’s code, because after looking at it for no more than a minute, she draws back and punches in a code. There’s a loud, disagreeing beeping sound, and my entire body deflates as she doesn’t get it right. 

“Hang in there, Mayhem, as I see it there’s really only two options, now let me just try off the other one,” she states calmly, before punching in another set of symbols. The chamber makes a swooshing sound, as the glass pops open, and the man inside finally springs to life. 

Keira turns towards him, walking over to greet him, “Well good evening mister Smith, how was your thirty years of napping?”

He looks confused, both at me and her. I look all kinds of messed up, the blood, the tears, the overwhelming amount of tiredness creating dark rims underneath my eyes. Keira I just dragged out of bed, but she’s just as unfamiliar to him as I am, and after thirty years in a coma, I guess I’d be confused about everything too. 

He stumbles out the chamber, his legs unable to keep him upright, and Keira manages to grab him midair. I guess I should have done that too, but it seems as if every last grain of physical strength left my body a long time ago. Either way, she gets him seated on the floor, this old, frail man, looking worried at all of his surroundings.

“This is my old lab?” he asks to no one in particular. “Good god… That machine… It has to be destroyed.”

“Aw hell no you don’t,” I snap, and immediately fumble out my gun. “You do any kind of damage to this and I’ll shoot your fucking dick off!”

He looks at me with frightened eyes, but I don’t give a fuck for his fear. Instead I just point the gun straight at his groin, making it absolutely clear that I’m not kidding around. 

“Settle down, Mayhem, you gotta give the guy a chance,” Keira says, putting a hand on my outstretched arm, the one holding the gun. I flip it towards her; if she hadn’t send that reporter guy to me, then none of this would have happened, and I would be off living a perfectly happy life with Shadow right now. I’m not going to let her forget that.

“You better get that hand away from me, or I will blow it off for you.”

“Michael, I get that you’re hurt as fuck right now, but you can’t get through this without us. You can’t will him back into existence, you have to let us help you.”

I’m not used to that, getting help from other people. Sure, Keira helped me build a bomb that one time, but that was something I paid her to do. Harvey’s done me a few favors over the years, but that’s different, this is a lot bigger than him getting a key copied for me. That thought spirals me right back to Shadow, and the fact that he’s gone, and as little as I want to, I start crying again. There seems to be no off-button on this, nor any kind of control system. Slowly I lower the gun, and instead I just stand there, trying to catch my breath and force myself to stop crying.

“Why don’t you go sit down somewhere, while me and Paxton figure this shit out,” Keira suggests, her tone soft, almost as if she feels bad for me. I’m so unfamiliar with that, if nothing else, then because I’ve never felt bad for anyone but Shadow in my entire life. Keira isn’t connected to me emotionally, not the way Shadow was, and if she up and died, I doubt I’d feel anything. 

In the end I do as she suggests, sitting myself down with my back leaning against the control panel, my eyes hefted to the machine itself. I don’t trust either of them, I want to be absolutely sure they don’t go off breaking something, that can’t be restored. 

I try to listen in on their conversation, but I don’t get any of it, there’s too many big words and technical terms, for me to grasp a damned thing. I almost nod off, but I have to force myself to stay awake, regardless of how tired I feel. It feels like it takes hours on end, but sooner or later they stop talking, and Keira comes over to me, sits herself down in front of me.

“Okay, listen, Mayhem,” she begins, and she doesn’t look all too pleased. “First of all, don’t kill the guy. You need him, so do not fucking kill the guy, even though there’s gonna be a lot of shit, you don’t wanna hear.”

Squinting my eyes at her, I nod slowly. “I’ll try not to, but he had better get to something that can help me, otherwise I will blow his brains out.” 

“Alright, then come on,” she reaches a hand down towards me, and I reluctantly take it to get pulled back up. She repeats herself a final time, before we cross the floor to where Paxton Smith is standing. “Seriously, don’t kill him.”

Paxton looks like he’s terrified of me, and sighing I put away the gun. Not out of reach, obviously, but I do click it back into its holster, to show just the tiniest bit of goodwill towards him. Maybe Keira’s told him a story or two, about who I am and what I am capable of, but he definitely knows he doesn’t want to fuck around with me. As murderous as I am on a good day, is nothing compared to how I feel right now, miserable and heartbroken. 

“Okay,” Keira says, and she doesn’t sound too keen on telling me this. “First of all, yes, I can make the machine work, but no, I won’t do it.”

Automatically my hand goes for the gun, but I stop halfway, trying to force myself to do as she told me. I’m not going to kill her, but I will most definitely threaten her to do whatever the fuck I want her to do, regardless of how she feels about it. Still I give her the chance to finish her explanations, it’s not like she can run nor hide from me. 

“It’s not because I won’t help you, Mayhem, but it wouldn’t do any kind of good if I did,” she sighs, running her hands through her unruly hair. “The thing is, even if you did force Paxton back into the machine, and I made it run perfectly, Shadow wouldn’t come back.”

“Why not?” 

“How often do you dream the exact same thing, two nights in a row? And I mean the exact same, down to every little detail?”

I just stand there silently, knowing fully well that she’s right, but at the same time I want to kill her for being so. 

“Fact is, no one can dream Shadow back into existence. You couldn’t even do it yourself, dreams are uncontrollable, and it doesn’t matter how badly you want to, it’s simply impossible for you to ever get Shadow back to this world.”

My breathing goes staggered again, and I feel like throwing something, anything, to make this stop, to make what she’s telling me not true. I know it is though, it makes perfect sense, and there’s nothing I can do about it. 

“Be that as it may,” she continues, “There is a tiny loophole in this. The odds of it working are impossible to tell, but it’s a possibility at the very least.” 

My head snaps back up, whatever it is, I’ll do it. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to get him back, he’s the only person I’ve ever loved, of course I’ll do anything to make him reappear. 

Heaving a deep breath of air, she turns towards the machine, pointing at what looks to be green liquid kept inside a tiny glass container. 

“That, is dream residue. It’s a collection of what Paxton dreamed, while he was asleep. Or at least, that’s what it’s supposed to be, whether it is or not, is impossible to tell, without tearing it apart for examination. Doing that would render it useless to you, but there is another option. If you inject that stuff… Well, you might just go to wherever Shadow is. Go inside the dream, I dunno, it’s just a theory, and there’s no way in hell we can prove it.”

“I’ll do it,” I don’t need to think about it, not even for a second, I’ll gladly take my chances on this. If there’s even the slightest snippet of possibility, for me to be with him, I’ll take it.

“You’ll die,” Paxton finally opens his mouth to pitch in, “Whether or not you actually make it to the dream, you will die from using it. It’ll set you into a coma like state at first, then your heartbeat will drop, and within five minutes, you’ll be so deep inside the dreamworld, that you die in the real world, and you are locked up in there forever.”

“I’m not in the mood to stay alive, so that sounds just fine to me,” my eyes are still hefted to that small container of green liquid, the one shot of hope I’ve got left.

“Seriously, Michael, we have no idea where that shit sends you, you might just dissolve into a black hole of nothingness, you might get caught in something where Shadow isn’t, and you will be there forever,” Keira points out, giving me a serious look.

“I don’t care. If there’s a slight chance, no matter how small it is, I’ll take it.”

“Letting someone kill themselves with something I’ve created, is highly against everything I stand for,” Paxton points out, and I turn towards him.

“I will cut off every single one of your body parts, making sure you stay alive to watch me do it, unless you give me that liquid.”

He swallows audible, and even if he doesn’t know me, I’m sure he can see that I’m neither kidding, nor one to make empty threats. He nods, then turn towards Keira, saying, “You’ll have to help me get it out of there safely. I think I can do it alone, but as I’d like to keep my body in one piece, I think it’s safer if we work as a team.”

“Okay. Then let’s do this. Let’s kill off Michael Mayhem.”

***

Glancing towards the clock from time to time, it’s now four thirty in the morning. Considering how little sleep I’ve gotten, it seems almost impossible that I’m still awake, yet here I am, sitting on the floor of a lab, waiting for the two of them to give me what I need. To give them my way to one final murder, my own suicide, just so I can be with the man I love. My life holds no meaning to me anymore, if I’m not with him, I don’t give a fuck where I am. Even if I am going to be stuck inside nothingness, I’d rather take the chance, than just be alive right here. That’s what it would be, I’d be alive, with nothing to live for, and that seems just as horrible as any other option.

They are tinkering away with the machine, and have been doing so for at least an hour. I keep looking at the liquid, that tiny leftover dream, that might contain the love of my life. While they do so, I plan out everything else. 

I need a car, I can’t use the cab again, and Harvey’s is parked somewhere on the other side of town. I can either walk all the way to my destination, or I can swing by Harvey’s and borrow the van. It’s not that far away, he’ll probably make a big deal of me not returning his flying car in the first place, but I don’t care about any of that. I’ll blow his fucking brains out and pry the keys from his cold dead hands if I have to, it doesn’t matter anymore, who might come after me. There’s going to be nothing to come after anyway, Paxton said I’d be dead within five minutes of injecting that stuff, but I would very much like to do this in a place where there’s peace and quiet. A place that’s all mine, and always has been.

“Mayhem,” Keira calls out, waving me over. “I think we’ve got it.”

“Thinking isn’t really what I’m going for here, I need you to know that you did this right.”

“We did the best we could, this is still your call, but you know there’s no guarantees to this working,” she says calmly, handing over a small container of green liquid. “You’re gonna need a syringe though, Paxton will go get one for you.”

“I’ll go with him,” I still don’t trust the guy, nor Keira for that matter. “And so will you.”

Sighing she nods, and we make our way through half of the lab, before Paxton finds a syringe that seems suited for the task. He hands it over, saying, “All you have to do is get all the liquid inside of it, then inject it into a vein. I suggest using the one on your arm, those are almost impossible to miss, and you’re gonna need this,” he pulls out a rubber tube, and hands it over to me. “If you tie it around your upper arm, it’ll make the vein more visible.”

“Okay,” I take the syringe and rubber tube from his hand, putting them away with the liquid as carefully as I possibly can.

“I guess that’s it then,” Keira says, the slightest hint of sadness to her voice. “I’m not sure I like letting you leave with that stuff, but as I’d like to stay alive, I’m gonna have to.”

I just shrug in response, no need for more threats at this point, there’s nothing she can do to stop me. There’s nothing anybody can do to stop me, I’m doing this. 

There’s complete silence as I leave the room, my footsteps echoing through the now empty halls, as I make my way back to the world outside. It’s still dark out, which suits me just fine. The stars are glinting in the night sky above me, and all I can think about is how they remind me of his glowing freckles. Quietly, hidden in the darkness, tears start running down my cheeks again, and all I can do is hope that this works.

***

Harvey’s still at work when I enter the bar, and he looks surprised to see me. He’s most likely surprised to see me alive at this point, but there I am, looking like shit, with the last glimmer of hope tucked away in my pocket. Climbing onto my regular bar stool, I just sit there for a second, as he looks me over.

“I’m not gonna ask you a bunch of questions, Michael, I know some bad shit went down last night, I just need you to tell me what I can do for you,” he says carefully, and I’m glad to hear him say that. That way I don’t have to threaten my way to his van, I just have to ask.

“I need to borrow the van. You can pick it up later at this address,” I hand over a slip of paper, with shaky handwriting on it. “Just… Give me 24 hours before you do, okay?”

He nods slowly, then quietly says, “It was nice knowing you. I really did like you, and I hope… I hope you get what you want. What makes you happy.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

I don’t know how he figured shit out, maybe there were some Evolved at the bar last night, disappearing all of a sudden, and he just put two and two together. Maybe it’s been on the news, that they all suddenly disappeared. It doesn’t matter, he knows I won’t be coming back here again. 

“The other car is on top of a building, there might be police hanging out, but I got the address for you anyway.”

“You sure you’re good to drive there yourself?” he asks, looking over the first address. 

“Sure, it’ll be fine, and I don’t want anyone to come along with me anyway.”

“Okay. I’d tell you to take care, but… Well, it seems a little pointless.”

I shrug, in my opinion I’m doing the only thing resembling taking care of myself. He hands over the keys to the van, telling me where it’s parked. I’m just about to leave the bar, when I stop for a second, turning back around towards him. 

“Thanks,” I say quietly, and it’s a shitload of things I’m thanking him for.

“You’re welcome, Michael.”

***

The drive to my happy place isn’t a long one, and the sun is only just about to rise, when I park the car in front of it. Going up the stairs of the entire abandoned building, I take them two steps at a time. It would be nice to see the sunrise as this goes down, just get that last hint of beauty before I die. I know I should be scared of this, all the shit that can go wrong, but I’m not. Staying alive without Shadow, that scares me, but going off to try and find him? That’s the only thing I can do. I can’t be without him, I’m not like other people, I can’t get over something like this, nor am I willing to. I can’t replace him with someone else somewhere down the line, I can’t go out and get a new boyfriend or function at all without him in my life. Nothing is worth anything without him.

Sitting myself down on the top floor of the building, back leaned against the back wall, I look out through the broken windows. There’s no glass left in any of them, making the golden light flood in perfectly. It’s cold, but I remove both jacket and hoodie, leaving me in nothing but jeans and a t-shirt. Carefully I draw the liquid into the syringe, making sure I get every last drop of it, before tying the rubber tube around my upper arm. I give it a second, wait for the vein to pop forth, and with a deep, peaceful sigh, I inject the liquid into my arm. It feels cold, as it pumps through my body, and while it makes its way through my system, I think about Shadow.

I think about how he looked, standing in that alley the very first time I saw him, how bright his orange eyes looked, with fire burning within. 

I think about our first kiss, so careful and questioning, and how it moved quickly into something much more passionate. 

I think about how he asked me to be his boyfriend, and how silly I found it at the time, because to me we had been so from day one. 

I think about the time I found him drunk on my doorstep, and how that came across as a mixture of cute and dumb. 

I think about how good he looked in that tux, at a stupid party, that led to me telling him that I loved him. 

I think about his 18th birthday, and how I asked him to move in with me. 

I think about how that birthday gift led to him catching on to what I did, and how he wanted to stay in spite of it. 

I think about the stupid fight, that lasted way too long, because I didn’t want him to get hurt. 

I think about how he took care of me when I was sick, how sweet he always were to me. 

I think about our five year anniversary, how I asked him to marry me in the dumbest way possible, but that he ultimately said yes and I slipped that silly gummy ring onto his finger. 

I think about the night where he finally quit working for Harvey, because he knew how much it hurt me that he did. 

I think about how he gave me a perfect birthday, even though I didn’t want one. 

I think about how he tried to help me with my nightmares, even if I didn’t like the way he was doing it. 

I think about how he looked up on that roof, as we sat there in the middle of the night to watch the fireworks. 

I think about our wedding, how perfect it was, and the way we sat up all night before, just to stick to tradition. 

I think about how hard it was to leave him, how horrible it made me feel, and how little I was ever capable of doing that again. 

I think of my return to him, how incredible happy I was that he still loved me, in spite of everything I had put him through. 

I think about his questions, how he had written ‘when are you coming home?’ over and over again, and all the ones before, all the ones he has asked me through the last seven years. 

In the end, I just think about him. The way he moved, the way he sounded, the way his eyes gleamed, the way the little starry freckles would light up when he blushed, the way all of those little things came together, and made the only person I have ever loved.

Slowly my eyelids get heavy, as I sit there and watch the very last sunrise, thinking about nothing but Shadow and how much I love him, before I finally descend into darkness.

***

I try to force my eyes to open, but I can’t quite make it. Only through tiny slivers, can I make out a white ceiling above me, and an equally white wall to my left. It hurts to turn my head, I have no idea where I am, but I have to force myself to figure it out. Moving slowly I feel terrified, there’s a million horrible options as to where I might have ended up, but I have to figure it out. Turning my head to the right, I see something familiar. It’s pitch black, with little white dots on it, a shoulder that I know down to every last detail, and love more than anything else in the world.

“Shadow…?” I mumble, almost incapable of getting any words out. The figure to my right moves a little, then he lifts his head.

“You’re awake,” he says, a smile spreading across his face. “You’re finally awake.”

I don’t get what’s going on, if I’m off in some fantasy world, but I still smile. Seeing him like this, nothing could possibly make me any happier. Cautiously I ask him, “Where are we?”

“You’re here with me, in the dream,” his eyes are watering a little, as he wraps his arms around me. “You made it.”

That’s all I need to know, all I ever need to know, and I hug him close, my fingers digging into his hair. 

“You’re sure, right?” I still ask, “You’re absolutely sure I’m here, and that I’ll stay here?” 

“Yes, I am. Nothing can leave this place ever again, not you, not me, not anything. You slept for close to a week though, so I was a little scared you’d never wake up at all.” 

I chuckle a little at this, “Well I guess I was kinda beat when I left.”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re here now, and that’s all I want.”

I pull him in for a long kiss, whispering against his lips, “Yeah, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. I truly loved writing this, and re-reading it was kind of a bitch, because now I've got nothing left of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Finally I got my act together, and just edited the damn thing to fit in this place too. I hope you guys enjoy! It's really long, and there is one point where I'm unsure if I'll (have to) add another chapter, but I'll figure that out once I get there. For now it's 26 chapters, and I hope you'll stick around to read them all! :D


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